Cold Open: CBS News Desk as a Rabbi, Thanking Barry Weiss

• 0:02Tim opens as CBS Evening News anchor, thanking Barry Weiss for the opportunity to sit at the iconic desk.
• 0:23CBS maintains journalistic commitment to integrity and all sides of every issue, despite people thinking the network will change.
• 1:01Barry Weiss is aware people think she's a shill, but Tim insists she is not.
• 1:15Tim thanks the Ellison family, Paramount, and everyone who invested hundreds of millions or billions in the free press venture.
• 2:05The mission is not to call viewers anti-semite pigs, but to correct everyone's opinions very nicely without them noticing.
• 2:45Tim discusses the difficulty of speaking in the rabbi beard and explains it's a Spirit Halloween costume.
• 3:11Today celebrates the free press being bought for $1 trillion and now valued like a major corporation, with Barry Weiss taking over CBS News.
• 3:43CBS will oscillate between covering gender issues and Israel, debating Netanyahu's job performance and methods of killing Palestinians.
• 4:33Barry Weiss was once outside the mainstream, left the New York Times as persona non grata, and launched her independent platform.
• 5:05The free press had significant early backing from financiers with large amounts of money to pump up the venture.

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