Episode 357 · The Studio Revamp
Suburban Villain | The Tim Dillon Show #357
Aug 16, 2023 · 53:53 · 503,000 views · 11 segments, 70 moments indexed
Tim talks about Obama’s dreams, young Hollywood being too grateful, a mushroom poisoning down under and how ice cream can be a tragedy.
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- 9 min
Obama's 1982 Letter and 'Coming Out' Confusion
#Tim reacts to resurfaced Obama letters from his biographer about androgyny and imagining sex with men, questioning whether that constitutes 'coming out,' then riffs on how little the public actually knows about presidents' private lives (Bill Clinton's affairs, Laura Bush's car accident, the Bush family's fake Texan persona) compared to how thoroughly Trump was already known before office.
10moments
- Tim questions why everyone is upset that Obama came out
- Obama wrote to an ex-girlfriend in 1982 saying he makes love to men daily but in the imagination
- Tim reads Obama's full letter discussing homosexuality as an attempt to remove oneself from earthly life
- Tim explains the letter as a young guy trying to impress a girl by being conceptual about masculinity and femininity
- Tim notes Obama never actually addressed the letter and the text just stands as is
- Bill Clinton cheated on his wife and nobody really cares, unlike the reaction to Obama's letter
- Laura Bush killed someone with her car but the public barely discusses it
- The Bush family marketed themselves as hard-scrabble Texas ranchers when they were actually preppy New England WASPs
- Trump was the only president we actually knew beforehand because he was a game show host and wrestling heel for 40 years
- Bill Clinton came out of nowhere as governor of Arkansas, became president, and then we learned he liked to cheat on his wife
Barack ObamaDonald TrumpBill ClintonGeorge W. BushGeorge H. W. BushLaura BushDavid GarrowArkansas
- 7 min
Noah Schnapp's Smolder and the Bretman Rock Red Carpet Interview
#Tim mocks Noah Schnapp's recurring 'smoldering' Instagram face after being honored at Variety's Young Hollywood Summit, then plays and dissects a bizarre, incomprehensible red carpet interview between influencer Bretman Rock and Zach Sang full of chicken jokes and a jarring 'prayers to Maui' pivot.
10moments
- Noah Schnapp from Stranger Things came out because his character was gay, and Tim respects that.
- Tim urges someone to get a clip of Noah Schnapp's Instagram to him because he keeps making the same smoldering face that has to stop.
- The smoldering face appears in every photo—Tim says he needs to just smile and be a human being for a minute.
- Bretman Rock, a Filipino beauty influencer, does a red carpet interview with Zach Sang that Tim can barely understand.
- Tim plays the interview where Bretman Rock complains that his circumcision story was supposed to be a book exclusive but ended up all over Zach Sang's YouTube and TikTok.
- Nobody on these red carpets can have a real conversation without mentioning something from TikTok or an app.
- Zach Sang asks if Bretman Rock wants to be on a movie screen or IMAX, and Bretman responds that his ass is too fat for the phone.
- Bretman Rock pitches himself as the chicken in Moana and says he'd love to do it with his chickens on the IMAX screen.
- When asked how life is going, Bretman pivots to prayers for Maui before immediately reversing to talk about his chickens again.
- Tim notes that despite the absurdity, the interview is a real conversation that actually happened at the Variety Young Hollywood Power Summit.
Noah Schnappsocial mediaBretman RockZach SangSydney Sweeney
- 2 min
Old Hollywood Cool vs. New Hollywood Gratitude
#Comparing old photos of Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow looking bored and above it all to today's overly grateful, thank-you-spouting young stars at award events, arguing the new generation lacks the appropriate 'f*** you' attitude of past celebrities.
3moments
- Tim argues old Hollywood actors like Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow had the right attitude — unbothered, projecting a "fuck you" energy like the event was beneath them.
- New generation of actors at the same events seem desperate and overeager, smiling too much and posting Instagram captions thanking Variety.
- The cool vibe should be indifference to the award, not gratitude — admitting it's fake and you only got it because you're attractive is more honest than performance humility.
- 3 min
Tim tells an anecdote about a friend choosing between hair and health, then pivots into fatalism vs. free will before reading Nutrafol's hair supplement copy and promo code.
8moments
- Tim recounts a conversation with a friend who thought he had to choose between hair growth and overall health, insisting that Nutrafol offers both without compromise.
- Men often assume hair loss is inevitable, but Tim argues you can take control of your hair's future with a science-backed supplement.
- Tim digresses into philosophy about fate and fatalism, contrasting people who believe everything is predetermined with those who see life as an adventure they control.
- He acknowledges that while there's something to be said for accepting things, fatalism has merit in Eastern religions and in processing unavoidable loss.
- Tim shares a story about a friend whose wife left him suddenly in the car, illustrating how sometimes you need to accept things you can't control.
- A clinical study found 84% of men showed improvement in hair thickness after six months on Nutrafol's men's supplement.
- For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering listeners $10 off the first month and free shipping at nutrafol.com/men with promo code Tim.
- Tim clarifies that using the promo code doesn't make you gay, then repeats the website and code information.
Nutrafolfatalism
- 1 min
Tim lists his upcoming October tour stops in Brisbane, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Christchurch, and Auckland and directs fans to buy tickets.
1moment
- Tim announces upcoming Australia and New Zealand tour dates across Brisbane, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Christchurch, and Auckland in October, directing fans to TimDillonComedy.com for tickets.
AustraliaNew ZealandAdelaideAucklandBrisbaneChristchurchMelbournePerth+1 more
- 9 min
Tim details the case of an Australian woman accused of poisoning her ex-husband's family with death cap mushrooms in a beef wellington, serving herself and her kids a different meal, and speculates at length about her motives, her unconvincing tearful press appearance, and a prior mysterious illness she may have caused her ex-husband.
9moments
- Death cap mushroom is the most toxic mushroom you can eat, causing liver and kidney failure within 12 to 48 hours.
- Death cap looks like other edible mushrooms, making it dangerous to forage, and its toxin cannot be killed by cooking.
- Woman in Leongatha, Australia prepared a beef Wellington with death cap mushrooms for her ex-husband's family at lunch.
- Erin served herself and her two young children a different meal while guests ate the poisoned beef Wellington.
- Four guests became sick; two died, one remains hospitalized, and Erin denies wrongdoing, claiming she cooked for people she loves.
- Tim believes she did it because her ex-husband Simon spent 16 days in an induced coma last year after eating food she prepared, suspected poisoning.
- This case represents a new type of villain—not Munchausen by proxy, but a woman deliberately poisoning entire groups of people she invites to her home.
- She likely got away with poisoning her husband before, thinking it would be dismissed as a mysterious illness, emboldening her to try again with the family lunch.
- Tim speculates she believed she could poison people at her home without the death cap toxin being traced back to the ingredient that killed them.
Erin Pattersondeath cap mushroomSimon PattersonMelbourneLeongatha
- 1 min
Tim reads a BlueChew ad describing the chewable ED medication service, delivery process, and promo code TD for a free first month.
1moment
- Tim reads BlueChew ad copy for listeners
- 14 min
Tim returns to dissecting the accused Australian poisoner's press conference performance, theorizes she wanted to kill everyone at once, compares her to other 'suburban villain' cases like the Gilgo Beach killer, and says he wants to interview her personally.
12moments
- Tim compares the suspect's interview to a bad audition tape, noting her lack of visible emotion while discussing the deaths.
- The mushroom source remains unaddressed; Tim identifies the most obvious first question the interviewer never asks.
- Tim imagines the suspect going to the grocery store to buy more mushrooms for the press, or offering pies to everyone.
- She didn't taste her own food, which convinces Tim this was premeditated murder rather than accidental poisoning.
- Tim remains puzzled about motive—why she'd target the entire family at once instead of one at a time.
- Summer heat drives suburban people to act up; Tim distinguishes between typical city crime and the fascinating suburban cases that fascinate him more.
- A new archetype: the cuddly, natural-poison murderer using toxic plants instead of traceable chemical agents.
- Digression: Dylan Mulvaney replacing Lizzo for the Super Bowl halftime show, performing Lizzo songs with Black dancers.
- Tim says the suspect is more interesting to him than anyone at a Variety young Hollywood power summit.
- Suburban villains—Gilgo Beach killer, poison murderers in midsize SUVs—represent the truly terrifying criminals of the summer.
- Tim imagines the suspect practicing poison attempts on others first, possibly failing with Ray Combs, whose strong stomach might have saved him.
- Tim expresses desire to meet and interview the suspect if he visits Australia, claiming empathy for hospitality and dinner-party mishaps gone wrong.
BluDylan MulvaneyGilgo Beach killersuburban crimeMorgan and MorganLizzoPrincess DianaRay Kump+1 more
- 3 min
Tim tells a mock story about being hit by a distracted driver to segue into a Morgan & Morgan personal injury law firm ad, riffing on comparisons like snoozing an alarm and swiping on dating apps.
4moments
- Tim describes getting hit by a distracted woman driver while he was driving perfectly and sober, suffering injuries that left him confused and in pain.
- He worried finding a personal injury law firm would be impossible, then discovered Morgan and Morgan.
- Tim compares submitting a claim to Morgan and Morgan to various easy tasks like using an app.
- Submitting a claim to Morgan and Morgan is as easy as watching the 9/11 planes hit the towers, accepting the official narrative, and going to war in two countries for 20 years.
- 6 min
Salt & Straw's Bizarre Summer Ice Cream Flavors Taste Test
#Tim mocks Dwayne Johnson-owned ice cream chain Salt & Straw's weird flavors like mustard fudge potato chip and fried chicken ice cream, taste-testing them live in studio and finding most disgusting except the sour cherry pie, then makes a dark aside about scattering his late mother's ashes in Maui.
11moments
- Salt and Straw, partially owned by Dwayne The Rock Johnson, has released insane summer flavors including chocolate potato salad, mustard ice cream, and fried chicken.
- Salt and Straw keeps doing ridiculous things like olive oil and goat cheese ice cream while the city has 75,000 homeless people.
- Tim tastes the chocolate potato salad mustard ice cream with fudge and potato chips.
- The mustard ice cream is not good, described as a visual gag that did not work.
- Cinnamon and honey fried chicken ice cream also tastes bad.
- Baked brie and fig cheesecake ice cream is not great either.
- The sour cherry pie flavor might be good, but The Rock is too busy endorsing Kamala Harris to focus on his business.
- The sour cherry pie is actually not bad.
- Tim asks whether it's bad taste or beautiful to scatter his mother's ashes in Maui, where she loved to go as a young person.
- Tim considers staying at the Four Seasons in Maui with his mother's ashes but worries people will get mad at him for not helping during the fires.
- Salt and Straw should stop making weird summer flavors—only the sour cherry pie is good, everything else is bad.
Salt and StrawDwayne JohnsonKamala HarrisMauiFour SeasonsHawaii
- 1 min
Tim mentions this week's Patreon episode and directs listeners to Tim Dillon Comedy.com for tickets before signing off.
1moment
- Tim plugs Patreon and mentions an amazing episode this week