rant · moment 19 of 19
The Dark Santa Claus Story for the Kids
from The Christmas Episode | The Tim Dillon Show #328 · #328
2 min
Tim tells a mock children's story about Santa Claus that turns into a bleak monologue about a life ruined by cancer, addiction, a dead-end restaurant job, and a doomed relationship, ending with the moral 'be good.'
- Tim announces he's telling a children's story about Santa Claus despite the show normally being for adults.
- Santa Claus is introduced as a jolly fat man with a workshop of elves who makes toys for good children.
- But if you're bad, Santa will give your mother cancer and set off a chain of family collapse and personal ruin.
- The consequences unfold: community college dropout, failed sales job, pill addiction, moving in with a woman named Donna with a broken AC unit.
- The dark arc concludes with the character vaping with Donna, contemplating that his life should be better, and deciding against having children due to the hell he's created.
- Moral of the story: be good, because you don't want to be bad.