Episode 338 · Post-Ben
Please Behave | The Tim Dillon Show #338
Mar 18, 2023 · 1:10:16 · 401,000 views · 14 segments, 94 moments indexed
Tim shares his thoughts on the historic bank collapse, speaks with a Silicon Valley Bank staffer before his exile to the midwest and explains why Marianne Williamson’s rage is the the most fun kind.
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- 5 min
Saudis Bailing Out Silicon Valley Bank
#Tim reacts to the SVB collapse and federal takeover, joking that Saudi Arabia's sovereign wealth fund taking over the 'woke' bank would be a hilarious culture clash, imagining Saudi officials being lectured on non-binary HR policy.
11moments
- SVB has been taken over by the federal government and now runs ads claiming to be the safest place for money.
- Tim describes Silicon Valley Bank as a woke, diverse, inclusive bank with a particular vibe—not the reason it collapsed, but part of the picture.
- Tim pitches the idea of Saudis buying SVB and forcing their vibe onto the bank's progressive workforce.
- Tim imagines Saudi investors reviewing Silicon Valley Bank's HR policies and non-binary office concepts.
- Banking collapse fears mount as analysts compare the crisis to Lehman Brothers and Credit Suisse.
- Peter Thiel may have sparked bank runs by withdrawing his money, signaling trouble to other depositors.
- Tim expresses excitement about the possibility of Middle Eastern dictatorships taking over progressive Bay Area lenders.
- Saudis have no interest in buying SVB because they understand profitable businesses like Live Nation, not startup pitches from blue-haired employees.
- Silicon Valley funded every Stanford guy with a hoodie to start companies, but most failed because tech is mostly fake.
- Facebook and Meta were essentially Mark Zuckerberg's attempt to get laid, illustrating how many tech advancements come from socially awkward brilliant people.
- Silicon Valley Bank handed money to startups with no real scrutiny, and nobody wants to buy that operation now.
Silicon Valley BankMetaSaudi ArabiaCredit SuisseMohammed bin SalmanJP Morgan ChaseLehman BrothersMark Zuckerberg+1 more
- 9 min
Tech's Coming Rust Belt Fate (Austin, San Francisco, Kodak Factory)
#He argues tech workers deserve to suffer the same manufacturing-town collapse as Rust Belt America, riffing on Austin possibly becoming like Flint Michigan, a Kodak factory turned blood-testing facility in Rochester, and homeless encampments next to tech propaganda posters.
10moments
- Silicon Valley Bank is a bad investment because nobody knows what tech companies will actually succeed.
- The Saudis understood Live Nation as a sure bet because they recognize live events, unlike the mystery of tech startups.
- Tech is becoming the new manufacturing, and tech workers will be forced to live in the same hollowed-out conditions as displaced factory workers.
- Will Austin one day become like Flint, Michigan, a city that once thrived but now shows signs of decay?
- The old Kodak Factory in Rochester, New York—once a center of photography innovation—is now a blood testing facility.
- Tim envisions Austin's future where he's elderly, surrounded by taxidermied comedy legends, observing the city's transformation from tech hub to ruin.
- If tech is so good for humanity, why does every place where tech concentrates look like the apocalypse?
- In Austin, a homeless encampment sits next to a poster advertising 'the rise of virtual communities'—a stark irony.
- Tech companies set up on the periphery of cities, making real estate expensive while the urban centers themselves decay.
- It might be fun to see former tech workers, once comfortable in hoodies, dealing with crippling generational poverty and addiction instead.
San FranciscoAustinKodakLive NationSilicon Valley BankmanufacturingElizabeth HolmesMark Zuckerberg+4 more
- 1 min
Tim reads a sponsor spot for Fume, a non-electric flavored inhaler device meant to help people quit vaping/smoking, giving the promo code and discount details.
4moments
- Tim reads Fume sponsor copy describing it as a natural diffusive device using plants and behavioral science to replace negative habits.
- He pivots to personal testimony, claiming everyone he knows loves Fume and that it's designed to make switching habits easy and enjoyable.
- Tim delivers the promo code (trifum.com, code Tim Tim for 10% off) and mentions the journey pack with three unique flavors.
- He breaks character mid-read: "but I'm not — I don't like this."
- 8 min
Pleading With the Poor Not to Kill Him (Bank Run Fears)
#Tim does an extended bit begging poor people to 'behave' and not riot or kill him in his 2018 Bentley if ATMs stop working, promising government care packages of pasta and cake, while joking he's only recently become rich.
10moments
- Tim pleads with the poor to stay calm during a potential bank collapse and not kill him when they realize their money is gone.
- His specific plea: if banks won't let people withdraw money, they should watch Netflix instead of rioting in the streets.
- Government will provide care packages with canned pasta and food; bugs are nutritious and crunchy like cookies.
- Tim admits he only got rich recently at age 38 after being broke and fat his whole life, so the wealth disparity isn't his fault.
- His expensive glasses cost $1,100, which he acknowledges is someone's monthly rent, and he feels conflicted about the inequality.
- Instead of targeting him, the poor should kill wealthy people who've had money for decades—he'll even help them start a podcast.
- Peter Schiff has been predicting this banking collapse for years; it's a liquidity crisis the Fed can't fix by lowering rates.
- If the poor behave during the collapse, they'll receive pasta, cake bits with Funfetti sprinkles, and smoothies for bone health.
- People will be allowed outside for exercise, but violent mobs demanding his 2018 Bentley won't help anyone—it's not even that good.
- Tim summarizes: please don't riot, the government will provide, and go after the truly wealthy instead.
- 2 min
He reads a sponsor spot for ShipStation, describing how it automates e-commerce shipping and order management, with promo code and discount details.
4moments
- Tim on why he's asking people to behave: he's only had money for a couple years after being a junkie from age 12 to 25.
- Chelsea Handler has significantly more money than Tim, so if there's a wealth-based hierarchy to worry about, she ranks higher.
- E-commerce is the only way to survive now, but you need to focus on product design and marketing, not logistics.
- ShipStation runs your back office completely so you can concentrate on creating great products and finding customers.
- 1 min
A quick sponsor read for Morgan & Morgan injury law firm, describing their easy claims process and no-win-no-fee model.
1moment
- Tim suggests you can start a claim from your couch and sue everybody in about six clicks.
- 11 min
Tim reads Credit Suisse crisis headlines and connects the banking turmoil to what he sees as a broader American national suicide via Ukraine funding, dementia-addled Biden as a symbolic figurehead, and the idea that backroom elites always bail the system out until they can't.
13moments
- Tim compares Credit Suisse's weekend scenario meetings to what happened before Lehman Brothers collapsed.
- U.S. policy toward Ukraine amounts to national suicide—billions spent that only strengthen Russian resolve and push Russia and China together.
- Sending fighter jets to Ukraine signals the country wants a wider war, either intentionally or because those running it are stupid.
- Economic collapse at home: artificially low interest rates for over a decade created bubbles everywhere, and now they're bursting.
- Silicon Valley Bank collapsed because the tech bubble it financed is imploding, with Credit Suisse and other banks following.
- Ukraine conflict rhetoric shifted from regional dispute over Donbas to an all-out fight for regime toppling, with U.S. participation.
- Joe Biden has obvious cognitive decline and dementia; his family's Nantucket meeting to approve his re-run is baffling.
- Biden is stuffed with drugs to appear functional, serving as the appropriate hollow face for American militarism and corporate dominance.
- Artificially subsidized American lifestyles—homes, gas, credit—rely on someone always bailing out the system from some shadowy meeting.
- The dollar is backed by military power; that's all America has left, and even that may not be enough to save the system.
- Government explanations have become idiotic and for three-year-olds, yet people accept increasingly ridiculous things because food and air conditioning still work.
- If banks collapse without a Marxist revolution, the result will be fat people sitting in streets—a Disney line where nobody knows what's broken.
- America feels like a carnival ride that's closing down; people are becoming aware they're riding a carnival that will not reopen.
Joe BidenCredit SuisseSilicon Valley BankUkraineLehman BrothersKamala HarrisRussiaRuss Baker+3 more
- 3 min
Chemical Food and Living Off the Land
#He jokes that America's chemical-laden food supply (comparing East Palestine spill chemicals to Olive Garden) means people are already acclimated to eat sludge, and pitches vast empty American land as a place to live in vans or tiny houses if collapse comes.
5moments
- Tim argues that chemicals in the food supply are actually good news because they're stable and won't disappear, pointing out that the same chemicals from industrial spills are used at chain restaurants.
- Americans have been eating chemicals their entire lives and are acclimated to them, unlike Europeans who would collapse in a parking lot after eating at Olive Garden.
- America has vast amounts of unused land available for people to live on if they're willing to set up tiny houses or vans, since the wealthy have taken the valuable coastal property.
- Tim reframes economic collapse as an opportunity rather than a crisis—people can stop commuting to jobs they hate and live by their wits on cheap land.
- Job loss could be liberating for people who never wanted to go to the office in the first place, allowing them to discover who they really are as people.
East Palestine, OhioMatt RifeOlive GardenMarianne WilliamsonJoe Rogan
- 8 min
Marianne Williamson, Crystal Freaks, and the Coffee Bit
#Tim discusses reports of Marianne Williamson's alleged abusive staff behavior and spins into an extended character bit as a rage-filled New Age 'crystal freak' screaming at an assistant over cold coffee and a missing lemon bar.
10moments
- Marianne Williamson accused of abusive behavior toward staff
- Tim on crystal freaks and how they fly off the handle unexpectedly
- The coffee bit: Marianne's gradual meltdown begins with a cold drink
- Tim does Marianne's Santa Fe writer's retreat story about Mexican abuelas
- The lemon bar demand escalates into increasingly unhinged threats
- Marianne's ex-husband was gay but the lying bothered her more, plus restraining order
- Cold coffee threat turns into cosmic murder threats across multiple lifetimes
- Tim pivots to Marianne calling poor people fat and describing her agave cactus farm ritual
- Crystal freaks exist on a different vibrational plane and feed on energy alone
- Tim hopes Marianne stays in the race to flip out more because it's all about her
- 1 min
Tour Dates and Can-of-Pasta Sign Off
#He lists upcoming tour cities and reiterates the joke that if collapse comes, people should just eat their can of pasta and watch Netflix instead of rioting.
4moments
- Tour dates on sale in Chicago, San Francisco, Portland, Tacoma, North Charleston, Hershey, Milwaukee, and more.
- Tim pleads for his life in case of financial crisis, offering to betray others and work with chefs.
- If things get bad, there's a can of pasta, bag of cake for the kids, coffee, drugs, and Netflix to get through it.
- Eating canned pasta and watching Wednesday becomes indistinguishable from Harry Potter once society collapses.
- 1 min
Sponsor read for Raycon earbuds, covering pricing, features, and a discount code.
3moments
- Raycon offers premium audio at half the price of other brands, letting you buy multiple pairs or combinations without overspending.
- Tim endorses Raycon's buy-now-pay-later options, free returns, and customizable sound profiles as genuinely useful features.
- Ad closes with call-to-action: buy raycon.com/Tim for 15% off.
- 1 min
Sponsor read for Gametime ticket app, mentioning last-minute deals, price guarantees, and a discount code, with a dark joke about a friend who couldn't get Taylor Swift tickets.
3moments
- Tim tried to get Taylor Swift concert tickets with a friend, who couldn't secure them and took her own life.
- GameTime offers last-minute deals on tickets up until the day of the event, unlike planning months in advance.
- The GameTime guarantee promises a $110 credit if you find the same section and row cheaper elsewhere.
- 16 min
An anonymous SVB employee calls in and describes the bank's federal takeover, the Peter Thiel-fueled bank run, risky management decisions, the 'inclusive' but doomed office culture, failed buyer search including Saudi interest, crypto/FTX exposure, and his own uncertain job future.
12moments
- SVB insider explains the bank is now being run by the Federal Reserve after filing for bankruptcy.
- Tim discusses the cascade of bank collapses including Signature Bank, Credit Suisse, and First Republic, comparing it to the 2008 Lehman Brothers situation.
- Insider describes how a bank run—tech companies withdrawing large cash deposits—triggered Silicon Valley Bank's initial failure.
- Peter Thiel's role in the collapse: insider says SVB was insolvent in September before it finally offloaded dead capital, spurring the bank run.
- Senior management made risky decisions during pandemic expansion, betting interest rates would stay low forever.
- Silicon Valley Bank was an inclusive workplace with excellent compensation and bonuses paid out even as the company collapsed.
- Tim jokes about the Saudi Arabian Sovereign Fund potentially buying a "woke failing Bank of non-binary people."
- The new Fed-appointed CEO is unwinding the bank's balance sheet mess and looking for the right buyer who won't hand control to foreign conglomerates.
- Insider expects the Golden Era of tech is over and things are happening faster than people anticipated, similar to manufacturing job losses.
- Crypto involvement didn't help the collapse, but banks' greed for short-term gains from speculative assets drove their involvement with FTX and blockchain.
- Operations team is sorting out client money requests, re-establishing foreign bank connections that refused to work with SVB during the crisis.
- Tim asks what the insider wants for SVB from Phoenix, where one of the bank's biggest offices is located in Tempe.
Silicon Valley BankCredit SuisseLehman BrothersSVB FinancialFirst Republic BankSignature BankNouriel RoubiniPeter Thiel+2 more
- 2 min
Prophecy of Ruin for Tech Workers
#Tim closes by predicting the SVB caller and his tech-industry peers are doomed to Rust Belt-style decline—opioid addiction, moldy grocery store meat, and public apathy—framing it as historical inevitability before signing off.
4moments
- Tim's prophecy for tech workers: move to the middle of the country, become addicted to drugs, watch your families be destroyed over generations.
- The public will respond with apathy rather than contempt—nobody will care about your communities as chemical spills are dumped there.
- In 10 to 15 years, tech workers will be smoking cigarettes outside Narcotics Anonymous meetings before relapsing at small biker bars on the outskirts of town.
- Grocery stores in these collapsed communities will sell meat of poor quality and frozen chicken covered in mold for families trying to survive.