Episode 55 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Finding the Kumps
Jul 29, 2017 · 1:12:18 · 19 segments, 133 moments indexed
- 1 min
Opening music, applause, and studio banter about a technical glitch attributed jokingly to the CIA before the show starts properly.
1moment
- 0:14Opening theme: Tim Dillon Is Going To Hell
- 2 min
Chicago Deep Dish Pizza Is a Crime
#Tim recounts his Chicago comedy run at Zanies, mocking deep dish pizza culture (Pequod's caramelized crust, the WD-50 fine dining tangent) and Chicago's inflated self-image as "the second city."
5moments
- 1:47Tim just got back from Zanies in Chicago and describes it as a real drunk city.
- 2:02Deep dish pizza is just a garbage can full of cheese, like a giant cock spread out and filled with cheese.
- 2:21The pizza looks like the pigeon pies from Game of Thrones.
- 2:46Chicago thinks it's the second city but maybe it's the eighth; their opinions on deep dish shouldn't be argued about seriously.
- 2:59Deep dish is novelty food like a corn dog or candy apple dipped in American cheese and covered with turkey bacon bits.
Comedy WorksZany's ChicagoChicago
- 4 min
The Rehab Gig: Fidget Spinners and Junkie Dignity
#Tim describes performing standup at a noon rehab facility gig, riffing on the crowd's detox symptoms, fidget spinners replacing dope fiend dignity, and asking how many attendees have already relapsed.
10moments
- 3:09Tim describes eating something with a host that caused instant, uncontrollable gas in the green room.
- 3:49The host girl was so sick from the food she went to the bathroom and purged before the show.
- 4:04Tim compares P Quads deep-dish pizza to Pizza Hut, calling it just oily crust.
- 4:25Tim's friend explains that P Quads' signature is caramelized—essentially burnt—cheese around the crust.
- 4:48Molecular gastronomy restaurants like W.D. 50 turn simple ingredients into absurd forms like cucumber ice cream or tomato gas.
- 5:36Tim had done multiple shows at Zany's that week: Wednesday, Thursday, two Friday nights, plus a rehab gig Friday afternoon.
- 5:48Rehab crowds are usually decent, but this one was rough—they were only a week sober, still in acute detox.
- 6:04One girl in the front row still had visible bruises from her pimp.
- 6:15Tim was onstage talking about frozen yogurt while audience members scratched their skin and showed signs of severe withdrawal—restless leg syndrome, eyes rolling.
- 6:40The rehab show was scheduled for 12 noon, an unusual time for a comedy performance.
- 4 min
Rehab Gig Continued: Sober House Logistics and Autographs
#More detail on the rehab show including the silent car ride with his driver, riffing on addicts wanting his autograph, and a friend's observation about failing to end the set sincerely.
9moments
- 6:49Tim describes comedy as one of the only jobs where a stranger picks you up and drives you three hours to a gig.
- 7:38Walking into the rehab, Tim observes the audience filing in with visible signs of active addiction and drug use.
- 7:52Tim critiques fidget spinners as commercializing what used to be the 'disgusting dignity' of being a dope fiend.
- 8:30During his set, Tim questions whether fidget spinners are a good idea, and the audience applauds, making him feel bad.
- 8:54Tim's pitch to the rehab audience: imagine what life could be like if you stay sober instead of constantly chasing the high.
- 9:20The contrast Tim presents—ripping someone from euphoria to sit through a comedian screaming about ice cream and Metro cards.
- 9:52Tim argues they'd rather hear from an attractive person talking about dating difficulties than his current material.
- 10:12Tim suggests they should have just had someone sing 'Oh Danny Boy' instead of booking him.
- 10:36Tim starts making fun of the rehab facility posters, then learns it's intensive outpatient with residents living in sober houses.
Zany'sOh Danny Boy
- 6 min
Farting Through Dinner with Hannah Before the Zanies Weekend Shows
#Tim tells an extended story about eating deep dish pizza with comic/host Hannah before his Saturday Zanies shows, both of them farting uncontrollably, sweating, and cramping, leading into his stage entrance.
10moments
- 11:16Guy at rehab tried to snort Ajax the night before the show to stay awake.
- 12:09After the show, rehab attendees suddenly become nice and ask for autographs, trying to trade them to dealers.
- 12:44Tim tells a guy he's 15 years out from recognition and will either be sober with a family or dead by the time the autograph matters.
- 13:19Tim's friend points out how gross it is when Tim tries to get sincere at the end of a rehab gig.
- 13:55Chicago crowds drink harder than New York crowds because New York drinking is tied to networking or trying to get laid.
- 14:46Tim hears a lost woman asking her husband where the Comedy Central place is, realizing the Saturday crowd will be a problem.
- 15:18Tim goes to P. Quads pizza with Hannah before the show, his voice shot, sitting silent for 45 minutes waiting for the pizza.
- 15:58After eating one slice each, Tim and Hannah start sweating and getting severe stomach cramps in the booth.
- 16:17Tim's gut is protruding so much he's pushing it back with his hand, making Hannah realize this guy might be nuts.
- 16:51Tim eats another slice of deep dish pizza despite already having cramps and sweating profusely.
- 5 min
"Baking a Baby" Heckler and the On-Stage Fart Panic
#Tim recounts a bizarre pregnancy-announcement heckler during his Zanies set, insulting her as a fake librarian, all while nearly shitting himself onstage from the pizza and turning it into material.
8moments
- 17:16Tim arrives at the club after eating with his girlfriend, both of them experiencing severe gas throughout the evening.
- 17:42Going on stage at 7 p.m., Tim describes the bloated, uncomfortable physical sensation of being overstuffed with carbs and worrying he's having a heart attack.
- 18:37Tim rips a fart while grabbing the microphone to start his set, then a woman in the audience stands up to announce her best friend is 'baking a baby.'
- 19:34Audience members actually clap for the heckler's interruption, prompting Tim to question who these people are and whether they understand stand-up comedy.
- 19:55Tim discovers the heckler is a librarian and begins insulting her, riffing about librarians sniffing coke for wind protection instead of doing their job.
- 20:30During the escalating crowd battle, Tim stops repeatedly to fart audibly, making dramatic faces that make the front row wonder if he's having a stroke.
- 21:15Tim seriously considers whether shitting himself on stage could be turned into something funny or legendary.
- 21:37After managing to avoid actually soiling himself and landing a joke about pizza, the crowd comes around and accepts it as good material.
- 8 min
Lansing, Michigan: Battling Lucas and the English Teacher Meltdown
#Tim describes a disastrous gig in Lansing, Michigan in front of distant relatives, riffing on a relative's name "Battle Lucas," then melting down on a heckling English teacher with an escalating obscene tirade while his family watched horrified.
11moments
- 22:09Tim describes Lansing, Michigan as a place where white people haven't done well with their privilege, suggesting the country's collapse could be expedited there.
- 22:39Battle Lucas—a relative's name that sparks a riff about what business names could work with it, including bakeries and lingerie stores.
- 23:45Bobby Kelly shamed Tim into using heavy cream instead of milk in his coffee, arguing Boston does it better than New York.
- 24:42The comedy venue in Lansing is an old place called the Loft, and Tim mistakes a pork rinds factory worker for a graphic designer.
- 25:33An Uber-PC woman with eight Twitter followers attacks Tim, claiming he shits on small towns, which he acknowledges as fair.
- 26:07Tim has a full breakdown on stage when an English teacher in the crowd gives him the middle finger after every joke and calls him mediocre.
- 26:30He stops the show and confronts the woman, leading into an angry accusatory rant about her profession and accusations involving children.
- 27:03Tim's family in the back of the room is genuinely horrified, watching him yell at the woman while she smiles ear to ear.
- 28:46The English teacher may have hated Tim from a tweet made in 2008, showing up years later just to provoke him at the show.
- 29:13Tim jokes about whether physically assaulting the heckler would be a problem, noting the older audience members looked confused and possibly didn't know who he was.
- 29:31Performing New Year's Eve at Sidewall Cafe in the East Village becomes emblematic of a moment where Tim questioned what he was doing with his life.
Lansing, MichiganBobby KellyBetter MadeThe Loft
- 8 min
Worst Gigs Ever: Sidewalk Cafe, Long Island Cops, and Ambush Shows
#Tim and Ray trade memories of terrible past gigs together, including a New Year's Eve show with a drunk British woman, getting pulled over by cops after a Long Island open mic, and the concept of "ambush shows" at biker/heroin bars.
11moments
- 29:53A drunk British woman got on stage and danced with Tim at a film opening and music event.
- 30:30Long Island cops pulled them over after an open mic at Velvet Lounge, and Tim gave a confusing answer about not seeing the lane.
- 31:35Another Long Beach traffic stop where Tim told the cop he worked at the workplace, and his friend ate a Taco Bell burrito in the front seat.
- 32:24An open mic got written up in Time Out New York as a top 10 thing to see.
- 32:59Ambush shows—putting a mic stand in a crowded bar where people are trying to get drunk, not expecting comedy.
- 33:45Performing jokes in heroin bars filled with 60-year-old junkies and bikers who look ready to knife you.
- 34:09An open mic in St. James on Sunday nights where Tim got a standing ovation for telling a guy his kids don't love him because he wears an ankle bracelet.
- 34:38The other side of Long Island comedy: dinner-show venues like Ravioli's on Route 110 where audiences get excited if a comedian mentions being a magician.
- 35:43Long Island comics don't understand what actually counts as a credit—Atlantic City Headliner, Borgata, East Coast Headliner, and auditions are meaningless.
- 36:45Tim looked up genealogy websites to track down comps and found forums full of unanswered questions from people trying to locate comps from the 1890s.
- 37:37Tim's grandfather was a Nazi who drove a truck in Germany, and Tim's not sure what was in it and doesn't want to speculate.
True DetectiveCarolinesOpie and AnthonyBorgataTime Out New YorkAtlantic CityLong IslandLong Island comedy+5 more
- 3 min
Fake Comedy Credits and Long Island Comic Culture
#Tim mocks meaningless comedy credits like "Atlantic City Headliner" and "East Coast Headliner," describing the culture of hacky Long Island comedy clubs, Italian restaurant shows, and magician comedians.
7moments
- 38:31Tim wants to track down distant relatives to see if he's better than them or if there are war heroes and professionals in the family tree.
- 39:07HBO's Confederate premise—what if the South won the Civil War and slavery continued—strikes both as tone-deaf and lazy storytelling.
- 39:46These alternate history concepts where everything stays the same except slavery persists are inherently stupid, like parallel dimension fiction where your dad is Tom Selleck.
- 40:13Even if the Civil War had gone differently, slavery would have eventually gotten stamped out anyway—the premise doesn't hold up.
- 40:28People's reactions to controversial shows are wildly disproportionate to what the actual content is trying to say.
- 40:52Modern discourse has become scorched earth—people destroy things rather than having disagreements without burning everything down.
- 41:04The show probably wasn't actually arguing slavery would be better; that can't genuinely be the premise, but Fox News is suing HBO over it anyway.
ConfederatesHBOFox NewsGame of ThronesThe Man in the High CastleTerry Turtledove
- 1 min
Tracking Down Genealogy: The Comp Family Tree
#Tim describes trying to research his family genealogy ("the Comps") online, finding obsessive unanswered forum posts from people chasing 1890s ancestry.
2moments
- 41:13Tim says their premise is already taken because they have a show like that.
- 41:29Tim points out that Confederate apparently has brilliant people writing it, questioning who those writers actually are.
- 1 min
Grandfather the Nazi and Wanting to Beat His Relatives
#Tim jokes about his grandfather driving a truck in Nazi Germany and his morbid curiosity about whether unknown relatives turned out better or worse than him.
3moments
- 41:35Tim had breakfast with HBO and it did nothing for him.
- 42:18Tim pitches a show concept where he eats shrimp on a tour bus.
- 42:45HBO's problem is that everything they make is too polished, formulaic, and safe.
- 3 min
HBO's Confederate Show Is Tone Deaf
#Discussion of the announced HBO show 'Confederate' imagining slavery continuing to the present day, calling it lazy and tone-deaf, plus riffing on Fox News/Sean Hannity comparisons and HBO's Silicon Valley/Ballers formula.
9moments
- 43:08Tim's story about working midnight shifts at HBO and being asked to hand-deliver a DVD to the network's head guy.
- 44:00The bit about a homeless guy asking for money and mentioning Vice sent him to deliver something that wouldn't sell.
- 44:17Tim says he hasn't been asked to do a Long Island comedy show in a long time and finds it kind of insulting.
- 44:37Guest explains Tim used to say yes to Long Island shows and then cancel ten minutes before the gig.
- 45:06Tim complains about Long Island's smell on weekend nights and decides he needs to speak to a real estate attorney about debts.
- 45:38Tim's favorite car was a 1999 Chevy Suburban he called the executive vehicle, like the ones from Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger.
- 45:55Tim does a bit about Hillary Clinton smashing an Arab guy's face in a Suburban with her crotch, yelling she's gonna be president.
- 46:10Tim wonders what Hillary and Bill Clinton are doing now at their house in Chappaqua and whether she does hard drugs for legacy reasons.
- 46:23Guest defends Hillary Clinton's accomplishments and legacy, noting she came closest to being president as a female and was secretary of state and senator.
- 2 min
Sneaking Into HBO with a Bomb Vest Joke
#Tim tells an odd bit about working a midnight shift at HBO's building and being asked to hand a DVD to an executive, riffing on suspicion he'd been mistaken for dangerous.
6moments
- 46:59Tim jokes about Hillary Clinton going to clubs with a young Black rapper as arm candy doing coke in champagne rooms.
- 47:30John Brennan called for a coup if Trump fired Mueller, saying the government shouldn't obey the president's orders.
- 47:54Tim notes that people not obeying the president is basically a coup, unless the president is acting unconstitutionally.
- 48:06The founders didn't plan for a president trying to pardon himself for crimes under investigation.
- 48:23Trump is thinking about pardoning his family, associates, and Sean Spicer amid the chaos.
- 48:43Tim suspects Trump will orchestrate a false flag attack soon, maybe blow up the Mall of America food court.
- 2 min
Hillary Clinton's Retirement Fantasy and Chappaqua Coke Rapper Bit
#Riff imagining Hillary Clinton secretly doing drugs or running around with a young 'arm candy' rapper in retirement, plus reflection on her historic candidacy and the drug war hypocrisy.
5moments
- 49:11Trump arrives at the blown-up roller coaster unflappable, insisting he'll find out who's responsible and exonerate Jared Kushner.
- 49:33Trump points to kids flying off the flaming roller coaster and shifts immediately to demanding answers about Russia.
- 49:49Two men in Make America Great Again hats run into the food court during the disaster, but Trump dismisses them to focus on Hillary Clinton.
- 50:03Trump goes on a recent tirade about why they're not investigating Hillary, arguing she's not the president so why look into her.
- 50:24Noam Chomsky got into an email exchange with Alex Jones about Israel, with Chomsky responding politely and explaining his position.
Hillary ClintonDonald TrumpJared KushnerNoam ChomskyAlexIsrael
- 4 min
Trump, John Brennan's Coup Warning, and a Mall of America False Flag Bit
#Tim discusses John Brennan's warning about a potential Trump-instigated constitutional crisis, riffs on Trump possibly pardoning family/staff, and imagines an absurd Trump-orchestrated Mall of America false flag attack.
8moments
- 50:57Chomsky hates Jews, despite claiming anti-Semitism isn't structurally a problem.
- 51:16Arab states with oil wealth recycle Nazi propaganda and make insensitive statements about Israel.
- 51:55Trump may be an inadvertent smokescreen for Republicans in Congress to do destructive things behind the scenes.
- 52:15Every cabinet member has been placed there specifically to destroy their department.
- 52:28John McCain got out of bed and dramatically ran into the Senate during the healthcare vote.
- 52:58Senate Republicans passed the motion to debate dismantling Obamacare with the Vice President breaking a 50-50 tie.
- 53:51The Senate didn't pass the bill—they only voted to begin debate, a parliamentary distinction most people don't understand.
- 54:17Tim references House of Cards and how the show keeps getting increasingly dark and brutal with each season.
Noam ChomskyDonald TrumpPaul RyanJohn McCainJohn Boehner
- 2 min
Reaction to a news clip of the Senate advancing a health care bill (McCain's dramatic vote), followed by riffing on House of Cards' Frank Underwood, Gordon Gekko as an aspirational villain, and Southern sayings.
8moments
- 54:50Tim uses quaint Southern sayings from Gaffney, including crude variations about loose mouths and moral standards.
- 55:22Frank Underwood in House of Cards walks through the Capitol in a way that makes kids want to emulate him as a role model.
- 55:38Kids aspire to Gordon Gekko and similar villains despite—or because—they're portrayed as the worst of Wall Street.
- 55:50Tim notes Frank Underwood's costume detail: his collar a different color than his shirt, designed to make evil look appealing.
- 56:00The show made Frank Underwood bisexual, which Tim discusses as a creative choice for the character.
- 56:13Debate over whether Frank's relationship with the gay male character was his true love or could have gone a different direction.
- 56:39Frank sleeps with a female journalist, which Tim warns hasn't been spoiled yet for newer viewers.
- 56:53Transition to discussing John Kiriakou and CIA agents.
Gordon GekkoFrank UnderwoodBoiler RoomJohn Kiriaku
- 9 min
Revisiting the Kiriakou Interview: Saudi Complicity in 9/11
#Tim and Ray reflect on last week's John Kiriakou CIA interview, debating theories of Saudi/government complicity in 9/11, redacted 28 pages, Bandar bin Sultan, and researcher Paul Thompson's 9/11 timeline work, plus a detour about a CIA-linked couple's views on Israel.
10moments
- 57:57Tim identifies the Saudi angle as the crux of the 9/11 question, noting Kiriakou got quiet when pressed on it.
- 58:25Tim argues elements of the US government and intelligence apparatus were complicit, with Saudis as longtime covert allies.
- 58:42Discussion of whether Bush and Cheney were involved in potential complicity, with Tim suggesting Cheney at least.
- 59:27Tim catalogs evidence of a cover-up: Saudis flown out, 28 pages redacted, Saudi intelligence minister's resignation, Prince Bandar at the White House.
- 1:00:14Theory that relatively few people could have manipulated the process by removing hijackers from watchlists without needing mass conspiracy.
- 1:00:37Tim defends the argument that organizations hate each other and don't share information, citing how actionable intelligence differs from suspicion.
- 1:01:43Observation that Bush administration was fixated on Iraq before 9/11 and may not have been asking the right questions about other threats.
- 1:02:02Tim mentions researcher Paul Thompson, who compiled a 9/11 timeline on History Commons and testified to Congress about pre-9/11 Iraq war planning.
- 1:03:45Paul Thompson's position: if not complicit, the government should be jailed for criminal negligence based on intelligence failures.
- 1:04:39Tim discusses Mossad conspiracy theories about 9/11, noting he hasn't seen widespread claims of Israeli complicity and doesn't find the motive compelling.
Dick CheneyGeorge W. BushPaul ThompsonPrince BandarRichard ClarkeIsraelMossadKevin Fenton+3 more
- 1 min
NYC Restaurant Week Menu Roast
#Tim mocks the overpriced, tiny-portion menus of New York City Restaurant Week with an exaggerated fake menu bit.
2moments
- 1:05:57Tim describes NYC Restaurant Week's three-course $42 deal with absurd menu items like bread soaked in water and coffee grinds for dessert.
- 1:06:21When customers ask for the regular menu instead, the restaurant offers even worse options like pussy and marshmallow.
Restaurant week in New York CityOktoberfest
- 6 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour dates (Mohegan Sun, Wilmington NC, DC Improv, LA double-decker tour bus show), teases a mysterious new project called Guinea Pig, plugs the Kiriakou episode, asks for reviews/subscriptions, and closes with social media handles and a Ray Kump Facebook post about John Wayne Gacy.
8moments
- 1:06:35Tim announces tour dates at Mohegan Sun Connecticut, Dead Crow Comedy Club in Wilmington North Carolina, and early August in Tennessee.
- 1:07:08DC Improv Lounge show coming mid-September.
- 1:08:05Artichoke show in Bushwick on July 27th at 10 p.m., though a DJ blasting unsolicited music ruins the upstairs experience.
- 1:08:51Guinea Pig project launching soon as an interactive multimedia experience with talent still being locked down.
- 1:09:23Tim plugs last week's episode with CIA guy John Kiriakou as one of the best things he's been part of.
- 1:09:48Subscribe to watch episodes visually, or use them however you want including while watching porn.
- 1:10:23Social media handles: TimJDillonDialoN on Twitter and Instagram, TimDillonComedy.com for dates and tour bus email signup.
- 1:11:27Ray's Facebook post comparing John Wayne Gacy to serial killers for bravery becomes subject of audience confusion and mockery.
John KiriakouDead Crow Comedy ClubDC Improv LoungeArtichokeJohn Wayne GacyMohegan SunJeffrey Dahmerguinea pig+1 more