rant · moment 18 of 21
Close the Beaches and His Own Lifeguard Failures
from Meghan and Harry, Classic Trump, & $40 Trillion In Debt | The Tim Dillon Show #509 · #509
4 min
Tim argues for permanently closing America's beaches due to pollution and sharks, then tells a long personal story about being a lazy, power-abusing pool lifeguard who never actually saved anyone.
- Tim would close the beach before giving lifeguards federal recognition, then admits he was a pool lifeguard for years without saving anyone.
- A kid sort of drowned at his pool but was fine after his mother helped him—Tim thinks that's a better system than lifeguards anyway.
- Pool lifeguards would shut the pool down for 45 minutes or an hour whenever a kid defecated in it, while the cabana members would bring them food.
- Tim's boss told him and his coworker they missed a save—a kid had drowned and the mother rescued him while they weren't even paying attention.
- Tim's defense: if you're going to drown, you have to thrash and yell about it, because whatever happened was subtle enough that they missed it.
- When they finally walked over, the kid was sitting in a towel coughing up water, staring blankly from trauma, and wouldn't acknowledge them.
- The mother was furious and demanded to know why they came over only after the fact, and Tim kept saying they didn't see it.