Episode 28 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Kind Of A Minister
Jan 17, 2017 · 1:02:29 · 19 segments, 134 moments indexed
- 1 min
Show open with the GaS Digital Network jingle and a brief statement of the show's premise about defending society's hated figures.
2moments
- 0:14Show opens: 'Tim Dillon Is Going To Hell'
- 0:26Tim's philosophy: there are bad people in the world, and thank God for them
- 4 min
Chelsea Manning's Release and Snowden Comparison
#Tim riffs on Chelsea Manning getting out of prison, jokes about her dating prospects, fantasizes about her joining ISIS, and compares her case to Edward Snowden fleeing to Russia, before pivoting into a defense of Obama's record.
9moments
- 0:37Chelsea Manning getting out of jail
- 0:54Tim imagines Chelsea Manning introducing her girlfriend to her parents versus rotting in jail
- 1:36The government tortures people just to plant evidence on their cell phones
- 1:51Tim says he'd drag Chelsea Manning out of an open mic and kill her on the street
- 2:19Manning got 45 years for her leaks while Snowden fled to avoid prosecution, proving he should have run
- 2:40It's convenient that Snowden ended up in Russia while Russia ramps up computer espionage operations
- 3:09It would be funny if Chelsea Manning got out of prison and joined ISIS in a burka
- 3:44Obama's drone strikes ramped up after he took office, blowing up weddings
- 4:11Obama wasn't really pushing the social issues of the poor that hard
- 3 min
Political Rage, Broken Windows, and Millennial Sincerity Trend Reports
#Discussion of blind partisan rage toward Obama and the Clintons, comparisons to pro wrestling anger, and a pivot into a friend's marketing trend report claiming millennials crave 'sincerity' over irony.
7moments
- 4:37Tim on the blind rage people fly into when their political enemies are in power, with no need for logic.
- 5:01Politics as wrestling: people just need their team to rage against the other team.
- 5:14Tim admits he has threatened fast food workers' lives over rage at a restaurant.
- 5:35People with real legitimate anger—lost healthcare, kids arrested for drugs, felony convictions—have to put that rage somewhere.
- 6:02Broken windows theory introduced as segue into a complaint about how people don't know how to behave.
- 6:15A friend who handles social media gets trend reports showing millennials want sincerity to come back.
- 6:50Tim: sincerity trending is bad news for this program and the show.
- 3 min
Cynicism vs. Sincerity, and the Guy Who Wanted His Screenplay Shown to His Agent
#Tim argues cynicism is healthy and necessary, mocks the idea that people want 'authentic' experiences, and tells the story of a near-stranger asking him to pass writing along to his agent.
8moments
- 7:05Tim argues that cynicism can keep you alive and is foundational to skepticism about power and corporations.
- 7:32He describes a 2005 mortgage pitch scenario to illustrate the need for healthy skepticism about offers that seem too good to be true.
- 8:02Sincerity is not always called for; people confuse wanting authentic voices with wanting sincerity.
- 8:34Tim recounts a stranger on Facebook asking him to show their screenplay to his agent without any established relationship.
- 9:01He respects hustle but criticizes the presumption of someone barely knowing him asking for such a favor.
- 9:12Tim admits to being fake himself, maintaining fake friendships and attending weddings of people he hates for career advancement.
- 9:30He describes becoming a godfather to someone's child purely out of transactional network-building in the comedy business.
- 9:48Asking an acquaintance to show your screenplay to their agent is delusional and would screw both parties.
cynicismironysincerityskepticismNew World Mortgage
- 2 min
Focus Groups and Combining Food and Porn
#A riff imagining absurd focus group scenarios, including a disgusting hat, espresso cans, and a request to 'combine food and porn,' plus jokes about wanting medical tests for hepatitis.
6moments
- 10:10Focus groups ask regular people for opinions they don't actually have and don't know how to give.
- 10:22Tim wants someone to walk into a focus group caffeinated and disheveled, wearing a hat that looks like a green algae-covered pool cover.
- 10:55A focus group moderator asks him to somehow combine food and porn into a product concept.
- 11:06Instead of creative input, Tim responds that he wants a clean bed, a shower, and medical tests because he has hepatitis.
- 11:28Tim tried deleting the Facebook app from his phone for a few days to see if he could manage without it.
- 11:49Deleting the app doesn't actually work because the mobile website is too clunky to upload photos or tag people properly.
- 3 min
Facebook, Deleting the App, and the JJ Boyd Feud
#Tim talks about trying to quit the Facebook app, then launches into the story of his legendary online feud with Long Island comedian JJ Boyd, including going after him for being adopted.
7moments
- 12:31Tim recalls having legendary Facebook fights with people over the years.
- 12:54Tim explains that Long Island listeners misinterpret his rants as genuine hatred of poor people.
- 13:05His Facebook antagonists tend to be either hipsters or the opposite type—guys from a bagel shop in Long Island.
- 13:33Tim dug into one Facebook critic's personal information and discovered he was adopted, then used that as ammunition.
- 14:00When defending the tactic, Tim argues the guy started it and he just pointed out the adoption fact without saying anything racial.
- 14:21Tim's actual insult was telling the guy his own parents didn't even love him because they gave him up for adoption.
- 14:40The conversation shifts to Tim making a claim about Asian countries and adoption, noting it's supposedly a common practice there.
Bagel BossJJ boy
- 3 min
The Goldman Sachs Interns Rant and JJ Boyd's Death Threat Escalation
#Tim recounts a controversial post about Goldman Sachs interns working themselves to death, and how it fueled the JJ Boyd feud escalating into him describing Boyd's eventual death in detail online.
5moments
- 15:08Tim wrote a rant about Goldman Sachs interns being worked to death, inspired by actual intern deaths from exhaustion and shower incidents.
- 15:20Goldman Sachs responded by cutting intern hours to midnight, which Tim saw as missing the point of his tongue-in-cheek criticism.
- 15:59JJ Boyd, a truck driver for marching bands, came after Tim online claiming he's not a real comic and just an open mic performer.
- 16:45Tim escalated the argument by suggesting someone would find Boyd and describing the exact scene of his death in graphic detail.
- 17:22The death threat escalation included describing funeral home workers unable to find anyone to pay for Boyd's funeral, which Tim says was funny content.
JJ BoydGoldman Sachs
- 1 min
Getting Into Fights Over a Martin Luther King Post
#Tim describes posting a provocative joke about MLK and the CIA, and how people misread his political posts as either racist or insane, leading to more online confrontations.
3moments
- 17:54Tim made a Martin Luther King post that got people confused about his actual position.
- 18:10He posted something suggesting MLK was assassinated by the CIA if he were alive today.
- 18:27Tim describes posting deliberately ambiguous things that make people unsure if he's racist, an ally, or just insane, then inviting them to fight in a drainpipe.
- 2 min
The One-Armed Minister and Crackhead Comic on the Rehab Circuit
#Tim introduces the story of getting sober early in his comedy career and touring rehab facilities with a one-armed ex-crackhead minister whose prosthetic arm looked like a Halloween prop.
7moments
- 18:40Tim describes living in a big drainpipe with a MacBook Air at the end, emptying into a sewer.
- 18:54Tim quit drinking and drugs immediately when he started comedy on Long Island.
- 19:07Getting sober while entering comedy, a business where it's beneficial to work drunk and high, was the worst time to quit.
- 19:41Other sober comics on Long Island had lives that seemed worse than the worst drunk you knew.
- 20:00Tim worked for an ex-crackhead marine and minister with one arm who was very good to him, putting money in his pocket.
- 20:25The one-armed counselor for veterans alluded to losing his arm in war, but actually lost it smoking crack in a car accident.
- 20:37The ex-crackhead smoked so much crack he got in a car, lost consciousness, and woke up in a hospital with one arm.
- 3 min
Recovery to Go: Court-Ordered Rehab Comedy Shows
#Description of the hustle behind 'Recovery to Go,' booking comedy shows for captive, court-mandated rehab audiences, including a man who threatened to go back to jail rather than watch the show.
6moments
- 20:48Tim describes a friend with a prosthetic arm that looks like it came from a Halloween store, worn stiffly in one position like he's addressing a football team.
- 21:42The friend's cheap insurance probably sent him to buy the arm at a Halloween store, forcing him to choose between a tentacle or this one.
- 22:17Tim speculates the stub beneath the fake arm gets clammy and starts to fester where it connects, creating a smell problem.
- 22:37On a flight to Minnesota, the friend tried to upgrade to first class by claiming to be a veteran who lost his arm, but the flight attendant wasn't convinced because he seemed like a shyster.
- 23:14The friend formed a business called Recovery to Go built around performing at court-ordered rehabs where people can't leave.
- 23:47The hustle: rehab audiences are perfect because they're court-mandated to attend and can't walk out, unlike paying comedy club customers.
Recovery to GoMinnesota
- 5 min
The Legendary Song-Parody Crackhead Comic
#Tim details a formerly successful, now-crackhead Long Island comedian who did aggressive song parodies like 'Hotel in East Meadow,' including a bit about beating a waitress and getting arrested naked on crack.
8moments
- 24:10Tim describes performing at mental health facilities and rehab circuits where patients desperately need comedy.
- 25:30A patient walked out of Mo's set mid-performance and chose jail over staying to watch.
- 25:57The guy who booked Tim's rehab gigs had a single best joke about saving money to go to Penn Station instead of Jamaica.
- 26:15The booker would perform other comedians' material and claimed he got permission from Mike DeStefano's brother.
- 26:35A legendary Long Island comic from the 90s with early success had since been arrested for smoking crack and was supposedly now sober.
- 27:14The crackhead comic does song parodies with high energy but no real jokes underneath.
- 27:36His "Welcome to the Hotel" parody is filled with racist language and slurs about patients at Nassau County Medical Center.
- 28:19He closed shows by performing the Backstreet Boys' "You Are My Fire" while wearing a big R on his chest and miming with a lighter.
MoMike DeStefano
- 5 min
The Pennsylvania Chair-Throwing Rehab Gig Meltdown
#The story escalates as the crackhead comic imitates radio hosts, calls himself the greatest comedian alive, and tries to hire a hooker for $75 before a disastrous gig in Pennsylvania.
10moments
- 29:03Tim describes watching a comedian throw chairs on stage when his material wasn't landing.
- 29:19The one-armed minister drove them on road trips while the crackhead comedian would disappear behind closed gas stations for minutes at a time.
- 29:44Tim tells the minister he's convinced the guy is smoking crack; the minister won't rule it out.
- 29:57They were heading to a Narcotics Anonymous convention to perform.
- 30:59The comedian had a bit called "fake tough guy" where he'd start fights in bars and run away, dragging everyone into the chaos.
- 32:08The guy would do a bit imitating a New York sports radio duo, lecturing about comedy from the front seat of the car during road trips.
- 32:41The minister finally told Tim he couldn't use the comedian anymore after he threatened a woman's life.
- 33:06Driving through Pennsylvania and Amish country, the comedian declared himself the greatest of all time and nobody could touch him on stage.
- 33:43At the hotel, Tim overheard the comedian on the phone with a sex worker who quoted $75; he told her "fuck you" and hung up.
- 34:10Tim reflects that $75 seemed like a reasonable price to reject so aggressively.
AerosmithPennsylvaniaAmish country
- 5 min
Chairs Thrown at the Audience and the Near-Riot in Pennsylvania
#At the actual gig, the comic flips out when the DJ doesn't have his cued CD, starts throwing metal chairs at 400 rehab attendees, and somehow wins the crowd back before it turns violent again.
11moments
- 34:36Tim's friend takes him downstairs to smoke in the hotel despite Tim's doubt it's allowed.
- 34:50The crackhead opener confronts a massive Black security guard with a racial taunt.
- 35:24The security guard recognizes the guy is on drugs and walks away without escalating.
- 35:42Tim smokes what he's told are hand-rolled cigarettes and nearly collapses from the strength.
- 35:57The opener's act involves playing a CD from the DJ with celebrity testimonials about him.
- 36:46The performer takes the stage like a rock star despite looking like a slob.
- 37:10Tim admits the guy beat a woman badly and nearly killed him in a car accident but wasn't entirely unbearable to have breakfast with.
- 38:03The opener lights a cigarette on stage, gets frustrated with the audience talking, and starts throwing metal chairs at them.
- 38:29The audience throws chairs back at the performer, escalating into a two-minute chair war during his set.
- 38:48The performer somehow manages to win the crowd back with an apology-like move that resets the mood.
- 39:06Audience members accept a second chance despite the metal chairs thrown at them, because they came to watch his act anyway.
- 5 min
The Car Ride Fight Between the One-Armed Minister and the Crackhead
#After the show, the one-armed minister and the crackhead nearly come to blows while driving, pounding on the dashboard and steering wheel, with Tim fearing for his life in the backseat.
10moments
- 39:19The comedian gets into a heckling problem mid-set and starts threatening to kill audience members.
- 39:40Security warns they might end the show early as the crowd turns hostile, with people threatening violence.
- 40:16Tim and the one-armed minister get in a car with the crackhead comedian, who immediately starts ranting about not being treated like a star.
- 40:37The crackhead demands to know why he wasn't booked for a gig Tim gave to an improv group instead.
- 40:58The crackhead pounds the dashboard; the one-armed driver then starts beating his own steering wheel with his single arm.
- 41:27The one-armed minister challenges the crackhead to a fight while the car is moving.
- 41:50Tim mentions gambling right as they're about to fight, which somehow calms the crackhead down completely.
- 42:14Tim later looks up the crackhead on social media and finds him in Florida now, with a dog in his profile picture, claiming he found God.
- 42:42Tim compares this car ride to his days doing blow every night, calling this trip with two crackheads actually more dangerous.
- 43:25The one-armed minister refuses to judge the crackhead's sobriety, even though Tim points out the guy is clearly high and hanging behind abandoned gas stations.
The Sopranosrecovery comedy
- 9 min
Identifying Scott Papa and Playing His 'Hotel in East Meadow' Video
#Tim names the comic as Scott Papakuri, worries briefly about legal exposure, and they cue up and react to actual video footage of his chaotic song-parody performances including 'Hotel in East Meadow.'
13moments
- 44:09Tim discusses whether Scott Papa performed better or worse while using drugs on the radio.
- 44:38Story of Papa being arrested naked at his house, claiming he listened to the radio host.
- 44:50Tim questions Papa's claim that he'd fall asleep on air, wake up, and always make the perfect joke.
- 45:21Papa relied heavily on song parodies to carry his comedy, switching to anger when they bombed.
- 45:59Tim describes Papa's approach: bombing with a Sweet Caroline parody, getting no response, then getting mad.
- 46:48Guest mentions Papa had good qualities, was nice, called him talented, and they'd go to Waffle Houses together.
- 47:10Guest identifies the performer as comic Scott Papakuri, someone with actual success in the industry.
- 48:28Video of Papa performing begins: he gives a shout-out to his DJ, the G8 Double B.
- 49:13Papa performs his Sweet Caroline parody, singing about Saturday night and East Meadow.
- 50:39Tim and guest pause the video to search for Papa's 'Hotel in East Meadow' bit, calling it a classic.
- 51:26Papa introduces himself and announces he has several hands, says his name is Maine.
- 52:23Papa builds up the performance like he's fronting a real band, wanting to create a rock vibe.
- 52:47The segment ends as Papa's 'Hotel in East Meadow' performance concludes.
Scott PapakuriStrawberries Comedy ClubEast Meadow
- 4 min
Watching the Video and Judging Scott's Bizarre Charisma
#Continued reaction to the video, debating whether Scott is untalented or just has undeniable showman's charisma despite the terrible, offensive material.
5moments
- 55:10He's on crack.
- 55:34Sometimes when that one doesn't hit he gets real angry and just starts flipping out.
- 56:05The material was bad, but he's not unfunny.
- 56:24The material's bad and his personal behavior is reckless, but you look at him and recognize he's not completely without it.
- 56:42He shoots us dead because we made fun of his song parody "Hotel" in East Meadow.
Sam Kennison
- 3 min
Scott's Radio Fame, Wrestling a Woman on Air, and Final Verdict
#More backstory on Scott's brief radio success in Connecticut, wrestling a female co-host, his career collapse due to drugs, and a closing assessment that he has real showmanship despite terrible material.
7moments
- 56:49A Long Island comedian's podcast and song about jail led to his death after he was shot in the face.
- 57:11Tim describes seeing a performer with charisma despite questionable material, recalling a conversation about road comedy and attitudes toward gay people.
- 57:48The performer wrestled a female cohost on a Connecticut radio show called Courtney Ross and Scott in the morning, similar to Andy Kaufman's wrestling bit.
- 58:13Tim notes the performer had decent radio numbers for a while before things declined, attributing the downfall partly to drugs.
- 58:40Tim acknowledges the material was bad but delivered with panache, using a song parody as an example of the performer's style.
- 59:11The performer would extend lines like "we call them fags" for two and a half minutes before landing on hateful punchlines.
- 59:28Tim recalls the performer doing a show in Woonsocket, Rhode Island that didn't land because the material lacked abstraction and read as literal rather than satirical.
Hotel and East MeadowCourtney Ross and Scott in the morningWoonsocket Rhode Island
- 2 min
Housekeeping about upcoming LA dates, a planned live episode at a Long Island Pizza Hut buffet, thanking Twitter fans and Stefan for coming to a DC show, and asking listeners to rate the podcast.
7moments
- 59:52Tim thanks people for helping get the show on Twitter and announces plans for a live Pizza Hut episode on Long Island before heading to LA in February.
- 1:00:08The next episode will broadcast from a Pizza Hut buffet on Long Island, with someone from Twitter chosen to drive them there.
- 1:00:19Tim gives a shoutout to Stefan and others who came out to the Big Hunt live show in DC last weekend.
- 1:00:30A live podcast is planned for March or April in New York, with social media handles listed for updates.
- 1:00:51Tim expresses interest in having Scott on the show despite memories of him in Florida being both fun and terrifying.
- 1:01:09Tim compares his feeling about Scott to a Martin Short bit from Clifford about bikers—some stories funny, some scary.
- 1:01:20Tim references how OnA helped put someone over and got them back, saying they plan to do that for Scott if they can.
Pizza HutScottLong IslandStefanBig HuntMartin ShortCharles Groden
- 1 min
Closing Riff: Chelsea Manning as Third Mic Fantasy
#Closing bit imagining Chelsea Manning joining the show as a third mic and Tim planning to court her romantically with a cannabis espresso date.
3moments
- 1:01:50Tim fantasizes about Chelsea Manning becoming the third mic on the show after she gets out in May.
- 1:02:02Tim pitches himself to Manning with an innuendo about the U.S. military not being the only thing "sleaking."
- 1:02:12His courtship strategy: take her out and buy her a cannabis espresso, building something real before asking for sex.