News · moment 3 of 11
Topeka, Kansas Begs for Migrants
from The Diaper Spa | The Tim Dillon Show #380 · #380
6 min
News
Tim reads a news story about Topeka, Kansas advertising for migrant workers to fill thousands of open jobs, riffing on the city's decline and joking that it's the perfect "hell" destination for migrants who failed elsewhere.
- Tim compares America's obsession with Taylor Swift to a desire to live in North Korea, suggesting the country wants a god to worship.
- People waiting hours in Chick-fil-A and In-N-Out lines have nothing better to do than sit for cold French fries.
- Taylor Swift could solve the migrant crisis by dating and breaking up with migrants, controlling policy through her romantic choices.
- Topeka, Kansas's main industry was the Westboro Baptist Church and their "God hates fags" messaging.
- Topeka is openly advertising for migrants in a bid to fill 6,600 open jobs the local population won't take.
- Tim describes Topeka's pitch to failed people: if you flopped in Austin, Miami, or the Bitcoin scene, come here.
- Work opportunities in Topeka include food trucks, the Hilton front desk, and the last remaining Pizza Hut.
- Migrants from Libya will wish they could go back home after working at Pizza Hut in Topeka, Kansas.
- Cities with actual prospects reject migrants; Topeka, a hollowed-out meth hell, says yes to anyone regardless of their past crimes.
- Topeka's strategy: let migrants experience the city and they'll stop coming—it will deter future migration waves.
Topeka, KansasTaylor SwiftNorth KoreaWestboro Baptist ChurchFred PhelpsMichael PadillaJared Kushner