Episode 377 · The Studio Revamp
Illuminati of Diversity | The Tim Dillon Show #377
Jan 13, 2024 · 1:04:35 · 410,000 views · 15 segments, 83 moments indexed
Tim examines the Clinton’s going on a Mexican vacation with Gavin Newsom, a secret society taking the diversity route, retiring on social security and our lack of remorse.
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- 3 min
Matthew Perry Gets 'Cancelled' Posthumously
#Tim mocks a Daily Mail expose on the late Matthew Perry's alleged abusive behavior, sarcastically declaring he's 'cancelling' the dead actor and riffing on the absurdity of digging up dirt on someone already deceased.
6moments
- Tim welcomes listeners and announces Matthew Perry is finally being exposed as an abuser.
- Daily Mail ran an exposé detailing Perry's assault of women, throwing a table at his ex-fiancée Molly Herowitz, and hurling his sober companion against a wall.
- Tim declares he will not watch Matthew Perry in anything on Netflix, HBO, Apple, or Amazon after this January 10th, 2024 article.
- Going after the dead is great—Perry was a junkie whose last years were terrible, and nobody revered him when he died.
- The nicest thing anyone said about Perry was Lisa Kudos commenting she might adopt his dog.
- Tim imagines the Daily Mail writer having to call people up to ask if they want to go on record accusing a man they literally just put in the ground.
Matthew PerryDaily MailLisa KudoMolly herwitz
- 13 min
Bill Clinton and Gavin Newsom's Mexico Vacation
#Tim riffs on Bill Clinton and Gavin Newsom vacationing together in Mexico amid the Epstein docs fallout, imagining their beach walk conversations, mocking Jennifer Newsom's Weinstein trial testimony, and fantasizing about the Clintons poisoning the Newsoms.
11moments
- Bill Clinton and Gavin Newsom went to a luxury resort in Mexico together.
- Tim on Clinton's age and vegan diet: he's no longer on the prowl the way he used to be, which is what pushed him forward his whole life.
- Clinton looks happy because the Epstein documents released this week lifted a weight off him—the secret is out, so he can move on.
- Gavin Newsom decided to take a quick private jet ride to Mexico right after Clinton was implicated in the Epstein documents.
- Jennifer Newsom, Gavin's wife, testified in the Harvey Weinstein trial and described his penis.
- The Newsoms and Clintons are completely comfortable with sex offenders and people who've committed egregious sexual crimes—they show no discomfort.
- At their age, the Clintons and Newsoms can't do much anymore except talk and tell stories—they're just bags of dust with wisdom to pass on.
- The Clintons are telling Gavin Newsom how to become the new Democratic power couple while the Obamas can't do the Republican part's job.
- Bill takes a beach walk with Gavin where he tells him the media is lying about his involvement with Epstein and will lie about Gavin too.
- The Clintons are Boomers who only complain about how badly they've been treated, despite never facing jail time for what they've done.
- The Newsom vacation with the Clintons is probably 90% the Clintons complaining and 10% actual advice on how to get what you want politically.
Bill ClintonGavin NewsomHillary ClintonJeffrey EpsteinJennifer NewsomHarvey WeinsteinKimberly GuilfoyleNikki Haley
- 9 min
Tim reacts to an article about Yale's Skull and Bones society removing portraits of old white members and replacing them with social justice signage, arguing the new members want the elite benefits of the secret society while pretending to be different.
8moments
- Tim describes what Skull and Bones actually entails: mostly just old Boomers complaining about their lives and past indiscretions.
- Gavin Newsom and his wife are idiots with no depth, and Newsom succeeds in California only because Californians are even dumber.
- Tim imagines the Clintons poisoning Gavin and his wife at a dinner where they confess all their secrets in a Shakespearean moment of unburdening.
- Skull and Bones used to recruit sociopaths from the wealthy elite, but now it's implementing diversity, equity, and inclusion in the secret society.
- The Skull and Bones tomb took down all pictures of old white men because they weren't diverse enough, which undermines the whole purpose of joining.
- Skull and Bones taps seniors from Yale for initiation, but the real power has shifted away from these people to others Tim plans to discuss.
- New initiates want all the benefits of the elite power structure and money, but also want to signal that they're morally good and against colonizers.
- Tim criticizes how melted these kids' brains are: they're in the tomb wanting to be elite and rich while pretending they want to do it for the right reasons.
Gavin NewsomSkull and BonesBill ClintonHillary ClintonYale UniversityGeorge W. Bush
- 1 min
Tim reads a DraftKings Sportsbook ad for NFL playoff betting offers, including a $5 bet for $200 in bonus bets with code Tim Dillon.
- 3 min
More Skull and Bones Ranting and Barry Weiss's University
#Tim continues mocking Skull and Bones members for wanting inclusion while remaining in an exclusionary secret society, suggesting they should instead go start their own thing at Barry Weiss's University of Austin.
5moments
- Tim describes what happens to idealistic people entering Skull and Bones: they all just become rich pricks.
- If you really don't like the society, just say no when they tap you instead of trying to reform it from within.
- Tim tells Skull and Bones members to message him, calling it no longer elite and saying nobody cares about them.
- He claims the biggest realtors in the country who are in Skull and Bones actually have nothing now.
- Tim would rather his godson join a Chinese secret society than Skull and Bones.
Skull and BonesTrish PaytasAngela Bassett
- 6 min
Tim reads more from the article about Skull and Bones members taking down portraits and putting up signs decrying exclusion, riffing on the absurdity of secret society members caring about optics and diversity.
8moments
- Tim finds the Skull and Bones article by Rose Horowitz laugh-out-loud funny, questioning whether that's even a real name.
- Members of Skull and Bones 'snapped' — Tim questions why supposedly cool, serpent-like people under pressure would snap like ordinary people.
- The whole point of Skull and Bones is exclusion; Tim notes it's still going on and questions why Yale members don't see that.
- Tim imagines the scene: newly initiated Skull and Bones members in the Tomb are asked to take down portraits of William F. Buckley and put up protest signs instead of having a party.
- One member's claim that 'the way a space looks can have a large impact on a person's psyche' prompts Tim to say these are the people now running the country.
- Tim clarifies he doesn't care about Skull and Bones' racial composition — the point of a secret society is skullduggery and exclusion.
- The real rebellious move would be to abolish Skull and Bones entirely, but members want both the benefits and to be annoying about it.
- If Skull and Bones members were truly committed to their cause, they'd reject Yale's entire network and attend Barry Weiss's University of Austin instead.
Skull and BonesYaleMorgan and MorganUniversity of AustinBari WeissWilliam F Buckley
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for Morgan and Morgan, America's largest personal injury law firm, citing car accident statistics and their fee-free-unless-you-win model.
3moments
- Tim notes that submitting an injury claim is easy—life is hard, but the paperwork isn't.
- The suing part is easy too because you have to hold people accountable.
- Morgan and Morgan's fee is free unless they win.
- 2 min
Tim reads a Helix mattress ad, joking about a genealogy-based mattress quiz and touting no-fiberglass mattresses with a discount code.
6moments
- Tim's guests come to his house and immediately praise the Helix mattresses he owns.
- The quiz to find your sleep type is shipped straight to your door with the personalized mattress.
- Helix offers different mattress models designed for specific sleep positions and preferences.
- Tim jokes that the quiz asks genealogy and lineage questions before admitting he's kidding.
- Helix mattresses are fiberglass-free, unlike other brands that contain the harmful material.
- Special offer: 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows with code Helix partner2 at helixsleep.com/timd.
- 13 min
Tim dissects a Wall Street Journal article profiling retirees surviving on almost nothing but Social Security, mocking how the piece spins poverty, budgeting, house-sitting, and cruise-hopping seniors as heartwarming rather than desperate.
11moments
- Wall Street Journal presents retirement poverty as a fun challenge rather than a desperate crisis.
- Eric Miller, a 70-year-old former professional chef, went from earning $2,000 a week to living on $1,400 monthly Social Security in his sister's basement.
- The article frames Miller as irresponsible for not budgeting earlier, despite mentioning he took years off to care for his mother with dementia and Alzheimer's.
- Miller ends each month with about $150 left over, which he uses to buy extra chicken and vegetables.
- Kathy Rote, a polio survivor living on $1,040 monthly Social Security, hosts parties on her patio and participates in folk music groups.
- Joyce McKin, 77 years old, stretches her $1,800 Social Security check across storage units, housing, cable, and subsidized senior transportation.
- At the senior center, McKin can buy a dollar corn muffin and free coffee, where people treat her better than she treats herself.
- Barbara Talisman quit working early and now lives a nomadic lifestyle, house-sitting and taking back-to-back Caribbean cruises during the pandemic.
- The Wall Street Journal presents these stories as feel-good narratives: people have dogs, house-sit in other people's homes, take cruises, and eat chicken.
- Tim's critique: the media frames poverty as a fun, bohemian challenge while ignoring that no actual help or systemic solutions are being offered to these seniors.
- Miller is blamed for not budgeting sooner, despite having sacrificed his career to care for his dying mother—a moral failure the article never acknowledges.
Wall Street JournalSocial SecuritySkull and BonesGreen Path Financial WellnessUS AgingBoston College Center for Retirement Research
- 2 min
Tim tells an absurd story about an uncle driving his family into a lake after failing to get Eras Tour tickets, before pivoting into a GameTime app ad for live event tickets.
2moments
- Tim's uncle drove his entire family into a lake because they couldn't get Taylor Swift Eras Tour tickets
- GameTime app ad pitch: get tickets to avoid family drowning tragedy
- 1 min
Tim finishes the bit about the uncle driving into the lake blasting 'Love Story,' then wraps the GameTime ad with the discount code.
2moments
- Tim's uncle drowning and screaming at him on the phone about what he's going to do next
- Uncle swam away and got out; Tim and he are fine now
- 1 min
Tim reads a news story about a North Carolina man who struck and killed a six-year-old girl while speeding, then callously berated police at the scene for taking too long.
4moments
- Driver strikes and kills six-year-old girl playing outside her house, then curses at cops who arrive at the scene.
- Tim notes the victim had Down syndrome according to the warrant.
- Driver Andrew Everett claims he's unsure why the investigation is taking so long, insists it wasn't his fault, and says the girl just jumped out in front of him.
- Police found no skid marks on the road, indicating the driver didn't attempt to brake.
Andrew EverettJoselyn Perez Hernandez
- 6 min
Remorselessness, Caitlyn Jenner's Crash, and 'Onward and Upward'
#Tim muses on the psychology of remorseless people who cause deaths and move on, connecting the driver's callousness to Caitlyn Jenner's fatal Malibu car accident, Alec Baldwin's shooting, and Bill Clinton's own 'onward and upward' philosophy.
10moments
- Tim on the fascination with remorselessness—people who cause deaths accidentally and move on without dwelling on it.
- Even those who shoot a cinematographer on set don't seem visibly broken up about it, yet maybe that's necessary for moving forward.
- The question of whether such people are remorseless or simply forward-thinking.
- Caitlyn Jenner's car accident in Malibu didn't sideline her—embodying the champion's mindset of moving past tragedy.
- The phrase 'onward and upward' exists for a reason; Tim auditioned for a movie, didn't get it, and his manager said onward and upward.
- A man hit a girl with his car and called her a slur, but that's what he believed caused the accident and he's not an eloquent person.
- Tim explains what he would have said instead: frame it as a tragedy where she jumped out, something seemed wrong with her.
- This man's approach to putting the past behind him isn't so different from Bill Clinton's strategy of moving forward.
- Clinton brought his new Sims to Mexico to discuss the future, not the past—exactly what the driver was doing on his street, just with less luxury.
- Clinton's in a resort in Mexico saying let's move on while a guy in a shitty car kills someone saying the same thing—it's just different scales of the same impulse.
- 1 min
Tim lists upcoming tour cities and promotes ticket sales at TimDillonComedy.com.
2moments
- Tim directs listeners to TimDillonComedy.com for tour tickets and encourages them to attend a show.
- Tour dates announced: Bethlehem Pennsylvania, Washington DC, Northfield Ohio, San Antonio, Dallas, Atlanta, St Louis, Indianapolis, Boston, Foxwoods Connecticut, Chicago, Fort Lauderdale, and Phoenix.
- 2 min
Closing Riff: Bill Clinton's Last Beach Walk with Newsom
#Tim closes the show imagining this as possibly Bill Clinton's last moment as an elder statesman before his legacy collapses, envisioning him giving Gavin Newsom sociopath tips on a Mexican beach as a strangely comforting constant in a changing world.
5moments
- Tim wishes he was in Mexico with Gavin Newsom and the Clintons, describing the scene as fun with Newsom in cutoff Converses.
- Hillary Clinton didn't come on the beach walk because she didn't want to hear Newsom talk about becoming president.
- This is Bill Clinton's last chance to give anyone advice before his human trafficking probe implications destroy his Elder Statesman reputation.
- Tim finds something beautiful about two scumbags walking a beach in Mexico, with one teaching the other how to manipulate people.
- In an unchanging world, a sociopath will always walk down a resort beach and teach another sociopath how to be better at being a sociopath.