Episode 342 · Post-Ben
Call OJ Daddy with Stavros Halkias | The Tim Dillon Show #342
with Stavros Halkias
Apr 16, 2023 · 1:05:22 · 739,000 views · 18 segments, 139 moments indexed
Tim talks with Stavros Halkias about OJ Simpson’s case as the greatest American story, the plight of young actors and the food network.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: My Personal Trainer and Boomer Diet Logic
#Tim introduces his guest, a personal trainer, and riffs on how Boomer diets were built on delusional self-justification, like eating cake then having a glass of water to "balance out."
4moments
- Tim introduces his personal trainer as a guest who changed his life through accountability-based dieting.
- They discuss the sixth cheat day a week system.
- Tim's go-to move on the road was getting wings with a salad, thinking they balanced each other out.
- Immigrant families would make six-course meals with pasta, lamb chops, and soup, then finish with a light Romaine salad and call themselves healthy.
New York CityHalcus Court House Fitness
- 3 min
The Writers' Strike and Fat Activism's Marketing Problem
#Tim jokes about not caring about the WGA strike, mocks the writers' lack of marketing savvy, and pivots into a riff on how fat activism came too late for acceptance compared to gay rights, which led with hot people first.
8moments
- Tim on the writers' strike: his fans have no interest in 'theater kid stuff' or 'gay Hollywood imaginations.'
- Digital content changed everything—studios realized there were no rules, so they stopped paying writers entirely.
- Tim claims nobody loves Hollywood sitcom writers more than he does and they've said lovely things about him on Twitter.
- WGA's marketing problem: sad-sack hipster picketers failed to make people care; they needed levity and a whoopee cushion.
- Tim has a writer friend who'll strike, which means Tim gets screwed, because 'everyone's obese' on Long Island.
- Any minority group can't be fat at the beginning—gay people succeeded by leading with hot men, not getting fat and joining fat activism.
- Once straight people find an attractive minority member attractive, they stop wanting to kill them.
- Fat involvement immediately switches it into a war on two fronts and ruins the entire movement.
Writers Guild of AmericaJoe Roganwriters guild strikeAndrew SchulzTheo Von
- 5 min
Fat People on Planes and First Class Supremacy
#An extended bit about airline seating for larger passengers, a story about sitting next to two extremely large men, and a defense of first class as the last dignified luxury alongside hating rich families flying with kids.
10moments
- Planes should have way fewer seats, with each one designed for larger people.
- Tim acknowledges fat activism has gone too far, though he agrees people shouldn't be abused.
- In the 80s and 90s, fat women were treated differently, and some want to return to that out of cruelty.
- If airlines prioritized the fat consumer, everyone would have a better time with more space.
- First class is the only luxury Tim will never give up—it's just being treated like a human being.
- The horror of sitting in a middle seat when the plane is nearly full and someone rushes on at the last second.
- Tim sat in a row with two extremely large men in a premium cabin, and every passenger stared at them like zoo animals.
- When a fat guy sits next to him, Tim thinks the airline should intervene, and he'd become a Marxist over it.
- If a child is in first class, the airline should swap the fat passenger to the middle seat with the kid.
- Rich families in first class with children is almost despicable; Tim would keep kids in comfort plus as a reality check.
- 5 min
Bud Light Controversy and the OJ Simpson Rehabilitation Theory
#Tim discusses the Bud Light backlash as possibly good long-term marketing, compares it to Rogan/Spotify, then launches into an extended riff on OJ Simpson being weirdly well-adjusted and rehabilitated in public perception, including CTE theories and OJ as one of the "most American lives."
10moments
- Tim questions whether Bud Light's six-billion-dollar valuation loss is even real or just speculation.
- The Bud Light controversy started with an Instagram ad featuring a trans influencer, triggering backlash.
- Tim applies the no-press-is-bad-press theory: Bud Light gets attention from everyone, from conservatives shooting cans to gay people buying their product.
- Luis Gomez argues the Bud Light move mirrors Spotify's podcast strategy—controversy generates articles that accidentally cement the brand's new positioning.
- Tim suggests O.J. Simpson as Bud Light's next pitchman because he's extremely well-adjusted and happy on social media.
- The appeal of O.J.'s story: he allegedly murdered someone, got away with it, and now he's just living his life in Vegas unbothered.
- Tim recounts the theory that O.J. saw Nicole and Ron Goldman together, decided to act, and killed them both.
- O.J. has become a Hall of Fame running back, actor, and near-Terminator finalist—one of those uniquely American lives.
- Tim ranks O.J. fourth on his list of most American lives, after Trump, Caitlyn Jenner, and Alex Jones.
- Tim announces he's over the O.J. situation and suspects most people are too—seeing him around Vegas doesn't trigger anger anymore.
Bud LightO.J. SimpsonLuis GomezManscapeJoe RoganArnold SchwarzeneggerAlex JonesCaitlyn Jenner+1 more
- 2 min
A Manscape sponsor read that drifts into a graphic story about a friend who cut off his testicle with a cheap groomer, became partially trans, and now has a happier marriage.
6moments
- Tim pitches Manscape grooming products with the core selling point: don't pay taxes with hairy nuts.
- Friend used a Walgreens wall groomer while drunk in the tub and cut off his penis.
- The friend bled out but was saved, then decided to transition and explore other options with his wife.
- Tim describes the friend's new arrangement: two nuts and a vagina, wife uses a strap-on regularly.
- The friend claims his life is much better now, despite the incident being statistically unlikely to happen to listeners.
- Tim promotes the offer: twenty percent off plus free shipping at Manscape with code Tim D.
- 7 min
OJ Simpson Photo Ops and the Just Say No Jay Sketch
#Tim fantasizes about approaching OJ Simpson for a selfie despite believing he's guilty, distinguishes him morally from Dylann Roof, and reveals a childhood Comedy Central sketch he appeared in called "Just Say No Jay" mocking the trial's media saturation, which they play on air.
10moments
- Tim would ask OJ Simpson for a photo, confident he decapitated his wife but treating him as a fan encounter in Vegas.
- The NELK Boys had OJ on their podcast and he's kind of rehabilitated in public perception.
- Tim distinguishes between OJ and Dylan Roof—one killed in passion over a woman in Brentwood, the other targeted a church based on race.
- CTE and brain damage from football could explain OJ's violence; the NFL killed Nicole Brown Simpson in a sense by putting him through that.
- People hate LA, and a woman seen as a gold digger doesn't get sympathy against a talented man who made money.
- There's no person Tim would be happier to encounter in Las Vegas than OJ Simpson.
- Tim would text OJ his daily step count and ask for weight loss advice, potentially starting an ongoing accountability relationship.
- OJ is probably not the worst father in the world and likely compensates by being a better dad.
- Tim appeared in a Comedy Central sketch called 'Just Say No Jay' about how the OJ Simpson trial invaded American homes.
- In the sketch, Tim played a kid with a DNA testing kit while his on-screen father had a Bronco and his mother referenced Marcia Clark's cookbook.
O.J. SimpsonDylan RoofNicole Brown SimpsonNFLComedy CentralLas VegasNELKNaked Gun+4 more
- 4 min
Following the sketch clip, Tim and his guest discuss his mother's schizophrenia diagnosis in her 20s, his early acting jobs including Sesame Street and a student film called Truck Stop, and joke about never being molested due to his grandmother's vigilance.
9moments
- Tim's mother was obsessed with the O.J. Simpson trial in the 90s while institutionalized.
- Guest explains when schizophrenia typically emerges—early 20s or later during hormonal shifts like menopause.
- Guest's first acting gig was in an O.J. Simpson made-for-TV movie, shooting all day at a Connecticut house with his grandmother.
- Tim discloses he's defending O.J. as a job creator, not as a person, to be journalistically transparent.
- Guest appeared on Sesame Street doing a polka with Snuffleupagus early in his career.
- Guest made an NYU student film called "Truck Stop" as a kid and was nominated for an acting award, but the director won't release it to him.
- In "Truck Stop," the guest played an abandoned child at a New Jersey truck stop with his sister and another woman, while a biker gives him a cheeseburger.
- Guest was never sexually abused because his paranoid grandmother and mother guarded him constantly, standing outside bathroom doors.
- Tim notes the guest probably would have survived child stardom better than someone like Amanda Bynes, and jokes he'd have made people sign contracts even as a nine-year-old.
- 3 min
Dark joking about child actors and molestation risk, referencing Cole Sprouse and Dylan Sprouse, before pivoting to Tim discussing filming a movie with Addison Rae and finding her surprisingly down to earth.
8moments
- Tim explains he knew what he was doing as a child star, refusing to advocate for it but acknowledging the knowledge.
- Child actors from Hollywood seem visibly damaged, citing Cole Sprouse as an example who appears out of it on social media.
- Tim discusses how child stars who worked with Dan Schneider became successful despite apparent trauma from the experience.
- Kids who went through Hollywood at a young age don't seem to get out alive and all appear a little crazy.
- Tim is doing a movie with Addison Rae and describes his fan base as mainly teenage women looking for advice.
- Tim's advice to his female teenage followers: keep away from him and don't vote.
- Addison Rae turned out to be a nice, lovely person rather than what Tim expected when walking onto set.
- Tim recognizes why Addison Rae's attractiveness appeals to straight men and relates to the appeal.
- 3 min
A Raycon earbuds ad that spirals into an absurd fictional narrative about financing headphones into drop-shipping, crypto, weed shops, and private equity deals with Blackstone and the murdered Cash App exec Bob Lee.
8moments
- Tim loses expensive earbuds constantly and wishes he'd had Raycons instead.
- Pay-later options let you finance earbuds over three or four years without breaking the bank.
- Tim explains the real strategy: skip buying expensive things and invest that capital into crypto or a business instead.
- He financed Raycons for $18 down, then used the savings to start a dropshipping business.
- Dropshipping profits went into cryptocurrency investments that gained value.
- Crypto gains funded brick-and-mortar businesses: he now owns weed and CBD shops across Arizona.
- Tim claims he's now in private equity with Blackstone and works with Berkshire Hathaway's Charlie Munger and Warren Buffett.
- He's also doing deals with Bob Lee, the Cash App executive, though he admits not knowing much about him.
RayconBerkshire HathawayBlackstoneprivate equity
- 6 min
Tim describes working with young hot actors on his rom-com set with Addison Rae, their bursting into song like Bohemian Rhapsody, and riffs on how untouched-by-tragedy young hot people can't produce complex acting, referencing Starship Troopers casting logic.
10moments
- Tim describes encountering a Long Island waitress who mocks his California producer for not having a surfboard.
- Young actors on set spontaneously break into Bohemian Rhapsody, revealing their theater kid energy.
- Tim contrasts these actors' ability to randomly sing with how he or anyone he knew would be sent to a mental hospital for doing the same thing.
- The young cast members are all attractive, rich, and genuinely nice people living charmed lives.
- Tim reveals he plays a security guard who gets decapitated in the film, alongside the two young leads.
- For young, good-looking actors in teen movies, actual acting ability becomes largely irrelevant.
- Tim contrasts young actors' limited emotional range with Megan Fahey's subtle, brilliant performance in The White Lotus.
- Casting TikTok kids may be subversive commentary, like Starship Troopers casting conventionally attractive but weak actors to mirror propaganda aesthetics.
- Despite initial assumptions, the lead actress takes her role on set very seriously.
- Tim mentions yelling and screaming during a scene on another major film he can't yet discuss.
Eli RothHarvey WeinsteinMegan FaheySpyglassDenise RichardsStarship TroopersWednesdayTarantino+1 more
- 5 min
Continued riffing on the vacant, try-on-any-personality energy of young hot actors, comparing them to Ben Affleck, and Tim reflecting that he's a comedian who can act but isn't a real actor, contrasted with theater kid earnestness.
9moments
- Tim hints at a major upcoming movie role he can't publicly identify yet.
- He identifies himself as a comedian who can act, not an actor with theater kid energy.
- Theater kid energy is brutal and self-serious, evident when young actors burst into character-work mid-conversation.
- Tim describes a handsome young actor trying to perform intensity, doing bits with his eyes like he's reenacting Pinocchio.
- These young actors lack authenticity—they're constantly trying on different personas and you never know who you're actually talking to.
- Tim argues this inauthenticity is necessary for great actors and unavoidable across the profession, even for someone like Ben Affleck.
- Super hot people might as well be unpredictable because they can get away with anything, so picking one personality is pointless.
- Young actors don't grasp how deep a conversation can go; they look at Tim like he's an old wise man ready to dispense final wisdom.
- Tim says he can act and would like to do more films if he had creative control over them.
Ben AffleckEliLuis GomezLouis Jacob
- 3 min
Tim describes his own small indie movie role and a big film cameo he can't name yet, then discusses how successful young actors eventually try to become "real actors" in New York and sometimes collapse into drugs when the transition fails.
6moments
- Tim did one scene in an indie movie where he plays the weird guy yelling at attractive people on a bus in a romantic comedy.
- Being a hot actor with no real talent is a plum gig because everyone treats attractive, successful people with constant kindness and deference.
- A collapse inevitably happens for young, hot, rich actors who can't transition when their looks and early success stop carrying them.
- Hot actors get heat in L.A., move to New York, take photos in alleys looking tortured after 48 hours, then try to become 'real actors.'
- Some of them don't make the leap to serious roles and crash hard, though they're still rich and gorgeous so the damage is relative.
- The only person who can truly take things away is the Lord, so that collapse is around the corner for these actors.
Hollywood actors
- 6 min
Tim mocks the Call Her Daddy host's $60 million deal and poor interviewing skills, watches a clip with his guest about childhood bullying and the Zack and Cody show, then improvises a Mario Batali restaurant-rage scene as a hypothetical biopic audition.
8moments
- Tim argues that Spotify overpaid Call Her Daddy's host with a $60 million deal for mediocre interview skills.
- The show's original appeal was about sex and getting anal; now she's doing Barbara Walters-style interviews that don't work.
- Tim riffs on people being fine with weed in studios but hostile about cigarette smoking, then jokes about wanting to hit women and smoke like in Mad Men.
- Guest describes being homeschooled and how her brother Dylan was a huge bully who beat people up in elementary school.
- Tim mocks the guest getting $60 million while sitting in Crocs smoking a cigarette, asking people to talk about childhood trauma.
- Tim imagines getting beaten up by child actor Cole Sprouse and pivots to a Mario Batali biopic.
- He describes auditioning fat comics for a Lifetime movie about Mario Batali, where they'd slate their names and read dramatic kitchen lines.
- Mario Batali's apology included pastries and cinnamon rolls—his best move in managing the scandal.
Call Her DaddyMario BataliBarbara WaltersCole SprouseZack and Cody
- 3 min
Tim and guest debate Mario Batali's legacy as a rapist chef versus his cooking talent, comparing him unfavorably to non-rapist chef Nancy Silverton, and discussing Guy Fieri's Diners Drive-Ins and Dives fakery.
10moments
- Mario Batali was a great chef but was a rapist and abuser of women, so Tim won't support him.
- Nancy Silverton makes a lamb ragu just as well as Batali and doesn't rape anyone.
- Tim was never excited about Batali even before the assault scandals came out.
- Guy Fieri actually rules and wears bling that a rapper couldn't pull off.
- Guy Fieri's concept—visiting places people talk about—was so obvious nobody else had thought to do it.
- Half the restaurants featured on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives aren't actually good and are just pretending.
- Tim describes a Baltimore diner with frozen food, a toothless server, and a Guy Fieri photo on the wall.
- Diners featured on the show lie about their dishes, claiming signature items they don't actually serve.
- Tim visited one restaurant where the owner had died of cancer and only a picture of him and Guy Fieri remained.
- Tim found the whole situation deeply uncomfortable.
Mario BataliGuy FieriFood NetworkNancy SilvertonDiners, Drive-Ins and DivesOsteria Mozza
- 4 min
A ranking of celebrity chefs (Emeril as Jordan, Guy Fieri as LeBron), hatred for Bobby Flay's smugness, and a rundown of Paula Deen's cancellation for wanting a slave-themed plantation wedding.
9moments
- Tim recalls watching Emeril Lagasse's show as a kid with his grandparents, establishing Emeril as the forerunner of celebrity chefs.
- In the hierarchy of celebrity chefs, Emeril is Jordan and Guy Fieri is LeBron—a generational comparison.
- Tim hates Bobby Flay and loves watching Beat Bobby Flay specifically to root against him, criticizing the show's premise of him beating traditional dishes.
- Lidia Bastianich and Ina Garten are gangsters—chefs Tim respects, the latter as the Barefoot Contessa.
- Tim is a Chopped fan and respects Tom Colicchio from Top Chef as competent.
- Paula Deen said the N-word and you can't do that, but it's what Tim expected from someone whose brand is authentic Southern cooking.
- In a deposition, Paula Deen argued for a true Southern plantation-style wedding with waiters dressed as slaves to be authentic.
- Tim compares Deen's racist logic to the argument that Schindler's List required realistic Nazi guards—the absurdity of demanding historical accuracy for a wedding.
- Paula Deen laughed and said that having Black children in costume would be a true Southern wedding, but the media wouldn't accept it.
Bobby FlayPaula DeenEmeril LagasseLidia BastianichTom ColicchioIna GartenGuy Fieri
- 4 min
Extended riffing on the actual deposition quotes from Paula Deen wanting black servers dressed as slaves tap dancing, comparing it to Schindler's List realism logic, then joking about future weddings held at Alcatraz or Rikers-style prisons.
8moments
- Tim on cancel culture: the woke media won't let him get a bunch of little n-words tap dancing, citing authenticity for a Southern wedding.
- You should just ask one Black person casually if dressing servers as slaves and having them tap dance at a Southern wedding would offend them.
- Tim questions why anyone would get married on a plantation, comparing it to weddings at Indian burial grounds or Auschwitz.
- Future prison-themed weddings will happen: white pictures sitting in the electric chair with champagne once capital punishment becomes a tourist attraction.
- Rikers Island is a nightmare where people get detained for parking tickets without access to plumbing.
- The criminal justice system incarcerates people for minor offenses like smoking joints or jumping subway turnstiles for years.
- Cops don't do anything; they play Candy Crush and occasionally ruin a teenager's record when one comes along.
- Minor offenses like hopping turnstiles should be quick misdemeanors, but throwing someone in front of a train deserves serious punishment.
Food NetworkRikersAl JolsonAlcatrazShirley TempleBeat Bobby Flay
- 1 min
A brief tangent on Rikers Island's conditions and the absurdity of jailing people for minor offenses like fare-jumping or smoking a joint versus violent crimes.
3moments
- Tim compares watching Food Network on a summer day to something that feels particularly worse.
- Food Network tried to get a lot of comedians on their shows but regretted it after actually meeting them.
- Tim says Food Network made a massive mistake wanting comedians and isn't sorry they even suggested it.
ChoppedAlex GuarnaschelliDiners, Drive-Ins and DivesFood Network
- 1 min
Closing riff on the current Food Network lineup and comedians being rejected by the network, followed by the guest plugging his podcast, crowd work special, and tour dates.
3moments
- Guest plugs podcast 'Davi's World' and new crowd work special on YouTube.
- Guest promoting 'Fat Rascal Tour' with upcoming special taping in Austin and fall theater dates.
- Tim directs listeners to timedelacomedy.com for ticket information.