Episode 388 · The Studio Revamp
Mike Recine & Lizzo Be Quitting | The Tim Dillon Show #388
with Mike Recine
Apr 13, 2024 · 1:05:32 · 320,000 views · 31 segments, 157 moments indexed
Tim sits down with comedian Mike Recine about Lizzo calling it quits, the unreality of online, the border, Gen-Z doing trade jobs, old-fashioned cooking, call centers and Boston Market.
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- 3 min
YouTube Demonetization Paranoia and the 'Random Raid' Theory
#Tim and Mike Rine open discussing Rich Torres attacking Sean McCarthy on Twitter, then riff on arbitrary YouTube demonetization, comparing it to a dictator doing random raids to keep creators afraid.
5moments
- Mike Rine has a new special on the Out for Smokes YouTube channel
- Richie Torres, a Bronx congressman, was tweeting about Sean McCarthy
- Tim can't figure out how much money YouTube is paying him when he checks his account
- The arbitrary system is where the fear comes from, because you don't know what will trigger demonetization
- YouTube's strategy is like a dictator running random raids—creating fear through unpredictability
Mike RineSean McCarthyout for smokesScott ChaplainRichie Torres
- 3 min
Alex Jones and the Sandy Hook Money Machine
#They discuss the Alex Jones Sandy Hook documentary, marveling at how much money he made from supplement sales tied to his Sandy Hook denial claims, and joke about wanting that kind of monetization for their own show.
4moments
- Tech companies know everything about you—your searches, thoughts, fears, what keeps you up at night—and use that data against you in marketing.
- The Sandy Hook documentary doesn't do Alex Jones any favors.
- Tim contrasts his own show, which only has Patreon and occasional YouTube ads, with Jones's sophisticated supplement sales operation.
- Tim recounts buying his wife new headphones at Best Buy and how good it felt to make that purchase.
- 3 min
Buying Wives Headphones and Podcast Merch Margins
#Tim tells a story about buying his wife new headphones, which leads into a discussion of low-margin podcast merch, hoodies, and past failed shirt designs compared to Ian Fidance's extensive merch line.
6moments
- Tim describes what he'd do if his kid were killed and someone desecrated the grave—settle with Alex Jones for $200k.
- Anna and Dasha like Alex Jones; Tim acknowledges he's been warm and caring to him personally despite the Sandy Hook defamation.
- Jones's team was very good at making money off the conspiracy claims despite his claims of being drunk and delusional.
- Tim on podcast merch—hoodies have the best margins, but he doesn't do a ton of inventory.
- Tim refuses to churn out a new shirt every week like other podcasters; audience backlash on his design choices taught him that.
- The Fig business with the Enron logo worked great, but other recent designs got complaints from listeners who expected better.
Alex JonesAnna and DashaIan Finance
- 3 min
Lizzo Quitting and the Andy Cohen Reality Show Pitch
#They react to Lizzo announcing she's quitting due to online harassment, joking that Andy Cohen would immediately cast her in a Real Housewives-style show, and discussing the general toxicity of social media fame.
10moments
- Lizzo claims she's quitting because she's tired of being dragged by people in her life and online.
- Tim on celebrities telling her to stay strong while Andy Cohen waits to put her in a reality show where she might kill herself.
- Andy Cohen would treat her like Dumbo, opening a big wooden crate to reveal her at the Bravo clubhouse.
- She could replace three Real Housewives of Atlanta cast members, making the whole season just two housewives and Lizzo fighting them.
- Lizzo says she's constantly up against lies told about her for clout and views, being the butt of the joke because of how she looks.
- Tim: that's just what any level of fame is, of course that's everything.
- Twitter gets boring—Tim used to be on for years but now barely goes on, or goes on for a couple months then comes off.
- X is more fun now because it looks like Anthony Kiedis is moderating it.
- Social media gives you a dark view of humanity, but then you go outside and it's not that bad—the Bill Hicks joke about CNN.
- Tim apologizes if he contributed to Lizzo quitting, and says he still wants to see the Bravo show.
Andy CohenLizzoBill HicksReal Housewives of Atlanta
- 3 min
Lizzo Should Go Alt-Right and Border Crisis Musings
#Riffing further on Lizzo, Tim jokes she should pivot to anti-immigration content and get skinny and conservative, which segues into a rambling take on the migrant crisis and border chaos.
6moments
- Tim proposes Lizzo should lose weight and go alt-right to build a loyal audience.
- Tim imagines Lizzo speaking at the RNC about replacing food addiction with border security obsession.
- The guest admits he doesn't think much about the migrant crisis unless it's directly in front of him.
- Tim argues the border needs to be secured while also letting people in after figuring out who they are first.
- Tim compares the chaotic border situation to running a messy store and cites TikToks showing people running through holes in the border.
- Cities on the border are suffering directly from the crisis and people living there have it particularly tough.
borderRNC
- 2 min
They watch and react to a news clip about a viral TikTok showing migrants using a specific hole in the border wall near San Diego, joking about how orderly the Chinese migrants look.
5moments
- If those are migrants, they look better than most people Tim knows.
- The migrants are Chinese, walking an orderly half-mile dirt road and doing a good job.
- Tim says there should be a different way for migrants to enter than through a hole.
- Migrants are learning how to enter the country on TikTok, and the government is already trying to ban it.
- An Indian comedian makes most of his revenue from TikTok by doing things in very orderly fashion.
- 2 min
Discussing a Wall Street Journal article about Gen Z returning to trade jobs, they reminisce about being told growing up that college was the only path to not being a 'dirt bag,' and how that was a lie boomers used to get their kids out of the house.
6moments
- Gen Z is becoming the 'tool belt generation,' actually pursuing real jobs instead of chasing dreams.
- Everyone who worked with their hands was treated as an illiterate adult, while college graduates were favored geniuses.
- Tim jokes that if his kid goes into the trades he'll make decent money but will probably be a little racist.
- Nobody specified what to major in—they just said to go to college no matter what, it didn't even matter.
- The degree itself was the biggest lie: it was just Boomers trying to get their kids out of the house for years.
- Tim claims all Boomers wanted was their children gone—drinking on cruises while their kids were away for four or eight years.
- 2 min
College as Aimless Self-Discovery and Gender Confusion
#Continuing the college riff, Tim jokes about the aimlessness of college life—experimenting with gender identity and 'softcore rape'—as a contrast to trade careers.
3moments
- College is sold as four years of aimless experimentation—figuring out if you're trans, getting drunk, committing softcore rape, trying different hormones, following online gurus.
- Tim and the guest had a food podcast called Stud years ago that would get them both scrubbed from the internet if anyone actually listened to it.
- There's an Instagram chef who looks like a witch and makes weird unhealthy food—skeleton cookies, gummy worms on cupcakes, mysterious medieval-style cooking called The Copper Spoon.
- 3 min
The Copper Spoon: A Witch Chef on Instagram
#Mike introduces Tim to an Instagram cooking creator called The Copper Spoon, a self-described witch/Wiccan who makes unhealthy comfort food with a medieval aesthetic, and they watch several of her clips including a Lord of the Rings-themed hobbit food video.
6moments
- Tim introduces The Copper Spoon, a witch-themed cooking channel entering an 8-week Home Chef Throwdown competition for lasagna love charity.
- The host's portobello mushroom burger recipe opens with 'hello traveler' and claims she's not vegan but makes delicious meat alternatives.
- Tim notes the channel's hook: the host is a Wiccan witch, which makes her a regular cooking channel into something distinct and marketable.
- The entire premise works because she leans into an identity—Tim compares it to having a furry wife explain how to make an easy salmon bowl.
- She makes a spicy meatball sandwich with Lord of the Rings music, treating it like sustenance for hobbits on the journey to Mordor.
- Tim imagines a child refusing to dress as a hobbit, and the mother explaining she makes money this way to buy their toys.
Home Chef Throwdownlasagna loveThe Copper Spoon
- 4 min
Riffing on a Wall Street Journal piece debunking van life's glamorous image, they discuss a comedian friend who lived in a van, joke about influencers hiding the grim realities like parking at Checkers, and reminisce about old family conversion vans.
8moments
- Van life sucks and isn't as glamorous as Instagram makes it seem.
- Tim knew a comedian who lived in a van and visited to see it—turns out it was just a van, tough situation.
- Wall Street Journal has been running articles pushing Americans toward minimalist living—no kitchens, no dining rooms, nobody wants to retire.
- Articles claim the community found in homeless shelters is better than neighborhoods.
- A guy made a TikTok about living in a storage unit, claiming he had space to do sprints in the hallway, then got kicked out.
- Van life never seemed like it would be amazing for long periods of time.
- Van life videos always show beautiful desert landscapes but never show a van parked in a Checkers parking lot, where the actual reality plays out.
- Tim describes a Checkers employee having to knock on a van door parked in their lot, forced to call cops or get fired.
- 3 min
Van Life Continued: Fold Conversion Vans and Family Memories
#Continued riffing on van life economics (DoorDash, Postmates) and childhood memories of Ford Econoline conversion vans, including Tim's mother threatening to go live in the van during family fights.
6moments
- Jake Silman's joke about living in a van and having sex with women who he considers losers for doing so.
- Van lifers support themselves through odd jobs, Fiverr, DoorDash, or work that lets them use their vehicle.
- Some van lifers are drawn to the lifestyle for freedom and lack of roots rather than purely economic necessity.
- Tim's mother had a Ford Econoline van with a bed in the back and would threaten to live in it during fights with his father.
- Tim's father responded to his mother's van threats by saying the van was nicer than their house.
- The Ford Econoline van from the 1990s was a legitimate living vehicle with a bed in the back, unlike modern vans that are impractical for full-time living.
Jake Silman
- 2 min
Tim rants about a pattern of Wall Street Journal articles claiming Americans don't want kitchens, dining rooms, or breakfast, suggesting a push toward people living in storage units and homeless shelters.
4moments
- Wall Street Journal article depicts Americans living in vans and sheds as a lifestyle trend rather than crisis.
- Tim discusses parenting and physical discipline without having resorted to hitting his own kids.
- Viral video shows a grandfather defending his decision to hit his granddaughter in Walmart for swearing and mouthing off.
- Tim admits he kind of likes the grandfather from the video.
Wall Street JournalSnap L GomezBelfastWendy's
- 2 min
They watch and react to a viral video of a grandfather proudly defending hitting his granddaughter in a Walmart for mouthing off, riffing on the confidence of people who get caught doing something controversial on camera.
5moments
- Grandpa hit his granddaughter across the face at Walmart for swearing and mouthing off to her grandmother.
- Tim argues the correct move when someone films you doing something wrong is to own it completely and state what you did.
- The strategy works even for serious crimes—just confidently admit it and post it on TikTok.
- This confidence-over-admission approach is the future of America—guys with phones in conflicts just declaring the other person guilty.
- Tim pivots to framing domestic violence within a lesbian relationship context as a way to normalize the behavior.
- 1 min
A sponsor read for Robinhood Gold's 3% match IRA offer through April 30th.
2moments
- Robin Hood IRA lets you contribute to an IRA even if you already have a 401k for retirement.
- Through April 30th, Robin Hood is matching every dollar transferred in from other retirement accounts at 3%, with no cap.
- 2 min
A sponsor read for PrizePicks fantasy sports app, touting deposit match codes and multipliers.
1moment
- PrizePicks pitch: turn NBA, NHL, and college basketball knowledge into cash with potential 100x returns on four correct picks.
- 2 min
Boston Market Closing and the Cinnamon Apples on Ham Story
#Discussing the decline and closures of Boston Market, Tim tells his famous childhood story of demanding cinnamon apples be put directly on his ham, screaming until the manager complied.
6moments
- Boston Market is closing after years of decline
- The premise was affordable Thanksgiving dinner any time of day for the whole family
- Tim's friend Rob worked there; his parents took him after dance class
- When they put the cinnamon apples in a separate container instead, Tim screamed in his dance costume demanding they go on the ham
- An African worker at the counter began chanting along with Tim's demands
- Tim reflects that this moment exemplifies what America is all about
- 2 min
The Private Equity Guy Who Killed Boston Market
#They look up who owns Boston Market and discuss the private equity executives (Rohan Group, Jignesh Pandya) responsible for shutting it down, then riff on an old neurogastronomy restaurant scam and Indian call center workers.
5moments
- Boston Market is owned by hedge fund and private equity company Rohan Group, run by Jag Pandia
- Jag Pandia took over Boston Market promising to make it great for everybody, then immediately started shutting it down
- Tim compares Pandia to S. Chatwal, an Indian hotelier who opened a neurogastronomy restaurant called Romera in 2011 that was a complete scam and lasted only months
- Call center workers in Bangalore probably have decent middle-class lives, unlike telemarketing operations in America
- Tim references the HBO documentary The Telemarketers about scammers raising money for police by calling old people and getting donations
Boston MarketThe Telemarketersprivate equityRomeraRaj PadiaRohan groupS ChatallJig Nash
- 2 min
Easter Egg Hunt Politics in Brooklyn Heights
#Tim's story about a friend's kid getting shut out of an Easter egg hunt in Brooklyn Heights spirals into a joke riff about whether non-Christian and Jewish kids should be allowed to participate in Easter egg hunts.
7moments
- Benjamin got taken to an Easter egg hunt in Brooklyn Heights where the rule was three eggs per kid, but older kids had 12 in their baskets.
- Tim's son didn't get any eggs because older kids were stealing them, and Tim told him the lesson is that the world is dirty.
- Tim questions whether non-Christian kids should be allowed to participate in an Easter egg hunt in Brooklyn.
- Asking if it would be wrong to point out a Jewish-looking kid at a Christian Easter egg hunt.
- Tim acknowledges Easter eggs aren't actually biblical but still feels like part of a Christian holiday, though he appreciates that Jewish people celebrate Christmas too.
- Tim's actual position: if Christian children are losing eggs to atheists and non-Christians, the hunt should have been more organized as a Christian event.
- He bought his whistle at Dick Sporting Goods, suggesting he came prepared to enforce the rules like an event organizer.
- 3 min
They discuss the Francis Scott Key Bridge collapse in Baltimore, the construction worker deaths, and the immediate rise of 'inside job' conspiracy theories, segueing into which conspiracy theories eventually turn out true (Epstein island, CIA black sites).
9moments
- What happened with the Baltimore Bridge collapse?
- A boat lost power and hit it; six construction workers died but no one was on the actual bridge.
- The port shutdown is disrupting shipping flow in and out of Baltimore.
- People immediately called it an inside job, posting TikToks saying so as it was happening.
- After 9/11, people waited about a year before the Loose Change documentary came out and conspiracy theories took off.
- The problem with conspiracy theories is some of them are actually right, so you don't know which ones to believe until too late.
- Tim cites examples: politicians having sex with kids turned out to be true, secret CIA torture prisons turned out to be true, claims about Obama killing people turned out to be true.
- Tim is a Chef Obama truther who believes the chef didn't just die but got killed, partly because the story is better.
- The Chef-Obama conspiracy is more compelling because he's attractive and was allegedly having sex with Obama.
Baltimore BridgeAlex JonesBernie MackBarack ObamaChef ObamaThe Wire
- 2 min
The Clinton Body Count and Political Chef Deaths
#Riffing on people who die after working closely with powerful political families, including the Clinton chef who drowned in shallow water and the Bush family nanny killed by a car, joking that you should always refuse jobs from political dynasties.
7moments
- People who worked for powerful figures have died after overhearing things they shouldn't have.
- Tim describes a scenario where a staffer walks in on Bill and Hillary Clinton eating a baby in the living room.
- Hillary Clinton hired a chef after tasting his lamb chops at a restaurant, then he drowned in six inches of water while hiking.
- Tim advises anyone offered a job by a political family to refuse, no matter what it is.
- Marvin Bush's nanny was killed when a car ran her over while she was walking to her vehicle.
- Everyone who's met the Clintons is dead; people who shook their hand at a 1997 book signing were killed by freak accidents like falling fireworks.
- People who know the Bushes have also been killed; you have to be careful around these families.
Bill and Hillary ClintonHillary ClintonMarvin Bush
- 2 min
Anthony Weiner and the Clinton Kill List on Patrick Bet-David
#They discuss a viral Patrick Bet-David podcast clip where a guest starts naming people on the 'Clinton kill list' to Anthony Weiner's bewilderment, comparing it to how everyone near David Spade also seems to die.
5moments
- Tim watches Patrick Bet-David's podcast episode with Anthony Weiner discussing the Clinton kill list.
- Weiner questions where Bet-David got the information about the Clinton conspiracy, and Bet-David cites QAnon.
- Tim points out that everyone connected to David Spade has also died, applying the same pattern to other celebrities.
- You could make the same death list for any famous person of similar age—why hasn't anyone done it for Bush or Reagan?
- Tim questions the logic of claiming so many people died near the Clintons when people close to anybody die all the time.
Patrick B DavidAnthony WeinerClinton kill listDavid Spade
- 2 min
The Starbucks Pedophile Hypothetical
#Tim recounts a bizarre hypothetical question he was asked on the Patrick Bet-David podcast about what you'd do if you saw a pedophile watching child porn in a Starbucks, and how another guest answered it seriously.
5moments
- Patrick Bet-David's interview asked what you'd do if you caught a pedophile watching child porn in Starbucks.
- Tim's joke answer: offer to get him a greenlit show on NBC.
- His follow-up: you'd leave Starbucks, get in your car, and follow the pedophile.
- Tim calls it the most American mid-question, something that gets asked but nobody expects.
- Tim suggests this should be a standard job interview question employers ask all applicants.
- 1 min
Nunchucks and Stepping to the Pedophile's Ass
#A short comedic riff continuing the pedophile hypothetical, with Tim imagining challenging the man to a nunchuck duel, before pivoting to a news story about a Detroit teacher fired for a rap side hustle.
4moments
- Tim challenges a pedophile to nunchucks combat for honor.
- Detroit teacher fired as teacher of the month over rap side hustle with students.
- Tim argues teachers shouldn't be fired from Detroit public schools even for dating students, given the working conditions.
- He suggests watching the rap video to evaluate if poor quality explains the firing.
Detroit public schoolsDetroit
- 1 min
They watch a clip of the Detroit teacher's rap music video that got her fired and debate why she was fired over what seems like a harmless side hustle.
2moments
- Tim questions why the teacher was fired for rapping when the kids edited the video and it seems relatively wholesome.
- Parent complained about inappropriate social media presence and moonlighting, but Tim wonders what else kids should do after school.
- 2 min
Tim discusses the Arizona case of rich white kids attacking and killing another kid, criticizing the double standard of firing teachers over minor things while noting the parents tried to shift blame onto a similarly-named poorer kid (Talon vs Talyn).
5moments
- Rich white kids in Arizona randomly attacking people in the streets and killed one of them.
- Why don't we fire the white teachers who let these kids play football games after they killed another kid?
- Clip this take so when Tim gets called racist next week for imitating Leslie Jones, he can send it to people quickly.
- Tim's friend Mike's mother warned him and his friends they would rot in jail if they got in any trouble, then took the phone off the hook at 11 p.m.
- When your kid commits a murder, you don't cover it up—you say 'you got to, you can't commit murders.'
ArizonaLeslie JonesOrange Theory
- 2 min
Should Tim Be a Parent? Godson Park Trip
#Tim and Mike discuss whether Tim should have kids, referencing Anne Letterman as a hypothetical fun aunt-type mom, and Tim recounts a park outing with his Chinese godson throwing rocks in water.
5moments
- Tim questions whether he should be a parent and wonders if there's a program for occasional parenting.
- He discusses Annie Letterman's potential motherhood and imagines her as a fun mom who shows up once a month in a leopard fur coat and Cadillac.
- Tim describes his Chinese godson and a recent park trip where they threw rocks in the water.
- He admits he felt himself getting dumber while throwing rocks with his godson instead of discussing serious topics like pedophiles.
- Tim recounts stepping in his godson's feces repeatedly while at the park.
- 2 min
A sponsor read for the Gametime ticket app, covering last-minute deals, price guarantees, and the promo code.
2moments
- Tim downloaded the Game Time app after a terrible ticket-buying experience
- Game Time offers lowest price guarantee, event cancellation protection, and job loss protection
- 3 min
Reacting to a Berkeley professor fired for telling students to leave California to find a girlfriend, they compare it to how teachers used to say outlandish things when they were kids and nobody took them seriously, including Tim's own conflicts with teachers over TV shows like Melrose Place.
7moments
- Berkeley professor fired for telling students to leave California if they want to find a girlfriend.
- When Tim grew up, nobody listened to teachers—they'd just say weird stuff and students would laugh.
- One teacher claimed people choose to be gay; the class found him absurd.
- Tim told his English teacher he'd be more motivated to show up to a real job, got sent to the dean.
- Tim's father had no respect for teachers and ignored complaints about his watching late-night television.
- Teachers asked if Melrose Place was appropriate for a third-grader; his father said it's on TV and the kid will see it anyway.
- What worries Tim now is all the YouTube Shorts his own kid watches.
- 3 min
Tim jokes about his kid one day calling him out on a YouTube short for insufficient Israel support, then they plug Mike Rine's special, podcast, and upcoming tour dates in Chicago, Amsterdam, Berlin, and Charlotte.
6moments
- Tim plugs his special on the Out For Smokes YouTube channel.
- Guest announces tour dates including Chicago, New York, Amsterdam, Berlin, and Charlotte.
- Tim expresses reluctance about European travel, saying he'd rather fly to Minneapolis for one night and fly back.
- The conversation turns to whether Europe actually offers anything unavailable in America—better food and nice walks being the main argument.
- Tim encourages people to see the guest perform, calling him one of the best and referencing their old podcast.
- Tim notes that everything feels like a direct competition with St. Germaine and suggests there's enough room for everyone to thrive on their own timeline.
Dan St GermaineJessica Kirson
- 2 min
Dying Suddenly and the Kid Who Died Fighting for Israel
#They joke about hoping to die suddenly in a dramatic way like a road rage incident, then reflect more seriously on a story of an American kid who died fighting for Israel, wondering if they'd ever risk their lives for a cause, ending on the recurring 'step to his ass' bit aimed at China over Taiwan.
4moments
- Tim hopes he dies suddenly, preferably while killing a bunch of people in a car crash.
- An American kid went to fight for Israel and died, believing in something enough to give his life for it.
- Tim doubts he or his friends could ever be convinced to fight in a war like Taiwan, outside of protecting family or themselves.
- The solution to China's threat: tell them China is full of pedophiles trying to take over Taiwan to produce trial porn.
- 1 min
Tim closes the show with a final plug for Mike Rine's podcast Out for Smokes and his new special, thanking listeners and saying goodbye.
1moment
- Tim promotes his special and Out for Smokes podcast