Episode 365 · The Studio Revamp
Degree Of Difficulty | The Tim Dillon Show #365
Oct 14, 2023 · 1:04:59 · 494,000 views · 20 segments, 125 moments indexed
Tim wades into the Israel-Hamas War, college students showing their true selves, celebrities walking back their support, ‘the best you can do’ and how peace in the Middle East may involve the Midwest.
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- 3 min
Cold Open: High Degree of Difficulty and Barry Weiss Ghosting Him
#Tim opens by comparing tackling this week's episode to an Olympic gymnastics routine with a high degree of difficulty, and explains that Barry Weiss was supposed to co-host but bailed because it's been a heavy week for Israel-related bookings.
6moments
- Tim opens with the gymnastics metaphor: this week's show has a high degree of difficulty, with lots of maneuvers he's unfamiliar with and real trouble during practice.
- No matter what he says today, somebody will be upset he didn't say more, said the wrong thing, or meant something different—there's no way to avoid it.
- Tim describes himself as one of the greatest minds of our time and notes that watching him put together show segments in real time must be one of the greatest joys in what he imagines is a horrible life on the other end of the camera.
- Barry Weiss was supposed to come on the show but ghosted him at the last minute because it's been a bad week for Israel.
- Tim demonstrates the high degree of difficulty by noting he just swerved on the balance beam but stayed on it while discussing Barry Weiss's newfound demand.
- Barry Weiss had the chance to come speak her piece, but now Tim will do the show on his own with his own ideas instead.
- 4 min
Tim lays out background on Hamas, how Israel historically helped fund it to undercut the PLO, and describes it as a terrorist group aiming for the erasure of Israel, then details the horrific violence of the October 7th attack.
6moments
- Hamas is a terrorist group running Gaza, but they're not good at governing—terrorism is what they excel at.
- Israel actually funded Hamas initially to discredit moderate Palestinian factions, similar to how the U.S. funded the Mujahideen against the Soviets.
- When you feed something, it can grow with unintended consequences—a cautionary principle about supporting extremist groups.
- Hamas is not representative of the Palestinian people; they are terrorists whose stated goal is the erasure of Israel.
- Their slogan "from the river to the sea" means they don't want Israel to exist at all, not seeking coexistence or a two-state solution.
- The October 7th attack involved Hamas murdering women, children, elderly people, and concert-goers in horrific ways.
- 4 min
Dehumanization on Both Sides
#He reflects on how the massacre and the ongoing violence require both sides to view each other as less than human, and contrasts that desperation with his own comfortable, soft modern life.
7moments
- Wanton slaughter of people requires seeing them as less than human.
- Tim describes being around desperation and violence when he was broke and using drugs.
- The vicious assault on infants, women, and children by Hamas is unfathomable.
- Reports conflict on whether Iran knew about the Hamas attack or funded it with money from the Iran deal.
- Tim woke up to the attack last Saturday and decided not to do an episode or make jokes about it.
- He held off recording for days, needing time to process what was happening before speaking.
- Israel declared war and began bombing Gaza, creating a humanitarian crisis on the other end where civilians are dying too.
- 6 min
Colleges, Black Lives Matter, and the Celebrity Awakening
#Tim mocks celebrities like Amy Schumer suddenly noticing college wokeness, details Black Lives Matter Chicago's pro-Palestine tweet, the group's Marxist founders and scandal, and how campus reactions like Tufts and NYU exposed hypocrisy among people who used to praise college kids uncritically.
10moments
- Tim notes celebrities like Amy Schumer are suddenly questioning whether colleges have become too woke and liberal.
- American colleges are openly promoting antisemitic rhetoric, from Yale and Harvard to Tufts, where students praised the paraglider attackers as creative.
- NYU and other institutions are blaming Israel for all the violence and calling for decolonization, which Tim defines as killing infants and women.
- Black Lives Matter Chicago posted a meme supporting Palestine featuring a paraglider on the same day news broke of the worst violence, which Tim calls insane timing.
- Tim explains he recognized Black Lives Matter as a con immediately because he worked in subprime mortgages and knows how cons operate.
- The organization was founded by avowed Marxists who wanted to abolish the nuclear family and have the government control everyone's life.
- BLM leaders bought multiple houses with donation money intended for families of people killed in police shootouts.
- The mask is now off—Black Lives Matter is essentially tweeting support for Hamas and Palestine.
- Celebrities like Jessica Seinfeld are now claiming colleges are too liberal, as if this is breaking news to everyone else.
- Anyone who pointed out college kids had become extreme over the past four years was attacked by these same celebrities as a racist, transphobe, and white supremacist.
Black Lives MatterAmy SchumerTufts UniversityJessica SeinfeldJordan PetersonHarvardNYUYale
- 1 min
Iran, Israel's Ambiguous Borders, and Occupation
#He discusses uncertainty over Iran's involvement in funding or knowing about the attack, and pivots to criticizing Israel's shifting borders, settlement expansion, and displacement of Palestinians.
4moments
- Tim's comedian friends on Twitter and writer friends living in tents insisted college kids are always on the right side of history, but now those same college kids are chanting 'Kill the Jews' at campus protests.
- Everyone who donated to these organizations is having an awkward awakening moment in real time.
- During 2020, everything was simple—wrong side of history versus right side, part of the problem versus part of the solution—straight out of the Bush doctrine: with us or against us.
- People are starting to realize the college kids might be a little out of control.
college kids
- 4 min
Netanyahu, Gaza Civilians, and Nowhere to Go
#Tim argues that Netanyahu's demand for civilians to evacuate Gaza is absurd since they have nowhere to flee, while affirming Israel's right to defend itself, and criticizes the online demand that everyone "speak up" about the conflict.
7moments
- Israel has never been clear about its borders—it expands, builds settlements, and evicts Palestinians from land they claim to own, leaving them homeless and impoverished.
- America gives Israel tons of money but doesn't hold them accountable or demand a two-state solution; instead the U.S. just looks the other way.
- Gaza is a densely populated siege where Palestinians can't get supplies to survive and aren't allowed to leave.
- Netanyahu tells civilians to evacuate before bombing, but Tim asks repeatedly: where are they supposed to go? There's nowhere for them to go.
- People post about 'remembering the silence' and demand everyone take a stand, but Tim questions what statement they actually want from him.
- Israel will defend itself no matter what anyone says on Instagram; they don't need social media comments to act.
- The pressure for everyone to speak up and be counted is misguided—people should stay quiet, because even allies speaking up might hurt the cause.
- 3 min
Gigi Hadid's Statement and the Beheaded Babies Debate
#He praises Gigi Hadid's carefully worded statement, mocks the tone of celebrity statements generally, and dissects the online argument over whether babies were actually beheaded during the attack.
8moments
- Tim observes Long Island friends on social media calling for genocide, noting this doesn't help the pro-Israel cause.
- Gigi Hadid's statement was actually good—she's telling people not to speak up, which Tim respects.
- If you boiled down Gigi's three-paragraph statement to a tone, it's just: 'Hey,' trailing off with disappointment.
- Social media tells people 'we will remember your silence,' but silence is actually preferable because talking doesn't help the case.
- Tim argues the real problem: debating whether infants were actually beheaded rather than discussing the actual atrocity.
- The beheading claims contradicted—no evidence the infants were beheaded, but Biden said they were, creating an all-day argument about specifics.
- These people writing 50 paragraphs debating whether children were beheaded—are they really who you want advocating for your side?
- All these voices adding their opinions to the conversation is exactly what the movement doesn't need.
Joe BidenGigi HadidBella Hadid
- 2 min
Tim reads about Muhammad Deif, the elusive Hamas military commander Israel has failed to assassinate for decades, and jokes that Deif is actually renting his house in Austin and has been a great, quiet tenant.
6moments
- Tim introduces Muhammad Deif, the Hamas commander known as 'the ghost,' as Israel's prime target in the war.
- Israel has tried to assassinate Deif over two decades, killing his wife and baby son in previous attacks.
- Deif's armed wing carried out the October 7th attacks on Israel, killing revelers at a music festival and entire border communities.
- Tim claims Deif has been renting his house in Austin for eight months and is actually a good tenant.
- The tenant mows the grass and is quiet—Tim describes him as a man of faith.
- Tim acknowledges Deif planned the whole attack and Israel will probably get him eventually.
- 5 min
October 13th Jihad Day and College Kids Fetishizing Violence
#He discusses the called-for Hamas day of jihad, argues American college kids are safe but have been radicalized into justifying violence after years of being told to punch Nazis and attack conservative speakers like Ben Shapiro, and jokes about a CFO leadership ad appearing under a Hamas article.
7moments
- Tim claims colleges are calling for a Hamas "day of jihad" on October 13th, but American college kids won't actually participate in violence—they just want to be cool.
- College teaching about what constitutes justified violence has gone too far, with years of rhetoric telling students to punch Nazis and attack speakers they disagree with.
- The left celebrated physical intimidation of conservative speakers like Ben Shapiro on campuses, then acts shocked when college kids embrace violent causes as justifiable.
- A news article about Hamas inclusion a sidebar offering career advice: "Master the steps to grow your career as a CFO—leadership, vision, confidence, management, strategy, teamwork."
- Tim expresses hope for negotiation and fewer deaths, but acknowledges the Middle East will likely remain volatile and combustible as long as anyone is alive.
- Speculation about Russia baiting Iran to provoke the US overlooks that Hamas and Iran have been funding this operation for years, and Hamas planned it long before recent events.
- A New York Times article examines why Israel's security system, supposedly one of the most secure places on the planet, completely failed to prevent the attack.
- 2 min
Tim reads a New York Times report detailing the operational and intelligence failures that let Hamas breach the border, including ignored alerts and disabled surveillance towers.
4moments
- Tim notes that when something extremely secure fails spectacularly, people immediately wonder if it was allowed to happen.
- Israeli intelligence detected unusual activity on Gazan militant networks and sent an alert to border soldiers, but the warning either didn't reach them or wasn't read.
- Hamas drones disabled Israeli communication stations, surveillance towers, and remote-controlled machine guns along the border before the ground assault.
- Tim describes the October 7th attack as well-executed from Hamas's perspective—they had ideas that worked, making it a good day for them operationally.
- 6 min
Bring Back the Christians: A Modest Proposal for the Holy Land
#Tim jokes that everyone in the region is irredeemable and proposes handing the Holy Land over to middle-American Christians like his aunt and uncle, who would turn it into a tacky but harmless tourist attraction, before noting the absurdity of a Chobani ad playing amid war coverage.
8moments
- Israel's pounding Gaza to take out Hamas leadership, but there will be civilian casualties, including children.
- Tim argues both Israelis and Palestinians have dehumanized each other, and he includes himself in that dismissal as a white Christian man.
- Proposal: bring back Christians to the Holy Land and get everyone else out, replacing current residents with middle American Christians who'll just commercialize it like Orlando.
- Tim considered taking a trip to Israel and Gaza next summer but won't go now, potentially cosplaying as a blind sheik.
- Palestinian children would love Tim's aunt and uncle, who'd walk around Gaza Strip with pretzels like feeding a petting zoo.
- Tim's fed up with everybody but angrier at Hamas now for acting crazy, arguing it's time for Christians and the Vatican to get involved.
- The absurdity of watching people get bombed on screen followed immediately by cheerful yogurt commercials like Chobani Flips.
- People who don't even know the Middle East conflict is happening are the truly crazy ones.
- 1 min
A straightforward read for Morgan & Morgan injury law firm, touting their track record and how to file a claim.
1moment
- Tim interrupts the Morgan & Morgan ad read with "Oh god, this crap."
- 1 min
Tim reads copy for ShipStation, an e-commerce shipping and order management platform, touting discounts and a free trial.
4moments
- Tim pitches ShipStation as essential for e-commerce founders who need their minds free for business origination rather than logistics.
- ShipStation automates shipping tasks and order management across a single dashboard, integrating with Amazon, Etsy, eBay, and Shopify.
- The platform offers enterprise solutions that reduce warehouse costs and improve profitability as businesses scale.
- ShipStation provides discounts up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates, with 98% of year-one customers staying long-term.
- 3 min
Noah Schnapp, Mia Khalifa, and Celebrity Statement Parody
#Tim runs through celebrity reactions like Noah Schnapp and Mia Khalifa, then reads his own parody Instagram post mocking the vapid, love-and-oceans style of celebrity statements about the crisis.
7moments
- Noah Schnapp released a statement about the conflict that Tim characterizes as a generic 'be nice' plea.
- Mia Khalifa posted content related to the situation, and celebrities have been putting out and retracting statements.
- Tim posted a parody on Instagram mimicking how celebrities actually talk when addressing serious issues.
- A lot of celebrities are incredibly dumb, but an apparatus of people exists to prevent anyone from finding out how dumb they really are.
- Tim argues discovering how genuinely stupid wealthy, successful celebrities are would bother people more than finding out they're evil.
- Tim's full parody statement: a rambling mess about love, hatred, oceans, forests, and retracted posts—exactly how celebrities sound.
- Palestinians surrounding the Sydney Opera House chanting anti-Semitic slogans creates a scenario where certain performers won't be allowed to perform there.
- 2 min
Banned From the Sydney Opera House While Protesters Chant "Gas the Jews"
#In a bit with his assistant Diana, Tim tells the story of being barred from performing at the Sydney Opera House over his Ukraine war comments, while the venue allowed protesters outside chanting "gas the Jews."
5moments
- Sydney Opera House banned Tim Dillon from performing there.
- Meanwhile, Palestinian protesters were allowed outside the Opera House chanting 'Gas the Jews.'
- Tim notes he's actually very successful despite appearing to have had a mental collapse on the show.
- The Opera House won't let him perform while people scream 'Gas the Jews' outside.
- His one-man show is titled 'Gas the Jews,' which he finds ironic given the chanting.
- 4 min
"Stolen Land" Rhetoric and Immigration Assimilation Failures
#Tim mocks the "we're on stolen land" talking point as empty virtue signaling, argues Israel has a right to exist like the U.S. does, and connects the Sydney "gas the Jews" chants to broader failures of multicultural assimilation and the taboo around discussing immigration downsides.
8moments
- Tim on college kids fetishizing violence and the "stolen land" rhetoric that needs to stop.
- Israel has a right to exist just like the United States does, despite how both were founded.
- Fat white women have run out of things to say when they resort to "we're on stolen land."
- Tim positions himself as offering a third way—reasoned conversation instead of violence or capitulation.
- You can't excuse Hamas's behavior, and you also can't long for unending war that kills everyone in Gaza.
- Security measures against Hamas are necessary, but there has to be limits to the response.
- Jewish donors to universities should stop funding schools that harbor antisemitic student groups.
- Tim's routine spaces out its maneuvers far apart to let the judges appreciate each one on its merits.
IsraelHamasGazaUnited StatesHarvardTufts UniversityNYUYale+1 more
- 1 min
Preventing Nuclear War Is the Actual Goal
#Tim states plainly that beyond politics, the real priority should be preventing a nuclear war or World War III and reducing civilian deaths, while admitting he doubts a lasting peace is achievable.
2moments
- Tim has Jewish friends beside themselves and knows people with different views shaped by Muslim and Arab upbringing and education.
- The actual priority should be preventing nuclear war and World War III, not the solutions people are currently arguing about.
- 3 min
America's Immigration Gamble and the Opera House Test
#He argues America's immigration policy assumes newcomers automatically love the country, when in reality some just want to chant "gas the Jews," and that multiculturalism is a mixed-results experiment, not a guaranteed success.
6moments
- Tim on immigration: some people will assimilate and respect Western culture, others won't, and you'll have to deal with them chanting death threats.
- The opera house test—people chanting 'gas the Jews' outside it, contradicting immigration advocates' belief that everyone comes for Barbie and the Sphere.
- Tim questions whether people chanting 'gas the Jews' outside an opera house are being good Australians.
- This week hasn't been stellar for multiculturalism, though that doesn't mean the entire project is doomed.
- Immigration is like a marriage—it just won't work out quite as well as people thought when they were high tweeting about everyone wanting to see them at the Sphere.
- Tim questions whether there was a vetting test: asking immigrants if they're homebody types or prefer standing outside the opera house yelling 'gas the Jews.'
multiculturalism
- 5 min
Blaming Empire and Consumerism for Foreign Policy Blowback
#Tim connects America's history of toppling foreign governments and propping up dictators (citing Iran) to blowback, and contrasts sacrificing empire-fueled consumer excess (big houses, Cheesecake Factory, credit card debt) against the cost paid abroad.
9moments
- Continually invading the world while inviting the world in creates blowback, particularly in the Middle East where U.S. support for dictators radicalized previously progressive countries like Iran.
- A broad class of Americans—not just elites—benefit from empire and feast on its corpse through the military-industrial complex.
- Maintaining a consumerist American lifestyle—6,000-square-foot houses, oversized cars, restaurant chains, credit card debt on garbage furniture—requires someone to pay the cost.
- The U.S. destabilizes countries abroad, then invites their populations in while hoping cultural collision works out, then makes movies romanticizing the chaos.
- The collision of cultures isn't fun when immigrants start chanting antisemitic slogans outside opera houses where he wants to perform.
- Unconditional support for Israel without hardline restrictions or consequences for expansion and aggression invited hostility to America.
- American immigration policy assumes everyone who cheats their way in must love America and share its values, a narcissistic stance that ignores actual hostile intent.
- Not all immigrants come for Halloween spooktaculars and fright nights; some come to chant antisemitic slogans.
- Large-scale immigration functions as a social experiment that has worked to varying degrees for different groups in the past, but might not continue to work going forward.
IranIsraelimmigrationSteve SailerCheesecake FactoryMaggiano'sDenmarkNorway
- 4 min
Closing Riff: The Lowe's Divorce Fantasy as the American Dream
#In an extended closing bit, Tim paints the best-case American life as working at a Lowe's, being divorced, dating an aloof smoker, and having a daughter who merely pities you rather than hates you, ending in a darkly comic vision of dying in a car crash — offered as the peaceful alternative to the Gaza Strip.
10moments
- Tim's vision of peace: turning Gaza into a mall where everyone works at Lowe's and is divorced.
- Working at Lowe's while divorced with a kid who doesn't hate you is the best realistic outcome in America.
- The average best-case scenario: Lowe's job at an outlet mall 45 minutes away, with a daughter who doesn't absolutely hate you.
- You have a few work friends from Lowe's and once went to Yard House together for chicken nachos.
- Dating a woman from work who won't live with anyone, has put up boundaries, smokes constantly, and likes waking up alone.
- Your daughter pities you, which might be worse than hatred, but at least you're not dying in the Gaza Strip.
- The promise: if both sides relax with religion, weapons, and killing, you could reach the Lowe's divorce dream.
- Your daughter calls and says she'll contact you when she returns; the smoking woman texts that she's around tonight.
- You think 'it's not that bad' before getting hit by a teenage driver you never see coming.
- You die in the car accident smiling about your daughter and mediocre sex, going out good, while Lowe's coworkers assume you're just having one of those nights.