Episode 224 · The Ben Avery Era
#224 - American Chainsaw Massacre | The Tim Dillon Show
Nov 1, 2020 · 1:10:45 · 527,000 views · 23 segments, 134 moments indexed
Tim talks this week about his latest JRE appearance, how to practice Halloween safely, why he can't enjoy horror movies anymore, and what may be the final days of Trump.
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- 2 min
Halloween Cold Open: Ben's Colonist-Loving Indian Chief Costume
#Tim opens the Halloween episode riffing on Ben's costume, an "indian chief" who was pro-colonist, and does a bit imagining the founding of America blexit-style. He then does a mock election-day PSA parody about boarding up stores, guns, and vaccines.
5moments
- Ben dressed as a pro-colonist Indian chief who believed the native way of life was valid but progress was inevitable
- Tim compares the Native American acceptance of colonization to Candace Owens' Blexit movement
- Election day in America means boarding up stores and getting guns as signs of a healthy democracy
- Walmart stopped selling guns but kept selling liquor—encouraging people to drink instead of think about their problems
- Tim's advice: don't ask about your job, health insurance, kids' drug use, or vaccines—just accept the system or suffer the consequences
- 2 min
Sitting Next to Alex Jones on Rogan's Podcast
#Tim reflects on appearing on the massive Joe Rogan/Alex Jones podcast, praising Jones as an entertainer and defending Rogan's fact-checking approach against critics.
4moments
- Tim recorded one of the biggest podcasts ever with Joe Rogan and Alex Jones.
- Love or hate Alex Jones, he's the most entertaining person on the planet and his broadcasting skill is beyond anything Tim has seen up close.
- Tim defends Joe's fact-checking during the podcast, arguing it creates a better listening experience than letting Alex rant unchallenged.
- The Rogan-Jones podcast is differentiated by having receipts and going through every story, rather than just letting claims stand or fall unexamined.
- 2 min
Tim riffs on pre-election chaos: early voting numbers, Walmart pulling and then restocking guns and ammunition after calling looting incidents "isolated," and imagines the absurd internal conversation at a Walmart store.
4moments
- Tim on Walmart pulling guns from shelves as an omen for the country's state.
- Walmart removed guns for only two days, then put them back after calling the unrest isolated.
- Tim imagines a manager being told to restock ammunition despite civil unrest at other stores.
- Tim notes that someone at the Philadelphia store got trampled to death, but Walmart still classified it as isolated.
- 3 min
He covers luxury stores like Nordstrom and Tiffany boarding up windows and Beverly Hills closing Rodeo Drive for anticipated election unrest, then pivots into explaining why he's rescheduling comedy shows due to reduced capacity rules.
7moments
- Major cities are boarding up storefronts in preparation for potential election-related activity.
- Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills will be closed on election day; Nordstrom and Tiffany planning to board up stores.
- Tim notes the euphemism: 'potential election related activity' is how they describe bricks through windows.
- Halloween is getting socially distanced trick-or-treating guidelines this year.
- Tim will have to reschedule some comedy shows because Covid is back and venues won't let him pack the room.
- Recent shows in Dallas, Fort Worth, Nashville, and other cities have been packed with no masks—the good old days.
- Dan is opening for Tim's tour and they've been killing, but can't do meet and greets anymore.
Rodeo DriveNordstromTiffany and CompanyCOVID-19
- 3 min
COVID Resurgence and the Return of Lockdowns
#Tim jokes about spiking COVID case counts, imagining Fauci and the Gateses celebrating, and mocks the idea of COVID as a recurring blockbuster sequel disrupting his tour dates.
6moments
- Tim explains his rationale for potentially postponing shows: he doesn't want fans getting sick, the club facing bad press, or venues dealing with increased regulations at reduced capacity.
- 90,000 COVID cases recorded in 24 hours marks a record resurgence; Tim jokes that Bill and Melinda Gates and Fauci are celebrating in their mansions.
- Tim admits he doesn't know if he's had COVID, has probably been exposed to it repeatedly, and no longer understands what the virus even is anymore.
- Comparing COVID's return to a summer blockbuster, Tim riffs on it being a movie arriving just in time for the holidays: National Lampoon's COVID Christmas.
- Playing to a hundred socially distanced people in a 400-capacity room isn't fun; Tim would rather reschedule dates to February or March for full crowds.
- West Palm Beach shows were among the most fun he's had doing stand-up, featuring drunk monstrous crowds of people like himself—bad people who enjoy him because he's a bad person too.
- 2 min
He reads CDC Halloween safety guidelines aloud, mocking rules about isolated trick-or-treating, individually bagged candy stations, and mask requirements for costumes.
7moments
- Tim asks if kids are allowed to trick-or-treat, then says he'd sit down any child who shows up at his house to lecture them about civic duty.
- The CDC website recommends avoiding direct contact with trick-or-treaters—meaning kids shouldn't go near their friends.
- Tim questions the CDC's instruction to give out treats outdoors, pointing out that trick-or-treating has always been a doorstep activity and no normal parent invites kids inside.
- The CDC says to set up a station with individually bagged treats, which Tim dismisses as unworkable because someone will steal them all.
- Tim mocks the mask requirement for Halloween, joking that costume masks should count and that the CDC then contradicts itself by saying cloth masks are different.
- The CDC warns that masks should not be worn by children under two or anyone with breathing trouble, which Tim uses to mock the absurdity of allowing unmasked one-year-olds.
- Tim reads that people must stay six feet away from anyone they don't live with, noting that this describes most people anyway.
- 6 min
Wanting to Be Cool: Fat Antifa and Throwing Eggs with Johnny and Alfred
#Tim tells a personal story about wanting to be cool in eighth grade, riffs on a fantasy "Fat Antifa" sketch idea, and connects it to a broader theory that political tribalism is really just people wanting social belonging.
11moments
- Tim imagines young hooligans replacing toilet papering and egg-throwing with blasting hand sanitizer on everything.
- He jokes about not disrespecting the Mayans while wearing full costume regalia and insists he's incredibly intelligent.
- Tim recalls eighth grade as the time to be cool, and notes that being cool back then meant destroying property like Antifa does.
- Fat Antifa is the saddest version—heavily breathing in the back while others get arrested, offering only intellectual fire about Karl Marx.
- He pitched a sketch with Ray Comp about two guys heading to Charlottesville who kept getting distracted by fast food and ended up beaten by a female Trump supporter in a Golden Corral parking lot.
- The cool guys at his school were named Johnny and Alfred, and they'd go throw eggs and do shaving cream in the park to be cool.
- Tim went to his dad's steakhouse after that night reeking of shaving cream, claimed it was cologne, and let the owner assume he was trying to impress girls.
- He proposes a way for kids to vandalize safely: just claim it's political, and parents can't say anything.
- Tim argues that most of this miserable life is social—everybody just wants to find people who will fuck with them and tolerate them.
- You don't get smarter than eighth grade when you want to throw eggs with the cool kids; it's just wanting to have value and worth, whether that's shaving cream now or golf and a 401k later.
- Playing golf and having a 401k is the same shit as throwing eggs with Johnny and Alfred—all social.
- 3 min
Halloween as Simulated Horror vs. Real-World Horror
#Tim explains why he loves Halloween as a safe simulation of fear, then riffs on how real horror movies like Hostel, Texas Chainsaw, and House of 1000 Corpses feel tame compared to real-world atrocities and politicians.
8moments
- Tim loves Halloween because it's about simulated horror, a way to escape from actual horror that dominates the other 364 days of the year.
- The real horror isn't haunted houses or scary movies—it's the verifiable nightmarish behavior happening constantly, which you avoid only by sheer luck and grace of God.
- Tim can't enjoy horror movies anymore because actual torture operations probably exist in places like Bratislava, and someone's leaving money on the table if they don't.
- Leatherface isn't scary when you see him as someone who runs for the Senate—a comment on real politicians being worse than fictional killers.
- Jason and Freddy Krueger have done less killing than the actual people who run the country.
- A thousand corpses would be a good day in third-world countries where American leaders have killed vastly more—it's just Tuesday morning before lunch.
- If Leatherface existed today, he'd run a major Facebook Q-and-A account that got shut down, then mount a campaign for local Congress.
- Tim shifts to showing off his watch—a black and gold piece he calls a hot watch and tells the listener to look at it.
HalloweenTexas Chainsaw Massacrehorror films
- 6 min
Tim reads a Vincero Watches sponsorship, riffing into an extended fake pickup scenario where he uses the watch as a conversation starter with a woman at a bar, before returning to the discount code.
8moments
- Tim demonstrates how to start a conversation by showing someone his watch.
- Playing a bar pickup scenario, Tim hits on a woman and keeps insisting she look at his Vincero watch.
- The woman reveals she's in town for a dentist conference and is staying at the Ace hotel downtown.
- Tim asks if the woman wants to see his collection of watches in his hotel room.
- The pickup line works when the woman agrees to go back to his room to see the watches.
- Tim pivots to a ShipStation ad, warning that everyone needs to start an e-commerce business because of the coming economic collapse.
- ShipStation handles the back office so you can focus on being the entrepreneur and creator.
- Tim emphasizes that ShipStation is offering 60 days free, which is a significant deal for anyone starting a business.
- 1 min
Tim pivots into a ShipStation sponsorship read, urging listeners to start online businesses amid economic uncertainty and touting the 60-day free trial and discount code.
2moments
- Tim's favorite Halloween movie is Hocus Pocus, which he watched as a kid and calls very gay.
- The movie is iconic and gay, featuring Bette Midler and Kathy Najimy.
- 4 min
Favorite Halloween Movies: Hocus Pocus and Jacob's Ladder
#Tim discusses his favorite Halloween movies, joking that Hocus Pocus is scary because it lacks diversity, then praises Jacob's Ladder and Danny Aiello, including a tangent about Aiello's ubiquity on NYC pizzeria celebrity walls.
7moments
- Tim explains why Hocus Pocus is legitimately scary: everybody in the movie is white.
- The film lacks any diversity — no disabled people, no one transitioning, no Black Panthers.
- Jacob's Ladder with Tim Robbins and Danny Aiello is a phenomenal film Tim enjoys.
- Jacob's Ladder is about a Vietnam vet who the government drugged to make soldiers more vicious because American boys were too soft.
- Danny Aiello delivers the film's great quote: demons are really angels, depending on how you look at it.
- Tim recites the full Jacob's Ladder quote about making peace with dying and seeing devils as angels freeing you from the world.
- Tim enjoys Rob Zombie films like Devil's Rejects and House of a Thousand Corpses.
Danny AielloHocus PocusJacob's LadderThe Devil's RejectsRob ZombieSarah Jessica ParkerAgent OrangeVietnam+3 more
- 8 min
Fake Journalists Attack Him Over the Rogan/Jones Episode
#Tim goes off on so-called journalists and "comedy journalists" who wrote hit pieces about him after the Rogan/Jones podcast, mocking their lack of real reporting and reading an actual article calling out his Kenosha comments.
10moments
- Articles about Tim describe him selling subprime mortgages and having schizophrenic mothers based on a five-minute comedy set.
- Most people writing about him aren't journalists—they're stenographers and listicle writers from BuzzFeed putting together clickbait like "top 10 craziest things from the Rogan-Jones episode."
- "Comedy journalists" claim his statements about Kenosha and Kyle Rittenhouse were controversial when he was just describing what he saw on television.
- Tim says he observed looting and burning during protests and reported what he witnessed without slanting the narrative.
- Articles take his humor completely out of context, treating obvious jokes about the Rittenhouse family being "a bit off" as genuine attacks.
- A Google search for "Tim Dillon Kenosha" returns articles with outdated information, like calling his podcast "Tim Dolan's Going to Hell."
- When Tim predicted armed militias would emerge if police were defunded and abolished, writers labeled a logical observation as controversy.
- Twitter users complained Rogan's show used to be thought-provoking but now it's "crazy town"—yet those same users are clearly having thoughts about it.
- One critic called Rogan's show "the most dangerous propaganda outlet," but Tim suspects that person has a failing podcast of their own.
- Comedy attracts the mentally ill, and the difference between funny sick people and angry sick people is that funny ones can survive and make money from their obsessions.
- 3 min
Comedy as a Haven for the Mentally Ill and Envious Critics
#Tim theorizes that comedy attracts mentally ill people and that his critics are driven by jealousy over Rogan's success, comparing it to someone delusionally showing up at a modeling agency.
8moments
- Tim argues critics attacking Joe Rogan are driven by jealousy because he achieved massive success they couldn't.
- The trap of thinking you're too good to succeed—Tim and Mullen used to discuss people self-sabotaging their careers with this mindset.
- Nobody told you to become a comedian; your family doesn't care at Thanksgiving dinner.
- Chapo Trap House and Red Scare are actually funny, even if Tim doesn't follow them closely.
- Tim rejects the idea that institutional problems in America boil down to blaming Alex Jones or individual conspiracy figures.
- The selective outrage over successful podcasters platforming guests and fact-checking them in real time misses the systemic issues.
- Critics who attack successful people never were cool themselves; they just wanted to be part of the scene.
- Tim writes 'COVID' as his next of kin on medical forms, treating everyone as dead from the pandemic.
Joe RoganAlex JonesBen ShapiroCum TownJohnny WeirNick Mullen
- 3 min
Tim reads the Ridge Wallet ad and spins into a dark absurdist story about a friend whose children murdered him for not buying a Ridge Wallet.
5moments
- Ridge Wallet is a metal wallet with thirty thousand five star reviews, sleek enough to fit in your front pocket without revealing a bulge.
- Tim tells a story about a friend who decided against buying a Ridge Wallet and suffered catastrophic consequences.
- The friend's two and four year old children killed him by setting him on fire while he slept.
- When asked why, the children said it was because their father didn't get a Ridge Wallet, and the state pressed no charges.
- The wife announced she would find another, smarter father, indifferent to the smell of her husband's burnt corpse.
- 3 min
Tim promotes Raycon earbuds, detailing an unrelated story about Ben buying syringes for a video sketch and getting odd looks at the store, before returning to compare Raycon favorably to AirPods.
6moments
- Tim refuses to pay $300 for Apple AirPods, compares them to Raycon earbuds instead.
- Ben had to buy syringes for a sketch, causing awkward interactions at the store.
- Store clerks insisted Ben buy 30 syringes instead of 10, concerned the smaller quantity wouldn't be enough.
- Tim argues Raycon headphones are much better than AirPods and actually wireless.
- Tim imagines a conversation with an attractive woman who mistakes his Raycon earbuds for AirPods, then gets insulted.
- Premium wireless earbuds available for less than half the price of AirPods.
RayconSnoop DoggBrandyMelissa EtheridgeMike TysonRich the Kid
- 4 min
Nobody's Mind Is Changed by Podcasts
#Tim argues that people like Alex Jones or Rogan aren't actually changing anyone's political views, and that outrage over controversial guests is really about tribal belonging rather than ideas.
8moments
- People aren't thinkers or actualized human beings; they just want validation and to be told they matter.
- Tim argues podcasts and figures like Alex Jones aren't actually changing anyone's mind—his Biden-voting aunt won't switch votes because of inter-dimensional lizards.
- The blind rage people fly into when Joe Rogan has conversations with unpopular guests is embarrassing and self-defeating.
- People want to be accepted and part of something; they fantasize about revolution because they're bored with their shitty jobs and panera soup existence.
- Tim challenges people claiming to want to live in historic times to actually do something real instead of just complaining.
- Comedians who attend help-the-homeless workshops never actually help the homeless—it's performative.
- Tim mocks the absurdity of help-the-homeless workshops in echo park, imagining Brandon Wardell with a clipboard approaching a mentally ill homeless veteran.
- The idea that Paul F. Tompkins or Amy Man with a guitar are solutions to homelessness is ridiculous theater, not real help.
Alex JonesJoe RoganSteve BannonBrandon WardellPaul F. TompkinsAmy Mann
- 3 min
Help-the-Homeless Workshops and Performative Activism
#Tim mocks comedians and hipsters who attend performative "help the homeless" workshops without actually helping anyone, imagining absurd scenarios of comedians visiting homeless encampments.
4moments
- Tim defends supporting Bernie Sanders, saying he was labeled alt-right for believing mentally ill people shouldn't die in the streets.
- His business manager asked if he should register to vote in California; Tim told him to leave him alone.
- Tim describes voting locations as making people look sad and desperate, preferring to go to dinner instead.
- He recalls going to vote once with friends but ditching it for dinner instead, skipping the line and getting a table to have laughs.
- 1 min
Defending His Bernie Sanders Comments
#Tim explains why he supported Bernie Sanders' healthcare stance, citing his mother's situation in a state-run mental institution as the reason, and complains about backlash calling that position "alt-right."
1moment
- Tim explains California isn't a swing state, so he doesn't want to vote for either Trump or Biden.
- 1 min
Why He's Not Voting and Would Rather Go to Dinner
#Tim explains he's skipping voting since California isn't a swing state, joking that voting lines look grim and he'd rather take his friends to dinner instead.
2moments
- Tim says voting for either Harris or Trump won't change anything — Harris might start wars with North Korea and Russia, Trump's suddenly talking about Jesus after never going to church except for nine weddings.
- Trump's only been inside a church for his multiple marriages, yet he's now using Jesus rhetoric in his campaign.
- 2 min
Tim reacts to a clip of Trump invoking Jesus at a rally, framing Trump as history's greatest con man who, fittingly, ends his con by invoking Christ.
3moments
- Tim admires Trump as a con artist, saying there's a soft spot in his heart for a huckster.
- All great con artists eventually go back to Jesus at the end—it's the first con and the ultimate play.
- Trump represents the most successful long con in history, making Enron look like nothing by comparison.
- 5 min
Trump's Post-Presidency as a Rock Star's Victory Lap
#Tim predicts that even if Trump loses, he'll have the "funnest post-presidency," comparing his first term to a hit debut album like Billy Joel's, with Hollywood ultimately re-embracing him.
8moments
- Tim debates whether Trump is the most famous person in the world, settling on Jesus Christ as the only one more famous.
- Trump will have the funnest post-presidency if he loses, with Hollywood eventually embracing him the way they did George W. Bush.
- Trump has figured out something that works—McChickens and Adderalls—to stay vital and energetic.
- Tim compares Trump's political role to teenagers egging cars on Halloween, getting it out of their system together as a pack.
- Trump doesn't get invested in things the way normal people do; he's a craven narcissist and megalomaniac comfortable with himself.
- Trump's closing statement—"it's me and Christ"—is the perfect coda, with Jesus being the only one bigger than him.
- Trump had a rock star presidency; the second term won't be as fun, and he can blame COVID for the economy while the first album was the hit.
- Trump can still play the hits with rallies and remain a massive cultural force, like Billy Joel still touring the same songs decades later.
- 5 min
Trump Broke Hollywood by Weaponizing Its Own Values
#Tim argues Trump's true legacy is exposing Hollywood and media as cons by using their own tools of vanity, narcissism, and celebrity obsession against them, becoming "the best version of you."
6moments
- Trump emerged in 2016 and has driven people in the entertainment business to the brink of insanity.
- One con exposed another con: Trump destroyed the facade of Hollywood and pulled back the cover on corporate media.
- Immigration shouldn't be an emotional issue—it's a question about unemployment, inequality, and labor policy that nobody actually cares about the data on.
- Trump's enduring legacy is that a guy from Hollywood used their own system against them by weaponizing celebrity obsession, narcissism, and vulgarity.
- He became the best version of Hollywood's value system—taking what they worshipped and idolized and using it to defeat them.
- Trump didn't win through knowledge, hard work, faith, or competence—he did it with vanity, vulgarity, narcissism, and cheapness, then sold it back to them.
- 2 min
Closing Riff: Halloween as the Simulation That Won in 2016
#Tim closes the show tying Halloween's theme of simulated, controlled horror to Trump's 2016 win, concluding that the simulation of horror actually won that year.
4moments
- Tim attributes quote to Benjamin Franklin about blaming the game rather than the players, not just the conspiracy theorists or the game show host president.
- Halloween appeals to Tim because it lets people pretend all horrors are fake and controllable for one day.
- Tim sees Halloween as a simulation of something that truly terrifies people deep down, letting them experience fear in a controlled environment.
- When Donald Trump took office in 2016, the simulation won.