rant · moment 5 of 14
Becoming a Mall Santa for a Clown Broker
from Angry Gay Santa · #24
Audio-only archive episode — no video to seek.
7 minTim tells the story of being recruited by a literal clown-turned-booking-agent to play Santa, only to discover the real job was luring poor kids to an Obamacare sign-up truck disguised as a Christmas outreach.
- 9:18Tim got into a Christmas issue with a legitimate clown who brokered Santa gigs a couple years ago.
- 9:32The clown broker was bone-thin, looked like a skinny Nazi, and didn't seem jolly at all.
- 9:56Another comedian had put Tim's name in the hat for a Santa job without telling him what it involved.
- 10:39Tim thought he'd be working at a Macy's, but the clown revealed his actual job: stand outside a health insurance truck dressed as Santa and sell Obamacare.
- 11:07The health insurance trucks parked in low-income areas with Santa handing out bottles of water and snacks to lure kids to the truck.
- 11:53A guy approached thinking it was a blood donation truck and refused to give his blood when he saw candy canes.
- 12:39The setup was deceptive: kids see Santa, then suddenly they're pulling out Medicaid charts and asking about cigarettes.
- 13:13When nobody was on the street outside a Western Beef grocery store, the lady asked Tim to do ho-ho-hos and ring the bell to create a spectacle.
- 13:58Tim's ho-ho-ho sounds like a degenerate gambler who just found out about a one-month foreclosure reprieve.
- 14:35Tim got a complaint that he wasn't being jolly enough when kids complained about not getting bicycles.
- 15:02The insurance sellers weren't closers and didn't know how to sell the Affordable Care Act to people who didn't understand it wasn't free.
- 16:19The clown sent Tim to Huntington Station on Long Island the next day, a real shithole town with a plurality of murders.
ObamacareHuntington StationWestern beefKevin SpaceyMacy's