rant · moment 6 of 28
Howie's Mortgage Fraud Days and Alan's Doomed Deal
from #243 - Best of Patreon Vol. 2 | The Tim Dillon Show · #243
9 min
Tim compares Alan's desperate sales pitch to his old mortgage days working with a dishonest colleague named Howie who fraudulently refinanced double-wide trailers as modular homes.
- Alan walks out of the car dealership looking devastated after the sales manager tells him about a Russian gangster who paid lease payments upfront.
- Tim tells the sales manager to calm down his testosterone and get in touch with his femininity instead of acting like he's in a movie.
- Chase bank—which runs Land Rover Financial—would actually make the loan harder because the bank already knows Tim's spending habits and financial history.
- Howie, a cutthroat and dishonest mortgage broker, succeeded by lying in circles until people were invested in making his lies come true.
- Howie would refinance modular homes in South Carolina, claiming double-wide trailers were permanent fixtures on foundations so banks would lend on them.
- Tim would walk into the mortgage office with hopeless deals, leveraging any tiny credit history—like a paid-back Kmart card—to justify loans that couldn't get done.
- Alan is now doing to the dealership what Tim did to mortgage lenders: pretending a comedian on the Joe Rogan show is a serious buyer.
- The finance manager admits to Tim that he can't promise the deal will close, but they're staying late and waiting for the banks to open tomorrow to try.
- Tim hates Alan because he was a terrible car salesman—out of breath immediately, offering nothing, not even a cappuccino at a luxury dealership.
- Tim's aunt has worked at four car dealerships and been fired from all of them because she knows nothing about the cars or her job.
HowieBentleyAlanused car salesLincolnMercedesJoe Rogan ExperienceJaguarFake business