Episode 381 · The Studio Revamp
A Job Is A Job | The Tim Dillon Show #381
Feb 11, 2024 · 1:03:42 · 643,000 views · 19 segments, 116 moments indexed
Tim talks about getting a flat tire in Harlem, Biden’s brain, not being the first, 90’s songs as speeches and Tucker Carlson’s Vladimir Putin interview.
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- 4 min
Bentley Breaks Down in Harlem After the Levity Live Show
#Tim explains why the show is late: after a comedy gig at Levity Live in the Palisades Mall, his Bentley hit a pothole on the FDR and he got stuck on a Harlem street corner until 4am waiting for a flatbed tow truck, drawing curious passersby and cops.
8moments
- Tim performed at Levity Live Comedy Club in the Palisades Mall and hit a pothole with his Bentley on the FDR Drive.
- He pulled off onto a street corner in Harlem, where pedestrians were complimentary about the luxury car.
- Police officers parked nearby promptly left when Tim arrived, anticipating the situation would not be worth monitoring.
- Tim and his opener waited for a tow truck until 4 a.m., sitting in and around the Bentley on 142nd and Fifth Avenue.
- A Dominican tow truck driver warned Tim about Venezuelan migrants robbing people, describing organized robbery operations on walkie-talkies.
- Tim notes the Dominican tow truck driver's warnings don't make it onto news coverage the way other narratives about migrants do.
- The parked Bentley with Tim and a young white opener standing outside eating pizza looked like an undercover police sting operation.
- Police periodically checked on Tim throughout the night, implying the area was unsafe despite claiming otherwise when questioned.
HarlemVenezuelan migrantsLevity Live Comedy Club
- 1 min
A Dominican Tow Truck Driver's Warning About Venezuelan Migrants
#While waiting for the tow, a Dominican tow truck driver warns Tim about Venezuelan migrant gangs robbing people, which Tim finds funny because that perspective never makes it onto the news.
2moments
- Tim on luxury car leases: anything that breaks means losing the car for a month minimum, which he's learned is stupid.
- Acknowledging that people will compare his car complaint to Gaza, but insisting it's still annoying to lose a vehicle for a month.
- 2 min
Losing the Bentley for a Month, and Comparing It to Gaza
#Tim complains about the lease car having no spare tire and the annoying process of getting it serviced, then pivots into a bit comparing the annoyance to the much worse suffering in Gaza and the hostages held in tunnels.
5moments
- Bentley owners can't use Triple A for roadside service; they have to go through the dealership's complicated process.
- Hostages have been trapped in Hamas tunnels for almost four months, and many of them have died.
- Tim's assessment: the situation in Gaza is never going to work out, and there's no point in discussing it further.
- Uncle and aunt comparison—they showed up to family holidays at different times and eventually divorced, now both living happy separate lives.
- Tim compares the Gaza situation to his uncle and aunt's doomed relationship as an analogy for what's happening over there.
- 1 min
His Aunt and Uncle's Divorce as a Metaphor for the Middle East
#Tim uses the slow-motion breakup of his aunt and uncle, who avoided each other at holiday parties, as an analogy for the doomed, unworkable state of the Israel-Palestine conflict.
2moments
- Tim compares his uncle and aunt's divorce to the Middle East, noting their scowls and made faces versus actual bombing and hospital destruction.
- Democrats are entering the final stages of grief and need to get rid of Biden, who will lose if they run him.
- 4 min
Tim discusses the special counsel's report describing Biden as an elderly man with a poor memory, arguing politicians need the mental capacity to lie and that Biden no longer has it, then pivots to Gavin Newsom's failures as a potential replacement.
8moments
- The Special Counsel's report declines to indict Biden because he's an elderly man with a poor memory and doesn't know where he is.
- Tim argues Biden would be better off indicted, so people could at least believe he's sharp enough to lie to them.
- The core job requirement of a politician is mental capacity to lie and manipulate; Biden is too old and confused to do that.
- The Special Counsel report details Biden couldn't remember when he was vice president or the details around his son Bo's death.
- Michelle Obama faces widespread conspiracy theories that she's a man, which Tim admits might help or hurt her as a candidate.
- Gavin Newsom is a hated charlatan living on a vineyard while managing a failed state, with biblical plagues descending on California at a rate suggesting God prefers the East Coast.
- Tim describes Gavin Newsom as a good-looking 50-year-old boy nobody trusts, presiding over a state in decline.
- Newsom had the chance to destroy Ron DeSantis in their debate but choked instead.
- 3 min
Michelle Obama, Identity Politics, and 'Firsts' That Aren't Really First
#Tim argues Michelle Obama is the Democrats' only real shot due to name recognition, then riffs on how award-show speeches claiming to be 'the first' of some identity are almost always factually wrong.
6moments
- Michelle Obama is the only shot Democrats have because of her name recognition.
- Identity politics has visceral appeal even though it's destructive; Tim catches himself getting emotional about racial firsts.
- People claim to be the first in their race to do something while erasing predecessors who actually did it before.
- Acceptance speeches thanking everyone who tried and failed rely on America's racism to make the accomplishment seem extraordinary.
- Claims of being 'the first queer person' or 'the first' anything are never actually true.
- You don't have to look hard to find predecessors—Ray points out a transwoman composer who scored Stanley Kubrick films.
- 1 min
The Gay Comedian Who Performed for the Military
#Tim recounts (from memory, incompletely) a story about a little-known gay comedian who performed for military audiences and would come out mid-set, contrasting his obscurity with modern claims of being 'the first.'
3moments
- Tim recalls a gay comedian who regularly performed for the military despite the challenging crowd, coming out mid-set and winning them over with material.
- The comedian wasn't famous but performed openly during a more conservative era regarding gay people.
- Tim notes there aren't many gay male comedians who've reached the level he has, attributing his success primarily to the internet allowing people to build careers directly.
- 4 min
The Narcissism of Award-Show 'First Ever' Speeches
#Continuing the bit, Tim does an extended impression of an award acceptance speech that spirals from gratitude into narcissism about being a historic 'first,' mocking the genre's overwrought sincerity.
8moments
- Tim argues that being first at something in 2024 usually just means you got more famous than others doing the same thing, not that you're actually better or more deserving.
- Award-show acceptance speeches walk an uncomfortable line between acknowledging genuine barriers and sliding into hollow narcissism about being the first of a specific identity.
- Tim mocks the typical speech structure where winners describe their limousine arrival and red-carpet photos while claiming it was never lost on them how much worse things were for people who came before.
- Michelle Obama and Beyoncé at political conventions represent the right scale and approach, but the spectacle has to lean into cultural displays that walk the line between inspiring and offensive-seeming.
- Tim says the aesthetic of traditional African dance and Native American drum circles at political events looks right and works, even though it all seems racist—but genuinely isn't.
- The image of gaunt white delegates from Minnesota and the Great Lakes awkwardly swaying to African drum beats at a convention captures the real tension of trying to unify everyone.
- Tim describes how bringing together Jews and Muslims at this point requires framing it through music and dance because doing it any other way would be very awkward.
- The segment trails into Tim setting up what needs to happen next at these gatherings, leaving the thought incomplete.
- 5 min
The Democratic Convention Needs to Be a Spectacle (Fast Car Bit)
#Tim elaborates his theory that Democrats can only win with Michelle Obama by turning the convention into pure spectacle, imagining awkward white delegates dancing to African drums and Michelle Obama performing Tracy Chapman's 'Fast Car' as a unifying, contradiction-avoiding gimmick.
8moments
- The Democratic convention needs to rely on spectacle to overcome contradictions in the party platform and internal divisions.
- They should bring out star power like Michelle Obama with Barack, filling the stage with celebrities and eliminating any serious policy discussion.
- Tracy Chapman should perform 'Fast Car' at the convention as the ultimate distraction from any substantive platform debate.
- Michelle Obama could recite the Fast Car lyrics poetically while the audience gets emotionally invested, ignoring the actual meaning.
- When someone yells 'Free Palestine' during the performance, Michelle should just point at them and keep singing, maintaining momentum through the disruption.
- Tim explains that he always listens when black women speak because they have more wisdom and experience than young white men.
- Even a homeless black woman commands Tim's respect and attention over other demographics based purely on her lived experience.
- Most convention attendees won't recognize the Fast Car lyrics, but it won't matter—Michelle's emotional delivery will create applause lines regardless.
Michelle ObamaTracy ChapmanPalestinian cause
- 1 min
Biden Needs to Be Put Out to Pasture Like Old Yeller
#Tim runs through a laundry list of Biden's alleged shady history (Delaware, Hunter's dealings, calling cities jungles) to argue he needs to be retired like Old Yeller.
3moments
- Biden needs to be taken out like Old Yeller because he's a racist criminal with a sketchy Ukraine history and a son smoking crack with guns to people's heads.
- Biden was the senator from Delaware, the shadiest state in America where credit card companies move to exploit financially illiterate people with predatory fees and interest rates.
- Delaware has almost no regulation, which is exactly why the credit card industry relocated there and why Biden's entire career is built on representing that corrupt state.
- 9 min
Trump's Campaign as a Party vs. Biden's Dud of a Party
#Tim extends the metaphor that Trump's campaign is a fun, spectacle-driven 'party' (helicopter rides, roasts, danger and all) while Biden's candidacy is a dud party that never gets going, and argues Democrats must throw a big, theme-heavy, nostalgic event (Friends reunion, Martin cast reunion) to compete.
13moments
- Biden has been a lifelong politician, shady guy, old racist criminal that needs to be put out to pasture like Old Yeller.
- Democrats' only shot is having Michelle Obama come in with symbolism, imagery, spectacle, and fun — they need to throw a party.
- Trump is throwing a party: helicopter rides, festivals, comedy acts, roasting people on the stump.
- People just want to go to the party, and we're entering a period of turmoil with AI, automation, climate problems everywhere.
- Biden's candidacy is not a party; Hunter overdid the partying and the whole thing is a dud.
- Trump's party is like a big desert mansion in Arizona with a turquoise pool where the party is the point.
- Biden's party is like going to a rich kid's house where he keeps promising things will happen but nothing does.
- At the Trump party, a few people die but he eulogizes them as having been at the party, and everyone accepts it.
- Michelle Obama and Democrats need to throw a rager — it's got to be big, fun, like 90s liberalism when white people wanted to be black.
- The Democratic campaign has to feel new, electric, and exciting like a party, or it's never going to work.
- Theme ideas for the convention: African dance, 80s break dancing, or maybe a Friends-themed party with Aniston and Kudrow.
- Reunite the cast of Martin with Tisha Campbell and Martin Lawrence, or have Britney Griner shoot three-pointers at the convention.
- Trump will do his version — like the white Olympics opening ceremony — while liberals need to feel cool again instead of just angry.
Al FrankenJoe BidenMichelle ObamaDonald TrumpHunter BidenMatthew PerryBritney GrinerTisha Campbell
- 1 min
A straightforward read for the DraftKings Pick Six fantasy app, explaining how to pick over/under player stats and sign up with code Tim Dylan.
1moment
- DraftKings Pick Six is a fantasy football product where you pick between two and six NFL players and predict whether they'll have more or less of a specific stat.
- 6 min
Reacting to a National Post article about polyamorous triads and quads (and stumbling over the word 'ningling'), Tim argues polyamory doesn't work because of jealousy, compares group relationships to cults, and blames media 'losers' for promoting lifestyles that don't actually make people happy.
10moments
- Polyamory is being pushed hard now, with more people choosing it over monogamy through triads and quads.
- 'Ningling' — the actual word used in a National Post article about polyamory, which Tim finds absurd.
- Polyamory doesn't work because jealousy is real and people can't actually handle sleeping with others guilt-free.
- Groups of people in romantic arrangements together is just a cult by another name, requiring a documentary or poison at the end.
- The happiest people build something meaningful with one partner, requiring sacrifice of base desires for the greater good.
- Media has embraced polyamory because journalists are losers in tiny apartments who can't sustain real relationships.
- The media tells everyone not to want things — money, partners, attractiveness — because the journalists themselves don't have them.
- Miserable Brooklyn media types tell people they don't need suburbs, land, or happiness because the writers are 46 and single themselves.
- The polyamory push feels engineered; Tim doesn't actually know anyone who's poly in real life.
- Tim considers having his godson on the podcast to discuss the topic, finding it potentially interesting.
polyamoryNational Post
- 1 min
Roland Watches the Tucker-Putin Interview
#Tim's godson Roland is over watching and clapping along to the Tucker Carlson/Putin interview; Tim jokingly tells him to go to the pool and calls Putin his ally.
2moments
- Tim confesses he doesn't know what the Tucker-Putin interview means
- Putin supposedly invited Tim to his house and offered to let Roland go to the pool
- 10 min
Breaking Down the Tucker-Putin Interview: 'A Job's a Job'
#Tim gives an extended analysis of the Tucker Carlson-Putin interview, joking about a fictional friendship with Putin, praising the moment Putin says 'a job's a job' about the CIA as the most human and revealing part, and arguing the interview's perceived boringness reflects the real banality of geopolitical evil versus Hollywood's dramatized version of it.
11moments
- Tim opens by calling Putin Tucker Carlson's ally and joking about taking him to the pool.
- Putin called Tim beforehand about the Tucker interview and has a subtle sense of humor that complements Tim's gregarious personality.
- Tim addresses people who think Russia pays him because he's questioned America's dedicated policy of nuclear war.
- Tim's favorite moment: Putin telling Tucker he's lucky he didn't get into the CIA, saying 'a job's a job' with respect for the CIA as lifelong enemies.
- Putin murders people but is a relic of another age—an armchair philosopher like a grandpa with hundreds of nuclear weapons, not interested in new media.
- Tim's interest is preventing America from going to war with Russia using nuclear weapons or instigating a wider war in that part of the world.
- The fun of Putin's life is over; he's at the top of the mountain with a big desk, and only lives for what he thinks Russia is.
- The Prigozhin thing probably made Putin feel alive again for the first time in years, like the old days of being a spy climbing the ranks.
- Everyone said the interview was boring because they want yelling and back-and-forth, not Putin's lengthy monologues.
- Politics is boring by its nature; evil has a banality to it—cold marble bank floors and vague lunches, not ancient blood cults or shape-shifting lizards.
- Hollywood has taught Americans to expect intrigue and narrative arcs, but real geopolitical conflicts like Israel-Palestine or Russia-Ukraine would put you to sleep if explained in full.
- 4 min
Putin's Nostalgia for His Days as a Spy
#Tim theorizes that Putin, isolated in his palace with the weight of Russian history on him, briefly lit up recalling the more fun, dangerous days of his spy career versus his current lonely position of absolute power.
7moments
- Putin's nostalgia for spy work—'a job's a job' revealed he found genuine excitement in the espionage game.
- Tim compares Putin's glory days to early comedy—broke open-mic comics running around with no expectations have more fun than established performers.
- Putin didn't realize Russia's future rested on his shoulders when he was a spy, so he had more freedom and enjoyment then.
- Putin respects his enemies but shows contempt for media and interviewers, caring only about people with nuclear arsenals.
- Tim felt sympathy for Putin—locked in palaces carrying the weight of Russian history, he briefly lit up remembering when it was fun.
- In those spy days, it was just 'me and the guys'—a deadly game where people tried to turn assets and kill each other.
- The human moments that leaked through in the interview showed Putin remembering when he actually enjoyed the work.
- 1 min
A sponsor read for BlueChew, the chewable erectile dysfunction tablet service, covering the online prescription process and a free-trial promo code.
4moments
- Tim explains Blue Chew: you take it, your penis gets hard, you're ready for sex and perform well.
- The service delivers Viagra and Cialis equivalents in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost, all handled online.
- Tim pitches the free month trial: "Don't think you need it, try it free for a month and see, you'll love it."
- Special offer for listeners: use promo code "Tim" at checkout for the first month free, just pay $5 shipping.
- 2 min
A sponsor read for Morgan and Morgan injury law firm, including a Wendy's slip-and-fall bit, pitching their no-win-no-fee model and contact info.
5moments
- If you're injured by a person, place, or thing, you deserve to get paid—that's the principle.
- Not calling a lawyer after an accident means you could be leaving millions on the table.
- People slip and fall at Wendy's without taking action, but that's when you deserve compensation if there's no wet floor sign.
- Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm with over a thousand lawyers and $2 billion recovered for 500,000 clients.
- Morgan and Morgan only gets paid if you win—they take all the risk while you get the benefit.
- 4 min
Replaying Putin's 'A Job Is a Job' CIA Moment
#Tim plays and reacts to the actual clip of Putin telling Tucker that the CIA has 'always been our opponents, a job is a job,' celebrating intelligence agencies' shared professional mutual respect, then loops back to insist Democrats need Michelle Obama and Tracy Chapman spectacle to win, closing the episode on that joke.
10moments
- Tim plays Putin's eyes lighting up like Christmas morning as he dismisses the CIA interview.
- Putin acknowledges the CIA backed the Kiev coup and notes Tim once wanted to join them.
- Putin's line: 'They have always been our opponents. A job is a job.'
- Tim toasts all intelligence agencies in the shadows—FSB, CIA, Stasi, Hamas—for their brutal work.
- Intelligence agencies never hear they have fans; they kill and torture forever in silence.
- Tim repeats Putin's 'a job is a job' as the guiding principle for all intelligence work.
- Democrats need to learn from Putin: if you're going to have a spectacle, make it cool again.
- Michelle Obama would perform Tracy Chapman's 'Fast Car' at the Democratic field spectacle with steel drums.
- The Democratic problem is they're running an old, decrepit guy against a man who throws the best parties.
- Democrats need to throw a rager in Massachusetts with polyamorous lesbians and Tracy Chapman to win.
Vladimir PutinDemocratsFSBMichelle ObamaCIAHamasTracy Chapman