Episode 219 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#219 - The Gates Of Hell | The Tim Dillon Show
Sep 27, 2020 · 1:30:49 · 1,000,000 views · 20 segments, 159 moments indexed
Released by popular demand, this week Tim talks about what people really think about you if they constantly tell you to go vote, a journalist that tried to smear him in Esquire, defends a friend's right to make a living, and closes with a…
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- 4 min
Tim explains that this originally recorded Patreon-only episode is being released widely because it hit a nerve, warning listeners it gets "wild" and that he stands by what he said even if it angers people.
7moments
- Tim introduces the episode as audio-only, originally intended for Patreon.
- He describes having an out-of-body experience during the recording that made members urge him to release it publicly.
- Tim stands behind everything he said, clarifying he respects the people he discussed comedically even if he called some behavior monstrous.
- He explains his frustration with celebrities lecturing people to vote and the unhealthy state of the country that requires it.
- Tim defends the episode as meant to open dialogue, not attack people, but rather critique ideas he finds wrong.
- He argues that his criticism of celebrity behavior actually strengthens the things they hate, like Donald Trump, potentially helping them.
- Audio-only format doesn't bother him—he describes himself as "an audio boy" and jokes listeners can visualize him as a potato with a cigarette.
Yes or yesLil DickyDonald TrumpPatreon
- 2 min
Defending the Decision to Go Audio-Only
#He jokes about not needing video because of his looks, riffs on listening to Stern and Limbaugh growing up, and continues justifying why this particular episode had to be released as-is.
5moments
- Tim explains he released this audio-only episode because not releasing it would have been cowardly, and people have told him it's really good.
- He acknowledges he's said and done things that made him look stupid and out of touch, and has been wrong about facts before.
- Tim believes he's part of a small group willing to say what they believe because he's not afraid his fanbase will desert him as long as he's funny and makes sense.
- Most people in the industry are terrified and cowering, trying to get fed crumbs, which Tim calls a horrible way to live.
- What matters to him is putting out something he likes that makes him laugh or interests him, rather than chasing financial reward.
- 4 min
Celebrities Telling You to Vote and 'Closing the Gates of Hell'
#Tim rants about celebrities like Lil Dicky doing voting PSAs, argues it's condescending, and pivots into political commentary on Trump, authoritarianism, and quotes comedian Yannis Pappas's phrase 'close the gates of hell,' which becomes the episode's theme.
6moments
- Tim doesn't like when people go after others' money or try to destroy their lives based on a clip or feeling.
- He's putting the episode out unsure how it will be received, acknowledging it's not for everybody.
- Tim clarifies he didn't vote for Trump and doesn't think Trump's doing a good job, rejecting the alt-right label.
- He argues that encouraging violence and condoning chaos strengthens authoritarianism and fascism in the country.
- Anyone who excuses what happened to George Floyd can't be included in serious conversation about society.
- The minute you condone chaos and destruction of private property, you are opening up the Gates of Hell.
- 5 min
Chauvin, Riots, and the 'Merch Drop' Revolution
#He calls for police accountability while blasting people who excuse the violence and looting following George Floyd's death, mocks revolution-branded merchandise on Instagram, and reiterates that telling people to vote isn't his job, capping it with a joke about his mother's schizophrenia.
7moments
- Tim calls for Derek Chauvin to be killed in prison by Mossad so he doesn't go to trial.
- Screaming in people's faces and attacking them in restaurants creates a false binary between Biden supporters and Trump.
- Tim tweets that if riots are the strategy, maybe Trump should win, since he positions himself as the candidate of civilization.
- Trump is a con artist, but critics calling him a Cheeto or saying his hands are small miss what he actually is.
- Media and powerful institutions promoting random violence and chaos expect something coherent to emerge, which is insane.
- People wearing revolution shirts on Instagram—what revolution has merch, dummies?
- Tim's job is not to tell people to vote; that's condescending because institutions think voters are incompetent.
- 6 min
A sponsor read for Magic Spoon cereal spirals into riffs about keto Taco Bell, cereal mascots, and an imagined obnoxious fat mascot who lectures people about diets.
7moments
- Tim pitches Magic Spoon's real marketing angle: a jingle targeting self-hating adults asking if they're fat, disgusting, and unhappy with their sex life.
- Magic Spoon appeals to people serious about health who need to eat sugar cereal in the morning—the keto Taco Bell phenomenon of diet culture.
- Tim argues Magic Spoon needs a mascot like other cereals have—the Trix Rabbit, Lucky Charms Leprechaun, or the Honeycomb character.
- The ideal Magic Spoon mascot: a fat guy constantly announcing whatever diet he's on while nothing ever changes about his appearance.
- Tim describes friends stuck on outdated diets from the eighties—Nutrisystem, Wellness Plus, or getting daily injections in their ass from a doctor.
- Tim suggests Magic Spoon create cereal bars as a snack product but feels owed money for the idea since companies never compensate him.
- The perfect Magic Spoon mascot is an annoying fat woman who lectures people about diet science at parties while being 400 pounds herself.
- 2 min
Straightforward ad copy for BetterHelp online therapy, discussing licensed counselors, video sessions, and discount codes.
7moments
- Tim opens with the pitch: everybody has problems, COVID keeps you inside, so why not get mental health in order online.
- BetterHelp offers licensed counselors you can reach in under 48 hours, not a crisis line but actual professional therapy.
- You can message your counselor anytime and get thoughtful responses, or schedule weekly video and phone sessions without waiting rooms.
- The service costs less than traditional therapy and financial aid is available, with free counselor changes if needed.
- Tim emphasizes the importance of keeping yourself sharp mentally and treating yourself right, directing listeners to betterhelp.com slash Tim D for 10% off.
- BetterHelp is recruiting counselors in all 50 states due to demand, making it easy to find someone available.
- Tim closes by reiterating it's a good, easy, and affordable move if you're anxious, depressed, or not feeling good.
- 4 min
Lunch at the Parker in Palm Springs During COVID Theater
#Tim describes the absurd COVID-era reservation requirements at the Parker hotel and a nearby restaurant, mocking social distancing rules, phased reopening, and comparing it to post-9/11 security theater.
7moments
- Tim and Ben went to lunch at the Parker in Palm Springs, which reopened during COVID theater with extensive security protocols.
- Getting onto the Parker's property requires email confirmation of an OpenTable reservation, triggering an interrogation about vaccination and testing.
- Tim questions why restaurants are trying to get him to sit next to his dining companion instead of across the table, claiming the social distancing logic makes no sense.
- The inconsistency of partial reopenings: companies are open at minimum capacity to avoid paying employees, while formerly engaged workers are now confused, dazed, and unpracticed.
- Attempting to buy a MacBook at the Apple Store required an appointment, turning what should be an impulse buy into a scheduled event.
- COVID has eliminated impulse purchases by forcing people to go home and reconsider whether they actually need something.
- The destruction of the impulse buy means accepting lower quality, slower service, and more things to be angry about.
- 6 min
The Zillion Dollar Frittata and Income Inequality
#He riffs on COVID killing the impulse buy, trying to buy a MacBook at the Apple Store, and then describes a $1,000 caviar omelet called the 'Zillion Dollar Frittata' at Norma's, using it to comment on income inequality.
9moments
- Tim on the economy's dependence on impulsive, rage-filled purchases rather than contemplation.
- He prefers audio medium over video and doesn't care about being seen, dismissing concerns about his appearance.
- Tim used to fall asleep to Alex Jones every night instead of relaxation apps.
- His aesthetic is built for the Northeast and he looks right in a Boston Dunkin Donuts, not LA spots.
- Norma's in New York serves a thousand-dollar omelet with lobster, caviar, and truffles inside.
- Tim questions whether anyone thinks America has an income inequality problem while a restaurant calls a dish the Zillion Dollar Frittata.
- The absurdity makes him want to put on black Antifa gear and lob off heads at the restaurant.
- Tim is a fan of expensive food but argues nothing on a plate should ever cost a thousand dollars.
- Six or eight people at a nice steakhouse buying shellfish might run four hundred dollars total, but a G for one dish is fucking absurd.
Alex Jonesincome inequalityBeverly Hills HotelNorma'sthe ParkerCandace Jones
- 6 min
Tim and Ben discuss an Esquire article trying to connect the 2005 documentary Loose Change to the rise of QAnon, with Tim disputing the thesis while praising the film's production and criticizing journalists' selective use of the word 'conspiracy.'
9moments
- People spend a thousand dollars on omelets just to announce the price to everyone at the table.
- Tim says Ben was hunting QAnon during lunch, trying to track down its real source.
- Tim believes QAnon's fingerprints are somewhere in the White House, possibly originating from an ex-military or intelligence figure working with someone like Steve Bannon.
- An Esquire writer called Tim to discuss an article about Loose Change that attempted to draw a line from the film to QAnon.
- Loose Change, directed by 21-year-old Dylan Avery in 2005, posited that 9/11 was either an inside job or subject to a massive cover-up.
- Dylan Avery is trying to break into movies now, but careers struggle after making Loose Change.
- Dylan Avery made Loose Change with a few thousand dollars and a compact Presario, earning praise from Alec Baldwin as the Gone with the Wind of conspiracies.
- Tim mocks people who quote celebrity praise in their bios without actually using those connections to advance their careers.
- Tim disagreed with the Esquire article's thesis that QAnon emerged from Loose Change, arguing instead that QAnon functions more like a religious movement.
QAnonLoose ChangeAlex JonesDylan AveryJohn McDermottAlec BaldwinSteve BannonVanity Fair
- 4 min
Media Hit Pieces and 'Trafficking in Conspiracy Theories'
#Tim recounts being contacted for the Esquire piece and being described as someone who 'traffics in conspiracy theories,' and mocks Forbes for reaching out about the intellectual dark web, insisting they stick to money stories.
8moments
- Loose Change was a well-made thriller-style conspiracy film that kept people engaged, unlike long Kennedy assassination documentaries.
- Journalists have a massive blind spot: they never grant conspiracy theorists any credible examples while refusing to call media-driven falsehoods conspiracies.
- Jussie Smollett and Covington Catholic never get labeled as conspiracies, but independent figures like Joe Rogan constantly do.
- Tim tweeted angrily about Covington kids after being misled by the narrative, then realized the wool had been pulled over his eyes.
- The Iraq War—built on Judy Miller's enriched uranium article that Dick Cheney weaponized—is never discussed as a conspiracy by mainstream journalists.
- The word 'conspiracy' functions as a pejorative applied exclusively to people outside the mainstream system.
- Articles about conspiracy theories written by mainstream journalists have no value because they operate from dishonesty.
- QAnon and Monarch conspiracy theories are absurd; David Spade eats a filet and salad, not children, because Hollywood isn't even fun enough to be worth the intrigue.
Iraq WarLoose ChangeQAnonDavid SpadeDick CheneyJeffrey EpsteinJussie SmollettJoe Rogan+5 more
- 1 min
Hollywood Isn't a Secret Blood Cult
#He dismisses conspiracy theories that Hollywood elites are pedophiles or occultists eating children, saying real Hollywood parties are boring and mundane, using Chrissy Teigen and David Spade as examples.
1moment
- Tim describes what actually happens at Hollywood parties: Wendy Cummings discussing carbohydrate counts in popsicles instead of the occult rituals people imagine.
Wendy Cummings
- 6 min
Going Off on Chelsea Peretti and Hollywood Scolds
#Tim unloads on Chelsea Peretti for criticizing influencer parties and COVID risk-taking, argues Hollywood elites are hypocrites who never supported Bernie's healthcare push, and defends Joey Diaz against cancellation attempts.
11moments
- Tim invites people to stay home and have real food instead of coming to Hollywood.
- Pedophiles exist everywhere—New York, Washington, gyms, coaching positions—not just Hollywood.
- Tim says if Chrissy Teigen were actually in an occult eating children, at least she'd be interesting.
- Chelsea Peretti went after Whitney Cummings on Twitter over an influencer party and COVID concerns.
- Celebrities who opposed Bernie Sanders—rejecting his healthcare plan because his fans were misogynists—now lecture about COVID and public health.
- Hollywood people act paranoid and dictatorial over a backyard comedy show, as if money and connections give them authority.
- Tim tells wealthy celebrities their opinions have no validity just because they have money and a platform.
- People on a basketball court having a party isn't a public health problem, and stop calling Trump voters Nazi scum.
- The Come Vote comedy special with celebrities is patronizing; telling people to vote is annoying but no worse than not voting while being sad.
- Tim defends Instagram influencers and says people shouldn't be mad at them for being attractive.
- Tim says people can sit around being empty-headed if they want—stop hating on them for it.
Chrissy TeigenBernie SandersHillary ClintonChelsea PerettiWhitney CummingsGoldman SachsAmy PoehlerBuzzFeed+2 more
- 8 min
The Voting PSA Circus and Defending Joe Rogan
#He continues mocking celebrity voting PSAs (Little Dicky's nude video), insists voting isn't his job to push, and pivots to defending Joe Rogan against accusations of transphobia and enabling harmful voices, arguing Rogan has helped comedians more than anyone.
10moments
- Tim attacks wealthy, Ivy League celebrities who grew up sheltered and now lord their status over everyone.
- Celebrities doing voting PSAs need to stop — people can decide for themselves whether to vote.
- Millionaire celebrities pretend to care about causes while neglecting their own children for their phones.
- Little Dicky's voting incentive PSA (showing his dick if people vote) exemplifies the absurdity of celebrity activism.
- The fake fraud of celebrities pretending to be civic-minded every four years is exhausting.
- It's not celebrities' job to shame people into voting or dictating what health risks they should take.
- Chelsea Peretti went after Joey Diaz over an old story and tried to destroy his livelihood and his daughter's income.
- Chelsea Peretti's success (Brooklyn 99) and her brother running BuzzFeed doesn't excuse her sanctimonious attacks.
- Joe Rogan has helped more comedians and asked for nothing in return than anyone Tim knows.
- The accusation that Rogan is a transphobe for opposing transgender women in combat sports shows how sick the discourse has become.
Joe RoganChelsea PerettiJoey DiazLittle DickyBuzzFeedJackie GleasonPaul Revere
- 3 min
Wrapping the Loose Change/Esquire Tangent
#Tim circles back briefly to the Esquire article and his out-of-body feeling recording this episode, transitioning out of the media criticism thread.
7moments
- Tim asks if anything he said about 9/11 films wasn't factual or reality.
- He recommends watching the five-hour documentary "9/11: The New Pearl Harbor" as a genuinely wild film.
- Tim describes having an out-of-body experience while discussing the documentary, trying to refocus himself.
- Esquire article calls him "a comic who traffics in conspiracy theories."
- He defends giving space in his head to curiosity and giving both sides a hearing, including the conspiracy world.
- Forbes reaches out asking for a comment on the "intellectual dark web" and Tim tells them to get out of there.
- Tim tells Forbes to stop covering comedy and go back to writing about hedge funds and inherited wealth.
- 3 min
A sponsor read for Birch Gold Group framed around fears of economic collapse, riots, and inflation, encouraging listeners to diversify into gold and silver.
4moments
- There are only three good financial journalists, and Forbes has abandoned money coverage for comedy reviews.
- The stock market hasn't priced in the chaos visible on American streets—violence, fires, shootings, and social breakdown.
- When the market catches up to reality, the dollar will plummet, credit ratings will be slashed, and America will lose reserve currency status.
- Most very wealthy people keep a portion of their money in precious metals as a stable, solid investment.
- 3 min
Ad read for Keeps hair loss treatment, including a joke about treating his body like a temple compared to a Tamil Tigers meeting site.
8moments
- Tim opens on the identity crisis of baldness and how hair loss defines people in their 20s and 30s.
- Keeps offers online doctor visits and FDA-approved hair loss medication delivered home every three months.
- Generic versions of name-brand treatments cost less but contain the same active ingredients.
- Results take four to six months, so acting fast preserves more hair overall.
- Tim pivots to his own physical maintenance routine, comparing his body care to a Tamil Tigers temple in Sri Lanka.
- He calls the joke intellectual gatekeeping, suggesting some viewers lack the brain to understand it.
- Visit keeps.com slash Tim Dillon for the first month free—the actual pitch with his affiliate link.
- Tim expands the pitch to include buying Keeps as a gift for others or even throwing it away to support the show.
- 8 min
Ben details research into who might be behind QAnon, focusing on 8chan figures Jim Watkins and Frederick 'Hot Wheels' Brennan, their backgrounds, and connections to the Philippines and past military/intelligence work.
16moments
- Benjamin explains the leading theory that James Watkins, who started 8chan, is likely QAnon.
- Watkins served in the army as a computer programmer in Virginia throughout the 90s, then moved to the Philippines right after 9-11.
- Tim expresses appreciation for Frederick Brennan (Hot Wheels), noting he causes havoc despite being in a wheelchair.
- Watkins looks exactly how you'd expect the owner of 8chan to look.
- Abandoning the country three weeks after 9-11 to move to the Philippines is presented as a suspicious move for someone who might be intelligent.
- Brennan describes 8chan morphing from white supremacy and neo-nazism into QAnonism, then distanced himself from the platform.
- Watkins definitely knows QAnon's IP address and could stop the Q drops if he wanted to, suggesting he's in communication with whoever is posting them.
- Tim jokes he would forgive Chelsea Peretti if she admitted to being QAnon for the past three years.
- Older paleo-conservatives like Steve Bannon all have the same look as the overly conservative history teacher who would hint at conservative views.
- Watkins was a porn pioneer who exploited a loophole in Japanese censorship by hosting adult content outside Japan.
- Tim questions why the Philippines is a haven for hosting unregulated content given the region's issues with child porn and human trafficking.
- The platforms Brennan and Watkins created are responsible for hundreds of deaths, though they also produced some funny jokes.
- Throughout history, people just love killing each other—it's a theme.
- Tim's favorite words for killing from rap music are "clap" and "murk."
- Tim was offered an interview with someone who ran a cruel website where people would follow, tape, and troll others, but declined because it was intensely disturbing.
- Someone killed themselves on that cruel trolling website.
James WatkinsQAnon8chanFrederick BrennanRodrigo DutertePhilippinesSteve BannonIglesia de Cristo+1 more
- 6 min
Trolling Websites and Defending Rogan/Diaz From Cancel Culture
#Tim tries to recall a cruel troll-tracking website he was once asked to cover, then pivots into a broader defense of Rogan, Diaz and independent podcasters against accusations that they limit opportunities for marginalized groups.
8moments
- A website where users would film people and post pictures of them to be mocked online, sometimes targeting mentally challenged individuals.
- Tim refuses to defend the website or its creator, saying he has no interest in hearing that argument.
- Tim argues that Rogan and Diaz aren't trying to hurt people or limit opportunities for women, gay people, or people of color.
- Rogan and Diaz have created space where people can be independent, put out their own content, and monetize on their own terms.
- The people most often attacking Rogan and Diaz are deeply entrenched in traditional show business backed by billion-dollar corporations.
- Tim invites critics like Chelsea Handler to come on his show to respectfully discuss why he thinks they shouldn't continually patronize the American people.
- Nobody talks about Janine Garofalo, who was actually discussing real shit like Halliburton and Dick Cheney for decades.
- Tim says he doesn't tell people how to vote—if you want to vote, vote; if not, don't—because it's not his job.
Janine GarofaloJoe RoganHalliburtonDick CheneyLuis J. DiazChelsea Handler
- 7 min
Janine Garofalo, Andy Kindler, and Real Working-Class Grievances
#He praises Janine Garofalo for genuine activism, criticizes Andy Kindler for calling Rogan a racism-supporter, and delivers an extended rant about wealthy Hollywood/tech elites dictating morality to struggling working-class Americans.
12moments
- Tim argues that voting shouldn't need to be mandated in a functioning society, comparing it to basic hygiene.
- Cancel culture weaponizes accusations of racism and transphobia to destroy careers, exemplified by Andy Kindler's attacks on Joe Rogan.
- By critical race theory logic, every white person is racist, so anyone interviewing white people supports racism.
- Rogan actually challenges his guests rather than platforming them uncritically, as demonstrated with Ben Shapiro on gay marriage.
- Tim expresses disgust at a small group of tech and Hollywood elites dictating how people should live, work, and speak.
- Working-class people lack basic government support—no health insurance, underfunded schools, deteriorating communities, inadequate mental health care.
- These same people are constantly branded as racist Nazis and told their religious beliefs mean they hate gay people.
- Tim admits he finds working-class people repulsive and grotesque but won't tolerate elites dismissing them as evil for voting Trump.
- Kevin Hart was targeted not for limiting opportunity but because elites want to hurt and shame him for entertainment.
- Young writers pursue cancellation as a career strategy, winning small jobs and awards in a rigged system nobody outside it cares about.
- Social media activists with bad faces tweeting the right opinions will never be the Hollywood elite—they'll die with nothing.
- Stephen King's Thinner ends with the plea to die clean, a standard Tim applies to graceless grifters.
Andy KindlerJoe RoganKevin HartSam HarrisBen ShapiroStephen King
- 5 min
Closing Riff: Freedom, a Nuclear Cat, and Independence Day Sign-Off
#Tim closes with a riff about freedom, jokingly claims a gray cat has stolen nuclear weapons to attack, then plays into a satirical country-song rant about voting, freedom, and Jack in the Box before signing off.
10moments
- Tim defends doing comedy for influencers in a backyard because it's about freedom.
- He's willing to risk COVID by performing in Dallas, accepting he might die and stop reading tweets.
- Tim argues that policing language and thoughts like the Stasi makes the country not worth defending.
- Celebrities and wealthy people shouldn't get to judge his material while he performs in their spaces.
- A gray cat possesses seven Soviet nuclear weapons and has a plan to detonate them.
- Tim tells socialists in his audience to embrace country music and take over the country.
- He jokes about giving antifa addresses before clarifying he's on coke and kidding.
- Vote if you want, but otherwise go to the creek and find Jesus—nobody cares.
- Fight for your rights like protesting Jack in the Box about garlic butter on cheeseburgers.
- Closing message: fight for your goddamn rights before signing off.
Martina McBrideAndy Kinler