Episode 380 · The Studio Revamp
The Diaper Spa | The Tim Dillon Show #380
Feb 3, 2024 · 1:04:44 · 435,000 views · 12 segments, 95 moments indexed
Tim dishes on an upcoming new artist, giving the country to Taylor Swift, a creepy New Hampshire business and a disturbing father & son moment.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Discovering the Artist Justin Moan
#Music intro featuring songs by an artist Tim calls Justin Moan, out of Levittown, Pennsylvania, whom he jokingly hypes as an up-and-coming star.
3moments
- Tim introduces Justin Moan, a new artist he's discovered, playing a song about a broke guy walking down the street.
- Justin Moan is from Levitown, Pennsylvania, and Tim predicts he'll become well-known within the next year.
- Song continues with lyrics about a mother asking why her son tried to kill her.
- 10 min
Give the Country to Taylor Swift
#Tim riffs at length on Taylor Swift's cultural dominance, joking that America should just hand her the presidency outright instead of an endorsement, imagining her running drone strikes, writing songs about Gaza, and becoming a North Korea-style object of worship.
10moments
- Taylor Swift is constantly in the news and there's nothing wrong with that — we have love, intrigue, politics, and Travis Kelce
- Trump people are figuring out how to counter Taylor Swift's expected endorsement of Biden with conspiracy theories
- Tim argues they should just give the country to Taylor Swift instead of having an election
- Rather than endorse Biden, Taylor Swift should run for president herself — her social capital is too high to waste on an endorsement
- Everyone talks about Taylor Swift constantly, so Tim has started doing it too because that's what's happening around him
- Tim dismisses claims that Taylor Swift is the greatest entertainer but argues it doesn't matter because nothing matters
- Taylor Swift could write songs about Gaza while the U.S. bombs it, making atrocities palatable to the public
- Taylor Swift challenges Trump and wins — she could be a beloved wartime president and everything would feel good
- Taylor Swift is now the most important figure in America culturally and could sway presidential elections
- Tim imagines Taylor Swift as president with Travis Kelce, her new album titled 'Call Me Taylor' after impressing the CIA director
- 6 min
Tim reads a news story about Topeka, Kansas advertising for migrant workers to fill thousands of open jobs, riffing on the city's decline and joking that it's the perfect "hell" destination for migrants who failed elsewhere.
10moments
- Tim compares America's obsession with Taylor Swift to a desire to live in North Korea, suggesting the country wants a god to worship.
- People waiting hours in Chick-fil-A and In-N-Out lines have nothing better to do than sit for cold French fries.
- Taylor Swift could solve the migrant crisis by dating and breaking up with migrants, controlling policy through her romantic choices.
- Topeka, Kansas's main industry was the Westboro Baptist Church and their "God hates fags" messaging.
- Topeka is openly advertising for migrants in a bid to fill 6,600 open jobs the local population won't take.
- Tim describes Topeka's pitch to failed people: if you flopped in Austin, Miami, or the Bitcoin scene, come here.
- Work opportunities in Topeka include food trucks, the Hilton front desk, and the last remaining Pizza Hut.
- Migrants from Libya will wish they could go back home after working at Pizza Hut in Topeka, Kansas.
- Cities with actual prospects reject migrants; Topeka, a hollowed-out meth hell, says yes to anyone regardless of their past crimes.
- Topeka's strategy: let migrants experience the city and they'll stop coming—it will deter future migration waves.
Topeka, KansasTaylor SwiftNorth KoreaWestboro Baptist ChurchFred PhelpsMichael PadillaJared Kushner
- 17 min
Tim reads a news story about a New Hampshire spa catering to adult baby diaper lovers (ABDL), riffing extensively on the owner's claims of it being a "judgment-free zone," local residents' outrage, and imagining migrants being forced to work there changing grown men's diapers as a path to citizenship.
18moments
- Tim pitches a business model: have migrants staff a new diaper café for adults with diaper fetishes.
- Tim can't get a restaurant off the ground due to red tape, but somehow someone opened a diaper spa in a tiny New Hampshire town.
- Explanation of ABDL (adult baby diaper lover) as a diverse community with unique wants and needs, per the spa owner.
- Tim imagines the spa owner's American dream: running a place where adults in diapers pretend to be children and get off.
- The spa advertises itself as a safe, judgment-free zone where adults can pamper themselves with snacks, playtime, and story time.
- Tim's plan: put migrants to work at the diaper spa watching and caring for adults in diapers, which will make them want to leave America.
- The spa offers services including adult baby diaper lover nursery spa care at $300 an hour and an all-day premier experience for $1500.
- Local residents are upset about the spa's proximity to a children's park, fearing it caters to people with a sexual fetish.
- Spa owner Dr. Colleen Murphy claims the business is about processing childhood trauma, not sexual fetishism.
- Murphy tells Fox News she's never encountered a pervert or sex offender in her ABDL work, which Tim finds implausible.
- Tim's expanded scheme: make the diaper spa massive like a football stadium and recruit migrants directly from the streets to work there.
- Tim role-plays explaining the diaper spa job to a migrant from Central America, highlighting the cultural and practical absurdity.
- A migrant forced to read nursery rhymes and change diapers would reflect on whether their home country was actually that bad.
- Tim imagines the migrant calling home to describe American adults in diapers and what they're being asked to do.
- Tim argues migrants must prove their loyalty to America by working at the diaper spa or living in Topeka, Kansas.
- Tim suggests people should process their kinks in simpler ways—like foot fetishism—instead of full diaper roleplay.
- Tim imagines a wife encouraging her husband to go to the diaper spa to process his stress and get swaddled.
- Tim visualizes the reaction of migrants from El Salvador and North Africa when they realize they're wiping the diapers of middle-aged American men.
Dr Colleen MurphyNew HampshireKayla GallagherMike vigataAtkinsonMassachusettsEl SalvadorHonduras+2 more
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsored ad for Factor meal delivery service, touting chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals and a 50% off promo code Tim D50.
4moments
- Tim pitches Factor meal delivery as a way to keep New Year's resolutions intact without grocery shopping or cooking fatigue.
- For people on the road or working parents, meal services eliminate the time crunch of meal planning and preparation.
- Factor is cheaper and better than takeout, offering restaurant-quality meals delivered to your door.
- Flexibility is built in—change orders weekly or pause deliveries anytime without stress.
- 2 min
Tim reads a Valentine's Day-themed ad for Manscaped grooming products, describing the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra trimmer and other included items, with a 20% off code.
5moments
- Tim D50 promo code gets 50% off roses from Manscaped
- Tim restarts the read after stumbling through the opening
- The Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra features skin-safe technology and LED spotlight for precise grooming
- The package includes the Weed Whacker 2.0 nose hair trimmer, Manscape liquid formulation, travel bag, and boxers
- Use code TIM D for 20% off and free shipping at Manscaped.com
- 5 min
Tim discusses the news story of Justin Mohn, who beheaded his father and posted a ranting video with the severed head, debating whether they can even show clips due to YouTube's content restrictions.
7moments
- Tim plays music from a man accused of beheading his father in Bucks County, describes him as a rare talent and QAnon believer.
- YouTube prohibits playing the beheading video itself due to the human head visible in it, though Tim argues the practical problem of enforcement.
- The suspect used two knives and a machete to behead his father, then spent 14 minutes making points about affordability and unmet life goals.
- Philadelphia Inquirer headline conflates the case with Taylor Swift and MAGA world as part of a media strategy to drive viral engagement.
- Journalists are one paycheck away from homelessness and must write sensational pieces connecting unrelated events to maintain clicks and survival.
- The media narrative suggests that criticizing Taylor Swift or questioning her political influence places someone on a trajectory toward family violence.
- Some of the suspect's rhetoric resembled RFK-style populist complaints about Vanguard and BlackRock controlling money and resources.
journalismBlack RockVanguardState StreetTaylor SwiftJustin Mahone
- 6 min
Tim mocks Philadelphia Inquirer coverage painting the beheading as a symptom of "white male meltdown" tied to anti-Taylor Swift sentiment, contrasting how media dismisses people with menial jobs and connects mental illness to the crime.
10moments
- Tim criticizes the media for always being negative, noting they're starving and laying off staff while writing about jobs like working at Jersey Mike's or call centers.
- Justin Mohn blamed affirmative action for his struggles living in his parents' house in his 30s despite being overeducated.
- Tim explains that schizophrenics do crazy things because they're schizophrenics, but mental illness doesn't justify evil behavior—Mohn was a psychopath who beheaded his father.
- People write weird manifestos with various political and cultural grievances, and critics use them to make sweeping accusations about anyone who shares those views.
- The media uses the same tactic against critics of Black Lives Matter that they use against Trump: if you criticize BLM, you're essentially one of these killers and just don't know it yet.
- Trump's opponents tried to beat him by charging him with things, but this actually strengthens his support because his base feels like they're defending him.
- The strategy used against Trump was to claim everyone voting for him is a neo-Nazi militia member who doesn't know it yet—the tests and diagnostics just haven't revealed it.
- Voters respond that they're just concerned about the border, the economy, and kids getting medical transitions too young, but get told they're Nazis and don't know it.
- The media's tactic always fails because Trump doesn't play their game—he doesn't apologize or submit to the shame they're trying to impose.
- In order to beat someone at a game, they have to play it, but Trump refuses to play their game, which is why their strategy doesn't work.
Donald TrumpJustin Moanaffirmative actionPennsylvania State UniversityBLMRon DeSantisJersey Mike
- 8 min
Trump's Political Strategy vs. the 'You're a Nazi and Don't Know It' Tactic
#Tim argues that attempts to paint Trump supporters as secret Nazis have always failed, contrasting this with how the media covers Justin Mohn, then returns to imagining the father's last sandwich before being beheaded.
10moments
- Tim conflates a Bucks County beheading case with rhetoric from the Texas lieutenant governor about immigrants crossing the border.
- Politicians engage in overstatement; a video shows migrants attacking NYPD, raising the question of whether any migrant commits crime.
- Tim goes on record against beheading parents and against living in Levittown, Pennsylvania.
- A extended tangent about making the perfect sandwich: cracked pepper turkey, white American cheese, mayonnaise on wheat bread, with potato and macaroni salad.
- If your son is playing violent militia music from his room, you sit alone on your granite counter island and eat in terrified silence.
- The beheader seems like a musical theater gay militia guy—something is going on with him beyond simple ideology.
- A neighbor expresses shock at the crime, noting you don't wake up one day deciding to cut someone's head off as something to do.
- Court documents detail the victim's decapitated body in the bedroom and severed head in a plastic bag in a cooking pot.
- Tim notes the worst part of the story is the father can't retell it himself—imagine how good that story would be from his perspective.
- The son decapitated his father and filmed it, traced by police to Fort Indian Gap nearly two hours away.
Justin MoanDan PatrickMichael MoanNYPD
- 4 min
Coffee in Brooklyn and the Beheading Story
#Tim describes the humorless, overly serious vibe of a Brooklyn coffee shop while discussing the Mohn beheading with someone who said they're surprised this kind of thing doesn't happen more often.
10moments
- Jeff used to describe Brooklyn people as dressing like extras from The Wire season 2, all severe intellectual types with no fun in their energy.
- Every Brooklyn coffee shop has a sign saying 'end racism' while angry people sit furiously typing on MacBooks, creating a heavy atmosphere.
- Tim describes the neighborhood as feeling like people's only job was putting up Jewish hostage posters and ripping them down all day.
- Someone told Tim they were surprised the beheading incident doesn't happen more often, which shocked him with its dark implication.
- Tim argues people assume anyone who disagrees with them is capable of violence, conflating political opposition with murderous extremism.
- The person was unsurprised about someone cutting their father's head off in a bathroom, which Tim found genuinely disturbing as an attitude.
- Tim wonders if people make cynical statements about violent crime being unsurprising just to sound tough or hard.
- Tim notes the person believed everyone in Pennsylvania who disagrees with them politically is a hidden killer who just hasn't acted yet.
- The internet accused the beheading suspect of being MK Ultra activated, another conspiracy theory Tim hasn't investigated.
- Tim says the only thing he's certain of is that Sandy Hook happened, closing off most other conspiratorial thinking.
- 4 min
Tim gives a brief update on the Gilgo Beach ("Gilbert Goons") case arrests, credits himself with bringing attention to it, mocks Reddit sleuths' wild theories, and announces upcoming European tour dates and cities.
6moments
- Tim's only issue with Sandy Hook coverage was the classification of the community as wealthy when it isn't Greenwich.
- Gilgo Beach killers are getting arrested, and Tim brought the case to national prominence.
- Reddit users investigating the case have lost their minds with Breaking Bad-style conspiracy theories about cartels.
- Tim's recent episode with Theovon is getting strong reception and he's promoting his comedy special.
- Upcoming tour announcement at TimDillonComedy.com, with dates already listed across multiple US cities.
- Major European tour is coming in the spring, featuring one of the world's most iconic venues.
- 1 min
Closing Bit: Taylor Swift Presents the Severed Head
#Tim closes with a final riff imagining Taylor Swift holding up Justin Mohn's father's head at the Super Bowl while everyone cheers because they love her, and jokes her music will play on loop in the diaper spa.
2moments
- Tim suggests giving the country to Taylor Swift to serve as arbiter of justice, with her presenting a severed head at the Super Bowl stadium.
- The crowd would love it because everybody loves Taylor Swift, and they'd play her music on loop in the diaper spa.