Episode · The Porch Era
Emergency Broadcast - Mullen / Dillon / Epstein
with Mullen (co-host) and Sam Morril (co-host)
Jul 8, 2019 · 31:25 · 399,000 views · 11 segments, 55 moments indexed
Tim calls Nick Mullen, the journalist who broke the Jeffrey Epstein story. Live from the porch in Los Angeles.
- 2 min
Tim opens by chatting with caller Nick about watching movie trailers on Apple TV, then transitions into riffing on Luis Gomez's endless Twitter arguments, comparing him to Homer Simpson arguing with a parrot and mocking his fighting spirit as really just being about petty grievances like Burger King receipts.
5moments
- Tim watches trailers on Apple TV for hours without actually watching the full films.
- Tim and Luis Gomez's Twitter arguments are the best thing happening on the platform.
- Luis Gomez compared to the Homer-and-parrot argument episode of The Simpsons.
- Luis keeps fighting the same people on Twitter days after Tim has moved on.
- Tim describes the street fighter type as someone who bullies fast food workers over receipts and meal policies.
Luis GomezMade in ManhattanJennifer Lopez
- 2 min
Tim and Nick dig into Luis Gomez's controversial stance that only people with 'chips in the game' (business owners, parents) should be allowed to have opinions on issues, debating the poker analogy and whether outside observers can have valid views.
4moments
- Tim recalls a disagreement with Luis about minimum wage, where Luis interpreted the word 'minimum' literally rather than understanding it as a wage floor.
- Luis's actual position: only people with children and a business should have opinions on anything, not just issues affecting them.
- Tim acknowledges that living in a community might give someone more investment in local issues, but proximity doesn't necessarily validate an opinion either way.
- Luis believes if you don't have a business—which he counts his podcast as—you shouldn't speak on matters at all.
Lois
- 3 min
The conversation shifts to Jeffrey Epstein, noting that pizzagate conspiracy theories are inherently tied to Epstein, and that Trump reportedly cooperated with a subpoena investigation at the time while other figures did not, complicating the narrative that only Trump-aligned people care about Epstein.
4moments
- Tim notes that without Trump being elected, nobody would care about Epstein.
- Epstein is a central figure to the Pizzagate conspiracy theory.
- Trump's defense: the prosecutor said Trump was the only one who picked up the phone and cooperated with the Epstein investigation.
- Trump's cooperation with prosecutors doesn't excuse him for flying on the pedophile plane.
- 3 min
Tim jokes about Bill Clinton flying on Epstein's plane 26 times without Secret Service, floats other names allegedly on the flight logs like Chris Tucker and Chelsea Handler, and admits he enjoys leaning into the narrative that elite Democrats are the real pedophiles since he has no stake in defending Trump.
8moments
- Bill Clinton flew on Epstein's plane 26 times and removed Secret Service from the logs, which Tim calls creepy.
- Tim admits he enjoys leaning into the narrative that only elite Democrats want to have sex with children because it hurts them.
- He doesn't care if Trump turns out to be an elite pedophile too—he didn't vote for the guy and has no stake in it.
- Tim has done shows about the Franklin scandal and notes it involved both Republicans and Democrats.
- When asked if Clinton faces any consequences, Tim says absolutely zero.
- People obsessed with these conspiracies think it's a show with a series finale where the guilty get arrested, but it's actually a soap opera where you just stop caring.
- Even with all the charges, Tim predicts Clinton gets only six years supervised probation or work release—the same thing happening again.
- The idea that these people ever face consequences for anything is just a fantasy.
Bill ClintonHillary ClintonDonald TrumpFranklin scandalChelsea HandlerChris TuckerKatie Couric
- 4 min
Tim argues nobody powerful will ever actually face real consequences for Epstein-related crimes, comparing conspiracy fans to people expecting a satisfying series finale, then spins into an elaborate bit about turning the pedophile island into a reality TV show called 'Pedophile Island' or 'Temptation Island' starring Bill Clinton and Chris Tucker.
9moments
- Tim claims Bill Clinton definitely abused underage girls, no doubt about it.
- Hillary Clinton pretends to enjoy pedophilia to fit in with political circles and make deals.
- Chris Tucker appearing on Epstein's plane gets clarified as a different Chris Tucker, not the comedian.
- Prince Andrew also turns out to be a different person—a Nigerian man, not the royal.
- If the scandal unfolds, famous people will have to defend themselves against child abuse allegations in front of PR firms.
- The smartest move for implicated figures would have been to turn it into a reality show right away.
- Tim pitches a competition show called Pedophile Island with Bill Clinton and the actor from Rush Hour.
- It could work as The Surreal Life: people sacrificing kids, framed as entertainment.
- Kevin Spacey beats one of the boys to death and gets asked to leave the island, hangs up his cabana.
Hillary ClintonBill ClintonJeffrey EpsteinKevin SpaceyPrince AndrewJohn McCainChris Tucker
- 5 min
After a brief tech hiccup, Tim explains how Fox News originally covered Epstein to smear the Clintons, and how liberals are now scrambling to distance Trump's Acosta connection from the broader pizzagate conspiracy without validating the same theories they mocked. He also riffs on joking that David Geffen and Steven Spielberg are pedophiles as part of internet meme culture, referencing his own stand-up bit about it.
6moments
- Fox News covered Epstein heavily as a way to smear the Clintons, not Trump, making the story politically useful.
- Liberals now have to justify covering Epstein without validating the conspiracy theorists they mocked for pizzagate.
- Epstein's underage girls being used by elites is probably true—powerful people exploit directly rather than through bureaucracy.
- Much of pizzagate is joking—people lean into conspiracy theories because the core (Clinton flying with Epstein) is real, then add absurd details for fun.
- Tim and his co-host make the same kind of jokes about David Geffen and Steven Spielberg being pedophiles, knowing it's probably not true but funny to say.
- Five minutes of Tim's road act involves telling audiences Steven Spielberg is a pedophile, and crowds enjoy it.
Jeffrey EpsteinBill ClintonDonald TrumpSteven SpielbergDavid GeffenTony Podesta
- 3 min
Tim argues that people selectively caring about Trump's child cage policy while ignoring similar issues under Obama is hypocritical, and predicts the Epstein news cycle will only end when the 'resistance' side gets tired of talking about it.
6moments
- Obama deported more people than Trump, and there were also children in cages, though it wasn't policy to separate parents from kids.
- Comparing the two approaches is like comparing different concentration camps and pretending one isn't bad because the other is worse.
- Tim's frustration: people didn't care about deportations under Obama but now demand a moral distinction between Trump and Democrats to avoid common ground with Republicans.
- The resistance narrative won't end until people on that side get tired of making excuses and realize they've been doing this for years.
- It's like drug addiction—eventually people either die or reach a point where they say they just don't want to do this anymore.
- Tim read what seemed like a reasonable article about recent political coverage but doesn't understand why people are still angry about it.
- 3 min
Tim and Nick discuss how leftist politics on social media attracts narcissistic careerists who use cancel culture to eliminate rivals, specifically referencing people going after Amber A'Lee Frost, and jokingly praising the 'consistent code' of figures like Laura Loomer and Lauren Southern.
5moments
- Leftist politics on social media attracts narcissistic careerists who use class and race-based arguments to be scolds.
- Unfunny comedians join the left to have permission to be right about everything instead of being funny.
- The people who hate Amber the most have podcasts with one fewer listener, making her the convenient target to replace.
- Tim contrasts left-wing cancellation culture with the ethics of figures like Laura Loomer and Lauren Southern, who at least have a code.
- Mike Cernovich claims he's the reason Epstein got re-arrested, according to a friend who produces Metzger's podcast.
leftist politicsidentity politicsLaura LoomerLauren SouthernAmberMike Cernovich
- 3 min
Tim mocks Mike Cernovich for claiming he's the reason Epstein got re-arrested, crediting the Miami Herald's Julie K. Brown's reporting instead, and jokes about how conspiracy Twitter accounts get their info from late-night article-reading binges.
4moments
- Tim dismisses Mike Cernovich's claims about breaking the Epstein story, crediting the Miami Herald and reporter Lee K Brown instead.
- The Miami Herald was posting articles about connections to DreamWorks and David Geffen at 3am in what Tim describes as a coke frenzy.
- Tim outlines his ideal scenario: court documents get unsealed implicating Dershowitz and the Clintons, but Trump gets caught doing something minor and overshadows everything.
- In Tim's fantasy outcome, Epstein claims he barely met Trump once or twice, with zero damaging implications, while a separate Trump scandal dominates the news cycle instead.
Miami HeraldAlan DershowitzJoe BidenLee K BrownDonald TrumpDreamWorks
- 2 min
Tim fantasizes about the 'ideal' scenario where the Epstein documents implicate Democrats but a new Trump scandal instantly erases public interest, then jokes with Nick about visiting Epstein's property with crossbows and using a hot air balloon with binoculars and a loudspeaker to investigate David Geffen's mansion.
3moments
- Tim proposes going to Epstein's property with crossbows for a stakeout, telling Ray to just run around and let the dogs attack him.
- Renting a hot air balloon to hover over David Geffen's house with binoculars and a loudspeaker announcing ages.
- Tim expresses sympathy for Chris Tucker, who has no idea people on Twitter are accusing him of crimes on Geffen's plane.
Chris TuckerDavid GeffenJeffrey EpsteinSteven SpielbergMiami
- 1 min
Tim closes the call by riffing on how Chris Tucker is innocently unaware that his name is trending on Twitter over false Epstein plane allegations, before thanking Nick for calling in.
1moment
- Tim says the segment will be bad