News · moment 21 of 26
Wishing Death on Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck
from Patreon Bonus #186 - The Tim Dillon Show · #186
2 min
News
Riffing on a story about J.Lo and Ben Affleck's tense Grammy moment, Tim fantasizes about them staging a public murder-suicide pact in a Beverly Hills restaurant to prove fame and money don't bring happiness.
- Tim wishes Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck would kill each other in a suicide pact and shoot each other in the face.
- Tim argues that money and fame aren't great, and the best lesson for such a couple would be demonstrating this through mutual suicide in a public restaurant.
- The scenario expands: they'd sing an old sea shanty like 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall before shooting each other in the head.
- Tim compares this to Kanye becoming a Nazi as examples of events moving society in the right direction.
- In the fantasy, they sing Happy Birthday while diners applaud, thinking it's a performance, before they shoot each other.
- Tim imagines an onlooker's confusion: eating calamari when Jennifer Lopez's brain matter hits their plate, wondering why two seemingly happy people would kill each other in a restaurant.
- Tim concludes with the thought that maybe everyone is living wrong.