Episode 401 · The Studio Revamp
Secret Service Sloped Roof Party | The Tim Dillon Show #401
Jul 20, 2024 · 1:01:05 · 1,100,000 views · 25 segments, 132 moments indexed
Tim goes deep on the sloped roof at the Trump shooting, social workers, the Secret Service, what the CIA wants, Tenacious D’s tour being cancelled, gender notifications and the new kids.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Biden Has Covid, Suspicious Timing
#Tim opens by announcing Biden has tested positive for Covid, joking that Langley wants Biden gone and speculating some billionaire arranged for someone to cough on him.
4moments
- Tim announces his president has Covid and is sick
- Langley is trying to wipe the slate clean and get everybody out
- Tim questions which billionaire sent someone to cough on Biden
- Tim wonders how Biden would even tell he has Covid given his condition
- 1 min
Biden's Debate Word Salad Clip
#He plays and reacts to a Biden interview clip about the debate performance, mocking his rambling answer and calling him 'Scranton Joe.'
2moments
- Tim plays a clip of Biden doing word salad, apparently the day before his debate performance.
- Reporter asks Biden what happens if he has another episode like the one during the debate.
- 3 min
Tim tears into Secret Service director Kim Cheatle's claim that the roof was too sloped to secure, arguing the pitch was minor and comparing the excuse to lying to children like a nursery rhyme, and notes local police were blamed too.
8moments
- Secret Service claims they didn't post anyone on the roof because it was sloped
- Tim describes the actual slope of the roof as so slight a teenager would easily climb it to smoke weed
- Secret Service snipers routinely position themselves on sloped roofs, making the excuse a nonsensical lie
- The explanation reads like a Dr. Seuss nursery rhyme — they're not even trying to sound credible anymore
- Tim calls the sloped-roof excuse one of the most offensive lies he's ever heard
- Secret Service also blamed local police, trying to throw them under the bus for the security failure
- Local cops likely would have done a better job than the Secret Service, or possibly weren't even involved in allowing the shooting
- Following the details makes it difficult to dismiss the possibility that the shooting was somehow allowed to happen
- 2 min
He analyzes footage of shooter Thomas Matthew Crooks wandering the perimeter before the rally, comparing him to a zombie/A24 character and jokingly floating mind-control theories.
6moments
- Tim proposes convicting someone by their look, facial expression, cadence, and tone as evidence.
- Kim Cheatle's explanation that the Secret Service didn't post a guard on a sloped roof because of worker safety concerns.
- Tim ridicules the safety argument, noting the building isn't even tall enough that falling off it would kill you or break your leg.
- Video emerges of shooter Matthew David Crooks walking around the building an hour before the shooting.
- Tim describes Crooks' walk as resembling a scarecrow or something from an A24 horror film—a zombie moving around the building perimeter.
- Tim insists this suspicious behavior should have been flagged immediately rather than overlooked.
Kim CheatleMatthew David Crooks
- 5 min
Tim reacts to classmates describing Crooks as a bullied loner, mocks the scripted-sounding interviews, then goes on an extended rant that social workers (like Crooks' parents) are lazy, tragedy-obsessed people who don't actually help anyone.
10moments
- A shooter wanders around the perimeter looking at his feet while others chant and dance, raising questions about his mental state.
- Tim notes the shooter's odd behavior and questions whether he was under some type of mind control.
- Authorities were notified 20 to 30 minutes before the shooting but couldn't prevent it because of the sloped roof excuse.
- The shooter was bullied, lonely, tried to join a gun club but couldn't because he was a bad shot.
- Video shows the shooter claiming to Stanford students he has a 10-inch penis and is 6'4 tall, repeating the same boasts.
- Tim launches into a rant: the shooter's parents were licensed social workers, and every social worker he knows is a sick person with a god complex.
- Social workers hunt down tragedy, love dirty houses where kids get beaten, and do nothing to help those kids.
- Tim questions why anyone would want to replace cops with social workers who can't do anything but show up with clipboards.
- There's something disturbing about a job where you witness horror and are powerless to help it, yet keep showing up.
- Tim compares social workers to doctors who couldn't operate on anyone but just wanted to hang around the hospital with sick people.
- 1 min
He returns to the story of Crooks' licensed social worker parents and mocks the media narrative asking how society failed the shooter instead of questioning the Secret Service failure.
3moments
- Shooter's parents were both licensed social workers in Pennsylvania.
- Secret Service failed to act on prior reports about the shooter despite people pointing him out to them.
- Both parents maintained active professional licenses since 2002 and are refusing to speak to the press.
Secret ServicePennsylvaniaBethel Park, Pennsylvania
- 3 min
Tim plays multiple classmate interview clips about Crooks being bullied and mocks them as obviously coached, doing a bit imagining a director giving them line notes.
6moments
- Tim watches a staged interview where classmates deliver scripted lines about the subject being an outcast who sat alone at lunch.
- He notes they literally handed the kid an index card, treating it like a fake news segment with obvious cue cards.
- Tim calls out how absurd and overwrought the whole thing is, comparing it to Sandy Hook discourse.
- Another kid delivers the bullying narrative, saying he was quiet and made fun of for his appearance.
- Tim catches the director coaching the actor on delivery, asking him to repeat the line about his appearance while looking away.
- They reset and run the take again with explicit stage directions for where to look and what to say next.
- 2 min
He shows Marsha Blackburn confronting the Secret Service director and covers other RNC security incidents, including a man arrested with an AK-47 and ski mask near the convention.
4moments
- Secret Service director chased out by officials amid calls to resign
- Marsha Blackburn confronts the director during hearing
- Armed man with explosives and knife apprehended at RNC in Milwaukee
- Man in ski mask arrested near Republican National Convention with AK-47 and full magazine
Republican National ConventionMarsha BlackburnSecret Service
- 3 min
Normies Are Disconnected From How Crazy Things Are
#Tim riffs on how calmly people are reacting to the assassination attempt and security failures, comparing the government's sloppy lying now to more elaborate lies of the past (like the Epstein guards-fell-asleep story).
7moments
- People are remarkably calm and disconnected when discussing major events, offering only 'wild times' as commentary.
- Tim notes that armed attackers are simply showing up with AK-47s, knives, guns, and explosives.
- The Secret Service security failure mirrors the Epstein incident—guards allegedly fell asleep, cameras stopped working.
- Tim observes that authorities no longer bother putting effort into their lies, which should be the most offensive part.
- They used to craft elaborate lies that took years and journalists to unravel; now the excuses are laughably transparent.
- The explanation for the shooting: a zombie guy with an AK-47 was walking around, people yelled about it, but the roof was sloped so nothing could be done.
- Local cops were relied upon, the roof was too sloped to clear, and the story ends with authorities effectively saying 'move on.'
- 2 min
He rewatches the Secret Service director's interview clips, joking about analyzing her facial expressions and cadence for signs of guilt or conflict.
3moments
- Tim reads Kim Cheatle's face for signs of conflict and guilt when discussing the security breach.
- The sloped roof on the building presented a safety factor that influenced the decision to secure it from inside rather than station someone on top.
- Tim observes Cheatle looks compromised and asks if her appearance looks good for anybody in light of the assassination attempt.
- 2 min
The Dairy Queen Blizzard and Raising Cane's Roof Bit
#Tim does an extended improvised bit inventing absurd alternate excuses for the Secret Service, involving a melted Dairy Queen Blizzard and spilled Raising Cane's sauce making the roof slippery.
5moments
- Secret Service agent on the roof had a Dairy Queen Blizzard that melted in the heat, turning into a slippery peanut butter cup hazard.
- Tim blames the melted ice cream and peanut butter cups on the roof as the reason the president got shot in the ear.
- Raising Cane's sauce covered the roof and made it too slick for anyone to access, creating the perfect cover for the shooter.
- Tim discusses doing an emergency reaction video with Alex that got two and a half million views.
- If this assassination attempt isn't fishy, then nothing is—something definitely doesn't smell right about the whole situation.
- 4 min
Biden's Dementia and the President's Real Job
#He argues something is clearly wrong with the security failure, pivots to Biden's advanced dementia and mixing up his wife, and describes the American president's real job as starting wars and selling weapons.
7moments
- Secret Service failing to secure a roof 150 yards from the president speaking is a major problem.
- The incumbent president is in advanced dementia, his brain is failing, and he's almost dead.
- The job of the American president is to sell weapons and start wars.
- Biden confuses women and thinks Jill is just the woman forcing him to continue the job.
- When Mitt Romney said 47% of America doesn't want to work, that's when he lost the election.
- CNN anchors saying Trump sent a bad message is the mentality that will make Democrats lose.
- Trump was in shock after the shooting, thought he was dead or fatally shot, didn't know shots were fired.
- 2 min
Tim plays a CNN clip criticizing Trump's post-shooting 'fight fight fight' as divisive, arguing Trump was in shock and that the criticism after nearly being killed is absurd.
4moments
- Tim points out the absurdity of blaming Trump for divisiveness immediately after being shot in the head.
- Even liberal friends told Tim the photo of Trump bloodied and defiant was the most impressive political act they'd seen in years.
- Tim questions whether the Secret Service was trying to tamp down tensions when they failed to secure the roof where the shooter was positioned.
- Tim acknowledges political violence is never good, whether January 6th, antifa violence, or assassination attempts.
- 4 min
Political Violence Hypocrisy and CIA Distrust of Trump
#He argues political violence is never justified regardless of side, cites Maxine Waters and antifa, then discusses how the national security apparatus views Trump as a threat similar to how Putin views NATO expansion.
6moments
- Tim argues that Congress members and media figures thought they could control and weaponize the George Floyd riots for political purposes.
- He explains his position: violence isn't acceptable regardless of ideology, and better ideas defeat bad ones—not street attacks.
- Tim expresses alarm at people appearing at the RNC with machetes, guns, and bags of bombs, questioning where they're coming from.
- The National Security apparatus views Trump as a threat and has spent years trying to take him down through investigations and indictments.
- Tim establishes that the CIA sees Trump as a threat the way Putin views NATO—a credible assessment of the establishment's position.
- Intelligence agencies don't work for the American people but for a small cadre of billionaires with global interests to protect.
- 2 min
Living Through Unprecedented Uncertainty
#Tim reflects on the current moment as the most uncertain period he's experienced, discussing how people are dissociating from how bad and strange things have become, careful not to sound like a conspiracy nut.
5moments
- Tim describes the country living through unprecedented uncertainty and people dissociating like trauma victims unable to accept how quickly things have deteriorated.
- Power struggles and factional warfare in government exist in ways people can't imagine, though Tim clarifies he's not promoting QAnon-style conspiracy theories.
- Tim admits he doesn't know what's happening either, only that it looks very bad, and even smart plugged-in people can't identify specifics.
- Political affiliation doesn't matter—whether you support Trump or Clinton, an honest person has to acknowledge something looks wrong.
- Tim notes the issue transcends partisan politics; even if Hillary Clinton got shot in the ear like Trump did, it would signal something is genuinely off.
- 2 min
He discusses Jack Black/Tenacious D's bandmate making a joke celebrating the assassination attempt, plays the clip, and jokes that nobody will ever cancel his own tour.
5moments
- Jack Black's agency dropped him following comments about the Trump assassination attempt.
- Tim argues people shouldn't be prosecuted for saying dumb things in the wake of major events, as jokes are how people process trauma.
- Jack Black's actual comment: 'Make a wish' in reference to the shooting.
- Celebrating an assassination attempt of a popular figure will obviously upset people.
- Tim notes the silver lining of having a tour canceled is getting to go home and sleep.
Jack BlackTenacious D
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for PrizePicks, describing the pick-based betting app, promotions, and the promo code TIM for a deposit match.
4moments
- Tim pitches PrizePicks' core offer: win up to 100 times your money with just four correct picks.
- PrizePicks runs weekly promotions including Tuesday stat projections and Friday losing-lineup refunds.
- Women's basketball on PrizePicks features stars like Caitlyn Clark and Angel Reese alongside established greats.
- Tim claims everyone he knows who plays these games is winning money on PrizePicks, including himself.
- 2 min
He reports on a news story that adults have surpassed young children as the top toy-buying demographic, riffing on adults stealing Halloween and video games from kids and now toys too.
3moments
- Tim explains how adults have stolen everything from children—Halloween, video games, toys—and then perverted it so kids can't enjoy it back.
- Data shows adults 18 and up have now surpassed children ages 3 to 5 as the biggest toy industry customer demographic.
- The 'kidulting' trend drives grown-ups to the toy aisle for Funko Pops, action figures, and comic books, with nostalgia as the bottom line.
adultingFunko Pops
- 3 min
Funko Pops as a Coping Mechanism for Trauma
#Tim connects the kidult toy trend to political trauma, joking that adults are dressing as Spider-Man and Wolverine to cope with assassination attempts and dementia instead of confronting real problems.
5moments
- Pandemic nostalgia boom drove adults to collect toys and figurines from their youth
- Tim on trauma: when life becomes unbearable and people witness violence, adults respond by playing with Spider-Man figurines instead of confronting deep problems
- Adults now buy Spider-Man costumes and wear them in their houses while their children ask to play with the toys
- Tim acknowledges the current political situation is genuinely traumatic—an elderly president with dementia versus Trump, with assassination attempts
- Tim pleads with people to stop using Wolverine and other superhero collectibles as a response to national crisis
Donald TrumpescapismSpider-ManDeadpool and WolverineFinal Fantasy
- 1 min
Why Nostalgia Should Be Fleeting Like Deja Vu
#He argues nostalgia is meant to be a quick fleeting feeling like deja vu, not something adults should cocoon themselves in for hours, especially during a supposed intelligence war.
3moments
- Nostalgia should be fleeting, like deja vu—a haunting thought for a few seconds that you then forget about.
- Tim describes nostalgia as quick hits: think back on the 80s, remember what it meant to you, then move on.
- It's deeply unhealthy to cocoon yourself in your childhood, especially during times of conflict and intelligence war.
nostalgia1980s
- 4 min
Tim describes California's new law preventing teachers from telling parents if a child changes names or pronouns, doing a bit about a math teacher performing gender surgery and putting the penis in a bag, while arguing kids should be left alone to develop without adult medical intervention.
7moments
- Tim describes Gavin Newsom's law allowing teachers to perform sex reassignment surgery on children without parental notification.
- The absurd scenario of a parent discovering their child came home from school with their genitalia in a bag.
- Tim clarifies he has no problem with people being trans but believes children should be left alone to form their own identity.
- Many kids questioning gender won't end up being trans—some will be gay, lesbian, or have other experiences they haven't discovered yet.
- No good explanation exists for why a nine-year-old should medically transition or delay puberty.
- Gavin Newsom's law prevents educators from notifying parents if a child asks to switch names or pronouns at school.
- Tim doesn't think teachers should be compelled to out kids as trans to parents, since a teacher's job is to teach math.
- 2 min
Should Teachers Be Forced to Out Trans Kids? His Middle Ground
#He argues against both forcing teachers to out trans students and laws barring them from doing so, proposing a joking system where he'd reward trans kids who do their homework and threaten to out ones who don't.
5moments
- Tim argues teachers shouldn't be forced to out trans students to parents, but also shouldn't be prevented from doing so.
- Some kids have shitty hateful parents, some have good ones trying to be involved, but most parents are in the middle trying to figure out what the trans thing is.
- Tim identifies the bizarre inversion: adults are allowed to play dress-up while children are being asked to make permanent medical decisions at younger ages.
- His middle ground approach as a teacher would be conditional: keep a trans student's identity private if they're doing well in school, but call parents if they're not completing work or refusing to follow classroom expectations.
- The solution should be teacher discretion and rewarding trans students who are trying while holding accountable those who aren't, not laws.
- 5 min
After reading more details of the Newsom bill, Tim declares school is becoming pointless and predicts it will be phased out, joking about a woke NYT op-ed on abolishing schools and riffing on rising autism diagnoses.
10moments
- Tim on the confusion of teachers navigating name and pronoun changes without informing parents.
- Abolishing schools altogether — Tim thinks it's coming because no one knows what school actually is anymore.
- Putting children into the workforce early, like working at a marina, isn't a terrible idea.
- Tim sees common ground with someone arguing schools should be abolished over neoliberal privatization.
- Schools function as housing for children who have become dangerous, like prisons for problem kids.
- Question of whether apprenticeships or work-based learning should replace school for many children.
- Tim dismisses 'follow your dreams' messaging — these kids don't have dreams, they're monsters.
- Autism diagnoses are out of control; Tim expresses bafflement at how many kids are getting labeled with it.
- Tim unsure how to respond when encountering children with mild autism in social settings.
- Tim suggests throwing blankets on autistic children or bundling them, asking what else can be done about the situation.
Bethenny FrankelGavin NewsomRob Bonta
- 4 min
Kids as Apprentices Instead of School, and Institutionalizing Problem People
#He proposes putting kids to work in apprenticeships instead of school, tells a story about his grandfather working near a mental institution on Ward Island, and argues society needs to institutionalize dangerous people regardless of age.
8moments
- Tim proposes kids skip school and gain real-world experience working at places like Madison Square Garden in unions instead.
- He argues we don't need kids learning as much anymore given AI and automation, and should lower expectations for their future success.
- Parents' only reasonable expectation should be that their child doesn't become a fentanyl-hazed killer—not that they have a better life than their parents.
- Tim describes the solution as finding a nice prison where kids can be institutionalized and everyone feels good about it.
- His grandfather worked on Ward Island, a mental institution in the East River, where the wailing of inmates became background noise during construction work.
- Sometimes it's good to put people in a place where their day is planned and they can't get out, Tim argues.
- Age doesn't matter when dealing with problem kids murdering other kids—these are societal problems that have to be dealt with.
- Adults are becoming the new kids while kids are becoming violent psychopaths; adults are so traumatized they sit in rooms playing with figurines instead.
Ward IslandMadison Square GardenSalt Lake City
- 1 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour stops including West Hampton, Illinois, and multiple sold-out Salt Lake City shows before signing off.
2moments
- Tour dates: West Hampton Performing Art Center, Illinois Rivers Casino, and two added Sunday shows in Salt Lake City.
- Tim loves Salt Lake City despite only being there an hour or two at night, and prefers it to Park City for the right amount of meth energy.