Episode 116 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Time To Retire
Oct 5, 2018 · 1:03:34 · 20 segments, 141 moments indexed
- 1 min
Music sting and title announcement for the Kavanaugh-themed parody segment.
2moments
- 0:00Opening: Tim Dillon Is Going To Hell with Tim Dillon and Ray Kump
- 0:25Ray Kump questions Justice Ford about her testimony in a parody setup
- 2 min
Justice Kump Testifies: The Catering Confession
#A parody bit in which Ray Kump plays a Brett Kavanaugh-like 'Justice Kump' confessing to bizarre incidents at a party while catering, including force-feeding a woman and exposing himself, framed as a mock confirmation hearing.
5moments
- 0:34Tim recounts being a caterer at a party who forcibly fed a girl he thought was anorexic, covering her mouth until she promised to eat.
- 1:09Justice Kump is reported to have exposed himself in the hall before arriving, which he claims was an attempt to lighten the mood.
- 1:21Tim predicts Kump will be confirmed despite lacking any merit, simply based on a feeling.
- 2:02Tim defends Avenatti's record despite his reputation as the porn lawyer, noting he was proven right with his client.
- 2:23Tim declares himself the true north of America during the Justice Kump bit.
Michael AvenattiJulie SweatnickStormy DanielsBill MaherSteve Bannon
- 2 min
Cynthia Nixon, Henchmen Fantasies, and Ina Garten's Boozy Cooking Show
#Tim riffs on wanting Cynthia Nixon to win as governor so he could be her Tammany Hall-style henchman, then pivots into mocking a Food Network host's (implied Ina Garten-style) drunken-seeming cooking show and her odd cocktail recipes.
6moments
- 2:34Tim pitched the idea of working as henchmen for Cynthia Nixon if she became governor, wearing long coats like Tammany Hall operatives.
- 2:52He imagined the henchmen lifestyle: getting nice meats from a butcher and walking around following Nixon.
- 3:24Ina Garten hosted a Food Network show called Mostly Homemade where she basically doctored prepared foods with olive oil and other minor additions.
- 3:51Tim describes seeing Garten make a cocktail with vodka and New England clam chowder, claiming he is not exaggerating.
- 4:04The show's actual title should have been Mostly Hammered since Garten appeared drunk the entire time.
- 4:19Tim dismisses both Nixon and Garten as part of a New York City political power couple type that requires a certain kind of person to appreciate.
Cynthia NixonFood NetworkTammany HallAndrew Cuomo
- 2 min
Kavanaugh Hearing: Avenatti, Feinstein, and the Devil's Triangle
#Discussion of the Kavanaugh confirmation fight, Michael Avenatti's involvement and credibility, Julie Swetnick's claims, and jokes about the 'Devil's Triangle' and yearbook calendar references.
7moments
- 4:34Tim on power couples: usually one person is dragging the other, not both involved.
- 5:00Kavanaugh is lying about the Devil's Triangle, which Tim believes means a threesome.
- 5:19Picture emerges of young Kavanaugh as a douchey frat bro throwing beer in people's faces at bars.
- 5:58Feinstein apologizing to Kavanaugh during the hearing, despite the allegations.
- 6:10Kavanaugh's defensive strategy—aggressively saying 'I like beer'—comes across as unconvincing.
- 6:23Kavanaugh claims he never blacked out, but referenced a commencement speech where he was blacked out the entire time.
- 6:34Story about Kavanaugh's blacked-out trip to Fenway Park in Boston.
- 4 min
Prep School Privilege and Rich Kids Gone Wild
#Tim and Ray discuss the culture of wealthy Northeastern prep schools, comparing absent-parent dynamics of rich and poor kids, and Tim laments that despite his proximity to money and grifters, actual rich people have never taken him under their wing.
6moments
- 6:54Camaraderie and friendship in boarding school culture is hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it.
- 7:27Northeastern prep school kids are insanely wealthy and politically connected—the children of what Bonfire of the Vanities called the masters of the universe.
- 8:12Rape culture may be changing, but local law enforcement often has financial ties to wealthy families that complicate accountability.
- 8:43Tim compares wealthy boarding school kids to at-risk poor kids: both have largely absent parents, but rich kids are insulated from consequences.
- 9:28Poor kids in inner cities join gangs; rich kids in prep schools are influenced by sociopaths running the school environment.
- 9:51When money removes real consequences, even wealthy people struggle to become functional independent adults.
Brett KavanaughNortheastern prep schoolsTom Wolfe
- 4 min
Fame, Money, and Joni Mitchell's 'For Free'
#Tim expands on how fame and money are the only things people truly respect, citing Joni Mitchell's song 'For Free' as an example of how talent alone means nothing without status, then jokes about the Federal Reserve and being 'a man of nuance' unconcerned with being helpful.
10moments
- 10:16Tim thought rich people would reach out and befriend him once he got famous, and it never happened.
- 10:47He realized the level of fame required for wealthy people to notice you is much higher than he imagined—basically Chris Rock level.
- 11:11Nobody needs him wandering around their house; everyone's funny if you do enough drugs.
- 11:46The reality is people only care about fame and success, not actual talent or skill.
- 11:59Tim references Joni Mitchell's 'For Free,' where she describes passing a clarinet player making beautiful music and nobody caring because he's not famous.
- 12:21In this country, nobody gives a shit about anything except money, looks, or fame.
- 12:37Even if someone's the best harp player in the world, if they have a physical flaw you'll want to get away from them.
- 12:55Tim brings up the Federal Reserve as an example of knowing things that don't help you get anywhere.
- 13:20He's a man of nuance who doesn't care about constructive information or being on a particular road like in Lord of the Rings.
- 13:44Tim accidentally ended up with the Fellowship of the Ring and just wants to go on a completely different lane, not caring about good versus evil.
- 3 min
Yearbook Quotes and Getting Kicked Out of Catholic School
#Tim and Ray share memories of their yearbook quotes (or lack thereof), a friend's 'ouch my hands Jesus' quote, and Tim's story about being too much of a delinquent for anyone to want to sign his yearbook.
7moments
- 14:09Tim graduated in 2003 from Holy Trinity in Hixsville, a Catholic school on Long Island.
- 14:21When he submitted a yearbook quote, the school refused to publish it.
- 14:50He was a cynical boy and got kicked out very soon after the yearbook incident.
- 15:14A friend at the Catholic school submitted "ouch my hands Jesus" as his yearbook quote.
- 15:31Yearbooks sometimes hint at what people end up doing — Tim's classmates wrote that he was funny, and he went into comedy.
- 16:07Nobody wants to be the person they were at seventeen, but yearbooks can be telling.
- 16:29Tim considers whether being a stumbling drunk idiot and entitled son of a bitch necessarily means someone raped people.
Holy Trinity in Hixvilleyearbook quotes
- 7 min
Kavanaugh's Character, Roe v. Wade, and Plessy Comparisons
#A long back-and-forth weighing whether Kavanaugh's alleged behavior fits the profile of entitled prep-school douchebaggery, whether Roe v. Wade could realistically be overturned, generational shifts on abortion and gay marriage, and comparisons to Plessy v. Ferguson.
9moments
- 16:37Tim on Kavanaugh: if he didn't act gross and shitty toward women, he'd be an exceptional guy, because that's the normal course of action when drunk.
- 17:25Overturning Roe v. Wade would cause chaos, but the generation most opposed to it is dying off.
- 18:26People talk shit about abortion until they actually get pregnant, but that doesn't mean they vote that way.
- 19:10Conservative radio host Bob Grant's point: religious convictions are volatile, but Roe v. Wade was settled law for 50 years.
- 20:30Comparing Roe v. Wade to Plessy v. Ferguson: both took decades to overturn, but attitudes toward segregation were already shifting.
- 21:22Tim doubts public attitudes have moved more pro-life in the last 40 years the way they moved toward desegregation.
- 21:44Problem with the Supreme Court: cramming it with arch conservatives like Samuel Alito and Kavanaugh, not brilliant minds like Scalia.
- 22:21Scalia was an insanely intelligent individual; his rulings were bonkers but genius.
- 22:56Comedy is heading toward nuanced, textured storytelling where serious stories have comedic elements, moving away from explicit laugh-out-loud movies.
Antonin ScaliaSamuel AlitoBush administrationBob GrantBrett KavanaughJohn RobertsCheneyPlessy v. Ferguson+1 more
- 3 min
Comedy in Movies and the Upcoming Cheney Biopic
#Discussion of the trailer for the Dick Cheney movie 'Vice,' how comedy is bleeding into serious prestige films and shows like Succession and The Big Short, and a rundown of favorite classic comedies.
5moments
- 23:35Tim notes that most current movies straddle the line between comedy and drama rather than being purely hilarious.
- 24:03People online claim Ford's family has CIA connections through her grandfather Nicholas Deak and her brother's law firm ties to Fusion GPS, supposedly proving a deep state conspiracy.
- 24:31Tim observes that the deep state is now supposedly an organization dedicated to diversity and representation.
- 24:50The Bush family represents the actual archetype of a real deep state if one existed, with Bush calling senators about Kavanaugh's confirmation.
- 25:13Tim criticizes commentators like Michael Savage who claim not to know about deep state connections while working at firms like Baker Hostetler.
George W. BushBush familyThe Big ShortBrett KavanaughHenry KissingerSuccessionFusion GPSMichael Savage+5 more
- 6 min
Christine Ford Deep State Theories and Retiring From Conspiracy
#Tim mocks online theories connecting Christine Blasey Ford's family to CIA fronts and Fusion GPS, argues that George W. Bush and the Bush family represent the closest thing to a real deep state, and announces he's exhausted by conspiracy culture and wants to retire from it.
10moments
- 26:05Weird Scenes Inside the Canyon argues the CIA pushed the hippie movement to discredit legitimate anti-war activism.
- 27:07Another Nineteen tries to profile alternative suspects to the 19 hijackers but comes off too paranoid.
- 27:57Finding out someone's father worked for the CIA raises questions, but people jump to conclusions without investigating further.
- 28:30Tim argues you can't analyze conspiracy theories through a political lens—once you do, you've already lost.
- 29:05The Clintons are out to pasture and can't help anyone anymore, yet conspiracy theories keep treating them as puppet masters.
- 29:17Brett Kavanaugh would be a dream target for the deep state if they actually wanted leverage over someone.
- 29:35If a real deep state existed and needed to stop Trump, they would kill him rather than obstruct a Supreme Court nominee for a week.
- 30:29Tim announces he has to retire from conspiracy theories because the discourse has become too absurd.
- 30:51He no longer wants conspiracy tips from people on Instagram and Twitter, saying he'll die not knowing what actually happened.
- 31:19Advice for conspiracy theorists: pick one conspiracy like a vocation and get into it instead of chasing everything.
CIABrett KavanaughWeird Scenes Inside the CanyonDonald TrumpPalantirBill ClintonAmy Coney BarrettJohn F. Kennedy+1 more
- 3 min
Pick One Conspiracy: Advice for Theorists
#Tim gives mock advice that conspiracy theorists should commit to just one theory (moon landing, JFK, MK-Ultra, etc.) rather than believing everything, and complains about Facebook's decline as a platform post-Cambridge Analytica.
9moments
- 31:37Bringing up conspiracy theories makes you credible only if you pick one and commit to it, not a buffet approach like moon landing denial plus flat earth.
- 32:02Tim's getting to the point where he thinks he should retire from social media because Facebook is done as a platform.
- 32:18Facebook is over—it's just elderly people screaming at each other now, and nobody sees posts even when you boost them.
- 32:46He's trying to boost posts to sell tickets to a bus tour in November, but he admits people tell him they don't even see his content anymore.
- 33:05Tim and Ray got identified as Russian bots on Facebook after Cambridge Analytica went down, so the platform flagged their entire output.
- 33:29Tim's deplatforming himself from Facebook because social media is ruining people's lives and it's not where anything that matters actually happens.
- 33:47His friend's wife is a consultant who gets billionaires to donate money to refugees, doing more real-world good than anyone tweeting about politics.
- 34:22Instead of posting online, go travel to a foreign country the State Department warns against and get involved in an actual civil war conflict.
- 34:43If listeners send photos of themselves fighting in a Yemeni civil war, Red will paint a portrait and send it back.
Facebooksocial mediaCambridge AnalyticaMK UltraYemenflat earthmoon landingBetsy DeVos+1 more
- 3 min
Michael Cohen's Son and Sacha Baron Cohen in Kazakhstan
#A seemingly-too-strange-to-be-true story about Michael Cohen's son being protected by Kazakh military because they mistook him for a relative of Sacha Baron Cohen, followed by more riffing on 'retiring' from conspiracy nostalgia.
7moments
- 35:03Tim knows someone whose kid goes to school with Michael Cohen's son, and relays a story about Cohen visiting Kazakhstan where military wouldn't point guns at him because they thought he was related to Sacha Baron Cohen.
- 35:47Tim announces he's retiring from conspiracy theory because there's no novelty left in it anymore.
- 36:09Nostalgia for the old days of conspiracies, when people actually believed in them and they were fun.
- 36:30Tim argues he's never seen conspiracy information actually materialize into real change, except for one guy who went to a pizza parlor with a gun and then gave up.
- 36:54Even Trump wasn't swayed by assassination conspiracy theories, and nothing ever really gets changed by this stuff.
- 37:23Tim decides he has to tap out completely from conspiracy talk and is done with it.
- 37:33Someone asked Tim if they'd do a "Who's Johnny" reunion, but the host is dead so there's no reunion possible.
Sacha Baron Cohenconspiracy theoriesMichael CainePizzagatePhilip Marshall
- 3 min
Aunt Diane, True Crime Docs, and Giant Roaches
#Tim discusses the HBO documentary about the Taconic Parkway crash ('What Happened to Aunt Diane?'), a planned bit mocking it, then drifts into stories about giant roaches in his apartment and apartment/fridge shopping with his roommate.
9moments
- 38:00The documentary 'What Happened to Aunt Diane?' follows a Long Island woman who drove drunk on the Taconic Parkway and killed herself, her kids, and three people in another car.
- 38:18Her Long Island family insisted in the doc that she couldn't have done it, claiming it wasn't like Diane.
- 38:45He shifts to ranting about unsolved crimes involving murdered children and girls, noting there's no justice and it's all over.
- 39:09Tim saw a three-inch roach in his hallway recently, one of the biggest roaches he's ever seen.
- 39:21He found a massive roach in his apartment, hit it with a shoe, but hesitated to crush it because the cleanup would be insane.
- 39:45Tim and his roommate are refurnishing their apartment and trying to fit a new smart fridge, but they need to rip out kitchen cabinets to make space.
- 40:25He's willing to spend a thousand bucks on a fridge because he's signed a two-year lease and doesn't plan to move again.
- 40:38Tim says if he moves out of his current apartment, he's leaving New York State entirely—no more moving around within New York.
- 40:55He's done moving within neighborhoods or towns; the next move would be somewhere totally different, like living with coyotes.
Aunt DianeLong IslandWhat Happened to Aunt Diane?
- 4 min
Vacation Planning: West Coast, PCH, and a Van Bit
#Tim and Ray debate where to vacation (West Coast, Pacific Northwest, Detroit-style pizza slander) before spiraling into a bit about renting a van for a road trip and an improv actress supposedly being kidnapped in the back.
10moments
- 41:10Tim would leave New York for somewhere else, mentions New Orleans as a destination.
- 41:31West Coast road trip idea: renting a car to drive up and down California.
- 41:58Pacific Coast Highway drive through California is the vacation plan.
- 42:10Van instead of convertible for the trip appeals to him.
- 42:53West Coast over Midwest: dismisses Chicago, then gets into argument about Detroit-style pizza being actual style.
- 43:11Reservation at Commander's Palace in New Orleans for Halloween, made without knowing who he's going with.
- 43:30Two-day New Orleans trip planned for Halloween week, possibly Wednesday through Friday.
- 44:01Mentions New Orleans has gay parade or parade, considers attending with outfit.
- 44:23Tim jokes about dressing up for the parade and imagines both of them getting called out by liberals for indecency as "gay Muhammad Ata."
- 44:47Louie C.K. returned to the cellar a second time, people yelled at him the first time, second time audience clapped.
New OrleansCommanders PalaceLouis C.K.CaliforniaLos AngelesPacific NorthwestPortlandSeattle+2 more
- 3 min
Louis C.K.'s Comeback and Private Prisons
#Discussion of Louis C.K.'s controversial return to the Comedy Cellar and audience reactions, pivoting into a broader point about selective outrage over comedians versus real injustices like private prisons and modern-day prison labor.
8moments
- 45:28Tim on freedom and comedy clubs: if you buy a ticket, you might not love who shows up, and if it's too much to bear, don't go—these aren't big issues.
- 45:50Tim's friend traveled the world and noticed the gap between what polite society talks about versus actual chaos in places like Flint.
- 46:10Private prisons deserve real outrage, not complaints about a comedian's jokes.
- 46:24Tim pivots to private prisons as genuine craziness: prison labor, corrupt judges selling kids to prisons, modern-day slavery.
- 46:57The absurdity of punishment severity: someone smokes pot once and deserves to be victimized by the system.
- 47:13Tim decided to retire from conspiracies because reality itself—private prisons, judicial corruption, actual killing and torture—happens in broad daylight with nobody caring.
- 47:25People spend enormous energy on unverifiable theories while ignoring documented atrocities that ruin lives.
- 48:01Flat earth and deep state conspiracies distract from systems that provably exist and provably harm people.
private prisonsprison labor
- 5 min
QAnon Fans From His Childhood and Carlin's Philosophy on Comedy
#Tim reflects on people from his troubled childhood now embracing Trump/QAnon conspiracies, argues that conspiracy language has been co-opted and lost meaning, and pivots into a reflection on George Carlin's philosophy that a comedian shouldn't have a rigid ideological stake in outcomes.
11moments
- 48:38Tim checks on childhood neighbors on social media and finds they're into Trump, QAnon, and the storm.
- 49:17The conspiracy about people trying to take down a wealth-representing figure might be the only conspiracy that could be good for the country.
- 49:29Tim realizes he has to retire because the people sharing his worldview have changed—formerly studious conspiracy theorists are now drug users and maniacs.
- 50:01The language and parlance of conspiracy thinking has been co-opted by everyone, rendering it no longer special or cutting edge.
- 50:39QAnon believers will quickly label comedians as pedophiles or spread false information, showing there are no values anymore—it's just war.
- 51:06Tim explains the American culture of hope through a Chris Hedges quote about fetishizing hope and the belief that each generation has it better.
- 51:43George Carlin's philosophy on comedy: a great comedian can't have an investment in the outcome or a rigid ideological stance—you must release yourself from the pressure of being right.
- 52:20Tim applies Carlin's approach to his own comedy: becoming a pure observer allows him to illustrate absurdity without needing to prove a point.
- 52:35Once a comedian's entire identity becomes one rigid ideology, they miss opportunities to skewer all sides and expose root causes that are actually broad and universal.
- 53:09Carlin, Hicks, and Pryor analyzed society broadly instead of targeting one faction, which is why they were brilliant.
- 53:20Nine late night shows say the same thing because it's hard to be unique or have a genuine point of view.
- 4 min
Kanye West's SNL Meltdown and Celebrity Influence
#Tim discusses Kanye West's pro-Trump MAGA hat speech on SNL, his mental health decline in the public eye, and a broader argument about why society cares too much about celebrity political opinions and their influence on kids.
8moments
- 53:43Kanye West wore a MAGA hat on SNL and gave a speech about how Democratic welfare policies were designed to remove fathers from homes.
- 54:19Tim acknowledges Kanye as a generational musical genius while noting the anger directed at him over his political statements.
- 55:00Tim argues that artists' personal politics shouldn't disqualify their work—he listens to communists and other ideological figures for their art.
- 55:45The real issue is watching a talented artist mentally decline over the last decade while people just get angry at him instead of being compassionate.
- 56:01Tim has personally watched celebrities he knew and admired become irrational, hateful, and lose their ability to be funny and logical.
- 56:30That level of fame and money makes it very hard to stay grounded, and some crazy comments are inevitable under those conditions.
- 57:03Celebrity influence becomes genuinely problematic when it exceeds the influence of parents and community in shaping children's values.
- 57:29If parents are relying on narcissists in Hollywood to raise their kids and give them a value system, society is fundamentally broken.
Kanye WestChris RockSaturday Night LiveSusan SarandonDonald Trump
- 1 min
Quick plugs for Tim's upcoming Helium Comedy Club Philadelphia shows and a tease about Ray's own podcast possibly launching soon.
4moments
- 57:39Tim announces he's performing at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia this weekend, Thursday through Saturday.
- 57:51He mentions having a lot of dates coming up in October.
- 58:16Tim teases his podcast coming soon, but is told not to mention it until it's on iTunes.
- 58:36The co-host explains that mentioning an unavailable podcast repeatedly makes it seem like a bit.
- 4 min
A long rundown of upcoming tour dates (Poughkeepsie, Long Island, Worcester's canceled Who Ha Ha, Wuhaha rescheduled, Springfield, Boston, Mohegan), plus Tim revealing he's been banned from a Midwest liberal comedy club for his political jokes and joking about entertaining his QAnon-fan audience members.
7moments
- 59:10Tim's tour dates: October 13th at Laughing Up Mahoney's in Poughkeepsie, and describes the city as a place to do drugs and scratch yourself.
- 59:41October 27th show at The Brokerage in Long Island.
- 1:00:09Club is owned by the same people who run Left Boston, but Tim has received new dates: March 14th to 16th back at Who Ha Ha, April 11th-13th at Roar Comedy Club in Springfield, and May at Laugh Boston.
- 1:01:16Tim can't get into clubs run by liberals in the Midwest because he ran his mouth, and one club owner's feedback was simply "I don't like him."
- 1:01:40He's pro people not liking him and still works top clubs like Helium and DC Improv while other comics do alt rooms.
- 1:01:59Tim's fans include QAnon believers and conspiracy theorists, and he'll engage with them about conspiracy theories if they buy tickets.
- 1:02:43Plugging Guess Digital Network with promo code HELL for two years of archives with conspiracy content, and only eight episodes currently on iTunes.
WuhahaQAnonPoughkeepsieDC ImprovHeliumLaughing Up Mahoney'sRoar Comedy ClubLaugh Boston+5 more
- 1 min
Final promo code shoutout for guestdigitalnetwork.com, an acknowledgment of the show's producer, and the closing goodbye.
1moment
- 1:03:18Tim signs off the episode, telling the audience they still have time to grow.