Episode 84 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
A Can of Sweetened Honey
Feb 20, 2018 · 1:05:16 · 17 segments, 132 moments indexed
- 1 min
Show open with music intro, then Tim and Ray apologize for missing the previous week's episode.
2moments
- 0:15Tim announces there was no episode last week and promises one later tonight
- 0:32He asks the audience for a fucking break
- 2 min
Sick of the World: North Korean Cheerleaders and the Winter Olympics
#Tim riffs on being burned out on news, mocking the North Korean cheerleader delegation and the two Koreas marching under one flag, declaring he no longer cares about anything happening in the world except making money.
7moments
- 0:46North Korea sends a delegation of cheerleaders to Winter Olympics who just hang around in winter coats looking pretty
- 1:02Tim doesn't care about the Winter Olympics and is sick of hearing about cheerleaders
- 1:13He's reached a point where he doesn't care what happens to the world anymore
- 1:23Used to love the Winter Olympics as a kid, but now nothing's interesting
- 1:42People keep trying to leverage this stuff against us; Tim doesn't care who wins
- 1:58Making money is the only interesting thing left, and you can use it to do drugs or buy sex
- 2:16Tim is sick of talking about this same shit every week
Winter OlympicsNorth KoreaCanada
- 1 min
Grapes, Togas, and Diminishing Returns
#A short riff on wanting a mansion, grapes losing their appeal after a few bites, and young shirtless men, before pivoting to introduce a fake Long Island comedy reality show trailer.
4moments
- 2:39Tim says he's sick of the world and doesn't want to be hydrated.
- 3:04Tim imagines having a mansion with grapes and togas, insisting they won't actually have grapes.
- 3:22Grapes hit a point of diminishing returns after the fourth or fifth one—they don't go anywhere from there.
- 3:36Tim asks whether they should watch a fake reality show trailer Governor's Comedy Club made.
- 4 min
Governors of Comedy: The Reality Show Pitch
#Tim and Ray discuss the unaired reality show pitch "Governors of Comedy" filmed at Governor's Comedy Club, including its Facebook rollout via lundsmanagement.com and speculation about why it never got picked up.
8moments
- 3:53A reality show called The Governors of Comedy was pitched about a suburban Long Island comedy club.
- 4:23Tim describes how the club's pitch missed the point—they should have focused on the actual business of running a strip-mall comedy club, not just "bringing comedy back."
- 4:45Tim mocks the club owner's mentality, playing him as someone who'd demand comedians wear suits and ties no matter their stature.
- 5:38The club held a Montreal audition for "new faces" where the median age of contestants was around 46, with elderly people competing alongside younger comics.
- 6:09Tim says he regrets not getting that audition, joking it would have made his career—but acknowledges there are other tracks in comedy.
- 6:25The reality show got filmed and pitched, likely on Facebook or the club's website, but didn't get picked up by a network.
- 6:54Now they're trying to generate a popular uprising—like Family Guy's revival—to get people to demand the show, with a Kickstarter presumably in mind.
- 7:19Tim jokes he'd watch the show to see Tommy Ravioli preparing his half-hour rant about Asians.
Jerry SeinfeldThe Governors of ComedyDave ChappelleMontreal auditionLong IslandTommy FredericiChris Rock
- 3 min
Long Island Comedy Club Lore: Ties, Chicken Sandwiches, and Elderly New Faces
#Tim recounts Governor's Comedy Club dress code stories, an old Montreal audition full of elderly "new faces" comics, and riffs on the club owner's disdain for Seinfeld ordering half a chicken sandwich.
8moments
- 8:01Tim prefaces discussion of a Long Island comedy club reality show pitch by noting he works the room and doesn't want to disrespect the people involved.
- 8:41The people who made this show no longer even own the club.
- 8:59A friend told Tim the show is actually good because the characters are real and their desperation to make it is believable.
- 9:20Tim observes there's not one white person in the entire show except the security guard, who they call House.
- 9:41The only non-white person in the pitch being called House raises questions about what that nickname actually means.
- 9:59The reality show pitch did not get picked up, made about a year ago during the reality TV boom.
- 10:24Long Island is typically a decade late to trends, and these people were no exception with their reality show concept.
- 10:38They were secretive and hush-hush about the project, wanting it to actually work rather than leaking their ideas.
Long IslandThe London
- 3 min
Long Island Made Comedy: Seinfeld, Rosie, and the Suburb Debate
#They debate whether Long Island deserves credit for producing top comedians like Seinfeld, Rosie O'Donnell, and Eddie Murphy, with Tim arguing it's really just a New York suburb before cueing up the full trailer.
10moments
- 11:04Tim on why he'd beg people to go to the city when growing up—nobody ever wanted to go with him.
- 11:17Growing up on Long Island meant everyone had cars because it's an island, but Tim took the bus around anyway despite 45-minute to two-hour drives.
- 11:43Long Island produced some of the greatest comedians: Jerry Seinfeld, Rosie O'Donnell, Eddie Murphy, Ray Romano, Kevin James.
- 12:07Tim interrupts to question whether Long Island really wrapped the entire comedy industry.
- 12:20The claim that more comedians came from Long Island than anywhere else—but Tim notes they were born and grew up there, not just worked at Governor's.
- 12:31Tim argues the analysis omits that Long Island is a suburb of New York City, and that suburban location gave those comedians a unique perspective on middle America.
- 12:54Long Island comics got the balance of suburb culture plus access to city experience and all its culture, which the city proper couldn't provide.
- 13:12Tim reacts to a clip playing—a guy in black and white throwing a cigarette in front of the club.
- 13:29They move the mics away because they're going to laugh at the clip and don't want to ruin the audio for listeners.
- 13:40Shannon runs the clip from the beginning again so people can see the full thing.
Eddie MurphyJerry SeinfeldKevin JamesRay RomanoRosie O'DonnellLong IslandBostonNew York City
- 4 min
Watching the Governors of Comedy Trailer Live
#Tim and Ray play and react in real time to the actual reality show trailer footage, mocking the owner Mark London, the comics' canned lines about race and struggle, and the low production value.
7moments
- 14:41Tim jokes about a game show bit where he'd kiss something for a Cinnabon.
- 15:09One comedian's premise about dinosaurs being the fastest rising storms and asking if any white people are in the audience.
- 15:31A comic tells another that his lack of talent is the real problem, not him.
- 15:56Tim argues the show only works if the audience thinks the comedians are delusional psychopaths, and it's a weird way to present comics.
- 16:40Reality show format damages a comic's career by ratcheting up expectations and branding them as a fast-rising star.
- 17:30The material on the show is incomplete — comedians are doing premises that came up five minutes ago and cutting them off before finishing.
- 17:51Tim questions whether the pilot got permission to use copyrighted music like Collective Soul.
Mark LondonGovernor's Comedy ClubCollective SoulJennyDennis
- 5 min
Trailer Continued: Median Age 60 and the Sinatra of Long Island
#The trailer keeps playing with comic profiles including Chris Monti "the Sinatra of Long Island," Loy Palmitari, and the club's mercenary security guard "House," as Tim and Ray riff on the show's dated, homogenous cast.
11moments
- 18:19Up and comers with a median age of 60.
- 18:54Tim recounts getting booked upstate in 1994 to a comedy club that had burned down three days earlier, with nobody bothering to call and cancel.
- 19:28Chris Monti is the Sinatra of Long Island, and Tim has known him since age three, coming from parents who thought show business was for bums.
- 19:55Loy Palmitari is described as the quiet, cute one with dark skeletons in her closet.
- 20:29Tim takes Anthony under his wing despite a bad attitude, explaining that someone in the crew has to get beaten up and it's going to be him.
- 20:55These are the people Tim wants to go to war with and invest in, comics out here treated like abandoned brothers in a locker room breaking each other's balls.
- 21:28The crew has everything on the line with no plan B; they have to make it work together as a family determined to stay together.
- 21:47Tim imagines LA executives hearing this pitch, trying to keep a straight face when told the show would air Thursday nights like when Seinfeld aired at nine o'clock.
- 22:01Long Island repped here as six hours upstate from New York, which LA people would probably think is in the Ozarks or a Catskills resort.
- 22:21These guys are repping a time when they weren't even all alive, like nostalgia for an era of simpler racism when permission was needed for Sammy Davis to stay in a hotel.
- 22:46The honest trailer for this would play the All in the Family theme song instead of whatever opening music they're using.
Chris MontiCarol SilvaHerbert Hoover
- 6 min
All in the Family Theme and the Throwback Racism of Long Island Comedy
#They play the All in the Family theme as mock trailer music, then dig into how the club's old-school comics romanticize a racist era without any of the actual edge, plus a tangent about who got iced out of the club's inner circle.
8moments
- 24:39Long Island comedy scene has all the elements of throwback humor but none of the fun or actual comedy
- 25:20Tim compares modern Long Island comics to what the Rat Pack would think if they saw what they inspired
- 26:04People who built the club by hosting open mics and bringing crowds were iced out of the band of brothers
- 26:34Older throwback comedians had scummy charm but modern versions are just dressing up as clichéd 1950s extras
- 27:21They're performing a parody of something that doesn't even exist
- 28:02Tim proposes turning the club into a series instead of one-offs
- 28:35Tim jokes about the club having to pitch itself to comedians and ask how much money they have to pay for TV
- 29:10Most people just see it when they're hungover or about to pass out eating a hamburger
Long Island comedy sceneBill HicksRat PackHerbert HooverChris RockDennis
- 3 min
Reimagining Governors of Comedy as an Infomercial Series
#Tim pitches how he'd actually produce the show as a paid infomercial for comedy classes, riffing on network executives negotiating and the absurdity of the pitch.
7moments
- 30:25Tim describes a coworker named Chris who was exceptionally funny and would mock motivational speakers at sales conferences.
- 30:38A bootleg Tony Robbins motivational speaker told the sales team that everything is within reach through three steps.
- 30:49Chris would repeat the speaker's phrases back to him, calling out the absurdity of the motivation tactics.
- 31:18By repeating the speaker's words—focus, baby steps, knowing what I know now—Chris exposed how ridiculous the advice sounded.
- 32:11Chris would walk around the office chanting the motivational phrases as if they were genuine wisdom he'd internalized.
- 32:27Chris was going through a psychic break while losing his house and negotiating with the bank about a mortgage he was behind on.
- 32:39Despite being four months behind on his mortgage, Chris decided to buy koi fish for his pond to maintain its property value.
- 2 min
Chris and the Bootleg Tony Robbins Sales Seminar
#Tim tells a long story about a coworker named Chris who mockingly repeated a motivational speaker's phrases ("focus," "baby steps"), was in financial free-fall buying koi fish he couldn't afford, threatened an attorney's life, and got wasted on Holy Thursday.
6moments
- 32:57Chris's boss described him as someone who doesn't help anybody out, comparing him to an empty pond.
- 33:23During a meeting where management was scolding Chris, he apologized by saying he got drunk with Dylan on Easter Thursday.
- 33:49Tim describes how Chris and Dylan got obliterated at a bar in the middle of the day and drove back to the office.
- 34:13Chris defended getting drunk at work by saying it was Holy Thursday, a Catholic celebration.
- 34:31Tim explains what Holy Thursday actually is—when Jesus was betrayed, imprisoned, and killed—not a drinking holiday.
- 34:43The manager told Chris he wouldn't yell at 22-year-old Dylan but questioned why a 40-year-old man was getting hammered at work.
- 9 min
Pulled Over in Kings Point with a Tub of Cookie Dough
#Tim tells an extended story about borrowing a friend's car to drive around wealthy Great Neck/Kings Point, lying about his reasons, eating edible cookie dough, and getting pulled over by a private police force while creepily loitering near a school bus stop.
11moments
- 35:34Tim was driving around Kings Point on Long Island, a wealthy neighborhood with massive mansions.
- 36:03Kings Point has Gatsby-style estates, including one on the market for 85 million dollars.
- 36:53Tim got pulled over while driving his friend Michael's car in Kings Point.
- 37:38He had stopped at a 7-Eleven to buy a tub of edible cookie dough before cruising around looking at houses.
- 38:38A black unmarked SUV followed Tim, and a Great Neck police officer pulled him over.
- 39:30Tim admitted he didn't have his license and the car wasn't his, but mentioned his friend listens to his podcast.
- 40:38The cop discovered the tub of edible cookie dough and asked what Tim was doing driving around eating it and looking at houses.
- 41:12After checking records, the officer found Tim actually had a valid license despite owing thousands to Nassau County.
- 41:27The cop gave him summonses but let him go with a warning to drive safe.
- 41:54Tim notes that at multiple points in the encounter, the situation could have ended in arrest or death if he weren't a white man.
- 43:22The question arises whether Tim was casing houses to rob or checking out where kids lived.
King's PointGreat NeckThe Great GatsbyNassau CountyLong Island
- 3 min
Mock Courtroom Defense and the Sagaponack Sweetened Honey Precedent
#Tim and Ray improvise a fake courtroom scene defending him against the ticket, comparing his cookie dough incident to an invented Supreme Court case about sweetened honey in Brookville, riffing on race and privilege along the way.
9moments
- 43:57Tim argues he could represent himself in court but wouldn't be interesting enough to get on the bar.
- 44:11He claims he has a good mind for the law and could have passed the bar through community college legal studies.
- 44:32Tim expresses his admiration for British common law and dismisses Napoleonic law as authoritarian.
- 44:53He jokes that not knowing law school would constitute terrorism and that he'd represent terrorists.
- 45:09Confusion over what he's drinking sets up a joke about pouring different liquors into various containers.
- 45:33Tim discusses multiple outstanding traffic tickets in Nassau County towns and wishes one could go on his friend instead.
- 45:59He recounts being pursued constantly by authorities after driving through Sagaponack with a can of edible product.
- 46:21Mock courtroom scene where Tim plays the judge dismissing arguments about driving through wealthy neighborhoods.
- 46:35The judge enters evidence that Tim's client was driving around Sagaponack with a can of sweetened honey.
SagaponicBritish common lawLong IslandNapoleonic law
- 10 min
The Aphrodisiac of Wealth: Rich Assholes, Squash Courts, and Butcher and Banker
#A long rant on why wealth and rich people turn Tim on more than physical traits, riffing on private school kids, tennis, boats, wanting to be dominated by a rich gang member, and eventually landing on a real steakhouse called Butcher and Banker built inside a bank vault as the peak of gauche NYC wealth.
10moments
- 48:17Money is an aphrodisiac—Tim argues that wealth sexually attracts people and makes properties and their owners inherently desirable.
- 49:19Tim insists he doesn't get turned on by architecture itself, only by the idea of being wealthy, raised rich, and good-looking in a safe private school world.
- 50:11The sexiness of a rich asshole from a good family—Tim claims their inherited bloodline and upbringing make them more appealing than their socioeconomic status alone.
- 51:25Tim explains he's drawn to rich people's experiences and exclusivity from elite enclaves, despite acknowledging those circles are actually boring.
- 53:04Working in Southampton catering—Tim worked photographing wealthy people for weddings after his boss, a good DJ and salesman, booked him without showing his portfolio.
- 53:46The real aphrodisiac is being part of elite circles you'll never enter—Tim says that exclusion itself is sexually compelling.
- 54:00Gang members are also an elite circle—Tim argues he's equally interested in sleeping with gang members and doesn't understand why that comparison bothers people.
- 54:49Rich people have boats and salesmen skills but aren't the most dynamic—Tim admits wealthy people are often dull despite their material advantages.
- 55:08Squash court encounter fantasy—Tim jokes about showing up overweight and greasy to a rich person's squash court and asking 'you like this ass?'
- 56:17Tim insists if he goes to a racquetball court to get fucked, he's getting fucked—not putting in extra effort or becoming a 'switch' in the sexual dynamic.
- 3 min
SJW Ray Goes Deep on Scat and Bottoms
#Riffing continues into a bit about gay sexual dynamics (tops/bottoms) escalating into an extended scatological riff about who would be willing to be defecated on by an attractive partner.
8moments
- 56:48Tim proposes exploring gay culture in depth on the show, suggesting bringing in guests like Mattel Lane.
- 57:08Discussion of how people decide who is a top or bottom, with Tim noting they ask each other.
- 57:22Tim compares sexual incompatibility in gay relationships to a hypothetical heterosexual scenario where one partner is into scat.
- 57:42Tim claims he would let an attractive person shit on him, establishing a personal threshold for the act.
- 57:52Tim tells listeners who won't let someone shit on them to stop listening to the show.
- 58:15Ray describes the ideal consistency and form of feces for the scat scenario they're discussing.
- 58:44Tim suggests bringing someone from the scat community onto the show to provide expertise.
- 59:11Tim states that while he'd be open to trying pissing, shitting represents the next level of sexual acts to consider.
- 3 min
SJW Ray's Rules for Shitting on Minorities and Butcher and Banker Revisited
#Tim closes out the sex-and-class riff with a mock social-justice policy on who is allowed to defecate on whom, then returns to mocking Butcher and Banker and imagines other absurdly on-the-nose finance-themed restaurant names like Credit Default Swap and Equity.
8moments
- 59:28Tim outlines the social justice position on shitting on minorities: only people of color, women, minorities, and LGBTQ individuals are allowed to do it.
- 59:49He describes the podcast as his love letter to social justice warriors and explains how it's his entry into the SJW community.
- 1:00:07Tim throws a bone to the DSA and connects it to his father's recommendation of a new restaurant that exemplifies wealthy excess.
- 1:00:21Butcher and Banker is a steakhouse inside a bank vault, which Tim sees as obscenely explicit about flaunting wealth to working people.
- 1:01:05Tim critiques the restaurant's brazen theme: eating in a bank vault is just throwing money in people's faces.
- 1:01:24He argues the concept doesn't appeal to actual old money, only to new money and their kids who think it's cool.
- 1:01:47Tim asks what the logical next step in this absurdity would be.
- 1:02:11The hypothetical Equity restaurant serves seventeen-year-aged ribeyes from 2009.
butcher and bankerDSA
- 3 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour dates and venues, plugs Netflix and Comedy Central specials, mentions Guinea Pick's uncertain status, and closes out the episode with Ray plugging his own projects.
8moments
- 1:02:26Tim announces tour dates including Clusterfest in San Francisco, Moon Tower in Austin, Mohegan Sun in Connecticut, Comedy Connection in Providence, and Zany's in Chicago.
- 1:03:05Two Roads Brewery appearance in Connecticut this Saturday if listening live.
- 1:03:16Tim will be in Los Angeles for the last two weeks on Hot Tub at The Virgil on February 19th, with more LA dates to be updated on the website.
- 1:03:35Comedy Central and Netflix specials both coming late spring early summer with more information to follow.
- 1:04:01Rate Comp account on Twitter and various other show platforms including a Vice Sports conspiracy show.
- 1:04:17New website coming soon with other projects in the works.
- 1:04:28Guinea Pick was a real project, not made up, but unforeseen circumstances out of his control prevented it from happening when scheduled and might still occur.
- 1:04:53If Guinea Pick happens, it will be good.