rant · moment 9 of 25
Getting Drunk at the Office Christmas Party
from #177 - Sober December | The Tim Dillon Show · #177
9 min
A sustained bit on how alcohol is essential to surviving office Christmas parties, imagining sappy interactions with coworkers like Sue and Denise and describing how booze makes a dead-end job and loveless life feel bearable.
- Sober people at office Christmas parties aren't having fun; alcohol is what makes them bearable.
- Alcohol allows you to appreciate coworkers you normally despise and imagine you have bonds with them.
- When drunk at a party, you stop wanting coworkers to die in car accidents and actually engage with them.
- The specific appeal of a corporate Christmas party: cheap appetizers, booze, and temporary escape from reality.
- Sober at these parties, you realize the horror of being trapped in a strip-mall bar with people you hate.
- Most coworkers lack self-awareness and don't realize they're in a hellish simulation; they just exist.
- The anxiety of arriving early to a party alone, then finding the creepy coworker Ralph is already there.
- Booze, marijuana, and cigarettes make the holiday party tolerable and even briefly enjoyable.
- When drunk, you compare your mediocre life to worse scenarios and convince yourself things aren't that bad.
- You measure your worth against the absolute lowest baseline—at least you're not in prison or shooting up schools.
- You've killed all your passions out of fear, but a few cocktails and a joint make Ralph seem funny now.