Episode 345 · Post-Ben
The Negotiator | The Tim Dillon Show #345
May 7, 2023 · 1:06:26 · 363,000 views · 15 segments, 97 moments indexed
Tim examines the writers strike from both sides, a struggling Bay Area grocery store, a new influencer in the Navy and why you should go to Yard House for your birthday.
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- 1 min
Alt-Right Podcast Sound Check Bit
#Cold open bit imitating an alt-right podcast doing a sound check, riffing on saying "Jewish people" and "white people" into the mic.
2moments
- Tim does a soundcheck bit imitating an alt-right podcast, repeating "Jews" and "white people" as test phrases.
- He explains the bit: mimicking what an alt-right podcast would sound like during a technical soundcheck.
- 2 min
Debating Harry and Chris on the Bonus Episode
#Tim reflects on the bonus episode with guests Harry and Chris, praising them as good-faith dudes who trigger people, and argues debates are about who can talk, not who's right.
4moments
- Tim thanks Harry and Chris for coming on the bonus episode and notes that they trigger people who supposedly can't be triggered.
- Early-20s right-wingers yelling about Biden in a cringy way is the whole point — they're getting all the attention.
- Tim's people and their people are both unhappy that they're now friends.
- Tim being a better talker than a 20-year-old TikToker doesn't prove he's right, just that debates reward who can talk.
WGA strikeHarry and Chris
- 4 min
Tim frames himself as secretly representing the billionaire studio heads while claiming solidarity with striking writers, going through the WGA's official list of demands and rejecting most of them, including significant minimum compensation increases.
9moments
- Tim has projects that have ground to a halt because of the WGA strike, and while he supports the writers, he's going to try negotiating on their behalf anyway.
- The Writers Guild wants more money from Netflix, Amazon, Paramount, Hulu, Disney, and Fox, who all have it.
- There's not a ton of great entertainment on TV or streamers right now, which is worth acknowledging during the strike.
- Disney just laid off 7,000 jobs, IBM's laying off jobs, and AI is taking over people's jobs.
- Could AI write a show like Labraa, about a hole that opens in Los Angeles where people fall through to another world?
- ChatGPT is real now, and AI writing shows is no longer as far off as it once was.
- Tim now speaks for the billionaires wearing their glasses, explaining which writer demands can and cannot happen.
- The first demand—increase minimum compensation significantly—is off the table immediately.
- Standardizing compensation and residual terms for features on streaming is also a no from the billionaire side.
- 5 min
Continuing through the WGA demand list, he jokes about "mega rooms" for writers, mocks the idea of banning AI versus banning nationalities of writers, and riffs on Snapchat 'born different' style content needing MBA minimums.
7moments
- Tim proposes converting mini rooms into mega rooms with five or six writers in a larger space, but maintaining no additional pay.
- Post-production compensation compared to late-term abortion on a policy chart.
- Tim counters that writers can only be guaranteed appropriate compensation for one week during the entire production process, any week of their choosing.
- NBA minimums applied to comedy variety programs on new media like Snapchat shows featuring people with physical deformities and their wives.
- Tim rejects increased health fund contributions because too many writers in Silver Lake and Echo Park are smoking cigarettes.
- AI cannot realistically be eliminated from writing rooms the way other things can be, but Dutch people could easily be excluded instead.
- Proposal to exclude Eastern Europeans from writer's rooms because they creep everyone out, presented as a more negotiable alternative to banning AI.
Snapchattelevision writersEcho ParkSilver LakeIndia
- 2 min
Ali Wong, Matt Rife, and Chasing Asian Fans
#Tim pivots to complaining he has few Asian fans despite loving China, comparing himself unfavorably to Ali Wong and Matt Rife's popularity in Asia.
6moments
- Tim complains he doesn't have enough Asian fans despite constantly talking about China and his Chinese godson.
- Matt Rife supposedly has all the Asian fans now and is huge in China while Tim gets nowhere.
- Tim questions whether Matt Rife even knows who President Xi is, despite advocating for him constantly.
- Tim discusses the writers' strike and acknowledges the writers have a valid point about streamers making too much money.
- Tim shouts out Ted Sarandos and Netflix while noting his specials are on the platform.
- The real issue is what the streaming service CEOs make compared to writers' salaries.
Screen Actors GuildTed SarandosNetflixMatt RifeAli WongDavid ZazlavPresident Zstreaming services
- 4 min
He runs down the massive CEO salaries at Warner Bros Discovery, Disney, Fox, Netflix and Comcast compared to the average TV writer's $62,000 salary, while mocking Adam Conover's water-focused content.
9moments
- Tim mocks a fourth writer on Abbott Elementary complaining that the Warner Brothers CEO makes more money than he does.
- He describes a failed Hulu pilot about a gym teacher who teaches kids square dancing and questions why he doesn't have a yacht.
- Tim lists CEO salaries: Ari Emanuel at $308 million, David Zazlov at $246 million, and other studio heads making $30-45 million.
- He expresses confusion about how the Discovery CEO made $250 million and wonders what else is going on at the company.
- Tim acknowledges Adam Conover's frustration and praises his show about exposing things, like claiming the suburbs are racist.
- He argues that exposing suburban racism is the type of programming people actually want to watch when they get home from work.
- Tim insists he wants writers to make money and be okay, though he admits he's being satirical about it.
- David Zazlov is simply more productive than many of the writers because the CEO of Warner Brothers is more productive than they are.
- Tim imagines what would happen if the CEOs got tough and sent people to picket lines with bats instead of negotiating.
David ZazlovAdam ConoverAri EmanuelBob IgerBrian RobertsReed HastingsAdam Ruins EverythingAbbott Elementary
- 5 min
Outer Banks, Chat GPT Scripts, and the Non-Lethal Gas Plot
#Tim reads an actual Outer Banks script excerpt to argue AI could replace writers, then invents an elaborate fictional conspiracy where he, Zaslav, Reed Hastings and Ted Sarandos discuss using non-lethal disorienting gas on picketing writers, comparing it to CIA tactics against 1960s anti-war protesters.
6moments
- Outer Banks is about hot pirates in North Carolina who are poor, like Beverly Hills 90210 but broke.
- Tim suggests Chat GPT might be capable of writing Outer Banks scripts, demonstrating with an actual pilot scene.
- David Zaslav asked Tim if they could use non-lethal gas on the striking writers outside his office.
- David Zaslav knows someone in the CIA who can supply the non-lethal disorienting gas.
- Tim compares the current plan to the CIA dosing anti-war protesters with acid during the 1960s to discredit the movement.
- The proposed gas would spread by touch among writers who are in contact with each other to make them behave erratically.
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsor spot for Bespoke Post's Box of Awesome subscription box, describing the quiz-based curated gear box and discount code.
4moments
- Tim praises Bespoke Post's Box of Awesome, a monthly curated subscription that arrives unexpectedly filled with gear from small brands around the world.
- You take a quiz on boxofawesome.com and the service uses your answers to select exactly what you want in each box, which retails for around $70.
- Tim claims he took the quiz, got a perfect box, and told his friends and family about it until they all cried about how beautiful it was.
- Sign up at boxofawesome.com with code TIMILL for 20% off your first monthly box.
- 9 min
Reading a New York Times-style report on homeless violence, defecation and overdoses inside a downtown San Francisco Whole Foods, Tim riffs on whether this is 'the price' of being progressive, references the Jordan Neely subway death, and jokingly proposes hiring homeless psychopaths as WGA writers.
11moments
- Whole Foods in San Francisco is having chaos issues with homeless people with weapons, fighting, and defecating on floors.
- Tim notes Whole Foods was designed for progressive, liberal, organic-eating white people, not for the reality they're now facing.
- 911 reports detail machete attacks, knife assaults, fire extinguisher spraying, and a fentanyl overdose death in the store's bathroom.
- Tim asks if tolerating violence and death in the store is just the price of being a morally good person.
- Tim admits he personally minds the blood and killing, unlike commenters who rationalize the chaos as justified.
- Violent mental patients running around cities create inevitable altercations that result in injury and death, as shown by the Jordan Neely subway choking case.
- People who fetishize anarchy and chaos hate civilization so much that they see violent psychopaths as forces for good.
- Tim proposes hiring homeless psychopaths as writers in television and streaming to improve shows and employ people while defunding police.
- A guy with a machete writing for shows would bring authentic street realism that mainstream writers are missing.
- Tim transitions to a Blue Chew advertisement for erectile dysfunction medication.
- Process for obtaining Blue Chew involves signing up online and consulting with licensed medical providers.
Whole FoodsJordan NeelySan Francisco
- 1 min
Sponsor read for Blue Chew, the chewable erectile dysfunction medication delivery service, including promo code and pricing details.
1moment
- Tim jokes about showing your family your erection from Blue Chew and having them applaud your penis.
Bluw
- 9 min
Discussing the US Navy hiring a drag queen for recruitment, Tim argues nobody wants to join the military anymore and jokes about recruiting furries and building an all-drag-queen fighting force as cannon fodder for elite wars.
10moments
- US Navy hires an active duty drag queen to be the face of recruitment drives.
- Tim argues that people joining the military now are mostly out of options, and the Navy isn't hitting recruitment goals because nobody wants to fight in Ukraine or Sudan.
- Drag queens would actually make good soldiers because many are muscular and in better shape than most Americans.
- Tim watches the Navy's drag queen recruitment TikTok and says he doesn't have a problem with it, though he's not sure if it's effective.
- Nobody wants to join the military right now because they'd rather work at Panera than risk dying for wars that benefit rich people.
- Military members killing themselves when they come home might be because they lack trans-affirming care, not because of witnessing horrors in combat.
- Instead of just drag queens, the military should also recruit furries and other people with interesting fetishes.
- College-paid-for benefits don't work as a recruitment hook anymore since nobody values college, so being a drag queen killer could be the new pitch.
- Biden should commit to building an all-drag military within five years because drag queens have suffered and would make better cannon fodder for rich people's wars.
- If the rich decide to invade Azerbaijan, soldiers get their heads blown off while everybody buys boats.
- 8 min
Tim covers the case of Katie Sorenson, the QAnon-adjacent wellness influencer convicted of fabricating a kidnapping attempt at a Michaels craft store, tying it to the broader collapse of QAnon prophecies like Guantanamo arrests that never happened.
9moments
- QAnon's popular because it's easier than understanding economic policy or monetary policy.
- QAnon takes real premises like human trafficking and political corruption and uses them as a catchall conspiracy to connect everyone with money or power as pedophiles.
- People won't let QAnon go because actual politics—debates about water treatment plants—is boring.
- Pretending you're freeing children from underground prisons is fun; understanding how government actually works requires reading.
- Katie Sorenson, a Bay Area mom influencer, was found guilty of lying to law enforcement after fabricating a kidnapping story at a Michael's store.
- Sorenson alleged a man and woman followed her in the store talking about her children's features and lunged for her stroller in the parking lot.
- Security footage from Michael's did not corroborate Sorenson's story, and police cleared the couple of any wrongdoing.
- Before her viral infamy, Sorenson was hawking essential oils as a wellness advocate in a multi-level marketing scheme.
- QAnon schizophrenics invent stories because reality hasn't delivered—no one went to jail, Hillary walks free, the Obamas weren't arrested at Guantanamo.
Katie SorensonQAnonDonald TrumpHillary ClintonThe Obama familyRuth's ChrisMichael's Crafts
- 4 min
Reacting to Darden's $715 million purchase of Ruth's Chris Steak House, Tim dismisses it as a low-end steakhouse for people who shouldn't be at a steakhouse, riffing on birthday-discount diners and its founding by a divorced single mother.
6moments
- Ruth Chris is one of the lower-end corporate steakhouses in America, not a good restaurant — it's for teachers and people who shouldn't be at a steakhouse.
- Tim describes watching people at Ruth Chris argue about birthday promotions to get money off the bill.
- Darden acquired Ruth Chris but hasn't released any plans; there's nothing to do with it.
- Ruth Chris doesn't make you feel special; Tim questions what the restaurant's actual story is or who Ruth Chris was.
- Ruth Fertell was a divorced single mother who bought the restaurant in 1965, which explains why it very much feels like a divorced single mother restaurant.
- The clientele at Ruth Chris includes people drinking blue martinis at the bar, waiting for a man with deep pockets, while con artists inside try to steal customers' money.
Ruth's Chris Steak HouseDarden Restaurant GroupRuth FertelCapitol GrillDel FriscoOcean PrimeSmith and Wollensky
- 11 min
Yard House: A Study of American Decline
#A long riff on Darden-owned Yard House restaurant, going through its menu (onion ring towers, garlic noodles, Gardein) item by item as a symbol of lower-middle-class Americans making small desperate financial moves between tragedies.
11moments
- Tim admits to liking Yard House and Capitol Grill, distinguishing them from other Darden restaurants.
- Yard House described as a massive California mall restaurant where people get onion ring towers and tuna tartar nachos.
- Tim explains the appeal of Yard House: when the onion rings hit the table in a tower formation, it makes someone's day.
- Yard House is for people who've just been denied a loan and are telling themselves they can still eat well.
- Yard House clientele aren't broke—they're people playing the game of America but getting hit by circumstances.
- Yard House customers are people trying to sell a 2019 Chevy Silverado, stuck between destitution and comfort.
- Yard House menu analyzed as a study of lower-middle-class American dining with no coherent theme.
- Yard House serves foods you've already heard of but presented in a mall setting without challenge or education.
- Tim describes a typical Yard House customer: a divorced substitute teacher with a severely autistic son ordering wine and onion rings while her husband became trans and joined the military.
- Yard House tagline: you're at a mall anyway, here are foods you've heard of, you can't afford your children, come eat and contemplate your debt.
- Wife yells at husband for repeatedly going to Yard House at noon and trying to make their kids trans for government money.
Yard HouseDardenOlive GardenCapitol GrillCheddar Scratch KitchenLonghorn SteakhouseGardein
- 1 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour stops including Palm Beach, San Francisco, Chicago, Milwaukee, Funner California and Bensalem Pennsylvania, plugs timdillancomedy.com, and signs off.
2moments
- Tim announces tour dates across San Francisco, Chicago, Milwaukee, Funner California, and Ben Salem Pennsylvania
- Tim expresses excitement about performing in Palm Beach