Episode 402 · The Studio Revamp
Trump Assassination Theories & The Bowels Of Power | The Tim Dillon Show #402
Jul 27, 2024 · 1:10:47 · 770,000 views · 23 segments, 131 moments indexed
Tim examines President Biden dropping out, the Secret Service Director resigning, power grabs, the Trump assassination, the Olympics and sitting on your kids.
Watch on YouTubeDiscuss on Reddit
- 1 min
Kamala Text Message Barrage
#Tim opens by complaining about the overwhelming number of political fundraising texts he's receiving from the Democratic party, joking they're dangerous to read while driving.
2moments
- Tim receives constant Kamala campaign text messages, three to four daily, to the point they're distracting while driving.
- The texts demand approval, donations, and push anti-Trump messaging with relentless frequency.
- 4 min
Kamala Harris: A Scripted, Unprepared Candidate
#Tim assesses Kamala Harris as a competent but shallow politician who is aware of her own unpreparedness, citing a story about her holding a mock dinner rehearsal before meeting DC media figures, and staffer turnover.
8moments
- Tim gets bombarded with Kamala Harris campaign texts while driving on the 405.
- Kamala Harris is a competent politician but nothing more, tightly scripted with attractive professional presentation.
- If she goes off-script, her candidacy could collapse because of problematic sound bites her staffers fear.
- Ninety percent of Harris's staff have quit because she throws things and yells at them.
- Harris held a mock dinner with her staff to practice answering donor questions because she was anxious about being unprepared.
- America has never been more clear that it doesn't actually have a president running the country.
- The country is run by committee: defense department, intelligence agencies, and the billionaire class buying politicians and laws.
- Harris would function as a ceremonial president delivering speeches while the actual committee continues running the country.
Kamala HarrisDavid Bradley
- 3 min
America Run By Committee, Not a President
#Tim argues the country is actually run by a committee of defense, intelligence, and billionaire interests rather than any president, with Harris positioned as a ceremonial figurehead continuing Biden's role.
8moments
- Everyone was criticizing Biden for being too old, so they dumped him and brought in Harris to carry on the legacy.
- Republicans still have an advantage but it's not that big—they can't run on the shooting because everyone will have forgotten about it by November.
- Media has already moved on from the shooting despite not having a motive or understanding how the guy got on the roof.
- Kim Cheal, head of the Secret Service, resigned—she's the head that rolled for the security failure.
- Cheal is one of the Real Housewives of the deep state, a 28-year veteran who evacuated Dick Cheney on 9/11 and served on Biden's protective detail.
- The Secret Service deleted nearly all text messages from January 6th, officially citing a data migration system.
- The timing and volume of deleted messages doesn't pass the smell test for most Americans, despite the agency's claim of no nefarious intent.
- Tim describes Cheal's job as coming out and lying expressionlessly—that's what she's there to do.
Kimberly CheatleDick CheneyJoe Biden
- 5 min
Tim dissects Secret Service Director Kim Cheatle's robotic press performances, her history evacuating Dick Cheney on 9/11, and the deleted January 6th text messages, framing her as a career liar for the deep state.
9moments
- Kim Cheatle's job in federal government is to come out and lie about what happened, then disappear back into the bureaucracy.
- The Secret Service had undercover agents at January 6 but won't say how many, similar to the Whitmer kidnapping where 12 or 13 of 15 defendants were FBI informants or agents.
- The FBI couldn't even indict the Whitmer case because so many of the conspirators were federal agents—a judge would throw it out immediately.
- Cheatle gets sent out for a softball interview where she deflects about deleted text messages by calling it a data migration, then apologizes that Americans feel concerned.
- She's not great at lying because she's so dead inside, having witnessed things in the inner sanctum of power that would destroy a normal person.
- People in the power structure who know too much can get killed, like during Iran Contra when Reagan got lit up.
- George H.W. Bush sat on a plane with other officials waiting to find out if Reagan would die after an assassination attempt, positioned to become acting president.
- These power grabs and coups aren't new—people like Cheatle are just bureaucratic tools sent out to deliver lies with a blank expression.
- Cheatle's face shows no emotion—no smile, no frown—she's literally just the party line made flesh, reciting whatever story covers up the deleted texts.
Kim CheatleWhitmer kidnappingGeorge H. W. BushJanuary 6Ronald ReaganIran Contra
- 4 min
J6 Informants and the Whitmer Kidnapping Parallel
#He connects the deleted texts to fears about how many undercover agents were embedded at January 6th, comparing it to the Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping plot that was largely orchestrated by FBI informants.
5moments
- Tim describes the Secret Service director's role as a fall person sent out to defend indefensible claims, comparing her to a character buried in the White House basement.
- The assassination attempt on a president on national television forced them to deploy her with an especially tough story to sell.
- Tim reads her face as evidence of deep trauma from knowing things about how the country actually operates and being complicit in it.
- He argues the entire public relations handling—her resignation, Biden stepping down, Harris stepping up—is orchestrated regardless of whether the shooting itself was.
- Tim notes his liberal friends suddenly embraced Kamala Harris overnight, convinced the strategy might actually work.
- 4 min
Reagan Assassination Attempt Flashback and Power Transitions
#Tim draws a historical parallel to Reagan's shooting and George H.W. Bush waiting on a plane to potentially become president, arguing these power transitions and cover-ups aren't new, then returns to Cheatle's blank-faced press briefings.
8moments
- The shooting is dark and troubling enough that people want to move on from it rather than explore deeper implications.
- Trump handled the convention well by mentioning the incident once but delivering a positive presidential speech instead of dwelling on it.
- Most people don't engage with questions about Thomas Matthew Crooks' potential government connections because they can't psychologically handle those implications.
- Biden stepping down and Harris stepping up was a brilliant way to move on from the assassination attempt.
- The plan was to use Biden as a Weekend at Bernie's puppet for four years, wheeling him in with a teleprompter for speeches.
- Power factions don't want a president who isn't part of the game; they prefer an actor who lets the corporate oligarchy pillage.
- Trump didn't really stop the system in his first term, and many of his friends are billionaires and industrialists.
- Every president faces the system when they get in; their success depends on willingness and ability to fight it, and how controlled they are.
Joe BidenDonald TrumpKamala HarrisThomas Matthew CrooksJill BidenHunter Bidennoou Malibu
- 2 min
Biden as a Weekend at Bernie's Puppet, Handed to Kamala
#Tim claims the National Security State planned to prop up Biden as a puppet president for four more years, and that his stepping down and Harris stepping up is a managed transition to move past the shooting story.
6moments
- Tim describes the media narrative after Biden stepped down: a traumatic period ended, now moving forward with a new candidate.
- The Secret Service director's resignation is being used to bury the assassination attempt story by offering a sacrificial head.
- All signs point to a 20-year-old seeking fame, but no aggressive push to investigate appears to be happening anywhere.
- The shooter's Google searches included 'how far was Oswald from Kennedy,' the day of the shooting.
- Tim notes the shooter knew he would die—he was watching pornography before attempting to assassinate the president.
- The shooter understood he'd be shot immediately after, yet no credible motive has emerged from any investigation.
- 4 min
Tim plays and reacts to congressional testimony questioning the Butler PA police about sniper communications before the Trump shooting, and references a Washington Post op-ed comparing Trump to Caesar.
7moments
- Congressman from Arizona questions Butler PA police chief about the shooting
- Tim argues a lone gunman scenario is actually more comforting than an organized plot
- Friends accuse Tim of pushing conspiracy theories when he says nobody actually knows what happened
- The number of operational failures and an official stepping down suggests something beyond a lone nut
- Congressman asks if agents reported anything suspicious at the shooter's home
- Congressman enters Washington Post article claiming Trump assassination is increasingly inevitable into the record
- Tim examines what's interesting about the congressman's questions regarding the shooter's house
Dick CheneyThe Washington PostRobert KaganButler PAArizona
- 2 min
Tim discusses claims that the shooter's home looked unnaturally clean like a lab, plus a Heritage Foundation report about mysterious cell phone data linking his home to a building near an FBI office in DC.
4moments
- Tim describes visiting a house so sterile and clean it looked like a surgical laboratory, raising the question of whether something sinister was being planned there.
- The Heritage Foundation has released cell phone data linking Thomas Matthew Crooks to a mysterious figure who made frequent trips between his home and a building in DC near an FBI office.
- Tim jokes that nobody else is investigating this while he should be on a boat eating clams, but instead he's trying to solve a presidential assassination attempt.
- Nine devices were identified in the Heritage Foundation's analysis linking to both Crooks' home and work, but Tim stresses he cannot verify the veracity of these claims yet.
- 1 min
You're Allowed to Ask Questions About the Shooting
#Tim insists people shouldn't be shamed for wanting answers about the assassination attempt just because Kamala's candidacy has generated excitement, taking a shot at Amy Schumer's celebrity endorsement post.
3moments
- Tim argues you're allowed to ask questions about political events without being forced to move on.
- Celebrity endorsements of Kamala Harris are performative; Amy Schumer should remove the photo from her Instagram.
- Media coverage falsely claims Harris has unprecedented Hollywood support despite celebrities just posting photos.
- 1 min
Tim reads a sponsor ad for CB Distillery CBD products, citing survey stats about calm, pain relief, and sleep improvement.
CB Distillery
- 1 min
Tim reads a sponsor ad for the Ibotta cash-back shopping app, describing average user earnings and how to redeem the offer.
- 3 min
Tim covers Gavin Newsom removing homeless encampments now that he has presidential ambitions, California's non-prosecution policies under Prop 47 tied to Harris, and reports that Obama secretly doesn't support Harris's candidacy.
8moments
- Tim on Newsom clearing homeless encampments after realizing he couldn't run for president while the state looked like a third-world country.
- LA liberals will fight the homeless sweeps in the streets like they did at Echo Park, where people were protecting a camp while overdoses happened nearby.
- Newsom and Harris hate each other, part of California political dynamics that Tim attributes to personal animosity despite not knowing them.
- Harris backed Prop 47, California's law that doesn't prosecute theft under $1,000, creating the smash-and-grab environment.
- Obama has not endorsed Harris and doesn't want the first Black female president to be named Harris instead of Michelle Obama.
- Michelle Obama would have been a better candidate but won't run, possibly because they believe a Trump term is inevitable and want to regroup later.
- Biden camp sources told the Post that Obama thinks Harris is incompetent and will get trounced, citing her failure to visit the border.
- The Biden administration is actively trying to sink Harris's campaign through leaks to the New York Post.
Kamala HarrisBarack ObamaGavin NewsomMichelle ObamaProposition 47Echo Park
- 2 min
Tim plays bodycam audio showing a sniper had eyes on the shooter and photographed him before the shots were fired at Trump, reinforcing his skepticism about the official timeline.
4moments
- Bodycam footage released showing officer stating a sniper had eyes on Thomas Crooks before he took a shot at Trump.
- Tim identifies the sniper who took pictures and sent them out, located inside a building near the shooting location.
- Tim speculates Kim Cheadle is in a dark DC bar drinking scotch, meeting with a CIA contact who drives up from McLean, Virginia.
- The CIA contact tells Cheadle in the bar that the assassination attempt "could have been a lot worse," and she replies it "could have been a lot better too."
Thomas CrooksDonald TrumpKim Cheatle
- 7 min
Imagining Kim Cheatle's Bar Confession
#Tim spins an extended fictional scene of Cheatle drinking scotch in a DC dive bar with a CIA-type friend, reflecting on her life sacrificed entirely to government service, tied into her actual resignation letter language.
10moments
- Tim imagines Kim Cheatle sitting silently with a colleague at a bar after her resignation, the older operative reassuring her that she did the right thing.
- The colleague tells her she'll make a lot of money in the private sector but will never truly be out—they'll call her back someday.
- Tim argues that Cheatle's entire life has been consumed by her government career, whether or not she has a husband, kids, or other personal attachments.
- Her whole existence belongs to the bowels of the United States government and the configurations of power that have given her purpose.
- Tim suggests Cheatle may have been CIA before joining the Secret Service, with agents embedded everywhere working undercover.
- Tim performs Cheatle's resignation letter in her voice, confessing she's never questioned orders to stand down when told to allow Trump's assassination attempt.
- The monologue escalates: she has stalked corridors of the undead, eaten terrible salads, laughed at bureaucrats' shitty jokes, neglected her personal life entirely.
- What she'll really miss most are the late-night park meetings with shadowy figures and the ugly gray government buildings where history sometimes happens.
- Tim calls Cheatle a demon and an orc in the army, noting it's somewhat sad to bid goodbye to her as she fades into Virginia obscurity.
- The deal for silence is clear: if she's smart, she'll refuse memoir offers and keep her mouth shut, or she risks a hiking accident, car crash, or medication interaction.
- 1 min
Tim reads the Morgan and Morgan injury law firm ad, citing settlement figures and how to contact them after an accident.
3moments
- Summer is the season of car accidents and people losing control on the roads.
- They've recovered over $20 billion for more than 500,000 clients with a proven track record of winning full and fair compensation.
- They won an $8.2 million case against a Florida IHOP and secured a $3 million settlement for a woman over a hot coffee burn.
- 2 min
Tim reads the Gametime ticket app ad, riffing on going to concerts and sporting events and a tangent about a cheating neighbor, before giving the discount code.
5moments
- Tim pitches Morgan and Morgan, arguing that after an accident the one thing you can control is getting your money.
- Attending live events is the best because you're out watching something instead of at home.
- The real appeal of GameTime app is the work—being able to see every seat in the venue so there's no guessing.
- Tim compares marriage to the old problem with ticket buying: you think you've done your due diligence but you don't actually know what's going to happen.
- Story about a guy three doors down in Memphis married twenty years who was suddenly exposed taking child exploitation material on his computer.
- 7 min
Abolish the Olympics
#Tim argues the Paris Olympics have become a joyless security-state nightmare and that the Games themselves are boring now, proposing they be replaced with something more like gladiatorial combat.
10moments
- Paris Olympics have become unwatchable due to extreme security measures turning the city into a maximum security prison with gates and fences everywhere.
- Los Angeles will host the 2028 Olympics and will need similarly draconian security measures.
- Tim argues the Olympics should be abolished—they're boring, nobody cares anymore, and the concept of picking a different city every four years is stupid.
- Olympic athletes' lives are depressing: they live in cars, and many come from Appalachia with families addicted to fentanyl.
- Nobody even knows who the current Olympic stars are anymore, unlike when Tim was young and people cared about Olympic celebrities.
- Simone Biles is back competing after previously withdrawing, but Tim dismisses her and asks where are the Palestinian athletes.
- Tim proposes that Gaza should send a delegation to the opening ceremonies—just 200 random people screaming for help and water while news anchors pretend it's about the joy of competition.
- Tim used to love watching the Olympics with his father eating ice cream, remembering speed skaters with exotic names like Heyop O.
- Tim recalls trying to remember Olympic speed skater Hey Chavo and complains that people no longer know or care about Olympic athletes.
- Before non-binary terminology existed, there were lesbians who would ski, like supposedly Peekaboo Street, which Tim considers a wasted name if she wasn't lesbian.
- 2 min
Nobody Knows Who the Olympic Stars Are Anymore
#Tim struggles to name any current Olympic athletes, reminisces about watching with his father and stars like Apolo Ohno and Picabo Street, and laments no one cares like they used to.
6moments
- Tim compares an Olympic athlete's appearance to a serial killer and Alien Weenus.
- The Olympics were fun when America dominated and occasionally got comeuppance from rival powers.
- Tim argues you can't have the Olympics unless everyone competes or no one does—Russia and North Korea should all be in.
- Politics shouldn't mix with sports, but a Russian announcer makes the point that Americans in Iraq were never sanctioned in the sports world.
- Tim says the real drama is Russians and Ukrainians, Israelis and Palestinians competing against each other—not boring countries like Sweden.
- Countries actually at war competing would make the Olympics fun again.
RussiaDimitri guvCharlene Thon
- 3 min
Let Russia and Gaza Compete, and Let a Few Bombs Go Off
#Tim proposes mixing geopolitics into the Games by having warring nations compete against each other for real drama, including a bit about a fictional delegation from Gaza and accepting terrorism as part of the spectacle.
6moments
- Tim describes Olympic vignettes where every female athlete has the same backstory: family killed in Ukraine, fighting for honor.
- He argues you can't ban countries from the Olympics—the world is what it is, and security theater ruins it for everyone.
- Tim's proposal: accept that a few bombs might go off at the Olympics as the cost of making it actually exciting again.
- He paints the scene: spectators running with croissants, wine glasses in hand, laughing at explosions—that's the real Olympic experience.
- Terrorism and blood feuds would add genuine intrigue to the Games, which have become a boring corporate snoozefest.
- Russia, Ukraine, Israel, and Gaza competing against each other during active wars would be the Olympics worth watching.
- 5 min
Tim reports on a Michigan foster mother charged with involuntary manslaughter after sitting on and crushing her 10-year-old son, tying it to a rant about overweight Instagram "mom" cooking influencers making processed junk food.
9moments
- Foster mother charged with involuntary manslaughter after sitting on her 10-year-old son, crushing him to death in Michigan.
- Tim critiques Instagram cooking accounts run by overweight women who assemble processed food dishes like tater tot taco bake.
- These women are now America's mothers, all around 350 pounds, and any of them could sit on their child at any moment.
- Tim argues modern children are screaming, unruly maniacs on the spectrum or ADHD because parents have kids later in life.
- Fat women with unruly children are turning to sitting on them to physically restrain and immobilize their chaotic kids.
- The foster mother killed her child by sitting on him, but Tim predicts this is happening with other women making tater tot taco bakes.
- Child Services only suspended her foster parent license rather than revoking it after she sat on and killed a child.
- The other three children in the home now have to live with watching their foster mother sit on and kill their brother.
- Tim warns overweight women on Instagram making taco bakes to stop sitting on their children because some of them may die.
Jennifer WilsonDakota Levi StevensBrian Hinman
- 7 min
Kim Cheatle's Coming Assassination, Fully Imagined
#Tim returns to his extended fictional narrative, imagining Cheatle sitting in fear on her Virginia deck knowing she is a loose end who will eventually be killed by the same shadowy forces she served.
10moments
- Tim imagines Kim Cheatle on her back deck in McLean, Virginia, drinking cheap wine and contemplating her demise.
- Dealers of death only care about life and death, dismissing concerns like thread count and sauce thickness as irrelevant.
- Within four months, a fat Midwestern mom will be hired to sit on Cheatle, and she knows it's coming.
- Every sound she hears registers as a potential assassination—the end of her life waiting in the humid Virginia darkness.
- Former Special Forces and agency personnel leave with their gun and skills, not money, making them available for wet work.
- She knows it might not happen immediately, but it's a real possibility—she's been in rooms with people it already happened to.
- Months later, she's drinking on her deck when she stumbles upon this episode and sees Tim's face before the bag goes over her head.
- Despite everything, it wasn't a bad life or a bad ride—she was meant for this work and wouldn't have been happier owning a bakery in Georgetown.
- Once she becomes a liability—a loose end who gets boozy and angry—she's going to be eliminated.
- A mother from Michigan who makes tater tot bake for her demon children will sit on Cheatle—the most American way to die there is.
Kim CheatleMichiganMcLean, Virginia
- 1 min
Sign Off: The Most American Way to Die
#Tim closes by tying his fictional Cheatle assassination fantasy to the foster mother story, joking that being sat on and crushed is the most fitting American death, then says good night.