Episode 250 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#250 - The New Shepard | The Tim Dillon Show
May 2, 2021 · 1:08:07 · 627,000 views · 19 segments, 116 moments indexed
Tim talks Bezos new spaceship plans, ol' Billy Boy's coveted secret recipe, a plus size model receiving death threats after losing weight, and Tim's idea for a future SNL sketch.
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- 1 min
- 1 min
Billionaire Batman Villains and Bezos's Redemption
#Tim riffs on billionaires acting out teenage fantasies, then sarcastically praises Jeff Bezos for 'helping' India's COVID crisis by promoting space tourism ticket sales.
3moments
- Tim opens by saying billionaires are essentially acting out teenage fantasies with their wealth, comparing them to Batman villains.
- Tim admits he's been wrong about Jeff Bezos before and credits him for stepping in to help with COVID in India.
- Video clip plays showing Bezos's charitable action.
- 4 min
Tim reacts to the Blue Origin promotional video, mocking Bezos's Rivian truck, the mysterious masked passenger in the back seat, and fantasizes about sending a random working-class woman to space for optics.
5moments
- Tim praises Jeff Bezos for selling New Shepard rocket seats as his contribution to India's COVID crisis.
- He argues stepping back and doing nothing while people suffer in India would be easy, making Bezos's offer genuinely good.
- Tim questions who's riding in the Rivian with Bezos, speculating it might be his new girlfriend.
- Masked passenger in the back of Bezos's Rivian represents extreme virtue signaling on the way to a rocket launch.
- Tim imagines the masked passenger explaining to an urgent care doctor how they caught COVID from Jeff Bezos's car.
Jeff BezosNew ShepardRivianIndia
- 5 min
Continuing with the Bezos/Branson space race story, Tim discusses ticket pricing for suborbital flights and jokes about wanting a Challenger-style explosion to take out rich space tourists.
8moments
- Blue Origin announcing ticket sales for New Shepard suborbital tourism rides.
- Tim acknowledges space exploration is worthwhile but finds the commercialization funny.
- Tim jokes that woke corporate culture will force Blue Origin to send a randomly selected poor woman to space alongside rich passengers for optics.
- White people are sick of the planet they've destroyed and want to escape it.
- Tim wonders if there'd be anything wrong with a Challenger-like explosion killing the wealthy space tourists but sparing the one working-class person among them.
- Calling suborbital tourism Tim's favorite phrase now.
- Blue Origin and Virgin Galactic pricing suborbital tourism at $200,000 to $250,000 per ticket.
- Tim on billionaires: being rich now means watching the world burn beneath you during a space joyride.
Blue OriginJeff Bezosspace tourismVirgin GalacticRichard Branson
- 10 min
Tim compares Bill Gates refusing to share vaccine patents with a restaurant owner guarding a secret wing sauce recipe, then does an extended impression of Gates explaining that vaccines are a profit business, not a charity potluck.
10moments
- Bill Gates is being criticized for refusing to share vaccine patents with the developing world.
- Tim compares Gates's vaccine secrecy to a restaurant chef who won't reveal their secret wing sauce recipe.
- Gates claims he won't share the vaccine formula because manufacturing is complex and safety standards matter.
- Tim lists Gates's previous projects—shooting dust at the sun, white water rafting with Epstein—to question his motives.
- Tim does his own impression of Gates defending the decision to keep vaccines proprietary and profitable.
- The Gates impression reveals his real motivation: controlling the essence of life became more interesting than Microsoft.
- Tim suggests Bill Gates should host SNL and do a sketch about explaining vaccine patents to burned Indian peasants.
- Bernie Sanders called on Biden to suspend patent protections for COVID vaccines to increase global supply.
- Tim notes the irony of Gates—broken up for monopolizing Microsoft—now seeking a monopoly on global health.
- Gates argues there are limited manufacturing plants and safety concerns prevent sharing formulas, which Tim dismisses as refusing to improve safety standards elsewhere.
- 4 min
Nobody Should Ever Get a Vaccine (The Bit)
#Riffing on Bernie Sanders vs. Gates over patent waivers, Tim launches into an escalating ironic rant insisting no one, ever, under any circumstance, should get any vaccine, mocking the outrage cycle around Rogan's vaccine comments.
5moments
- Tim's position: healthy 21-year-olds in India shouldn't get vaccinated even if everyone around them has died.
- He clarifies he's not seeking attention despite recent podcast news, then escalates to say nobody should get any vaccine ever.
- No one should get a vaccine for any reason—not even someone who is 700 pounds, has asthma, and is offered it free.
- Tim claims the crisis in India is fake and that they're just burning wood for attention rather than dealing with actual deaths.
- Final position: what's happening in India isn't real, and people should not get the vaccine.
- 3 min
Fauci vs. Rogan Jake Paul-Style Fight Fantasy
#Tim imagines Fauci confronting Rogan on air and pitches a celebrity boxing match between the two to settle vaccine debates once and for all.
6moments
- Joe Rogan's vaccine message means stay healthy and avoid unnecessary risk, not "don't get vaccinated" — Tim explains the interpretation.
- Fauci actually agreed with Rogan's point indirectly when he said vaccination isn't necessary if you're in a vacuum.
- Tim pivots to a fantasy where Fauci shows up at Rogan's studio and beats him up on air.
- Fauci versus Rogan should happen Jake Paul-style as a public spectacle to settle their dispute.
- Tim reads Fauci's actual quote about vaccinating yourself in a vacuum and the logic around infection risk.
- Tim goes into a philosophical riff about supporting everyone — cops, fat girls with knives, Rogan, Fauci, the vaccinated, the anti-vaxxed, Bill Gates, Indian peasants — at all times.
- 3 min
An ad for Sheath Underwear spirals into a riff on the founder's military past, joking repeatedly that he is a closeted gay veteran who invented moisture-wicking underwear after secret experiences overseas.
7moments
- Tim pitches Sheath Underwear, a moisture-wicking pouch for genitals that prevents sweating and chafing.
- The founder Robert Patron was dishonorably discharged from the military for murdering civilians.
- Tim insists Patron's focus is purely on preventing sweat on men's genitals, with absolutely no other context to consider.
- Patron is described as a gay murderer who killed babies in Iraq and then started an underwear company.
- Tim acknowledges he keeps trying to find an angle to get the sponsor to drop him.
- The product pitch continues: it's a gay man's company for keeping genitals dry during various activities.
- Tim concludes that both things can be true—the underwear is genuinely good and the founder really is a gay murderer.
- 2 min
Standard-ish sponsor read for Duke Cannon dry ice cooling antiperspirant, covering scents and promo code details.
3moments
- Tim describes Duke Cannon Dry Ice deodorant's cooling system designed for people who run hot, especially in outdoor work or summer conditions.
- The key benefit is that you don't just stay dry—you feel dry and cool, which helps preserve your t-shirts in the heat.
- Tim directs listeners to dukecanon.com with promo code 'dylan' for 10 percent off, mentioning free shipping on orders over twenty dollars.
- 8 min
Clarifying the McKee Brianna Tweet and Fat Activism Backlash
#Tim addresses backlash over a controversial tweet about a fatal police shooting, clarifying his point about perception of fat people with knives, then pivots into griping about body positivity culture and Lizzo's comments on the movement being co-opted.
11moments
- Tim clarifies his McKee Brianna tweet: he was describing the cop's split-second decision upon seeing a knife, not saying she deserved to die for being fat.
- Fat activists came after him over the tweet, which prompted Tim to reconsider his own weight.
- Fat people used to be jolly in public while sad alone; now they're rude and act like fatness is a mark of achievement or virtue.
- Tim argues body positivity shouldn't be unconditional—there has to be a line, citing the case of a 1100-pound man who needed his house cut to be removed.
- Walking upstairs while overweight proves the negative health effects are real, not just social constructs.
- Tim admits he has to stop on the third or fourth flight of stairs and pretend he's thinking of something profound just to catch his breath.
- Lizzo said the body positive movement was being co-opted by thin people, when it was meant specifically for fat women of color.
- McKee Brianna's death was tragic, but Tim's point about a fat person wielding a knife triggering fear in others doesn't deserve the fat activist backlash.
- A fat person with a knife registers as scary to most people unless they're a chef preparing a meal.
- Tim questions what system oppresses fat people when restaurants offer massive portions, all-you-can-eat buffets, delivery services, and entire food networks cater to them.
- Fat people appear well-cared-for in America given the abundance of food infrastructure available to them.
fat activismLizzobody positivityMcKee Brian
- 2 min
The Guy Who Mashed My Fat During a Hookup
#Tim tells a graphic personal anecdote about a hookup fetish encounter where a man grabbed and mashed his fat while performing oral sex, relating it to fat fetishization.
5moments
- Tim's Instagram feed is dominated by hot guys, nice houses, and those viral exploding desserts.
- If there's a system against fat people, why is everything designed to entice and excite them?
- Tim hooked up with a guy who spent the entire time grabbing and mashing his fat while screaming.
- The guy would mash Tim's fat together repeatedly, apparently a childhood-rooted fetish.
- Tim read about this behavior and concluded it's more normal than abnormal.
- 9 min
Tim watches and reacts to a Nylon interview with fat activist Virgie Tovar, repeatedly demanding a concrete definition of fat activism and getting increasingly confused/amused by vague answers about wearing things, winking, and breathing as activism.
10moments
- Tim says he genuinely wants to understand what system oppresses fat people, asking for clarification on the actual mechanics of that oppression.
- His mother used to invoke her thyroid condition at Outback Steakhouse, explaining it was not entirely her fault that she was fat.
- Tim reacts to the term 'f-bodied person' and tells the producer to stop getting fancy with Reddit terminology and just call them fat activists.
- If fat activism is forcing skinny people to have sex with fat people through shaming, Tim says he's genuinely into that.
- The video explains that body positivity's face becomes increasingly whiter, straighter, and thinner as the movement gains traction.
- Tim expresses confusion about fat activism because activists sometimes get mad when people lose weight, interpreting it as a betrayal.
- He proposes that fat activism might mean fat people get to kill thin people, which he says he's not entirely against.
- Tim wants to be involved in the fat activist movement while spending most of his time with twinks kept on treadmills and stuffed with Adderall.
- After searching, the movement's demands appear to be bigger airplane seats and fat people celebrated in magazines and on covers.
- Tim notes you can't find anything on YouTube about fat activism—mostly just Dr. Rhonda Patrick clips, and asks to move on from her.
Virgi TovarRhonda PatrickMonique
- 1 min
Quick ad intro announcing the Bitcoin 2021 conference in Miami featuring Jack Dorsey, Tony Hawk, and other headliners.
2moments
- Tim announces he'll be appearing at the Bitcoin 2021 Conference in Miami on June 4th and 5th, building up the event as the biggest in bitcoin history.
- Segment ends with Tim prompting someone to reveal what has been won.
- 2 min
The Bitcoin conference ad spirals into dark jokes about neglecting sick relatives and grabbing your wife forcefully to explain you put the family's money into bitcoin because of the Winklevii.
8moments
- Bitcoin 2021 conference happening in Miami on June 4th and 5th with Jack Dorsey, Chamath Palihapitiya, Tony Hawk, and Michael Saylor headlining
- Tim notes he might be considered a headliner if he does a good job with his ad read, but probably won't be
- Whale day ahead of the conference features bitcoin-powered arcade games, art gallery, Tony Hawk skating, and family-friendly activities
- Take money from sick relatives' nursing homes and buy bitcoin with it, use promo code TIM DILLON at b.tc/conference
- Bitcoin is more important than kids, schooling, sick relatives, or wives with health problems
- Even if family members can't eat, they'll eventually eat the coin once bitcoin goes higher
- Bitcoin is going to a million dollars according to the Winklevoss twins, so just listen to the Winklevi
- Bring the kids and family to learn about bitcoin's future, or if you can't afford childcare, leave them at a rest stop
Bitcoin 2021 ConferencecryptocurrencyMichael SaylorJack DorseyTony HawkWinklevoss twins
- 2 min
Ad read for Magic Spoon keto cereal covering new birthday cake flavor, monk fruit sweetener, and Canadian shipping expansion.
4moments
- Magic Spoon is a keto cereal that's keto friendly, gluten free, soy free, and low carb—new birthday cake flavor available
- Tim explains Magic Spoon uses high quality sweeteners like monk fruit instead of sugar, which is why it's pricier
- Magic Spoon now ships to Canada, and Tim pitches it as a way to keep kids off sugar addiction early
- Tim claims Magic Spoon has changed the life of everyone he knows and suggests it's the cereal Olympians need to eat
- 2 min
Returning to the Tovar interview, Tim mockingly reinterprets vague activist statements as license to be rude in hotel lobbies, throw fits at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, and wink at people as legitimate activism.
4moments
- A fat activist defines fat activism as anything—it depends on context and can be tailored to what you're interested in or good at.
- Tim argues that being fat and rude in a hotel lobby after missing breakfast is fat activism.
- Throwing a fit at Enterprise because the rental car is too small qualifies as fat activism.
- Fat activism can be as small as a wink directed at the right person at the right time.
- 4 min
Tim builds out his own absurd examples of fat activism like winking at a 7-Eleven cashier while eating a Big Bite, then reacts incredulously as the activist claims breathing itself counts as activism.
9moments
- The speaker defines a well-placed wink to a cashier as fat activism.
- Tim describes eating a microwave cheeseburger in 7-Eleven and winking at the cashier as an act of activism.
- The speaker explains fat activism can involve changing laws, conversations, wearing something good, or refusal of dominant cultural values.
- Fat activism is embedded in daily life—in how one walks, talks, and thinks—not a separate uniform or outfit.
- The speaker makes homemade magazines and contributes to fat studies journals and readers.
- She claims her activism can be something as simple as breathing or thinking.
- Tim pushes back: if breathing counts as activism, doesn't that prove being fat is unhealthy?
- He presses further: if simply breathing is activism, doesn't that suggest an unhealthy lifestyle?
- Tim concludes the segment, saying fat activism is apparently everything and nothing.
- 3 min
Tim reads a story about plus-size model Rosie Mercado receiving death threats from fat activists after losing 170 pounds, expressing dark amusement at the hypocrisy.
7moments
- Plus-size models receive death threats from fat activists after losing weight
- Tim's fascination with the psychology of someone threatening another person for getting thinner
- Rosie Mercado lost 170 pounds, dropping from 410 to around 240 pounds
- Death threats and suicide messages sent to Mercado by people angry about her public weight loss
- Tim's observation about fat activists doing activism by breathing heavily
- The contradiction that people who loved her as a 410-pound model now want her dead for being 170 pounds
- Tim jokes he's not afraid of death threats since people are telling him to kill himself anyway
Rosie Mercadofat activists
- 4 min
Elon Musk Hosting SNL and the Doge Father Sketch
#Closing riff on backlash to Elon Musk hosting SNL, joking about Lorne Michaels's politics, pitching a terrible 'Doge Father' sketch idea, and imagining a Rogan-parody sketch about vaccines.
8moments
- Elon Musk hosting SNL, with people angry about his billionaire status while working for Lorne Michaels, who's worth half a billion himself.
- Tim doubts Elon will deliver satirical brilliance on the show.
- The planned Doge Father sketch sounds like a pump-and-dump dogecoin joke, which Tim finds horrific.
- SNL should have booked Ted Nugent as musical guest instead of Miley Cyrus to really stir things up.
- Tim offers hollow encouragement that Elon and the SNL cast will produce the great show everyone expects.
- Tim won't hold it against viewers if they switch from his show to watch Elon do the Doge Father sketch, but only one time.
- Pitching a Joe Rogan sketch where Elon gets high and says something about vaccines.
- Tim offers the sketch idea freely to SNL's writers room, warning he'll be angered if they don't use it and threatening to continue his fat activism.
Elon MuskLorne MichaelsSaturday Night LiveMiley CyrusJeff BezosJoe Rogan