Episode 258 · The Ben Avery Era
#258 - Fat Recluse | The Tim Dillon Show
Jun 27, 2021 · 1:39:07 · 615,000 views · 25 segments, 183 moments indexed
Tim recaps a spider bite that got lawyers involved, beloved TV anchor Christopher Sign, Meryl Streep's future televised brawl, and interviews the legendary Jeff Garlin!
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- 2 min
Cold Open: The Brown Recluse Spider That Wasn't
#Tim opens by discussing a spider he posted about outside his home, which turned out to be a southern house spider, not a brown recluse, and the pedantic Twitter/Facebook responses correcting him.
4moments
- Jeff Garland from Curb Your Enthusiasm will be joining later in the episode
- Tim thought he saw a brown recluse spider outside his home but it turned out to be a southern house spider
- Posting spider photos on Twitter brings responses like 'you're a fat recluse' instead of actual entomology help
- Someone from a Facebook spider group with emotional problems identified the spider as a southern house spider
- 5 min
Tim reacts to a local news segment about an elderly Airbnb caretaker who was bitten by a brown recluse spider, spent 75 days in the hospital, and sued the property owner Homer Hillis, with the case reaching the Texas Supreme Court.
8moments
- Brown recluse spiders are all over Austin, Texas
- Tim jokes the news footage is so dramatic it seems designed to manipulate—warns viewers some images are disturbing because they're of poor people
- The caretaker was 65 years old, which Tim finds depressing—a man that age working as an Airbnb caretaker like Jack Torrance in The Shining
- The caretaker sued the homeowner Homer Hill for not warning him of the spider danger
- Texas Supreme Court had to decide whether a landowner has a duty to protect renters from indoor bites by native animals
- The Airbnb property looks like a youth detention facility on the side of the highway
- Texas Supreme Court sided with the homeowner, essentially telling the caretaker the spiders were there before him
- Homeowner argued any judgment against him would be detrimental to anyone operating a property in Hill Country
Texas Supreme Courtbrown recluse spiderHenry McCallHomer Hill
- 4 min
Tim reads a news report about new charges being filed against a suspect in the June 12th mass shooting on 6th Street in Austin, and reacts to two innocent teens who had been wrongly charged.
8moments
- Homer Hillis describes his Airbnb in a youth detention center, claiming native spiders and a 115-year-old caretaker who was nearly killed by a brown recluse bite.
- Tim expresses horror at hospital stitching work in Texas, comparing it to being done by a witch and praying he never needs medical attention in the state.
- Austin police identify 19-year-old DeAndre Jimirus White as the suspect in the June 12th mass shooting on 6th Street that killed one and injured 14 others.
- Investigators determined White fired the shots based on ballistic evidence, surveillance footage, and witness statements after initially releasing him.
- White changed his hair and appearance before going into hiding, prompting Tim to question who is in charge.
- Tim reacts to the tragedy: someone visits Austin for entertainment and gets caught in a mass shooting.
- A 17-year-old suspect spent a week in jail despite not being the shooter, which Tim identifies as crazy.
- Tim hopes the actual suspect is convicted and spends the rest of his life in prison for the attack that paralyzed one victim.
Homer HillisDeAndre jimirus whiteAustin mass shootingDouglas Cantor
- 9 min
Tim discusses the mysterious apparent suicide of journalist Christopher Sign, who broke the Bill Clinton/Loretta Lynch tarmac meeting story and later wrote a book about it, speculating darkly about the pattern of people connected to the Clintons dying.
10moments
- Tim discusses how his mother's schizophrenia shaped the show's focus on mental health awareness and the tragedy of untreated illness.
- The insidious nature of mental illness: accomplished people can seem fine on television weeks before killing themselves with no prior warning.
- Christopher Sign, an ABC news anchor in Birmingham, wrote a book about Bill Clinton confronting Loretta Lynch on a tarmac about Hillary's email investigation.
- Sign broke the tarmac meeting story in 2016 while Obama's Justice Department was investigating Hillary Clinton's private email server.
- Sign published the book 'Secret on the Tarmac' describing the clandestine meeting and how it impacted the presidential election.
- Sign died by apparent suicide roughly a year and a half after publishing the book.
- Tim observes that around 200 people connected to the Clinton family killing themselves begins to look suspicious rather than coincidental.
- Powerful families like the Bushes and Clintons don't take kindly to people who wrong them, and many who have end up in trouble.
- Sign received significant death threats after breaking the tarmac story, and his family had code words for his children to use.
- Sign returned to his station in Birmingham because his former Alabama football family and coaches circled around him during the death threats.
Christopher Signmental healthLoretta LynchTucker CarlsonBill ClintonHillary ClintonBarack ObamaBush family
- 7 min
Fauci, Inheritance Tax, and Getting Distracted From Real Issues
#Tim riffs on how trivial arguments like whether Fauci lied about masks distract people from bigger issues, joking that bringing up divisive political topics is a great way to end conversations and change the subject.
10moments
- Tim suggests the death might have been caused by brown recluse spider bites instead.
- If someone broke a story that affected his presidential chances, Tim would put them on a list to kill a year and a half later.
- A hitman's ideal client would be someone with a constant stream of problems, like repeat business.
- When asked where he was when JFK was killed, George W. Bush couldn't remember despite being in Texas at the time.
- Tim sarcastically laments that people are focused on whether Fauci lied about masks instead of real issues.
- The inheritance tax is what people should really be debating, not whether the country is run by murderers.
- Politicians no longer hide their killings in public the way they used to.
- Texas passed a law allowing people to carry guns, which Tim finds significant.
- Tim distances himself from speculation about the death, claiming their audience is too small to matter.
- Bringing up major political scandals is an easy way to derail meaningless political debates and get people to change the subject.
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for BlueChew, a chewable alternative to Viagra and Cialis delivered discreetly, with a promo code for a free trial.
4moments
- Tim introduces BlueChew as a summer ad read, pitching chewable tablets with Viagra and Cialis active ingredients at lower cost than brand names.
- The entire process happens online — no doctor's office visits, no pharmacy lines, no awkward conversations.
- Tim vouches that friends who use BlueChew love it and he's considering trying it himself.
- Special offer: listeners get their first month free with promo code TD, paying only $5 shipping.
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for BetterHelp online therapy service, mentioning the promo code for 10% off the first month.
2moments
- BetterHelp offers online therapy available to clients worldwide with broad range of expertise, accessible in under 48 hours.
- Tim vouches for the service and emphasizes it will help assess needs and match users with licensed professional therapists.
- 3 min
Complaining About Austin's Mediocrity and Bad Waiters
#Tim rants about wanting to leave Austin, comparing the local restaurant scene and its awkward-looking waitstaff to misshapen cookies, and mocking a fake Texas accent.
6moments
- Tim describes Austin as Manifest Destiny — a place he'd rather leave than stay, preferring to be stabbed by a machete-wielding psychopath than spend another minute in the land of mediocrity.
- Austin's people are C-list and uncooked, like misshapen cookies taken out of the oven too quickly — not something you'd put in a Christmas catalog.
- The waiters embody Austin's worst traits: white guys with LeBron James headbands and dreads, pickup basketball headbands, a walking collection of horrors.
- Tim mocks a waiter who insisted the food was good, claiming the guy wouldn't recognize actual quality if it climbed into his mouth and went to his brain.
- Servers keep interrupting the meal asking if the food is good, performing an exaggerated Texas accent that nobody in Austin actually uses.
- The locals sound like they were halfway mind-controlled and then released, their speech patterns incomplete and strange.
Manifest DestinyThe Clintons
- 2 min
Crypto Portfolio Talk and a Friend Who Studies Central Banking
#Tim and Ben discuss their crypto holdings (Bitcoin and Ethereum), compare it to how little Tim's mother invested in stocks, and joke about their friend Ida obsessively following the crypto market instead of doing OnlyFans.
4moments
- Bitcoin whales supposedly manipulating price to dip under 28k so they can buy it all up.
- Guest has no crypto holdings, only stocks, compared to Tim's mother owning single shares in a book.
- Criminal friends Devin and the guest own small crypto wallets worth a couple hundred dollars and obsessively watch the market.
- A friend named Ida studies cryptocurrencies and central banking while Tim suggests she could make more money on OnlyFans instead.
- 6 min
Everyone Should Consider Becoming a Prostitute
#Tim goes on an extended riff insisting that many of his attractive friends could make more money doing sex work or OnlyFans than pursuing their current careers, and jokes with Ben about who could plausibly succeed at it.
10moments
- Tim has been telling friends they should become prostitutes, framing it as a compliment to their attractiveness.
- People have gotten offended and angry when he suggests they transition into sex work, which Tim finds illogical.
- Tim advises doing it now before losing value in the marketplace, addressing men, women, and non-binary people.
- Attractive friends spend time talking and trying to understand the world when they could be making OnlyFans content instead.
- Tim argues his cohost would make more money on OnlyFans than on the show if he had a better understanding of how to be seductive.
- The cohost lacks the emotional maturity to turn on sexuality convincingly, so he'd be better off just doing photo or video content.
- Tim tells the cohost he seems mentally absent when people look at him, which makes sex work harder for him to pull off.
- Tim suggests there's a market for a specific fantasy: a big-dicked autistic caretaker or groundskeeper type that people would want.
- Sex work would be a better life than doing comedy and podcasting, which Tim sees as a harder path to attention and money.
- Tim's overall pitch: if people want attention, there are easier and more lucrative ways to get it than comedy.
- 3 min
Jeff Garlin Tease and Ray Comp's Upcoming Visit
#Tim previews the upcoming Jeff Garlin interview, discusses Curb Your Enthusiasm's renewal, and describes elaborate plans to feed their large friend Ray Comp during his visit to Austin.
10moments
- Tim introduces Jeff Garlin from Curb Your Enthusiasm, calling him an absolute sweetheart and noting the show's new season premiering in September.
- Ray Comp arriving in Austin on July 1st for a week of Patreon episodes and arranged meals throughout the day.
- Tim estimates Ray weighs around 500 pounds and jokes about needing to put him in a car, but says there's nothing wrong with that.
- They've pre-ordered food for Ray so he'll be treated like a king and given the lifestyle he's accustomed to.
- Tim mentions he's doing keto now while Ray will tell people about the keto diet.
- At 1:46 a.m., Tim expresses frustration about having to do ten shows in Denver because venues aren't letting unvaccinated people in.
- Tim argues venues should just let everybody in regardless of vaccination status and get back to business.
- New sketches and big guests are coming soon, with Tim saying they had a meeting about it and to stay excited.
- The co-host clarifies he's actually a big fan of Curb and was only joking when he criticized it.
- Tim jokingly warns that online beef with Jeff Garlin would be the best thing in the world.
- 2 min
Imagining Meryl Streep vs. Laura Dern Boxing Match
#Riffing on the trend of celebrities boxing (Jake/Logan Paul), Tim fantasizes about a boxing match between Meryl Streep and Laura Dern with mock ring announcer commentary.
4moments
- Tim imagines legitimate actors like Meryl Streep starting to box because of Logan and Jake Paul's success.
- The image of Meryl Streep getting beaten up in the ring, just accepting her fate.
- Laura Dern wailing on Meryl Streep while announcers hype the fight momentum and her performance.
- Post-fight: bloodied Meryl Streep gives a respectful interview, saying she never claimed to be a fighter and wants to do shots with Laura afterward.
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for ExpressVPN, warning about data tracking even in incognito mode and promoting three months free with a promo code.
3moments
- Tim on government and corporations following you online and selling your information
- Google tracks everything despite incognito mode, which doesn't actually protect you
- ExpressVPN is simple to use—literally one button to connect and encrypt your activity
- 2 min
Tim promotes Raycon earbuds as a cheaper alternative to Apple, mentioning battery life and a discount code.
5moments
- Tim claims Raycon earbuds are better than Apple
- Crisp powerful beats at half the price of other premium audio brands
- Tim's dad bought five Ridge wallets without using a promo code, missing out on 50 percent off
- Tim takes Raycons everywhere—on planes, trains, in the rain
- You can put Raycons in right in front of someone you're talking to and they don't care
- 3 min
Jeff Garlin joins and he and Tim discuss mask-wearing as a matter of respect, the upcoming Curb season addressing the pandemic, and comparing Tim's comedic strengths in political commentary to Jeff's more personal comedic style.
7moments
- Tim wore masks religiously during the pandemic and continues to wear them out of respect for others even though he doesn't have to.
- Jeff argues that people didn't understand businesses needed mask guidelines to open, regardless of whether the rules made sense.
- Someone will eventually make a documentary or book about the pandemic that will be met with eye rolls and apathy.
- Jeff has pandemic jokes in his stand-up act but figures he has another month or two before they stop landing.
- Curb Your Enthusiasm isn't doing pandemic storylines because the fall release date means nobody wants to relive that period.
- Jeff acknowledges he's different from other comics because reading the New York Times makes him depressed rather than funny.
- Jeff limits his comedy material to his own life rather than pointing out hypocrisies in the world, which he's not naturally good at.
- 4 min
Jeff discusses how he and Larry David had no idea Curb would become iconic, comparing the show's impact to The Sopranos and reflecting on how many more seasons might be possible given Larry's age.
8moments
- Tim notes comedians improve over decades if they continue putting in work—both on stage and as a person.
- Jeff Schaffer says no one has asked him how many more seasons Curb Your Enthusiasm might have left, and he thinks maybe one more is possible.
- Working on both The Goldbergs and Curb Your Enthusiasm at 59 is exhausting, and Larry David faces similar physical strain being in every scene.
- Tim calls Curb Your Enthusiasm the greatest comedy of the last quarter century.
- Tim's opinion: 90 minutes combining three Sopranos seasons and Curb Your Enthusiasm is the best 90 minutes in television history—both drama and comedy.
- Tim asks how much of Curb Your Enthusiasm is improv versus scripted.
- Schaffer reveals they had no idea the show would become iconic, but they did know to make what they found interesting rather than chase trends.
- He thought early on the show would do well in England because it had a Faulty Towers flavor to it.
Larry DavidCurb Your EnthusiasmThe SopranosFaulty TowersMichael Imperioli
- 5 min
Jeff explains that Curb scenes are fully improvised from short outlines, discusses the trust between cast members like Richard Lewis, Bob Einstein, JB Smoove and Susie Essman, and explains why he doesn't think there will ever be a Curb movie.
11moments
- Larry David writes Curb outlines at seven pages, compared to thirty-page scripts for normal sitcoms, leaving room for improvisation.
- Occasionally Larry writes a specific line like 'Jeff says this,' giving actors freedom to deliver it however they want.
- Tim asks about the working environment when the cast is all skilled improvisers and whether anyone tries to steal scenes.
- Guest actors sometimes overreach and need to be pulled back, but the main cast operates with restraint.
- The core dynamic is trust—everyone knows everyone can do their job, like NBA playoffs with professionals who understand their roles.
- Despite long hours, the cast laughs all day long on set and genuinely enjoys working together.
- Tim asks if there's a Curb movie in development, a ninety-minute to two-hour feature.
- David explains he wouldn't pursue a movie because Curb is unique as a half-hour format and movies are a different art form.
- Tim brings up True Crime documentaries on Netflix, noting the best ones tell stories we already know.
- Many five to ten episode True Crime series stretch the material too thin and end with viewers knowing no more than they started.
- David concludes that Curb works perfectly as a half-hour, occasionally an hour special, but shouldn't become a movie.
Curb Your EnthusiasmLarry DavidBob EinsteinRichard LewisCheryl HinesJ.B. SmooveSusie EssmanThe Night Stalker
- 4 min
Jeff talks about who directs Curb episodes, praises the Sopranos-to-Curb HBO lineage, and mentions he's up for a big movie role and developing three TV shows.
10moments
- The Sopranos succeeded by hiring real directors instead of having writers direct the show.
- Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul show the difference between a showrunner-writer and a dedicated director, even when the showrunner directs well.
- Jeff Schaefer directs most Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes, with rotating directors in other seasons.
- His job on Curb is to serve Larry David's voice and vision on screen rather than inserting his own comedy.
- Tim notes Jeff adds something perfect to scenes that pivots them in exactly the right direction.
- Cast members like Richard Lewis used to write notes to himself during scenes, but that kept him from being present.
- Bob Einstein wanted to be so funny that Tim would sometimes question what he was doing, though he was genuinely one of the funniest people on the show.
- Jeff is now working on The Goldbergs while considering how standup and movies fit into his career.
- Jeff got a call about a really big movie role but didn't answer the phone.
- Big movie offers don't come around often for him, so this one feels particularly exciting.
Larry DavidCurb Your EnthusiasmThe SopranosBob EinsteinSusie EsmanVince GilliganThe GoldbergsJ.B. Smoove+4 more
- 3 min
Jeff discusses building his podcast and Patreon audience, his philosophy of being willing to walk away from any project, and joking about only taking corporate stand-up gigs for money, plus a riff about his overweight agents.
7moments
- Tim is developing three TV shows simultaneously.
- Built a great show and big following on social media and the podcast over the last 24 months.
- Development work with producers like Adam McKay and Anthony Bourdain's company is very difficult and can drive you crazy trying to understand why things don't work.
- Larry David taught him that being happy to get fired or walk away from projects gives you creative and financial power.
- Tim has reached a point in his career where he doesn't take money jobs anymore, except corporate stand-up gigs.
- If you want to ruin your corporate event, email Tim's agent at CAA.
- Everyone who represents Tim in business—his agent, business managers, everyone across the board—is overweight.
- 8 min
Jeff and Tim debate whether internet stars like the Paul Brothers and Bo Burnham represent a lasting career versus a fleeting cultural moment, and discuss the erosion of television's audience versus the internet.
10moments
- Tim argues that great television will always have room, and unfunny people should be scared in the current media landscape, not funny ones like him.
- Someone getting fired for bad jokes or blackface on social media isn't a free speech issue—it's just consequences.
- Professional network television will survive, but social media influencer careers are moments, not lasting careers.
- Tim distinguishes between someone with millions of YouTube followers throwing toys off a roof and actually building a career like Bo Burnham did.
- Bo Burnham started on YouTube, got discovered by managers, and went on to become a successful director.
- Jake Paul and Logan Paul going from YouTube to boxing Floyd Mayweather required intelligence and hard work, despite the skepticism.
- YouTubers are the most fickle—here today, gone tomorrow—unlike acting and stand-up comedy, which build lasting points of view.
- The Paul Brothers supply entertainment and spectacle, and will likely find different ways to create spectacles beyond boxing.
- Tim's argument has never been that the Paul Brothers replace Richard Pryor, just that they're uniquely of this time.
- Comedians build careers that last long enough; the Paul Brothers are products of their era.
Jake PaulLogan PaulBo BurnhamRichard PryorFloyd MayweatherMatthew Fector
- 5 min
They continue debating whether Kardashian/Paul Brothers-style fame will be looked back on nostalgically, and Jeff laments the lack of great comedy movies and shows, citing South Park and Barry as exceptions.
9moments
- Tim asks whether this era of Kardashians and Paul Brothers will eventually give way to a different time.
- The Kardashians and Paul Brothers represent nothing uniquely individual — they're entirely products of this moment in culture.
- People passionately invested in the Kardashians now will still be invested at sixty, and it will feel like they never grew.
- There's no comedy on television or in movies anymore — Tim watches three shows, one of which isn't even funny for laughs.
- South Park is the best comedy because it lasts forever, unlike shows built around current events.
- South Park's pandemic episode was well written but unenjoyable because people are exhausted by pandemic content.
- Tim hasn't done stand-up in a year and a half, the longest break since taking only two weeks off before.
- Tim is touring fourteen weekends in the fall, performing for free at clubs to help them recover from pandemic losses while paying for his own travel and opener.
- He's running a separate tour where he demands higher payment from clubs as a financial stress test of their strength.
South ParkKardashiansour man in ChicagoBarryCurb Your EnthusiasmPaul brothersLarry
- 2 min
Jeff explains his upcoming stand-up tour where he performs for free to help struggling comedy clubs recover post-pandemic, while insisting clubs properly pay his opening acts.
5moments
- Jeff has done well enough to fund a tour where he pays clubs and openers fairly instead of taking money himself.
- Opening acts in the late 80s and early 90s made $600 a week; today they make maybe $50 per show.
- Jeff is forcing clubs to pay his opening acts $1,000 because he feels that's the proper amount, while he performs for free.
- Tim notes that feature acts get paid dirty money by clubs and don't receive hotel or airfare coverage.
- Opening acts who made $600 back then should be making $1,400 today, but they're making half that and barely clearing $300-400 for a weekend.
- 5 min
Jeff draws a distinction between comedians who do it purely because they love comedy versus those chasing fame, citing Bill Parcells' quote about a player who loves football, and calls out how many current comics only care about popularity.
8moments
- When he was a young comedian, it was about having the respect of your peers and being great, not about fame or money.
- Now a third of the comics at the Comedy Store are only there because they're popular, not because they're funny.
- Bill Parcells quote about a football player who loves football itself, not what it can bring to him, applies to comedy's shift toward fame-seeking.
- He's done comedy since age eight because it's what he does, not for restaurants tables or early-career status.
- He combines supreme confidence in his skills with humility about opportunities, viewing appearances as chances to be great rather than gets.
- Pamela introduced him to the show, and a deep dive confirmed she was right about Tim's quality as a comedian.
- He started at the Comic Strip in South Florida in the early 80s with Brian Regan, then moved through New York, Chicago, and L.A.
- Tim asks what mistakes people make when they start out in comedy now.
The Comedy StoreBill ParcellsBrian ReganLarry gaySecond CityJP smoothcomedyBill Withers
- 5 min
Jeff talks about the danger of comedians not knowing themselves before achieving fame, name-checking Chris D'Elia as a cautionary example, and praises comic Rick Ingram as someone bringing real substance on stage.
10moments
- Tim on creative decisions being made by people who shouldn't be allowed 100 miles from them, including network executives.
- He was on a show that listened to every network note and got canceled after six episodes.
- Young comedians should use social media strategically—short clips on Instagram and TikTok, full-length shorts on YouTube or Vimeo.
- Jim Gaffigan exemplifies respect: great comedian who constantly promotes himself on Instagram in a way that raises the question of how he finds the time.
- The mistake young people make is being concerned with what comedy brings them instead of just being funny and getting better every day.
- Tim can name comics focused on fame rather than craft, and he sees it immediately.
- Not releasing who you are comedically is equivalent to not being out as a person—both are equally serious problems.
- Many comedians just want to go on stage, say their funny thing, and ask to be liked or gain followers instead of bringing something real.
- Rick Ingram is genuinely funny but can't get arrested because he's just a regular white dude, yet Tim loves watching him perform.
- If you're great and put in the work, you will get whatever kind of following you deserve.
Rick IngramJim Gaffigan
- 7 min
They wrap up discussing Michael Rapaport's disturbing Instagram post, Trump fatigue killing late-night talk shows, Tim's failed audition for a plumber role on Curb, and plans to get dinner when Jeff visits Austin.
10moments
- Tim on doing comedy for 39 years by his own terms and aspiring to bring something to every performance.
- It takes most comedians 10 years just to become comfortable with who they are on stage.
- Tim argues it takes even longer to know yourself, and warns against becoming famous as a character version of yourself you're not.
- Chris D'Elia's example: becoming famous and extremely charismatic, with women throwing themselves at him—no handbook for handling that without a big ego.
- Tim's Instagram post describing himself as "comedian of some notoriety, completely true, doing the best I can with the information that I've been given."
- Michael Rapaport posted a video of a kid who looks like Tim's younger son getting punched in the head on the street, which Tim can't get out of his head.
- Late-night talk shows are killing themselves: Steve Colbert talking about Trump pleases nobody, since Trump supporters don't want to hear it.
- Tim auditioned for a plumber role on Curb Your Enthusiasm and didn't get it, though he thought he did a good job.
- Tim has watched Jeff Garland go from an unknown comic to "holy shit this guy kicking ass" since someone first pointed him out.
- Tim's thoughts on Austin, Texas: the scene has turned into something else, and he last performed there about five years ago.
Jeff GarlinChris D'EliaSteve ColbertDonald TrumpAustinCurb Your EnthusiasmThe Comedy StoreLarry David+3 more