Episode 288 · The Ben Avery Era
#288 - The Real Housewives of Cotino | The Tim Dillon Show
Feb 20, 2022 · 1:04:16 · 579,000 views · 14 segments, 93 moments indexed
Tim talks about the new residential Disney community in the Coachella Valley, why you will rent from Blackstone forever, the tragedy in the Hamptons and Prince Andrew going to the Queen for money.
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Friends of the Show Mentioned
- 1 min
Tim opens the show and announces his Ridgefield, Connecticut show at the Ridgefield Playhouse, mentioning ticket sales and that Yannis Pappas may make a guest appearance.
1moment
- Tim announcing Ridgefield Playhouse show on February 25th in Connecticut, 500-seat intimate venue with half already sold out on announcement day.
- 5 min
Tim reacts to news that Prince Andrew settled his sexual abuse civil case with Virginia Giuffre, funded partly via a Swiss chalet sale and framed as a charitable donation from the Queen, and reflects on how the Epstein saga seems to have fizzled out with no real accountability.
10moments
- Prince Andrew settled a civil sex case with Virginia Giuffre over alleged forced sex in 2001.
- Tim defends Giuffre's decision to take the settlement money, rejecting criticism from people who wanted jail time instead.
- Queen Elizabeth is donating to sex abuse charities as her contribution to the settlement, structured to avoid directly paying an abuse victim.
- Tim argues that the Epstein case is now over with no real reckoning—Q Anon was fake, nobody went to jail, and influencers have already moved on.
- There was an island in the South Pacific owned by a billionaire pedophile where powerful people went to abuse children, and it's all been proven.
- Prince Andrew's settlement will be the final story of the Epstein case, despite it being an earth-shattering scandal that everyone's already bored with.
- Tim describes Prince Andrew as neurodivergent or on the spectrum, settling with a trafficking victim while Ghislaine Maxwell remains in jail.
- There was no real resolution and no dominoes fell—this was never going to bring down the people at the top.
- The Epstein saga ending feels like removing the last mask from a kid at the gym after two years of masking, then telling them to run free.
- Tim compares the abrupt end of the Epstein story to the sudden lifting of COVID restrictions after two years of outdoor masking.
Friend of the showJeffrey EpsteinPrince AndrewVirginia GiuffreGhislaine MaxwellQueen ElizabethSarah Ferguson
- 7 min
Tim discusses a Zero Hedge story about Blackstone's multi-billion dollar acquisition of apartment communities, riffing on how corporate landlords are pushing America toward a renter/gig-economy future instead of homeownership.
8moments
- Blackstone buys 12,000 Sun Belt apartments for $5.8 billion, becoming America's largest residential landlord.
- Tim explains Blackstone's strategy: betting that more Americans will become permanent renters rather than homeowners.
- The vision is a gig economy where people hop between jobs, rent apartments, use services like Uber and Lyft, and own almost nothing.
- The American dream used to mean home ownership and family; now it's transforming into something entirely different.
- The old dream was property, family, and community—local investment where people succeeded or failed together.
- Now everybody lives alone in cities, severed from real communities and social commitments, part only of toxic digital ones.
- Blackstone sees where America is headed: they know people will rent and be happy to do it.
- Tim questions why anyone without a family needs to own a home, then notes his married friends remind him heterosexuals deserve houses more than he does.
- 4 min
Ben's Wife Says He Doesn't Need All Those Houses
#Tim riffs on being told by his producer Ben and his wife that he doesn't need multiple homes since he's gay and single, spiraling into a bit about hosting Christmas parties with Logan Paul and Bari Weiss and the difficulty of adoption versus abortion.
10moments
- Tim owns multiple homes he doesn't need as a single gay man with no family to support.
- Most people buy houses for families, but family formation is low and happening later, so fewer people need houses now.
- Ben's wife has repeatedly criticized him for owning seven-bedroom houses he doesn't need.
- Tim argues his wife makes him feel bad for being gay and says gay people deserve homes too.
- Ben proposes he could adopt children to fill the rooms if Tim helped him through the process.
- Tim mentions reading Bubba Watson's book about adoption, which took a long time despite Watson's wealth.
- Tim proposes making adoption easier instead of abortion, so women can have nine months to rest while someone else raises the child.
- The adoption system is controlled by concerns about sex trafficking and CPS practices, making it deliberately difficult.
- Ben argues his wife guilt-trips him about needing multiple homes despite his stated reason: hosting parties with celebrities like Logan Paul and Barry Weiss.
- Tim objects to being demeaned about his real estate holdings before discussing a rental index chart.
Bubba WatsonJohn DalyBari WeissLogan Paul
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Keeps, the hair loss treatment service, describing virtual doctor consultations and medication delivery, and directs listeners to keeps.com/TimDillon for a free first month.
3moments
- Rent growth spiked 17.8% from 2021 to 2022 after pandemic lockdowns destroyed people's income and credit.
- The only way to prevent baldness is to keep the hair you have on your head.
- Several of Tim's friends are using Keeps for hair loss and it's working for them.
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for ExpressVPN, explaining how data brokers track IP addresses even in incognito mode and pitching the VPN's ease of use across devices.
1moment
- Tim pitches ExpressVPN, claiming data has surpassed oil as the most valuable commodity and data brokers are constantly buying and selling yours.
- 7 min
Tim discusses a high school friend from Canada and pivots into a lengthy riff on Justin Trudeau authorizing banks to freeze trucker convoy supporters' accounts without a court order, comparing it to post-9/11 civil liberties violations and warning about a coming social credit system.
7moments
- Tim discusses Trudeau authorizing banks to freeze truckers' accounts on suspicion alone, with no court order required.
- He compares account freezing to post-9/11 torture and rendition, noting that those complaining now didn't speak up when the government was kidnapping and killing people.
- The social credit score system people dismissed as conspiracy theory is already happening in Canada with crowdfunding platform regulations.
- Tim imagines a future where peaceful protest is banned and regular people lose all recourse except armed resistance against the government.
- The trucker protests have been largely peaceful despite media attempts to frame them as racist and dangerous; they're vaccinated-mandate opponents, not violent extremists.
- Black Lives Matter received millions in unaccounted donations while corporations openly supported them, but the government freezes accounts for anyone funding truckers.
- Tim worries that people frozen out of their bank accounts with no recourse will eventually become radicalized and act on desperation.
Justin TrudeauCanadatruckersBlack Lives Mattergovernment overreach
- 13 min
Tim dives into a news story about Disney launching branded master-planned home communities called Cotino in Rancho Mirage, California, mocking the eerie marketing language, the loss of personal freedom involved, and imagining what a dystopian Disney-controlled neighborhood would look like.
18moments
- Disney's extreme secrecy and lack of legitimate documentaries about the company.
- Tim describes Disney World as a sickness rooted in Peter Pan syndrome and unresolved childhood trauma.
- The people drawn to Disney communities are unwell, according to Tim.
- Disney announces Story Living, branded master-planned home communities in the Coachella Valley.
- Tim fixates on Disney's use of the word 'reassuring' in describing community architecture and what that implies.
- The phrase 'story living' fills Tim with a sense of dread about what comes next.
- Cotino will include 1,900 housing units in Rancho Mirage, threatening to ruin Palm Springs' cool mid-century modern character.
- Tim reads Disney exec Josh D'Amaro claiming fans want to keep Disney part of their lives all the time.
- Communities will be named 'Story Living' to focus on culture and place-making, with residents as active story participants.
- Tim warns that anyone excited about this has deep problems and should feel horror and fear instead.
- Other corporations will copy Disney's model, building branded fantasy communities where people live in movies all day.
- Disney releases promotional ad for Story Living communities with messaging about charming homes and world-famous service.
- Tim jokes about the first murder in a Disney community and how it won't fit the narrative.
- This marks the beginning of corporations designing entire communities, with BlackRock and others profiting through rentals.
- Tim questions whether Disney communities will have crime, drug markets, and rough neighborhoods like real places.
- Real estate economist Daryl Fairweather suggests Disney-branded retirement communities for baby boomers.
- Tim argues Disney World should be a four-day visit, not a permanent residence for elderly people.
- Tim questions how much more people are willing to give to corporations like Disney.
DisneyDisney WorldDaryl FairweatherJosh D'AmaroBlack RockCoachellaBucky'sRancho Mirage
- 8 min
Cotino, Epcot's Nazi Origins, and Corporate Community Sprawl
#Continuing the Disney riff, Tim imagines fake ad copy and cast-member dystopia for Cotino, notes Walt Disney's original Epcot vision and alleged antisemitism, and predicts other corporations like Marvel and Carl's Jr. building their own branded communities.
10moments
- Tim explains why Cotino terrifies him: people will abandon places with real history to live in a corporate-built fantasy community.
- The concept of 'story living' emerged from an executive realizing that living alone wasn't enough—Disney decided people needed a narrative provided for them.
- Tim describes Cotino's aesthetic: aggressively bright, neon, and fake, where residents remain artificially happy regardless of actual suffering in the outside world.
- If Cotino succeeds, other corporations will replicate the model, creating gated communities where entire lives are planned and managed by brands.
- Disney's Imagineers—the creative force behind animatronic pirates—will design Cotino, while the company distances itself from actual ownership and development.
- Cast members in Cotino won't be genuinely nice people; they'll be actors performing kindness as part of the Disney script you've paid to inhabit.
- Walt Disney loved the Coachella Valley for its weather and, according to the text Tim reads, its lack of Jewish residents.
- Disney created a cartoon world and is now inviting people to abandon the real one—to buy a house and become the star of a movie the corporation is making.
- Walt Disney's original Epcot was meant to be an experimental prototype community showcasing latest technology, which Tim sarcastically attributes to Walt being a Nazi.
- Tim admits he'll probably visit Cotino's restaurants anyway, eating ice cream while the temperature hits 112 degrees, because resistance feels pointless.
- 2 min
Tim reads a ShipStation ad describing how the service manages online business shipping across platforms like Amazon, eBay, and Etsy, with a promo code for a 60-day free trial.
3moments
- Tim pitches ShipStation as a back office solution for online businesses to handle orders from Amazon, eBay, Etsy, and personal websites.
- ShipStation eliminates headaches from returns and return tracking while saving money by comparing carrier options.
- 98% of companies using ShipStation for a year continue using it for as long as they're in business.
- 1 min
Tim promotes SimplySafe home security cameras and monitoring, joking that he lives in a secure luxury building while addressing the listener's presumed lack of security.
2moments
- Tim and his wife use SimplySafe and love it; they set it up at their house and it was super easy.
- The listener and their wife are out in the streets, not really—but SimplySafe helps with that.
- 10 min
Tim complains about a new reality show being filmed at the Southampton restaurant 75 Main featuring wealthy patrons like Kendall Jenner and Robert Kraft, arguing reality TV is dead and that this defiles the understated ethos of the Hamptons.
12moments
- Tim visits 75 Main in Southampton, praises the lobster quesadilla and good experience.
- The era of reality TV is over; people won't get famous or make money from these shows anymore.
- The Hamptons are supposed to have class and dignity, not flashy California behavior.
- A reality show at the restaurant disturbs Tim; he urges them to just make good food instead.
- Page Six reports the show will feature celebrities like Kendall Jenner, Paris Hilton, and Robert Kraft.
- The whole point of the Hamptons is wealthy people pretending not to care about this stuff.
- Tim worries the cameras will change the restaurant's vibe and he'll face pushback for his criticism.
- Plot lines include staff members developing crushes and drama—exactly what ruins fine dining establishments.
- If they're going this route with reality shows, the Hamptons will have a real problem.
- Production companies convince staff they'll be stars with product lines, just like Bethenny Frankel's Skinny Girl success.
- Tim doesn't want working-class Hamptons staff dealing with intrusive and boorish reality TV behavior.
- Tim closes out slightly disappointed with the whole situation.
reality TVThe HamptonsVanderpump RulesBethenny Frankel75 MainPrince AndrewThe Real Housewives of New YorkKendall Jenner+4 more
- 2 min
Tim runs through a long list of upcoming tour stops including San Antonio, Portland Maine, Providence, Ridgefield, Albany, Toronto, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Nashville, Denver, Glasgow, Dublin, and London.
6moments
- San Antonio and Portland Maine tour dates announced; Reddit already circulating criticism about Portland material.
- Providence, Ridgefield, Albany, and Concord dates listed with venues and specific February dates.
- Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Nashville Ryman special taping scheduled for March.
- International dates confirmed: Glasgow, Dublin, and London April 4th through 6th.
- Tim mentions potential additional dates in Charlotte, New Orleans, and Jacksonville to round out the tour.
- Upcoming special "Live from Cotino" will feature him dressed as the clock from Beauty and the Beast performing his full set.
- 1 min
Closing Bit: Blockading Cotino Into Extinction
#Tim closes the show with a dark joke imagining truckers blockading the Disney Cotino community to starve out and prevent reproduction of its residents.
2moments
- American truckers should blockade Cotina so people there can't get food in or out, causing them to die off and preventing reproduction
- Tim ends the bit: "that's the movie"