rant · moment 7 of 9

Ray's Grindr Hookup Disaster in Huntington, Long Island

from Pick Your Meat · #83

Audio-only archive episode — no video to seek.

15 min

Ray tells an extended story about ditching his friend's comedy set at the brokerage to hook up via Grindr with a 22-year-old Jewish tennis player in Huntington, the awkward limp-dick sex, the dead car battery stranding him, and the mortifying scene when the kid's parents came home and found them in the driveway.

In this bit15 moments
  • 19:37Tim drives out to Long Island to watch a friend perform at a comedy brokerage.
  • 20:01The borrowed car stalls outside the restaurant because the friend installed the battery with a YouTube tutorial and left it loose.
  • 20:38Tim gets on Grindr during his friend's comedy set to find someone to hook up with instead of watching the show.
  • 21:01He matches with a 23-year-old Jewish tennis player and goes to his house in a typical Long Island split-level with glass mirror walls.
  • 22:09The guy keeps wanting to have a conversation about tennis instead of getting straight to sex, which annoys Tim.
  • 22:51Tim explains he ate a big New York strip and twice-baked potato at dinner, making him anxious about what might happen during anal sex.
  • 24:17Tim jokes that if something goes wrong, he could play it off as a prank, like a singing telegram where he runs out yelling it was a joke.
  • 25:09During sex the guy keeps going soft and just tapping his limp dick against Tim, making it awkward and aimless.
  • 26:57After the encounter ends, Tim goes to leave but the car won't start—the battery is loose again—so he has to knock back on the door.
  • 27:56While Tim and the guy are looking at the car in the driveway, the kid's parents pull up early from dinner, catching them together with the kid half-naked.
  • 28:31The kid tells his parents Tim is a friend from school, but nobody believes the cover story.
  • 30:24The mother asks why the kid has no pants on; he says he was just chilling inside but now he's outside.
  • 31:31The father tightens the loose battery with a wrench and the car starts working again.
  • 32:29Tim thinks the kid probably should have come out to his parents with someone better looking than him, not a middle-aged guy with a big dinner in his stomach.
  • 34:19Tim has to go back to the brokerage smelling like sex and tells his friend he was getting his car fixed.
Mentioned here

GrindrLong IslandAnsel ElgortHuntingtonBaby Driver

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