Episode 275 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#275 - Cool Mom! | The Tim Dillon Show
Oct 31, 2021 · 1:17:18 · 772,000 views · 18 segments, 127 moments indexed
Tim Dillon discusses a cool party mother who loved her family maybe too much, what Mr. Zuckerberg has planned in the exciting virtual reality Metaverse, and millennials vs zoomers in the work place.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Admitting He Likes Candy Crush and Candy Corn
#Tim opens the show confessing controversial food takes, comparing candy corn to buttery syrup and describing how he deleted a tweet about liking it out of fear of backlash.
1moment
- Tim admits he actually likes Candy Crush
- 1 min
Chrissy Teigen, QAnon, and Whitney Houston Subbing for Wendy Williams
#Tim riffs that QAnon conspiracy theories make celebrities like Chrissy Teigen seem cooler than they are, then pivots to discussing Whitney (Cummings?) filling in for an ailing Wendy Williams and how that audience wasn't there for comedy.
3moments
- Tim deleted a tweet saying he kind of likes candy corn because he feared it was too controversial.
- If Chrissy Teigen was eating children, that would be the coolest thing about her—QAnon conspiracies make these people look cooler than they actually are.
- Whitney Houston subbing in for Wendy Williams was a big disaster that week.
We wish them wellChrissy TeigenWendy WilliamsQAnonWhitney Cummings
- 1 min
The Wendy Williams Audience Wants a Pep Rally, Not Comedy
#He explains that talk show and SNL audiences don't want jokes, they want energetic agreement and a pep-rally feeling for people who are having a rough time.
2moments
- Wendy Williams audiences don't want comedy—they want Wendy, and she's impossible to compete with.
- SNL audiences function like a pep rally where people energetically agree with approved messages rather than laugh at jokes.
- 18 min
Tim does an extended read-through and riff on the news story of Shannon O'Connor, the "cool mom" from Los Gatos charged with dozens of felonies for supplying alcohol to teens, facilitating sex parties, and allegedly enabling a sexual assault, while defending the "cool mom" archetype from his own childhood in Long Island before acknowledging the assault allegations cross a line.
19moments
- Tim introduces Shannon O'Connor, the cool mom going to jail for throwing teen sex parties
- The cool mom phenomenon: providing a safe space for teenagers to experiment with drugs, alcohol, and sex
- O'Connor's 6,000 square foot house became a venue where drunk teenagers could test their limits
- Cool moms have to threaten weak people and rats to protect the circle and keep it intact
- O'Connor faces 39 criminal charges including 12 felony counts of child endangerment—more than bin Laden would face
- What O'Connor did used to be called being cool; she wasn't sexually abusing kids, just facilitating conditions
- Tim's own grandmother bought vodka for high school seniors; parents back then normalized teen drinking
- A #MeToo Los Gatos movement emerged at the high school, which triggered the investigation into O'Connor
- O'Connor was 15 years old when she started, which is young but seniors in high school is more appropriate
- She purchased alcohol of the teenager's choosing and provided beach houses and cabins—kids will never experience this again
- One drunk girl passed in and out of consciousness while a boy sexually assaulted her in a bedroom—that's actually not good
- One boy suffered a concussion falling off the back of O'Connor's car while she drove drinking teenagers around
- Something's clearly wrong and orchestrated about this case, but is it hack to just join everyone else's condemnation
- O'Connor was known as the cool mom since her older son was in middle school, which raised eyebrows
- As Tim reads more, he realizes this is more complex—she's leading people into rooms where assaults happen
- O'Connor denied bail and also accused of a $120,000 embezzlement scheme on company credit cards
- Many of the kids will look back and say these were the greatest times of their lives, though not all of them
- Cops found O'Connor, her two sons, and at least 10 teenagers at their Idaho home the day she was arrested
- O'Connor moved to Idaho so her son could pursue a girl he met playing Fortnite, buying her roses and Tiffany necklaces
Shannon O'ConnorDina LohanLos Gatos High SchoolRobert AmaralKathy Griffin
- 2 min
A sponsor read for BetterHelp therapy service, including a sung jingle about various life problems that BetterHelp can fix, with the discount code and website repeated.
3moments
- Tim raps about feeling sad, mad, and bad, unable to talk to your dad, wanting to end it all.
- The boss is making you mad, the girlfriend's riding you, the dog is barking, your mother's a nut, you're smoking pot all day.
- You hate everybody, you're not an entrepreneur, Gary Vee let you down, YouTube made you believe things are possible when they are not.
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for ExpressVPN about online security and hacking risks, joking about using it to watch Succession from Kuala Lumpur and mocking his producer Ben.
4moments
- Tim explains why everyone needs a VPN to protect against government snooping and hackers on unencrypted networks.
- ExpressVPN creates an encrypted tunnel that would take a hacker with a supercomputer over a billion years to crack.
- Tim uses ExpressVPN to watch Netflix from Kuala Lumpur, where the local version is apparently about mangoes instead of Succession.
- Tim breaks character and jokes about killing himself in the studio chair before continuing the ad read.
- 2 min
Selling His Car and Sobriety Fears
#Tim muses about selling his car since he doesn't like driving in LA, and jokingly wonders if driving is the only thing keeping him sober after 12 years, riffing on being "regal" versus being a wage slave.
4moments
- Tim is thinking of selling his car because he has rage issues and doesn't actually like driving.
- He's been sober for 12 years and worries that selling the car might cause him to start drinking and using drugs again.
- A Crate and Barrel employee was falling apart because container ships full of merchandise are stuck at the Port of Los Angeles.
- If you ordered an ottoman, it's sitting on a container ship in the port and you almost want to take a boat out to grab it.
supply chain issuesCrate and BarrelNew York Times
- 1 min
Supply Chain Woes at Crate and Barrel
#A quick bit about a stressed-out Crate and Barrel employee lamenting that customers' furniture is stuck on container ships at the Port of Los Angeles.
1moment
- The New York Times writes a lot of articles that don't need to be written, and this is one of them.
- 14 min
Tim breaks down a New York Times piece about Gen Z workplace boldness versus millennial institutionalism, contrasting Gen Z's nihilistic independence and disrespect for bosses with millennial neediness for approval, corporate performative culture, and cringe-worthy retreat exercises like the "Suffy Awards."
25moments
- Tim notes that 37-year-old millennial bosses are afraid of 23-year-old Gen Z employees.
- Gen Z has a productive nihilism rooted in watching institutions lose credibility and fail during their lifetime.
- These young people are self-starters who don't wait for institutions to give them a shot, unlike previous generations.
- Tim acknowledges Gen Z independence as positive but critiques the fetishization of mental health and sexual politics in the generation.
- At 36 heading toward 37, Tim recognizes his own irrelevance and that his beliefs no longer matter culturally.
- When people hit their career stride in their 30s and 40s, they're too busy to steer culture like younger people do.
- The New York Times article portrays millennials as soft, emotionally manipulative, institutionalist, and desperate for approval.
- Millennials were raised with a fear-driven culture that threatened them about college, framing it as essential to survival.
- Gen Z appears more nihilistic and less approval-seeking than millennials, though all humans crave validation to some degree.
- Gen Z workers ask their bosses if they can leave once their tasks are done, rejecting millennial office performativity.
- Gen Z has no respect for their bosses and recognizes many of them only succeeded by playing corporate games and failing upwards.
- A young employee asked their manager to do a task, shocking the boss who isn't accustomed to being asked to work.
- Gen Z is much more political and expects companies to take political stances, while older generations want politics left out of business.
- Tim avoids office work because offices hit diminishing returns and he's spent too much time in them already.
- Young people recognize they could build their own business on OnlyFans, Patreon, YouTube, TikTok, or Twitch instead of sitting in an office.
- Tim tells a story about Doreen, a sweet office mom who became a loan officer, then was fired for stealing deals.
- The article itself is hard to care about either way, despite the generational culture clash it describes.
- Older business founders say they sell tomato sauce, not politics, while younger workers insist everything is political.
- Maybe one good thing about millennials is that they know when to shut up, unlike Gen Z.
- At a company retreat, a meditation instructor ran an exercise called the Suffie Awards where staff shared personal suffering around a campfire.
- Millennials turned suffering into a game where recognition is earned by admitting the most painful personal stories.
- Gen Z employees got vulnerable at the Suffie Awards, discussing cheating partners and quarantine loneliness with their bosses.
- Tim warns that admitting vulnerability to coworkers at corporate exercises gives them ammunition to use against you later.
- Even in sales, Tim avoided corporate retreats and campfire bonding exercises because he refuses to participate in forced intimacy.
- Corporate friendship-building exercises are not for Tim and represent where he draws the line on workplace culture.
Gen ZmillennialsBill BurrEmily FletcherThe Big LebowskiOolaDoreen
- 1 min
Corporate Retreats Are Not for Me
#Tim explains he could never work in a normal corporate environment with camp-style bonding exercises, except hypothetically for Spotify money.
2moments
- Tim explains he could never work at a normal company because he'd immediately cash out and disappear to sit by a fire talking about his problems.
- He trails off trying to figure out what's happening with Xena interrupting the conversation.
- 6 min
An ad read for Magic Spoon cereal spirals into Tim interrogating Ben about why he thinks healthy breakfasts are boring, plus a tangent about violently reacting to sugar and choking his aunt.
6moments
- Tim insists healthy breakfasts don't have to be boring, though he admits he used to think they were.
- His real reason for wanting sugary cereal: he wants a dopamine hit, not nutrition.
- Being healthy is boring in his opinion—he wants to be stimulated when he eats.
- Tim claims he hits people violently when he has sugar, once choking his aunt against a bathroom door.
- Magic Spoon cereal tastes like sugar but contains zero grams of sugar, 13-14 grams of protein, and only four net carbs.
- He reads the product specs at auctioneer speed to demonstrate his ability to rush through ad copy.
Magic SpoonAna Kasparian
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for SimplySafe home security system, joking grimly about people coming to kill you and citing his brother's endorsement.
3moments
- Tim says people are going to come into your house and kill you — this is the reality, not rhetoric.
- His brother, who sells alarms, recommended SimplySafe to him.
- Tim wants to sleep easy and stop killers somewhere between them having the idea and actually doing it.
- 9 min
Tim discusses the Facebook whistleblower Frances Haugen's revelations that the platform facilitated the sale of Filipino maids and failed to moderate hate speech in non-English-speaking countries, then live-posts a satirical Facebook status about selling a maid to test the moderation, and jokes that Zuckerberg should have her killed.
13moments
- Facebook is rebranding to Meta, joining the ranks of companies like a Long Island restaurant trying to rebrand their image.
- Facebook has become a platform where elderly people scream into the void about their dead dogs and knee operations while spreading misinformation.
- The whistleblower revelations show Facebook failed to moderate harmful content in developing countries and allowed maids to be bought and sold on the platform.
- Tim questions why Facebook's responsibility extends to policing what users do when hate groups themselves are Facebook users.
- Facebook's own documents show it was aware maids were being abused and sold in the Philippines but under-enforced on confirmed abusive activity.
- Tim tests posting a status offering a chained maid for sale to demonstrate Facebook's moderation failures in real time.
- Facebook's safety systems struggle with non-English languages, allowing hate speech and abuse to flourish in countries they cannot properly moderate.
- Facebook's algorithm mistakenly banned a hashtag referencing the Al-Aqsa Mosque because it confused it with a militant group.
- Glenn Greenwald argues that removing power from tech oligopolies just transfers it to governments, which people should fear equally.
- Tim sarcastically suggests Zuckerberg should act like a ruthless boss and have whistleblower Frances Haugen eliminated rather than testify to Congress.
- The Meta metaverse will be a world where maids can be sold seamlessly, with their avatars disguising the physical damage inflicted on them.
- In a video demonstration of the metaverse, a virtual maid avatar hides the bruised and bloody reality of actual abuse.
- Zuckerberg's solution through Meta is to give abused maids avatars that conceal the substantial physical damage he's done to them.
Mark ZuckerbergFacebookFrances HaugenMetaGlenn Greenwald
- 2 min
Facebook Metaverse Sketch: Zuckerberg's Avatar Maid
#Tim does a bit imagining the Facebook Metaverse demo where Zuckerberg's abused maid is disguised by a cartoon avatar so nobody sees the real damage.
5moments
- Looking through VR goggles, you see a metaverse villa, but in actuality it's just a bleeding Filipino maid.
- Tim acts out the homeowner deflecting questions about a man who used to be in the garage and a maid who got sick and is no longer around.
- An artist in Soho is hiding AR pieces for people to find, but Tim notes people in the Philippines are hiding maids instead.
- Tim contrasts concern about augmented reality with actual reality—people getting beaten back.
- Tim compares the CIA's post-9/11 claims about not understanding Arabic to their supposed training of hijackers in Arizona and Florida.
- 3 min
Brian Laundrie Is Alive Under the Flower Bed
#Tim revives his conspiracy theory that Brian Laundrie faked his death, pointing to a viral video showing a hand near his parents' flower bed as evidence, and jokes about his Long Island-type parents helping him hide.
8moments
- Tim claims Brian Laundrie is alive, not dead, based on a viral video someone showed him.
- A video of the Laundrie family's backyard flower bed supposedly shows a hand passing something—possibly a note—to someone hiding underneath.
- Tim acknowledges this could become his Sandy Hook-level conspiracy but maintains his position because only teeth were found, not other bones.
- The parents met police at the park on the day the body was discovered, which Tim finds suspicious timing.
- Reviewing the actual video frame-by-frame, something appears to emerge from the side of the flower bed that looks like a hand.
- Tim declares Brian Laundrie is alive and proposes this as the first prediction game for a betting website.
- The Laundrie parents' Long Island background explains how they would react to their son confessing—protective and dismissive of the girlfriend.
- Tim's full theory: the parents drugged Brian, extracted some teeth, hid him under the flower pot, and this will all be resolved quietly.
Brian LaundryCanal
- 3 min
Tim announces upcoming UK tour dates in Dublin, London, and future Scotland shows, plus US dates in Indianapolis, Morgantown, Pittsburgh, and Washington DC, while roasting English food along the way.
5moments
- Tim announces UK tour dates: Dublin January 13th, London January 15th and 16th, with Scotland to follow soon.
- Ticket sales start Monday November 1st at 9am local time, with Tim's Artist pre-sale beginning Tuesday November 2nd.
- Tim criticizes English food as dog food, claiming the only good cuisine there is Indian and overpriced Michelin star restaurants.
- US dates announced: Indianapolis on the 3rd, Morgantown West Virginia on the 4th, two Pittsburgh shows Friday, and Washington DC Saturday.
- Sam Talent will open and Cool Mom will host the upcoming shows, with Tim joking about bailing her out.
- 6 min
Closing Riff: Cool Mom's Farewell and the Metaverse Maid Trade
#Tim closes by defending the cultural necessity of train-wreck cool moms, revisits his fake maid-selling Facebook post as a successful test of the platform's failures, and ends with a fantastical bit imagining Cool Mom being driven off into the metaverse to keep running child sex parties as avatars.
10moments
- Tim makes moral judgment that facilitating sexual assault is wrong, but acknowledges value in 'wild mothers' who don't accept aging and party with their kids.
- College students eventually recognize their party-parent phase was sad, but it served as essential life education about breaking rules and having fun.
- Tim invites Cool Mom on tour but warns her away from Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook, which he claims is now primarily a marketplace for selling maids.
- Facebook post shows someone offering a chained maid for sale; Tim jokes the buyer already picked her up within 20 minutes like a transaction.
- Zuckerberg is facilitating beatings of maids through his platform while Cool Mom faces jail, yet he remains a billionaire living comfortably.
- Tim tells millennials and Gen Z to abandon corporate jobs and buy or sell maids on Facebook instead of being complicit cogs in the system.
- Modern rule: you're either selling a maid on Facebook or you're the maid that will get sold—no middle ground.
- Cool Mom's last words to the kids as cops arrested her: 'This is the price of cool'—a farewell she mouths from the patrol car.
- Cool Mom gets driven off into the metaverse, where she'll now arrange child sex orgies with avatars in virtual Tahoe homes.
- Tim closes by summarizing the society we've created and must endure, telling listeners to 'get your maids, get them now.'
- 7 min
Colin Quinn calls in to promote his new one-man show at the Lucille Lortel Theater in New York running November 2nd-20th, and the two discuss touring rough-and-tumble cities, Irish comedy crowds, and corporate versus independent stand-up runs.
13moments
- Colin jokes about how the tables have turned since he last appeared on Tim's podcast five or six years ago, when he claimed he was doing Tim a favor.
- Tim's new show discusses everything happening now, where it's all leading, and what it all means, though Colin warns if you don't like it, nobody will.
- Tim observes that most comedians now do HBO specials about trivial personal details like their mom being a drunk or wearing a dress to Chick-fil-A, whereas Colin tackles ambitious, sweeping ideas.
- Colin is doing a three-week run in New York City at the Lucille Lortel Theater from November 2nd to the 20th.
- During a California show in Ontario, Colin spent half his set lamenting that he wasn't booked at an open-air circus tent next door instead.
- Tim praises Colin's approach of doing a run in one theater, comparing it to the old tradition of New York theater where he performed as a nine-year-old in black box theaters.
- Colin reversed the traditional touring model by making New York his out-of-town run, then planning to hit struggling formerly great industrial cities like Bethlehem.
- Comedy thrives in depressed areas—wherever there's a mobile morgue, comedy's doing well, and these places where men once built the country are great for stand-up.
- Tim just returned from Portland and Seattle, which despite being hotbeds of anarchy and crime have great crowds drawn to the gray, rainy, heroin-addicted atmosphere.
- Colin is heading to Dublin to perform in January and recalls that Irish crowds are demanding—they drink the whole time but live and die off every joke with constant reassessment.
- Colin prefers to perform in sad places, and Tim agrees, noting that at the Hollywood Improv recently the audience seemed like they didn't need to be there.
- Tickets for Colin's Lucille Lortel Theater run are available at colinquinn.com, running November 2nd through the 20th.
- Both realize scheduling conflicts might prevent Colin from seeing Tim's show at the Beacon, as Tim performs at 7 p.m. on nights Colin has his own shows around town.
Colin QuinnRed State Blue StateDublinLucille Lortel TheaterPortlandSeattleTrainspotting