Episode 269 · The Ben Avery Era
#269 - The Activist | The Tim Dillon Show
Sep 19, 2021 · 1:13:32 · 727,000 views · 24 segments, 141 moments indexed
Tim goes into Meghan and Harry's Netflix adventures, a new show on CBS called "The Activist" (yes, it's real), talks about the first time he met Norm Macdonald, and talks Nicki Minaj, and the famous and rich in this classic episode.
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- 3 min
Cold Open: Norm Macdonald Tribute
#Tim opens by mourning Norm Macdonald's death, calling him beloved across the comedy world, and recounts how Norm's retweets and kind words about Tim's work meant a huge amount to him early in his career.
7moments
- Norm MacDonald died, one of the greatest comedians ever lived and universally respected.
- Norm retweeted Tim's OJ video, which felt like everything at the time.
- Tim did Last Comic Standing in 2000-something but it never aired.
- Norm asked how many years Tim had been doing comedy, told him it takes ten years to be a comedian.
- Tim couldn't eat at the Hilton after that interaction, devastated by Norm's criticism.
- Norm later became a fan of Tim's work and material, proved to be right about needing more time to mature.
- You can binge Norm MacDonald content and lose hours of your day; all of it is funny.
Norm MacDonaldLast Comic StandingDamon WayansRoseanne Barr
- 2 min
Getting Destroyed by Norm and Roseanne at Last Comic Standing
#Tim tells the story of bombing emotionally after a Last Comic Standing taping where Norm Macdonald and Damon Wayans gave him a brutal reaction, including Norm asking how many years he'd been doing comedy and telling him he needed ten.
5moments
- Tim riffs on rental properties and assures he has no accusations against Clinton for murder.
- Norm and Roseanne shut down the murder discussion and tell Tim to focus on being funny.
- Roseanne threatens Tim with exclusion from future appearances if he doesn't stop talking.
- Star Jones moved from The View to Court TV, which was rebranded as TruTV, then disappeared from public life.
- The Impractical Jokers episode featuring Star Jones had all four jokers in blackface and fat suits dressed as her.
Star JonesThe ViewImpractical Jokers
- 3 min
Star Jones: Where Is She Now?
#A tangent into looking up whatever happened to Star Jones after The View, including her cameo being mocked on Impractical Jokers, before pivoting into CBS's canceled reality show The Activist.
6moments
- CBS funded 'The Activist,' a reality competition show where people competed to be crowned the best activist on social media.
- Tim explains that celebrity activism isn't good or bad—it's not real, just people talking.
- Charity fundraisers where celebrities wear designer clothes and write checks, with money funneled somewhere eventually, aren't direct action.
- Hollywood occasionally does something so heinous they have to disavow it, like the 'Imagine' video during lockdown when nurses needed PPE.
- The Activist was essentially The Apprentice for woke Instagram activists—hot people with BLM in their profiles and pronouns listed.
- Every hot Instagram account has the same profile: BLM, pronouns, and tits.
The Activistcelebrity activismCBS
- 9 min
Tim breaks down the real CBS/Global Citizen show that pitted young activists against each other in a reality competition, tracing its origin to a pandemic-era executive brainstorm during the George Floyd protests and mocking hypothetical Ferguson-based challenges.
10moments
- CBS created 'The Activist' reality show to find attractive, socially conscious people to participate in a competition while claiming to do serious activism work.
- The show's premise was that contestants would gain social media followers from competing on television, which would supposedly help them do better activism.
- Tim explains the show idea had to climb through multiple layers of executive approval, suggesting it was conceived during the George Floyd riots period.
- The black square social media trend emerged during the riots as a way to signal solidarity, though Tim notes it became performative and politically coercive.
- During civil unrest, a network executive pitched a show pitting young activists against each other in competition, arguing the moment was culturally important.
- The show would have required challenges and elimination rounds, following standard competition formats like Survivor and Project Runway.
- Producers seriously discussed dropping contestants in Ferguson for the anniversary of Michael Brown's death to see what activism they would create, with different teams competing on their approach.
- An Irish climate activist contacted for the show told the Daily Beast that by the end of discussions, she realized no one involved actually understood what activism meant.
- Hollywood conflates activism with entertainment and personal branding, treating it like skateboarding or yoga rather than work designed to create actual change.
- Executives living in million-dollar houses don't understand that activism should have a real effect—they see it only as a strategy to build a brand.
CBSGeorge FloydMichael BrownTamir RiceactivismDavid HoggEmma GonzalezAlicia O'Sullivan
- 3 min
Hollywood's Concept of Activism as Personal Brand
#Tim argues Hollywood executives think activism is just another form of branding, mocking the profile of the ideal 'activist' contestant and how the show pressured a participant to cry on camera.
5moments
- Hollywood's definition of activism is a personal brand built on social media followers and aesthetic diversity.
- Tim describes the actual goal: a book deal, Netflix special, and merch line—not criminal justice reform.
- A documentary subject breaks down over being pressured to perform emotion on camera for the perfect shot.
- To Hollywood, The Rock is America's most successful activist because he has 115 million Instagram followers.
- The Kardashian-Jenners rank as the second-most successful activists in America by the same metric.
The RockKardashian familyJoe JonasPriyanka Chopra JonasUsher
- 1 min
The Jonas Brothers and the Cast Signing Onto The Activist
#A brief riff on the four Jonas brothers (including the obscure Frankie) before returning to how Usher, Priyanka Chopra Jonas, and Julianne Hough were signed on as hosts of The Activist.
3moments
- Tim identifies the four Jonas Brothers: Kevin, Joe, Nick, and Frankie, the youngest who lives in New York, has anxiety, and is on TikTok.
- Networks cast shows with women of color, then add a white blonde woman like Julianne Hough to prevent the audience from feeling like they're before a tribunal of people of color.
- The cast signed contracts for the show, which should prevent them from backing out.
Julianne HoughFrankie JonasJoe JonasKevin JonasNick JonasUsher
- 4 min
Tim reads the CBS/Global Citizen statement walking back the competition format into a documentary, and fantasizes about the outrageous competition show he wishes they'd actually made, including a Planned Parenthood-themed challenge.
8moments
- Tim plays footage of CBS's 'The Activist' competition show announcement featuring Usher, Priyanka Chopra, and Julian Ho.
- CBS pulled the plug on the competition format after backlash, claiming it distracted from activists' real work.
- Tim demands to see the show as originally conceived—a genuine contest where activists perform outside Planned Parenthood.
- Tim imagines the judges critiquing an activist's handmade tail costume and pop-culture-infused activism at the venue.
- Tim envisions judges rejecting an activist for presenting tablets styled as the Ten Commandments but meant to represent women's rights.
- The original show would have sent contestants to Afghanistan for a season finale—a monstrous idea CBS executives actually considered.
- Tim describes how CBS would have brought Michael Brown's mother on stage to crown the winning activist for ratings.
- Hollywood executives in these positions desperately want to convince themselves they're not evil but simply have no idea how.
The ActivistPriyanka ChopraUsherHollywood activismCBSMichael Brown's motherGlobal CitizenJulian Ho+1 more
- 2 min
Hollywood People Have No Souls (AOC's Met Gala Dress)
#Tim expands into a broader theory that Hollywood elites desperately want to believe they aren't evil, tying it to AOC's 'Tax the Rich' Met Gala dress and the emptiness of celebrity activism.
6moments
- Hollywood activists don't understand the difference between activism and performative activism, or why social media followers don't make you the best activist.
- They tweet about capitalism and feminism, then put the phone down on marble and drive their kids to private school.
- Tim has stopped caring about the AOC Met Gala 'tax the rich' dress controversy and won't police her outfit choices.
- Peak satire: AOC acts like attending the Met Gala is suffering she must endure, when she was clearly invited and not scaring anyone.
- Rich people at the Met love the 'tax the rich' dress because they know it's all pretend.
- Sheathunderwear.com advertisement: they make underwear with a pouch for your genitals so you don't sweat and chafe.
Sheathunderwear.comAlexandria Ocasio-Cortezperformative activism
- 1 min
Tim reads a sponsor spot for Sheath Underwear, praising the ball pouch design and introducing the founder Robert Patron's supposedly inspiring backstory as an Iraq veteran.
3moments
- Tim introduces Robert Patron, the founder of Sheath Underwear, as an inspiring story.
- Robert Patron served in the armed forces and deployed to Iraq.
- Tim pitches the discount code: 20% off Sheath Underwear using code 'tim'.
- 1 min
The Sheath ad derails into a darkly comic fake twist where the founder's honorable veteran backstory suddenly includes marrying a 15-year-old and murder, before returning to the promo code.
2moments
- Tim discusses helping a guy who served honorably in Iraq
- Tim compares the story to Ted Nugent's similar situation in the 1970s
IraqTed Nugent
- 2 min
Straightforward sponsor read for ShipStation, explaining how it consolidates shipping orders across carriers and platforms, with a promo code for a free trial.
3moments
- Tim explains that business owners shouldn't waste time on shipping logistics when they could focus on sales instead.
- ShipStation integrates orders from Amazon, Etsy, and your own website into a single interface you can manage from anywhere.
- Using promo code 'tim dillon' at shipstation.com gets you a 60-day free trial of the service.
- 4 min
Celebrities, Vaccines, and Sudden Wealth Brain Rot
#Tim discusses why rich celebrities skip the vaccine due to access to concierge medicine, then riffs on how sudden fame/wealth (using Shia LaBeouf as an example) warps people's understanding of reality and leads to conspiracy beliefs like flat earth.
10moments
- Tim explains that having money gives him access to better medical treatment, so he still got the vaccine despite his health issues.
- He paid ten thousand dollars for a concierge doctor who told him his metabolism is flawed and runs extensive tests.
- Celebrities refuse vaccines because they're in good shape and have access to the best medical care.
- Tim has talked to A-list celebrities who believe the world is flat.
- A lot of people in Hollywood are hot, stupid, and don't know why they're there because they have bazillions of dollars.
- Many young celebrities got rich early without the struggle, unlike Tim who started doing well recently at 36.
- Shia LaBeouf made a movie about sleeping in a motel but wasn't actually struggling that hard or for that long.
- A lot of celebrities exaggerate or fabricate their rags-to-riches stories, like Kathy Griffin's joke about Jules sleeping in a car.
- When young people make a lot of money without earning it through struggle, they start to invent conspiracy theories to explain the world.
- These celebrities have adult responsibilities but may not have adult brains, so they get into beliefs that aren't based in reality.
Tina TurnerCharla BuffShyla BuffKathy GriffinNicki Minaj
- 4 min
Nicki Minaj's Vaccine Tweet and Being Too Rich to Be Policed
#Tim defends Nicki Minaj's much-mocked vaccine/testicle tweet, arguing the backlash to her 'doing research' comment proves online discourse is hypocritically policed, and that extreme wealth makes people feel entitled to share half-baked opinions.
10moments
- Nicki Minaj's cousin's friend got impotent with swollen testicles from the vaccine — a cartoonish example that invites mockery.
- Tim on the backlash: telling someone "I want to do more research" and responding with "shut up you stupid bitch" doesn't work.
- If you're Black, Democrats expect you to obey their instructions, while Republicans can tell you to stand in front of a bus — you become subhuman based on party affiliation.
- These discussions are policed, and the policing turns people off rather than persuading them.
- At 80 million dollars, Nicki Minaj reaches the wealth threshold where she starts to stray on issues and feel entitled to express controversial opinions.
- Tim wants all rappers to be Republicans — Mitch McConnell collaborating with Lil Uzi Vert, Nicki Minaj doing a song with Laura Loomer.
- Once you reach billionaire status like Kanye, you decide nothing is off-limits to discuss, which explains his willingness to break from progressive consensus.
- Instead of analyzing why people listen to Nicki Minaj over parents, religious leaders, or government, society just demands she say the approved things because of her platform.
- Family structure has disintegrated to the point where children are raised by popular culture, making celebrity influence somewhat inevitable.
- People are terrified that Nicki Minaj represents a domino about to fall — if she goes off-message, who else will be next, and what happens then.
Nicki MinajKanye WestLaura LoomerLil Uzi VertMitch McConnellTucker Carlson
- 2 min
Timothy Chalamet and the Sexless Celebrity
#Tim theorizes that many modern celebrities, especially heavily fashioned or surgically enhanced ones like Timothy Chalamet, have become so stylized they no longer seem human or sexual, doing an extended bit imagining lunch with Chalamet.
4moments
- VMAs had less than a million viewers; people are done with these events.
- Tim describes a phenomenon where many celebrities at events like the Met Gala are sexless and inhuman-looking, impossible to fantasize about.
- Some celebrities look like art pieces rather than people—ghoulish enough that attraction requires the viewer to create everything themselves.
- Someone (possibly Anna and Dasha from Red Scare, though Tim isn't sure) observed that the Rock is great-looking but there's something weird about not wanting to sleep with him.
- 3 min
Are Celebrities Even Alive? (Rock, Grimes, Chalamet)
#Continuing the theme, Tim discusses how The Rock and Grimes provoke a similarly uncanny non-sexual reaction, questioning whether ultra-famous people are even 'alive' in any relatable sense.
5moments
- Modern celebrities seem artificially enhanced or heavily medicated, their personalities resembling microchip implants rather than human traits.
- Timothy Chalamet is a perfect example—technically attractive with sharp jawline and hair, but doesn't look like a biological human being, more like an idea.
- Tim imagines trying to have lunch with Chalamet: he'd play with an endive leaf, run his hand through his hair, brood silently while you keep leaning closer to the table.
- When offered chicken, Chalamet would respond only with ambient sounds; wearing all white, he'd request a lemon and make mysterious noises.
- The real question: is a person like Timothy Chalamet actually alive in any way a normal human would understand when interacting with them?
- 2 min
Sponsor read for Bespoke Post's Box of Awesome subscription box, describing the variety of curated products and discount code, briefly riffing about camping gear he doesn't use.
3moments
- Tim notes the activists are retooling their documentary and wonders when it premieres.
- Americans hate elites but love royalty, which is why Tim loves Meghan and Harry coverage.
- Bespoke Post's Box of Awesome costs forty dollars and contains over seventy dollars worth of merchandise.
Bespoke PostMegan and HarryThe Activists
- 1 min
Sponsor read for Raycon wireless earbuds, touting battery life, sound modes, and price versus competitors, with a discount link.
3moments
- Tim loses his headphones all the time but loves Raycon because they're cheaper, durable, and have six hours of playtime.
- Raycon offers three sound profiles—pure mode, balanced mode, and bass mode—plus an awareness mode to hear surroundings.
- Tim has switched to Raycon permanently because they cost half the price of premium competitors and come with a 45-day happiness guarantee.
- 6 min
Meghan and Harry Are Not Bright
#Tim launches into his theory that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are both not very intelligent, mocking their Oprah interview, their move to LA, and their new Netflix deal to make documentaries about disadvantaged people.
12moments
- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle prove we have a deep psychological need for vapid, glossy celebrities who think they're smarter than they are.
- Tim describes both of them as garden-variety morons—she's hot, he's royal, but neither is intelligent.
- They use emotion in interviews to cover up the fact that they're not smart, specifically in their Oprah appearance about the royal family's racism.
- The royal family discovery of being racist came as a shock after Harry already believed they murdered his mother.
- They say the right things about global poverty while living in a Los Angeles mansion with round-the-clock security and Netflix deals.
- No politician should have an overall deal with Netflix—this should be a line in the sand, like the Obamas.
- If there were no backlash, Meghan Markle would be on episode three of The Activist talking about racial sensitivity training.
- Actors are stupid people; very few are intelligent, and young actors are noticeably dumb.
- Harry is an idiot for signing up to fight in Afghanistan and for still believing the paparazzi killed his mother.
- Meghan convinced him to leave the UK for LA to make documentaries about people with cleft palates while going on Oprah and collecting Netflix money.
- Meghan tells Oprah the royal family was chasing her around the palace with nooses, then Netflix gives them a suitcase full of money.
- Tim questions whether cleft palates involve the lip being in the nose, confirming by directing Harry to Google it.
- 4 min
Tim reads the real announcement of Archewell's animated series 'Pearl' about a girl inspired by historical women, and riffs on how absurd the concept is given Meghan's own thin résumé.
7moments
- Tim adopts a new philosophy of believing and loving everyone, citing his age and health anxieties post-COVID as his reasoning.
- He defends Meghan Markle and Prince Harry as grifters he now respects for how far they've gotten despite being unserious and not bright.
- Stop pretending you don't like rich people—people who tweet about Marxism all day then obsess over Real Housewives can't quit the appeal.
- Netflix is making a cartoon called Pearl about a young girl inspired by influential women in history, with Meghan Markle as a producer.
- Meghan Markle parlayed a role on Suits into a royal wedding, then left the family after a couple years, claiming racism.
- The royal family probably started confusing her for the help nine times early on and ordering tea from her—they didn't become racist when she arrived.
- Tim imagines Pearl's cartoon: a young girl meets Harriet Tubman on the Underground Railroad, who then credits Meghan Markle as even braver and stronger.
- 2 min
Imagining a Harriet Tubman Crossover Bit
#Extended improvised bit where Pearl meets Harriet Tubman and explains who Meghan Markle is, including a detour into Dodi Al-Fayed/Princess Diana conspiracy theories and Cynthia McKinney.
5moments
- Harriet Tubman married Prince Harry, according to Tim's bit — he's the son of the woman they killed in the tunnel.
- Tim tells people to follow Cynthia McKinney on Twitter to understand the conspiracy stuff about Saudi Arabia and oil.
- Tim insists Meghan Markle is the bravest person ever, braver than him.
- Despite selling massive amounts of tickets and the show getting huge, the offers from networks have been slim to none.
- Tim suggests calling his agent on air right now to reach out to Harry and Meghan about a potential deal.
Meghan MarkleCynthia McKinneyPrincess DianaDodi FayedPrince Harry
- 1 min
Prank Calling His Agent About an Archewell Special
#Tim has Ben "call his agent" live to ask, as a bit, whether Archewell Productions might produce Tim's next comedy special.
2moments
- Tim prank calls his agent late at night, asking if Archewell Productions might produce his special.
- The agent agrees to email Archewell and forward Tim the responses so he can post them online.
Meghan MarkleArcher Well ProductionsPrince Harry
- 9 min
The Activist Series Finale Fantasy and Getting Whacked Diana-Style
#Tim spins out an elaborate, increasingly grotesque fictional finale of The Activist set in Minneapolis with celebrity judges Michelle Obama, Greta Thunberg, and Michael Brown's mother, then jokes about Meghan and Harry having him killed for making fun of them, before a brief 9/11-adjacent tangent.
10moments
- Tim pitches Archwell Productions with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex presenting The Activist.
- The royals fled racism in Britain and came to America, where the LAPD is the least racist organization in the country.
- Archwell Productions would have him whacked Diana-style if he kept talking about this.
- Tim on how long you can discuss 9/11 before people assume you don't care or you're a Hollywood elite.
- Documentary recommendation: "9/11 The New Pearl Harbor" as a fun four or five hour thing to show the kids.
- Tim envisions The Activist as Project Runway, with Meghan Markle as judge and activists competing to solve police violence in 48 hours.
- The winning activist's slogan: "If it's in the face, it's about race."
- Finale setup: two remaining activists blindfolded in Minneapolis, opening boxes with phone numbers of George Floyd's family, addresses, and pictures of racist gang infiltrators.
- Celebrity judges would include Michelle Obama, Greta Thunberg, and Michael Brown's mother for a three-hour collage challenge.
- Nobody understands humanity less than the people whose job it is to showcase it on television every night.
Meghan MarkleLAPDArchwell ProductionsGeorge FloydDuke and Duchess of SussexMichael BrownMichelle ObamaGreta Thunberg
- 3 min
Furniture-style rundown of upcoming tour dates, ticket links, gripes about vaccine mandates for comedy venues, Patreon/YouTube plugs, and a note about possible holiday merch.
9moments
- Tour dates being added across multiple cities as shows sell out.
- Vaccine mandate requirements are frustrating comics and venues everywhere.
- Tim questions the logic of requiring vaccination proof if vaccinated people can still spread COVID.
- He predicts the mandate hysteria will fade in a few months, unlike post-9/11 security theater.
- Sam Talent will be joining the tour as opener.
- LA show scheduled for November 26th at the Wilton, the night after Thanksgiving.
- Beacon Theater shows almost sold out with only a few tickets remaining.
- No current merch available but possibly a simple hoodie drop by the holidays.
- Tour will feature surprise appearances and hopes to conclude with a special produced by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
- 1 min
Kensington Avenue Philly Clip Closer
#To close the show, Tim and Ben react to a viral video of Kensington Avenue in Philadelphia, with Tim saying it doesn't look as bad as people claim compared to other places he's traveled, before signing off.
3moments
- Tim dismisses outrage over Kensington Avenue in Philadelphia, claiming he's traveled the country and it doesn't look that bad.
- Everyone's response was shock that this exists in America, but Tim says if you haven't traveled, you'd think it's rough.
- Tim compares the scene to a stage production of Les Misérables, describing poverty as a perpetual struggle waiting for celebrity intervention.
Shane GillisKensington AvenueMeghan MarkleLes Misérables