rant · moment 5 of 17
The Fat Bachelorette Gets Shot on Sixth Street
from #256 - The Announcement | The Tim Dillon Show · #256
9 min
Tim spins an extended, increasingly graphic fictional scenario of a bachelorette party girl getting shot by a mass shooter on Sixth Street, surviving, and turning it into a lifetime Instagram profile picture moment years later.
- Tim compares Austin's charm to Lizzo's "the truth hurts" — he doesn't understand the appeal of the city.
- Sixth Street drunk bachelorette parties: five fat drunk women from Nashville falling down and getting in a tub of macaroni and cheese.
- Tim has decided to leave Austin and is not interested in performing at Moon Tower or SXSW.
- His wife got excited about Texas, started seeing fiddle players, which worried Tim because it represented everything he left behind.
- The food is trash, and the people are like Disney movie witches who got fat — what Maleficent would be if she started a podcast and ate 14 sandwiches a day.
- Austin is actually a great American city with good real estate investment potential, and Tim loves it there.
- The city offers a good balance: you can get followed by a homeless guy, catch a stray bullet on Sixth Street, or ride in an Uber that kidnaps you.
- Tim is moving to Los Angeles next year; people predicted he'd last four months in Austin and he lasted about four months.
- They need to gaslight Katie into thinking she made them move to LA because she has a crush on Joe Rogan.
- Tim describes going back to Beverly Hills as leaving for an underprivileged area where people have real jobs like "sex slave slash assassin PA on black-ish."
- A successful person bringing around a fat drug addict thief and insisting they're good while the addict shoots heroin: this is the goal Austin represents.