Episode 435 · The Studio Revamp
Little Moments With Meghan Markle | The Tim Dillon Show #435
Mar 13, 2025 · 1:10:20 · 682,000 views · 12 segments, 91 moments indexed
Tim discusses Gavin Newsom’s new podcast, Elon Musk selling Trump a Tesla on the White House lawn, a Pro-Palestinian protester gaining national attention, a self-deportation app, and Meghan Markle’s Netflix show.
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- 3 min
Gavin Newsom Launches a Copycat Podcast with Steve Bannon
#Tim mocks California Governor Gavin Newsom for starting a podcast (allegedly copying Tim's format and guest Steve Bannon) instead of governing his ash-heap of a state, and jokes about Newsom's rebrand attempt.
5moments
- Gavin Newsom has launched a podcast, apparently copying Tim's format by having Steve Bannon on.
- Tim argues politicians shouldn't be podcasting—Newsom has a job running California, the seventh largest economy in the world.
- Tim wonders if Newsom will read ads on the podcast while people in his state struggle to find housing.
- During the election cycle, people said podcasters have too much power, but the solution isn't for governors to start podcasting themselves.
- Tim describes Newsom's move as an admission: 'If I can't beat them I will join them'—claiming it's the most insane thing he's seen.
- 3 min
Playing Newsom's Bannon Interview Clip
#Tim plays and reacts to actual audio from Newsom's podcast with Steve Bannon, riffing on the cheesy theme song and Newsom's attempt to relaunch his public image.
5moments
- Gavin Newsom is relaunching himself by interviewing Steve Bannon on a podcast-style show.
- Tim explains the relaunch strategy: when you've been in the public eye and people get sick of you because your policies made their lives hell, you rebrand.
- The new Gavin Newsom persona dismisses past controversies—crime, violence in cities—as 'not me' and presents himself as just a chill guy in a gray spare room.
- Tim notes that Newsom has decided to do a podcast instead of running California.
- Tim compares Newsom's podcast ambitions to the LA Olympics: nobody actually wanted it; people want to afford milk and not get assaulted, not the shot put.
- 1 min
Nobody Wants the LA Olympics
#Tim argues that no one in California actually wants the Olympics coming to LA, and that people falsely believe it will magically fix homelessness, while Tesla battery pollution poisons the ocean and surfers keep surfing in it anyway.
4moments
- People think the Olympics will save California by getting rid of homeless people before the games arrive.
- Islands of Tesla batteries are floating in the Pacific, poisoning marine life.
- Tim compares the coming health crisis for surfers to the 9/11 air safety lie, where John Stewart had to drag Congress to admit they covered up deaths.
- Surfing is the only thing people have in coastal California; taking it away would destroy the region.
- 15 min
Elon Musk's Chainsaw Takeover of the Government
#Tim goes deep on his bewilderment at Elon Musk's outsized role in the Trump administration, mocking the Cybertruck White House lawn sale, Musk's Mars/AI-merger obsession, the DOGE cuts to Park Rangers and Social Security, and warns this is a political disaster for Republicans that ordinary struggling Americans never asked for.
13moments
- Tim watches the Elon Musk government takeover with detached curiosity because he doesn't understand why Trump is handing his presidency to someone he finds thoroughly unlikable.
- He describes Musk as a brilliant but autistic, ketamine-fueled manchild running around with a chainsaw—not what anyone elected.
- Trump's Cybertruck commercial—comparing it to the Blade Runner vehicle—exemplifies handing the world over to nerds and freaks.
- The Cybertruck is disgusting, heinous-looking, explodes in trees, and appeals only to manchild billionaires who want rockets to Mars because they can't have normal sex.
- Cutting Social Security and Medicare while the richest man on Earth with 15 children runs around with a chainsaw is a massive problem Republicans aren't freaking out about enough.
- Trump understands fall guys and has political instincts from his casino days; he likely uses Musk as someone to hang out to dry.
- The "Deep State" cuts are actually firing Park Rangers—nobody thought that was the swamp, and Tim argues nature obsessives are twisted and hate human beings.
- Musk is the most powerful person in the world and genuinely believes humans must merge with AI to defeat it, yet nobody questions this openly.
- These tech people were Democrats until recently; they want less money for Social Security so they can build rockets to leave the planet.
- Republicans control everything now—where's the Epstein list they promised, and how much longer can you blame hidden power structures instead of holding elected officials accountable?
- Normal working families and mothers dealing with real crises don't care about Mars or Neuralink chips; populism was never supposed to be about leaving Earth.
- Tim concludes that letting Elon run the government is a huge mistake that will haunt Trump.
- He starts pivoting to Gaza but is interrupted by an advertisement break.
- 9 min
Tim discusses the detention of Columbia protester Mahmoud Khalil over alleged Hamas-aligned speech, riffs extensively on how everyone says insane and contradictory things they don't mean (including himself), and questions whether speech alone should be grounds for deportation under Trump's anti-Semitism executive order.
10moments
- Tim attended a pro-Palestinian encampment at UCLA and joked that if the protesters were really Hamas, they would have kidnapped him instead of asking for selfies.
- He argues that detaining people based on speech alone sets a bad legal precedent, even if protesters broke encampment rules.
- Most things people say are insane, and Tim catalogs the threats, lies, and invented realities he's created to hurt people over the years.
- You can't hang someone for saying crazy things; Tim uses his own contradictory stances on Hamas to illustrate how casual political rhetoric can be.
- Everyone supports Hamas occasionally—tenants during rent season, people waiting to hear back from auditions—until circumstances change.
- Khalil served as a student negotiator at Columbia, a role that involved speaking frequently with university officials and the press.
- Tim accepts that foreign nationals who commit crimes can face deportation, but says merely expressing support for Hamas verbally shouldn't be enough.
- He objects to treating every word as if it's being engraved in stone—people say things without meaning them literally.
- Tim questions what Trump's executive order against anti-Semitism actually prohibits and whether it applies only to non-citizens or American citizens too.
- The executive order banning anti-Semitism strikes him as unusual, and he's unclear on whether it provides grounds for deportation.
Mahmud KhilHamasColumbia UniversityDonald TrumpElon MuskUCLABenjamin Netanyahu
- 4 min
Tim riffs on the Disney Snow White remake controversy, with stars Rachel Zegler (pro-Palestine) and Gal Gadot (pro-Israel) feuding publicly while the movie removed its dwarfs after Peter Dinklage's criticism, calling the whole production doomed.
7moments
- Snow White remake in trouble because star Rachel Zegler supports Palestine and co-star Gal Gadot supports Israel, yet the film has no dwarfs.
- Peter Dinklage complained about dwarfs in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, so Disney removed them entirely.
- Tim questions why anyone would want the Middle East conflict in a Snow White movie instead of just dwarfs.
- Rachel Zegler called the original Snow White a rape narrative about stalking, raising questions about remaking it at all.
- Zegler's criticism of the source material: the prince is a guy who stalks a chick.
- Tim predicts Disney will scrap the entire Snow White remake.
- Ceasefires are the fakest thing ever—like a bad couple saying things are going great while on a business trip.
Gal GadotRachel ZeglerDisneyPeter DinklageSnow White and the Seven Dwarfs
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Trade Coffee, a subscription coffee service that delivers freshly roasted coffee from top US roasters.
4moments
- Tim explains his mornings depend on coffee being essential to jump-start his day.
- Trade is a specialty coffee subscription service delivering freshly roasted coffee from over 50 top roasters.
- Tim notes that Trade replaces your first bag for free if it isn't quite right.
- He endorses Trade and says he hands out cups to unhoused people around the city and everyone loves it.
- 15 min
Meghan Markle's 'With Love, Meghan' Netflix Show Is Unhinged
#Tim gives an extended riff on Meghan Markle's Netflix lifestyle show, calling her a friendless, power-hungry sociopath doing an impression of a human being, imagining twisted alternate dialogue where she confesses to destroying the monarchy, and predicting she'll parlay the show into a Martha Stewart-style empire.
14moments
- Meghan Markle is criminally insane, and the show's entertainment value comes from the depths of her insanity revealing themselves throughout the program.
- Every person on the show is someone she hates because Meghan Markle doesn't have friends—she has connections and people whose necks she can step on.
- Meghan Markle in her own show proves it's not about race but about the demon that lives inside all of us.
- The 'creativity' she's missed is making pasta, turmeric tea, and honey—simple kitchen moments she frames as profound personal expression.
- Tim riffs on her juxtaposing casual cooking advice with references to destroying a monarchy and killing the royal family members.
- Tim is trying to get Meghan to do a promo for his Netflix special but expects she'll refuse because he respects her even though most people hate her.
- The hatred in her eyes for her guests is something Tim aspires to—she doesn't want to prance around with celebrities like Mindy Kaling because she wants to be much more famous.
- Meghan thinks of Americans as pigs and disgusting people who don't know how to use silverware, and her hatred of the audience is what fuels her success.
- She's not playing to common people but has aimed her laser at the richest people on Earth, knowing that winning them over will eventually trickle down to the masses.
- Tim absurdly extends her casual cooking philosophy to narcan administration—teaching people how to make their own narcan in the basement for when their son overdoses at a house party.
- During an interaction with Mindy Kaling, Meghan subtly demeans her, making it clear she views her as beneath her imperial status.
- Meghan is not a human being but rather doing an impression of one—her demon is completely visible in her eyes.
- She remains above any meaningful or authentic human moment, and everything she does is purely transactional on her path to becoming a billionaire with a Martha Stewart-like empire.
- Tim predicts she might become a billionaire in four or five seasons and eventually tell the Royal family to fuck off—and she might actually be right.
Meghan MarkleMorgan and MorganMindy KalingMartha Stewart
- 1 min
Tim reads a Morgan and Morgan law firm ad about suing insurance companies for lowball settlement offers, with a bit about a client who "doesn't have a head."
2moments
- Tim explains the wet floor sign principle: if Wendy's doesn't warn you and you slip, sue them because they owe you money.
- People on a flipped airplane are grateful no one got hurt instead of suing — Tim says corporations have beaten down your instinct to get yours.
- 4 min
Tim reads a news story about a passenger who believed he was possessed by a demon on a flight to Miami, swallowed rosary beads, and attacked a flight attendant, then riffs on adding demonic possession screening to TSA lines.
4moments
- Passenger on American Airlines flight to Miami was possessed by demons, swallowing rosary beads and kicking flight attendants.
- Tim explains this is now another hazard of flying—not just mechanical failure or air traffic issues, but actual demons on the plane.
- Airport security will now need to add demonic possession screening to their questions alongside liquids and laptops.
- TSA should create a separate line for people currently being possessed by demons, just handing them a rosary.
- 8 min
Tim covers the new CBP Home app that lets undocumented immigrants self-deport by clicking "leave," mocking its buggy design, one-star reviews, and the dystopian idea of an app-based deportation and self-deportation "campaign."
13moments
- Tim advises against flying or traveling anywhere unless absolutely necessary.
- Trump Administration repurposes asylum app into self-deportation tool for undocumented immigrants.
- The deportation app gives migrants two options: self-deport easily on the app or face harder enforcement.
- Tim questions who would actually use a self-deportation app instead of just staying and taking their chances.
- DHS backs the app with a $200 million campaign telling undocumented migrants to stay out and leave now.
- Tim compares the app to a DoorDash for immigrants, describing it as just a push notification telling people to get out.
- Tim jokes about whether the app works like Venmo, letting immigrants track each other's departure locations.
- Tech community involvement with Trump's deportation projects represents Silicon Valley's latest venture with the administration.
- The app's Orwellian interface requires users to view and verify their own departure, complete with maps and arrows.
- CBP Home app has 2.9-star ratings with user complaints about bugs and technical failures in the appointment system.
- Tim examines bad reviews, including one from someone who managed to self-deport, versus complaints about broken profile fields.
- Tech dystopia has reached the point where people being deported are just angry about the app itself rather than policy.
- Tim projects a future where all government functions devolve into apps, even suicide assistance, with users reviewing broken features.
- 7 min
Closing Riff: Hubris, Trump's Foreign Policy, and Endorsing Meghan Markle for President
#Tim closes by praising some of Trump's foreign policy realism while warning that handing power to Elon Musk is the same hubris that sank the Biden administration, then jokingly endorses Meghan Markle for president in 2028 based on her ruthless, undeterred nature.
10moments
- People not chosen to merge with AI will end up on suicide apps and self-deport from Earth.
- Tim supports Trump's foreign policy on withdrawing from Ukraine and acknowledging China and Russia as shared planet powers.
- Handing the presidency to Elon Musk running around with a chainsaw on ketamine is the biggest mistake and the same hubris that sank Biden.
- Joan Rivers told Louis C.K. on Louie: "Know when you're lucky," but nobody in politics seems able to do that.
- People want normality—no open borders, no biological men in women's sports, no Christian theocracy, no Elon destroying Social Security.
- Conservatism's entire philosophy is to slow the pace of disorienting change, but instead we have a transhumanist screaming about eliminating the parks department.
- Tim endorses Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, as the next president because she defeated the monarchy.
- Meghan has the internal demon needed to be president—she's making her own honey in Santa Barbara while being completely undeterred by criticism.
- She's a born leader who doesn't care what anyone thinks of her, which is what a president needs to be.
- The presidency is about little moments—celebrating yourself, loving yourself, family, good friends—not perfection.
Elon MuskJoe BidenKamala HarrisJoan RiversMeghan, Duchess of SussexLouis C.K.Mindy Kaling