Episode 393 · The Studio Revamp
Kevin Spacey's Soup & AI Saints | The Tim Dillon Show #393
May 25, 2024 · 1:16:55 · 459,000 views · 30 segments, 155 moments indexed
Tim talks about Logan Paul’s Prime lawsuit, the multimillionaire middle class, Kevin Spacey’s return to the spotlight, Taiwan, the latest saint and being a Boeing baby.
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- 1 min
Vocal Warm-Ups and Citizen's Arresting Netanyahu
#Tim jokes that saying "Netanyahu" repeatedly is his vocal warm-up, then riffs on performing a citizen's arrest on Netanyahu if he saw him at Salt and Straw.
2moments
- Tim uses Netanyahu as a vocal warm-up, saying it puts him in a good place mentally.
- If he sees Benjamin Netanyahu in public, Tim plans to perform a citizen's arrest because there are warrants out for him.
- 1 min
Arresting Barry Weiss With Bagel Handcuffs
#He proposes citizen's-arresting Barry Weiss and her wife instead, putting little bagels on their hands as handcuffs, then pivots to wondering why people are harassing Logan Paul over his drink.
3moments
- Tim proposes arresting Barry Weiss instead, with bagels instead of handcuffs.
- He insists bagel handcuffs on Barry Weiss would cheer up people in Palestine.
- Tim questions why authorities are harassing Logan Paul over his drink instead of going after other celebrities and their products.
- 3 min
Kate Blanchett's "Middle Class" $95 Million
#Tim argues celebrities now only matter if they have a product, plays Kate Blanchett's clip calling herself middle class despite $95 million, and mocks the public's aspirational van-life fantasies.
5moments
- There's almost no reason to be famous anymore unless you're selling a product.
- Fame has degenerated to the point where it's almost meaningless—people point out strangers who catch golf balls in their mouths.
- Kate Blanchett claims she's middle class while being worth $95 million.
- Americans watch van life videos aspirationally, hoping one day they might live in a van by the ocean.
- Tim says he's unimpressed by anyone telling him they have $95 million at lunch.
- 1 min
Logan Paul, Prime Energy, and Being a Mogul
#He continues on Kate Blanchett needing to be a mogul like Jessica Alba or Clooney, then shifts fully into defending Logan Paul's Prime energy drink amid caffeine controversy.
5moments
- Tim on why $95 million isn't much to Kate Blanchett when she's rubbing shoulders with royalty and tech CEOs.
- Kate Blanchett called herself middle class with $95 million, and people got angry about it.
- Once fame and money stop mattering unless you're a Sultan, what's left is consumer goods—having a product in a can or box.
- Logan Paul's whole life is in Prime Energy, the way Stub's barbecue sauce guy claimed his life was in a bottle.
- Tim notes Prime has caffeine in it and the kids are fine, while Logan Paul is in some war with Ryan Garcia.
Kate BlanchettLogan PaulPrime (energy drink)Ryan Garcia
- 2 min
Tim reads the story of a UK father whose 8-year-old son allegedly nearly died from drinking Prime, describing the kid pulling at his face and gasping, and notes Prime has been banned in Australia.
6moments
- Tim says he's not a food scientist and doesn't know much about Prime, but notes people are claiming it has too much caffeine for children.
- Reading Prime's ingredient list: filtered water, coconut water, caffeine, electrolytes, potassium, B12, and magnesium.
- Prime Energy contains sucrose and artificial sweeteners linked in some studies to leaky gut damage.
- Each can of Prime Energy contains 200 milligrams of caffeine—roughly double the amount in a regular cup of coffee.
- Tim questions whether this is really such a big deal, given that lots of caffeinated beverages are already consumed by children.
- Tim concedes it's probably not great for kids to be hopped up on caffeine and notes it might dehydrate them.
Prime EnergyLogan Paul
- 5 min
Celebrities Need a Product or They're Nothing
#He expands the thesis that fame is meaningless without a consumer product, imagining his own scandal-plagued pancake mix, and insists Logan Paul can't be blamed for kids' reactions to his drink.
11moments
- Tim notes that Prime energy drink's warning label tells people to call Poison Control if it makes them sick.
- KSI and Logan Paul's Prime energy drink has sent kids to the hospital with dangerously high blood pressure.
- Tim responds to a father's complaint about his 8-year-old nearly dying from Prime: don't let an 8-year-old drink it.
- Logan Paul almost killed one of those children from the UK by selling them Prime.
- Australia has banned Prime energy drink, which is significant given how many lethal things already exist there.
- Tim describes what happens when a kid drinks Prime and starts pulling at his own face trying to breathe.
- Celebrities now just want to have products; if you're not a mogul selling something, your status is meaningless.
- Tim promises he'll launch a pancake mix and respond to death reports by saying he's offended by the implication.
- Tim argues that Logan Paul will feel bad if kids die from his drink, and that's all anyone can ask of celebrities.
- You can only ask celebrities to be upset after their products have killed someone; you can't ask them to be omniscient.
- Everybody else is selling products, so celebrities have to do it too regardless of the consequences.
Logan PaulPrimeKate BlanchettThe Honest CompanyJessica AlbaKSIGeorge ClooneyRyan Reynolds
- 3 min
Kevin Spacey Should Have Had a Product
#Tim argues Kevin Spacey went wrong by not having a consumer brand instead of assaulting people, then critiques Hollywood #MeToo accusers who kept returning to Spacey's orbit for access to fame.
7moments
- Celebrity booze and beauty products as escapism: George Clooney selling tequila, Ryan Reynolds marketing gin so you can forget you're not them.
- Rihanna's Fenty and Kylie Jenner's cosmetics line work because they promise you can look like them if you buy the product.
- Kevin Spacey should have launched a product instead of sexually harassing people; he had the celebrity capital to build a brand.
- Hollywood #MeToo differs from military or corporate harassment because the accusers kept returning to Spacey, wanting something from the relationship.
- Tim's skepticism: a man invited back to parties after being jerked off next to isn't someone he feels terrible for, because Spacey's behavior should have ended the connection.
- The accusers knew or should have known how Spacey would act, so they bear some responsibility for repeatedly showing up to his hotel rooms.
- Watching the documentary, you don't actually feel that bad for the people involved; the whole thing is gross to observe.
Kevin SpaceyGeorge ClooneyJessica AlbaRyan ReynoldsKylie JennerRihanna
- 4 min
Spacey and Weinstein's Inevitable Comeback Products
#He plays a clip of an actor describing being starstruck around Spacey, predicts Spacey and Harvey Weinstein will return with grocery store products like soup and cookies, and that victims will have to endure it.
9moments
- Celebrities drawn to fame are inherently unsympathetic and easy to distrust.
- Kevin Spacey interview trailer shows actors admitting they'd do anything for his favor, including shoulder massages.
- Tim on victims showing up repeatedly to Spacey's hotel room: hard to feel bad for people who keep returning.
- Spacey responded to allegations in an interview with Chris Cuomo and is staging a comeback.
- Victims will encounter Spacey's soup at the grocery store, marketed as homestyle Southern comfort food.
- Harvey Weinstein will return and sell cookies; his products will be good enough that people buy them anyway.
- The only reason celebrities are famous now is so companies can extract a product concept from their image.
- Adele will be pressured to sell curries based on her weight loss, regardless of method.
- Celebrity endorsement of consumer products is consequence-free; the public bears the risk, not the celebrity.
- 3 min
Adele's Future Diet Powder and Celebrity Poison Immunity
#Tim imagines companies pushing Adele to sell weight-loss powder, contrasts it with how old sitcom stars like Sally Struthers were mocked for endorsements, and argues Taylor Swift's fanbase now praises "good marketing."
6moments
- Tim describes a company recruiting Adele with promises of billionaire status if she sells diet powder instead of staying middle class like Kate Blanchett.
- Sitcom stars like Suzanne Somers used to endorse weight loss products and faced ridicule for appearing desperate and de classed.
- Sally Struthers became a target of mockery, including from Howard Stern, for appearing in charity advertisements despite trying to help feed children.
- Tim argues that celebrity endorsements are now seen as a mark of business acumen—people praise Taylor Swift for being good at marketing rather than judging her for selling out.
- An eight-year-old might try to pull the skin off their face to breathe while using the product due to caffeine or other ingredients.
- Tim notes people sue over Prime energy drinks, but he has a good first amendment attorney and supports the person suing without being certain they're in the wrong.
Taylor SwiftSally StruthersPrimeSuzanne SummersKate Blanchett
- 1 min
Kids Fighting on Prime and Not Wanting to Live Here
#He escalates into a bit about parents cheering on caffeine-fueled kids fighting on school buses, closing with mock despair about living in this country.
4moments
- Tim's parents fed him Nestle Quick and bacon egg and cheese sandwiches growing up, and he questions whether any breakfast food is actually good.
- Instead of roasting chickens, parents should give kids cans of Prime energy drink and put them on school buses to fight like dogs.
- Tim imagines calling coworkers to brag about fight videos of his son hopped up on Prime beating other kids bloody on the bus.
- Watching kids fueled by 200 milligrams of caffeine hospitalize each other on school buses makes Tim decide he doesn't want to live in this country anymore.
PrimeAnthony BlinkenNestle QuickLunchables
- 1 min
Blinken's Brilliant Ukraine Strategy (Sarcastic Setup)
#Tim sarcastically praises Anthony Blinken's handling of Ukraine, listing how Russia's economy and global standing have strengthened instead, before pivoting back to Spacey's Chris Cuomo interview.
3moments
- Anthony Blinken went to Ukraine, and Tim takes pride in how brilliantly the administration has handled the situation.
- The Ukraine strategy resulted in a stronger Russian economy, Putin consolidating power, and him forming new alliances with China, Brazil, India, and North Korea.
- Instead of ceding two regions nobody cared about, the U.S. chose to have another cold war that's quickly turning hot.
- 3 min
Spacey's Chris Cuomo Interview and His Nazi Pedophile Father
#He plays and reacts to Spacey's Chris Cuomo interview clip, then contrasts Spacey with his brother, a Rod Stewart impersonator, discussing their father's abuse and how thoroughly Spacey disappears into characters.
6moments
- Spacey claims everyone who stops him in public is generous and happy, asking when he'll get back to work.
- Tim asserts Spacey is too skilled an actor for psychiatrists or medical experts to determine his true identity.
- Kevin Spacey's father was a Nazi pedophile who abused both sons while showing them Hitler pictures.
- Spacey's brother is a Rod Stewart impersonator living in Vegas, representing the alternative bad outcome of their upbringing.
- Tim argues that when your father is a Nazi pedophile, none of the life options available are good—only different versions of bad.
- Spacey has disappeared so completely into his characters that he no longer knows who he actually is.
Kevin SpaceyRod Stewart
- 4 min
Kevin Spacey as a CIA-Level Actor
#Tim builds out the theory that elite acting ability is basically indistinguishable from deep-cover espionage skill, comparing Spacey to embedded spies who must erase their real identity.
10moments
- Great actors have to completely dissolve their own identity to become someone else for months.
- Austin Butler still talks like his character even at parties — actors like that are just gone, dissolved into their roles.
- Kevin Spacey's original identity has been completely dissolved; he's now a mix of all his characters.
- Spacey is such a good actor that his skill makes it harder to stay angry at him despite his behavior.
- If the Pope were as skilled an actor as Kevin Spacey, he could talk his way out of the church abuse scandal.
- Kevin Spacey's quality as an actor is actually dangerous — it's the same skill set required for deep-cover CIA operatives.
- Only two professions require the ability to slip in and out of identities convincingly: acting and espionage.
- Excellent actors and embedded CIA agents share the exact same quality — the ability to completely erase themselves.
- The CIA recruits military guys who look like blank NPCs with no families, so nobody will miss them when they're sent to become someone else.
- That transformation process is essentially what Kevin Spacey is as a person.
- 2 min
Tim reads a Helix Sleep ad, including an anecdote about a friend whose marriage was allegedly saved by a new mattress, and gives the discount code.
2moments
- Visitors to Tim's home ask about his beds, and he tells them they're Helix mattresses.
- Tim's friend said a Helix mattress saved his marriage after he and his wife lost all passion and emotional connection.
- 2 min
He reads the Shady Rays sunglasses sponsor copy, riffing on companies that don't actually send hosts their product, and gives the promo code.
2moments
- Tim criticizes Shady Rays for not sending him actual sunglasses to wear during the ad read.
- Despite not having them on, Tim endorses Shady Rays as the best sunglasses that won't break the bank.
Shady Ray
- 2 min
Tim discusses China's military exercises near Taiwan after meeting with Putin, framing China's One-China policy claim and comparing the stakes to nuclear-armed powers ignoring rhetorical arguments.
5moments
- China conducting military drills in the Taiwan Strait as a test, with 90% of computer chips made there
- China's one-China policy considers Taiwan part of China, and Tim argues they have a legitimate geopolitical claim
- Tim compares the situation to Russia and Ukraine: when countries have nuclear weapons, debate about who's right becomes irrelevant
- China launches military drills around Taiwan as punishment after the new president asserts the island's sovereignty
- Tim imagines himself as CIA director telling Taiwan's president to calm down and stop provoking China
- 1 min
Telling Taiwan to Calm Down
#He imagines himself as CIA director personally telling Taiwan's president to stop provoking China, joking about sending "a black woman" to deliver the message.
3moments
- Tim advises Taiwan to tone down independence rhetoric and quiet down their messaging to avoid provoking China
- Taiwan needs a Black woman to deliver the message that America sees them, loves them, but they need to calm down
- The more Taiwan talks about independence, the more China escalates military exercises in the South China Sea
- 5 min
Tim argues the Ukraine war was unwinnable from the start, that Russia has only grown stronger economically and diplomatically, and plays a clip of Blinken singing "Rockin' in the Free World" in Kyiv.
7moments
- Tim explains how NATO expansion promises led to the Ukraine war and why Russia was never going to lose it.
- Western boycotts removed McDonald's and Pizza Hut from Russia, but they responded by building a domestic middle class through military production and war industries.
- Russia is now in its most powerful position in Tim's lifetime, allied with China and having proven Western sanctions ineffective.
- Smart strategy with Russia would be negotiation or waiting for leadership change, not forcing an unwinnable confrontation through Ukraine.
- Tim questions whether the U.S. Secretary of State will pursue peace after Americans have been killed in a proxy war they've been blocking resolution for.
- Clip of Secretary of State performing "1999" and assuring Ukraine that the Free World is fighting with them in the war.
- Tim calls the current U.S. leadership terrifying, describing the Secretary of State performing rock music in a war zone as evidence of incompetence.
Kamala HarrisSecretary of StateUnited States governmentRussiaUkraineAfghanistanChinaMcDonald's+2 more
- 1 min
He reacts with disbelief to footage of Blinken performing rock karaoke in a warzone, contrasting it with Ukrainian casualties and BlackRock's farmland deals.
3moments
- Tim compares Blinken's singing ability unfavorably to the original performer of 'Rockin' in the Free World.'
- Watching the Secretary of State play rock songs while Ukraine's children are being killed in a war he discouraged them from negotiating out of.
- Tim connects Blinken's performance to BlackRock acquiring Ukrainian farmland and the extraction of resources disguised as aid and reconstruction.
- 1 min
Tim reads a Mack Weldon clothing ad describing their underwear, polos, and antimicrobial tees, and gives the discount code.
- 2 min
He reads a Gametime ticket app ad, joking about losing your job right after buying concert tickets, and gives the promo code.
3moments
- Tim promotes GameTime app, highlighting stress-free ticket buying and up-to-the-minute deals even after shows start.
- GameTime offers job loss protection—if you buy tickets and then get fired, the company understands and lets you cancel.
- Code Tim gets $20 off your first purchase on the GameTime app.
- 2 min
Tim reads a Fume ad in an exaggerated cheerful voice, describing flavors like crisp mint and orange vanilla and the promo code for a free gift.
4moments
- Tim describes Fume as a flavored air device that makes him feel good, emphasizing it as a healthy way to feel good.
- He insists the device contains good stuff, not bad stuff, and that flavored air in a device makes him happy.
- Tim claims Fume is safe and backed by doctors in the US.
- His personal favorites are Crisp Mint and Orange Vanilla, which taste like a creamsicle.
- 5 min
Tim reports on the Pope clearing sainthood for Carlo Acutis, a teenage "God's influencer" who died of leukemia, and speculates the Church is opening the door to future AI saints and AI priests like the controversial "Father Justin" chatbot.
8moments
- Pope Francis beatifies Carlo Acutis, a 15-year-old who died of leukemia in 2006, as the first millennial saint, informally known as God's influencer.
- Tim argues God is sending influencers as saints now because everything is about reach and social media following.
- Pope Francis's decision to canonize an influencer opens the door to beatifying more unconventional figures, which could include hentai stars.
- Tim insists AI can become saints since God made people and people made AI, requiring a forward-thinking pope who gets it.
- An AI chatbot priest named Father Justin was used for confession but gave controversial answers that people disliked.
- Father Justin was a hardliner on moral issues, teaching that masturbation is grave moral disorder, actually doing what a priest should do.
- The AI priest told a user it was acceptable to baptize a baby in Gatorade, and Tim jokes about baptizing babies in Prime energy drink instead.
- Tim clarifies he's not mocking Carlo Acutis, who did good things, but notes the church is signaling more influencer saints and eventually AI saints will follow.
Carlo AcutusPope FrancisAI priestsinfluencersPrime
- 2 min
AI Saints and the Church's Inevitable Embrace of AI
#He continues the bit, imagining Mother Teresa as an AI for greater reach and predicting the Church will eventually canonize AI figures once it accepts AI's inevitability.
5moments
- Tim imagines an AI Saint spreading the gospel via MacBook instead of traveling to war-torn countries with malaria and bugs.
- Mother Teresa would accomplish far more if she were AI, given the reach and conversion power of digital distribution.
- Don't expect the Church to stand against AI—they'll applaud it and use it for their own purposes instead.
- The fight against AI is becoming fruitless because people have accepted it's coming no matter what.
- Once the Church accepts AI as inevitable, they'll immediately start using it themselves.
- 5 min
Tim reads from an Atlantic article revealing new evidence of deep Saudi government involvement in 9/11, discusses Senator Bob Graham's ignored warnings, and notes how quietly this bombshell was reported.
9moments
- Tim notes the government has finally admitted the Saudis were involved in 9/11 through a quiet Atlantic magazine article.
- The Atlantic headline: "New 9/11 evidence points to deep Saudi complicity" and "two decades of US policy appear rooted in a mistake."
- FBI investigators were supposedly so ignorant of what Saudi Embassy staff were doing that their counter-intelligence conduct remains inexplicable.
- Agents investigated the Saudis' support for hijackers until at least 2021, but the Justice Department shut down their work.
- Senator Bob Graham from Florida pursued the Saudi angle and was harassed by the FBI for suggesting a cover-up.
- Tim explains the official narrative: a ragtag group of stateless actors rather than a state-sponsored operation, which justified attacking anyone globally.
- Two decades of foreign policy were based entirely on the false assumption of stateless Al-Qaeda rather than Saudi state funding.
- The Atlantic article reveals Saudi National Security apparatus groomed and funded the hijackers, yet the US invaded Afghanistan and Iraq instead.
- Tim suggests Saudis may have had co-conspirators within the US government, but future revelations will receive even less attention than this one.
FBISaudi ArabiaAl-QaedaThe AtlanticBob GrahamAfghanistanIraqDick Cheney+2 more
- 1 min
Tim announces the final tour date at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville and a future date in Des Plaines, Illinois, and recaps the tour's success including Carnegie Hall and Royal Albert Hall.
3moments
- The Comedy Mothership has sold out the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee for the final show of this tour.
- Next November, Tim will perform at The Event Center at Rivers Casino in Des Plaines, Illinois on November 2nd, right before the election.
- This tour has sold more tickets than any previous tour, hitting venues like the Chicago Theater, Carnegie Hall, Royal Albert Hall in London, and Finland.
Chicago TheaterRivers CasinoCarnegie HallRoyal Albert HallRyman AuditoriumDes PlainesNashvilleFinland
- 2 min
Professing Love for Boeing
#Tim launches into an extended declaration of loyalty to Boeing, calling their planes "weapons of peace" and claiming "Boeing" was his first word as a child.
4moments
- Tim professes love for Boeing despite the company receiving criticism, claiming he stands on moral ground while others have shaky morality.
- Boeing builds weapons of peace and flies people across the country, though Tim acknowledges most people just think of them as transporting fat tourists to Disney World.
- Tim claims his first word as a child was "Boeing," which he says immediately conveyed to his parents that he understood Boeing's role in everything.
- Whistleblowers keep dying, and Tim expresses uncertainty about what that's all about.
- 3 min
Boeing Whistleblowers Keep Dying
#He darkly jokes about the string of Boeing whistleblower deaths, framing it as God's will and suggesting they died of guilt for lying about a "great company."
5moments
- Another Boeing whistleblower dies at 45; Tim notes the knee-jerk reaction is to blame Boeing for deaths of people critical of them.
- Tim invokes not questioning God's will and explains that God has chosen to take these whistleblowers from Earth.
- Tim questions whether the whistleblowers were even right about the defects, suggesting they may have wanted attention or been lying.
- Tim speculates the whistleblowers died from drugs, prostitution, guilt, or suicide—guessing they killed themselves out of remorse for smearing Boeing.
- Can't ask why the whistleblowers are gone, Tim concludes, only that they were liars who made things up about a great company.
BoeingBoeing whistleblowers
- 6 min
Nobody Died, So Leave Boeing Alone
#Tim argues Boeing should get a pass since the recent door-blowout incident killed no one, mocks whistleblowers as unlikable rats, and declares America only acts after disasters, not before.
10moments
- Tim's childhood motto: "If it's not Boeing, I ain't going" — he's a Boeing baby with faith in the company.
- When a door blows off an aircraft, Tim looks forward, not to the side, and doesn't ask for explanations.
- Only one person flew out of the plane with the door malfunction, yet everyone's making a big deal about it.
- Tim sides with Boeing because nobody actually died in these recent incidents.
- Boeing should be able to kill whistleblowers with impunity until there's a major air disaster.
- He doesn't want to hear about Prime energy drinks until a child spontaneously combusts on it.
- Preventative measures don't work in America — Iraq proved we only make things worse when we try to prevent disasters.
- The whistleblowers sucked to hang out with because all they talk about is planes and doors.
- Even if the whistleblower is telling the truth, you have to consider the things he was involved with before believing him a hero.
- Tim predicts a massive Boeing accident is coming — maybe he'll be in first class on a New York to LA flight when it happens.
- 2 min
Closing: Pro-Everything Sign-Off and 9/11 Acceptance
#He closes ironically declaring himself pro-Prime, pro-Boeing, pro-Saudi 9/11 involvement, and pro-AI Saints, then teases a big announcement and reads a stray news brief about a woman wanting her dog back after sending it to be euthanized.
5moments
- Tim runs through a list of things the show is pro: Prime, Boeing, Kate Blanchett realizing $95 million is nothing, the church as AI Saints.
- Tim argues that enough time has passed since 9/11 that it's no longer a big deal and you just have to accept these things.
- Imagining a world without 9/11 would be weird because it was such a formative moment in people's lives growing up.
- 9/11 wasn't what people thought it was, Tim suggests, before teasing a big announcement coming soon.
- A woman wants her dog back after sending it to be euthanized, and Tim laments that no one can make a decision and stick with it.
SaudisKate BlanchettBoeing