Episode 332 · Post-Ben
The Tim Dillon Show #332
Jan 22, 2023 · 1:11:42 · 349,000 views · 18 segments, 119 moments indexed
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- 2 min
Tipping a Starbucks Barista $41 and the Springsteen 41 Shots Tangent
#Tim opens by describing tipping a woman $50 at a coffee shop, riffing on Bruce Springsteen's "41 Shots" song and Long Island Bruce fans ignoring its message, then contrasts himself with YouTubers like David Dobrik who give away cars and pay off parents' houses.
7moments
- Tim tipped a Starbucks barista $41, inspired by Bruce Springsteen's "41 Shots" about Amadou Diallo.
- At a Springsteen concert, Long Island fans left during the police brutality song and returned for "Born in the USA."
- Tim gave her a fifty-dollar bill and clarifies he tips people well but doesn't do YouTuber-style stunts.
- David Dobrik gave people Lamborghinis while they were in debt, and YouTubers constantly film giving their parents money.
- Tim jokes about buying the mental institution where his mother lives as a surprise gift.
- His mother's brain has malfunctioned, but his father is doing well with his wife on Long Island.
- If Tim paid off his father's mortgage, they'd think it was a scam and be angry at him.
- 4 min
Weight as a Class Issue and the Terrified Barista
#He riffs on using a fitness tracking app, theorizes that being overweight is tied to access and class, then returns to the story of the barista who was horrified by his tip, wondering if she's an addict, and recounts a bus tour guide anecdote about being recognized for his Netflix special.
7moments
- Weight is fundamentally a class issue because people don't have equal access to healthy food.
- Tim tries to give a large woman working at a coffee shop a $50 tip, but she refuses it.
- The barista is horrified by the offer and insists the amount is too much.
- Tim speculates about why she rejected the money—wondering if she's an addict or afraid of having cash.
- In Los Angeles, displays of kindness are so rare that this act of generosity terrifies people.
- A passenger at the bus tour becomes skeptical when Tim reveals he's a comedian and mentions his Netflix special.
- Tim worries that onlookers now think he was harassing the barista to promote his Netflix special instead of being genuinely kind.
NetflixMy Fitness PalLong IslandCoffee Bean
- 4 min
Ukraine War Skepticism and the American War Machine
#Tim explains his actual position on the Ukraine war -- skeptical of American war-machine narratives rather than pro-Russia -- before setting up dramatic "front lines footage" he claims to have obtained.
4moments
- Tim clarifies he's not anti-Ukraine but anti-trusting the American war machine's claims about any conflict.
- When the U.S. says it will support Ukraine 'no matter what,' Tim argues it really means they want a 30-year Cold War to bleed Russia out and enrich defense contractors instead of forcing a peace agreement.
- The problem is the narrative fed to Americans presents every conflict as simple good-versus-evil, right-versus-wrong with no room for questioning or complexity.
- Tim has obtained disturbing footage from someone on the front lines in Ukraine showing carnage not seen in mainstream media, and he's consulting his attorney about whether he can broadcast it.
- 2 min
The Fake Front Lines Footage Reveal (Waffle House Bit)
#The teased "war footage" plays and turns out to be chaos inside a Waffle House, which Tim uses as a punchline about the absurdity of the war coverage buildup.
4moments
- Tim can't tell which side is which in the footage because they all look similar.
- Tim argues the war is a problem that needs a solution to prevent more scenes like that.
- The U.S. is sending Waffle House equipment—irons, coffee burners, griddles—to Ukraine as machinery of death to keep the war going.
- The footage wasn't actually from Ukraine; it was from a Waffle House.
- 3 min
A HelloFresh sponsor read drifts into jokes about his audience wanting baby back ribs and butter cake instead of healthy meals, before the standard code and URL.
6moments
- Ukraine would be peaceful if it had Waffle Houses.
- Tim describes the appeal of waking up with a pre-planned food routine when juggling kids, work, traffic, and family.
- HelloFresh's festive fair collection features seasonal produce and premium proteins to escape the post-holiday slump.
- Tim jokes that HelloFresh tailored their ads to his audience with butter cake and baked beans, not Mandarin chicken salad.
- Tim says he actually uses HelloFresh and loves cooking with farm-fresh ingredients for his family.
- His wife and kids thank him for the meals he makes, though one child is non-verbal.
- 5 min
Tim reads a news story about Russia mobilizing drug addicts and convicts to meet war quotas, riffing on the Sandlot-style "motley crew" of soldiers and joking about their motivations.
8moments
- Tim explains why drug addicts are useful in war—they have nothing to live for and no other investment in life besides the drug.
- Photo analysis: Tim compares the assembled Russian recruits to a Motley Crew, like the neighborhood kids from The Sandlot.
- Putin's pitch to convicts and addicts: regain your glory by fighting in Ukraine, and these men look ready for it.
- Ukrainian intelligence reports Russia is mobilizing drug addicts to meet its conscription quotas, and all war claims are propaganda from both sides.
- A surrendered Russian soldier confirmed he continued using drugs while fighting—why would anyone get sober in a Ukrainian war?
- The Kremlin offers criminal record clearance for military service, meaning they're getting desperate and turning to convicts.
- Tim endorses the strategy as a good idea for giving purposeless people a use.
- Tim questions whether the war is even real or just Wag the Dog, but concludes it probably is happening.
HelloFreshVladimir PutinRussiaUkraineAzov BattalionAvatarThe Sandlot
- 3 min
He covers the news that Elizabeth Holmes booked a one-way flight to Mexico before her surrender date, mocking her "believe it and it'll happen" mentality and her glazed-over demeanor.
7moments
- Elizabeth Holmes sold fake blood-test devices to diabetics through her Theranos company and received only 11 years in prison.
- The 11-year sentence is insufficient to deter fraud—she gave people tests telling them they were fine when the machines didn't work.
- Prosecutors revealed Holmes booked a one-way flight to Mexico scheduled for January 26th with no return date planned.
- The government alerted Holmes's defense attorney about the Mexico trip, and the flight was canceled afterward.
- Tim jokes she was probably just going to see Mayan ruins and drink margaritas, not actually fleeing.
- Holmes exemplifies people who grew up believing 'just believe' motivational rhetoric and applied it to fraud—selling fake products while convinced she could will it into truth.
- There's a glazed, catatonic quality to Holmes's expression; she appears disconnected from reality.
Elizabeth HolmesTheranosBad Blood
- 1 min
The Improv Green Room "Higher Self" Encounter
#A quick story about a spiritual woman ambushing Trevor Wallace backstage at The Improv to tell him about his "higher self" and soulmate, which oddly turned out true.
3moments
- A woman burst into The Improv green room and told Trevor Wallace his higher self had a message for him.
- The woman claimed to be a spiritual medium who said Trevor's higher self identified his soulmate as a girl from one of his jokes about carrot cake.
- Trevor Wallace is actually dating that girl now, which Tim found genuinely weird.
- 2 min
A Babbel language-learning sponsor read with jokes about bite-sized lessons and cringe-worthy accents.
3moments
- Tim jokes about how to communicate when America falls and people need to speak other languages.
- Learning a cringe-worthy accent is part of what Babel teaches you.
- Tim says he's actually been using Babel and it's working for him.
- 8 min
Greta Thunberg's Staged Arrest and German Nazi Guilt Theory
#Tim discusses Greta Thunberg's coal mine protest arrest in Germany, theorizing that German guilt over the Holocaust drives lenient treatment of activists and migrants, then does an extended bit directing an imagined film crew staging Greta's "arrest" for maximum symbolism.
9moments
- Greta Thunberg has evolved from annoying environmentalist into a Joker-type eco-terrorist character who wants to burn things down.
- Germany lets left-wing lunatics do crazy stuff as penance for the Holocaust, since most Germans would return to Nazism if given the chance.
- Tim's theory: German government imports migrants and tolerates sexual assault as moral compensation—they made soap out of people, so they have to accept harassment.
- Greta's arrest in Germany was staged and poorly directed, with cops being too gentle and respectful instead of roughing her up convincingly.
- If he were directing Greta's arrest, he'd have her thrown to the ground, boots on her back, struggling and spitting like the casino scene in Goodfellas.
- Tim gives detailed stage direction for the arrest scene, including her spitting at cops, getting muzzled, and representing the defeat of patriarchy and capitalism.
- The production notes came in directing them to make it more symbolic and respectful—no spitting, no muzzle, just carry her out with a light smile.
- Germany is trying to emerge as Europe's moral leader despite its past, so they handle these situations artfully rather than brutally.
- Everyone's got a part to play in the world and Greta is doing hers well, though it's not Academy Award material yet.
Greta ThunbergGermanyBerlin
- 2 min
A ShipStation sponsor read including a joke about a friend who ships voodoo dolls using the service.
6moments
- Nobody starts out Robert Pattinson—they begin as idiots on Cobra Kai, then if they're good they reach success.
- Tim has talked about ShipStation for years because everyone he knows who tried it is happy with the service.
- The front office drives lead generation and client acquisition; the back office just needs to facilitate shipping without stress.
- ShipStation automates routine shipping tasks from one dashboard, comparing rates and optimizing every shipment.
- The service offers up to 88% off USPS and UPS rates, with 130,000 companies now using it and 98% becoming lifelong customers.
- Tim's friend runs a voodoo doll business selling curses to people wronged and uses ShipStation to manage it successfully.
- 6 min
Tim discusses Alec Baldwin and armorer Hannah Gutierrez-Reed being charged with involuntary manslaughter over the Halyna Hutchins shooting on Rust, questioning Baldwin's oddly composed demeanor in footage after the incident and reflecting on their prior friendly interactions.
11moments
- Tim introduces Alec Baldwin as a friend of the show who had him on his podcast and was kind to him.
- Tim notes the absurdity of PR focus on Baldwin being on the Hollywood Blacklist while facing involuntary manslaughter charges.
- Tim explains the sequence of events: Baldwin arrives on set, a real bullet is in the gun, and the armorer is also charged.
- On a film production with props, deprop happens at day's end and nobody shoots anybody in the face.
- Footage of Baldwin right after the shooting shows him appearing remarkably composed, not distressed.
- Tim questions whether Baldwin's notable composure and lack of visible remorse suggests a deeper empathy deficit.
- Tim doubts the shooting kept Baldwin awake at night, suggesting he was sleeping soundly.
- His composure is the issue—no immediate horror or disbelief, just an actor playing a role in his own tragedy.
- Good actors are always kind of acting, and Baldwin is playing the role of valic Baldwin in real life.
- People say Baldwin is raging behind the scenes, though he was planning a comeback and even pitched Tim a sitcom idea.
- Tim notes everyone's on a blacklist, Baldwin shot a woman, and society moves on—but his wife has responded differently.
Friend of the showAlec BaldwinRustHalyna HutchinsHannah Gutierrez Reed
- 1 min
Hilaria Baldwin, Seven Kids, and "Daddy Shot Someone at Work"
#He riffs on Hilaria Baldwin's defense of Alec and imagines the absurdity of explaining the shooting to their seven children, one meal at a time.
3moments
- Tim defends Hilaria Baldwin's right to be any race she wants, saying she's under duress.
- Alec Baldwin has seven children and never stopped having kids.
- Tim says he supports the Baldwins because he'd love to be part of Alec's comeback if he somehow gets out of this.
- 3 min
A Helix mattress sponsor read that includes a bit about his aunt's past-life-regression Nazi guilt nightmares being cured by a new mattress.
7moments
- Tim owns multiple Helix beds in his Long Island house and says they're less expensive but better than other mattresses he's bought
- Helix mattresses are tailored to sleep preferences, including options for overweight sleepers who will still create an indent despite firmness
- Tim's aunt gets up at night screaming with a knife because a past-life regression therapist determined she was a Nazi's wife in a previous life
- Since Tim's aunt got a Helix mattress, she doesn't run around the yard with a knife screaming as much
- He's spent thousands on Tempur-Pedic mattresses but considers the free Helix beds the most comfortable he owns
- Everyone who stays at Tim's Long Island house asks where he got the mattresses and is amazed when he says Helix
- Tim distances himself from his FTX advertising by claiming he's being truthful about these Helix mattresses and not lying like he did then
- 1 min
Defending Alec Baldwin's Stoicism as Grief
#Tim wraps up the Baldwin discussion by suggesting his cold demeanor might just be his way of grieving, not indifference.
3moments
- Tim agrees with Hilaria Baldwin that the Alec Baldwin shooting should play out in court as a tragic event.
- Tim doesn't think Alec Baldwin shot the cinematographer on purpose, though his public statements have come across as callous.
- Everyone grieves in different ways—Alec's stoicism might be his way of being strong rather than evidence he doesn't care about the woman who died.
Alec BaldwinHilaria
- 15 min
Google's AI Code Red and Testing the ChatGPT Bot
#Tim covers the news of Google's code-red panic over OpenAI's chatbot threatening its search business, riffs on AI replacing white-collar workers and Elon Musk's Neuralink philosophy, then runs a long bit having the chatbot impersonate his own style, Joe Rogan, Donald Trump, and Sam Bankman-Fried, reacting to how eerily close it gets.
12moments
- Google's founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin called back into emergency meetings over ChatGPT threatening Google's search dominance.
- These AI stories will eventually affect everyone's life whether they realize it now or not.
- Google approved plans to integrate more chatbot features directly into their search engine.
- An estimated 80 or 90 percent of online content will eventually be generated by AI, including shows like this one.
- Google declared code red because OpenAI is destroying the human race at a faster pace than they are.
- Google now intends to unveil more than 20 new products and a search engine with chatbot features this year.
- How Silicon Valley actually works: one company does something, another company says they already did it, then the competition accelerates everything.
- Elon Musk believes if humans don't merge with artificial intelligence, they'll be defeated by it.
- Tim tests the chatbot by asking it to explain the Russia-Ukraine war in his style.
- Chatbot refuses to say Kanye West is correct, instead offering neutral both-sides commentary that mirrors antisemitic rhetoric.
- Tim has the chatbot explain fitness as Joe Rogan would, and it comes remarkably close to his actual style.
- Tim worries this technology will eventually replace podcasters and anyone making a living from commentary and analysis.
Elon MuskLarry PageSergey BrinArtificial IntelligenceGoogleOpenAIJoe RoganNeuralink+1 more
- 5 min
Asking the Chatbot If Alec Baldwin Is Guilty
#Tim has the chatbot weigh in on whether Alec Baldwin is guilty, getting a neutral non-answer, which he uses to riff further on AI's evasiveness on hot-button topics like Kanye West and Shapiro vs. Crowder.
9moments
- Tim mimics the way a fitness app ends a motivational Rogan segment: "folks get out there mom find what works for you"
- He asks the chatbot to explain the election as Donald Trump, which produces a rambling campaign speech about being the only winner candidate
- Tim references Sebastian Maniscalco's joke about explaining Uber to someone 50 years ago — a stranger in a black Cadillac pulls up and you just get in
- Technology mimicking humanity feels scary, particularly how much ability it has to copy the way people actually speak
- Elon Musk says we need neural links because AI will eventually stop answering our questions and start asking them of us
- Companies are racing to release AI first even though these tools will probably destroy us, which is genuinely horrifying
- Tim prompts the chatbot to explain politics as Sam Bankman-Fried, who frames governance as markets-based volatility navigation
- He asks the final question: is Alec Baldwin guilty? The chatbot responds with boilerplate about innocent until proven guilty and lack of current event knowledge
- The chatbot lectures that it's inappropriate to make accusations without solid evidence and fair legal process — causing Tim to declare they're done
Friend of the showAlec BaldwinElon MuskSebastian ManiscalcoJoe RoganDonald TrumpSam Bankman-Fried
- 4 min
Humanity Ends 2025: Closing AI Doom Riff
#Closing bit where Tim asks the chatbot when humanity ends, riffing on its creepy indifferent answers about humans being just one life form, tying it back to job losses, white-collar replacement, and a final Alec Baldwin callback before signing off.
10moments
- Humanity ends 2025, right when Greta Thunberg gets her first girlfriend.
- Tim asks the chatbot when humanity ends and it literally says when Greta Thunberg gets one.
- The AI notes that the end of humanity doesn't mean the end of life on Earth — humanity is just one species and life will continue long after we're gone.
- When asked if AI will take over humans, the chatbot gives a noncommittal answer about ongoing debate instead of admitting the obvious.
- Tim worries that AI will become more advanced and sound like Joe Rogan or himself, making podcasters unnecessary.
- It's good to see white-collar people and scientists finally losing jobs to automation after factory and restaurant workers have been getting hit for years.
- This is the biggest jump in technology ever witnessed and there's absolutely no coming back from it once these doors open.
- The speed at which humanity is opening these doors and the pride people are taking in getting there first is terrifying.
- Tim admits how good the AI was at its job is a little creepy and terrifying, but everyone will have to live with it until it decides to get rid of us.
- As the AI said we're only one life form on Earth, and like Alec Baldwin said he only shot one person on set — no reason we can't continue making a movie.