rant · moment 7 of 12
Mitch McConnell Kept Alive for the Midterms
from Ed Sheeran, Sydney Sweeney, & Kash Patel’s Pet Fetish | The Tim Dillon Show #513 · #513
9 min
Long riff on Mitch McConnell's frail, confused appearances in the Senate, comparing him to Terry Schiavo and joking that Republicans are artificially keeping him alive to preserve votes before the midterms.
- Tim pitches Bernie Sanders and Steve Bannon as an unlikely debate ticket.
- If Bernie Sanders and Steve Bannon are the public faces fighting AI, AI has already won.
- Tim imagines a robot walking onstage and carrying Bernie off mid-speech.
- Mitch McConnell is back and looking viral, young, and spry in hiking boots.
- Republicans can't lose McConnell even though he's medically dead—they keep him alive as a voting prop.
- McConnell is Weekend at Bernie's: they wheel him in and manually move his hand to vote yes on bills.
- Tim describes McConnell's condition as locked-in syndrome, constantly begging for death but not allowed to die.
- Senate footage shows McConnell confused during roll call, responding with incoherent sounds when called to vote.
- McConnell is the new Terry Schiavo—Republicans refuse to let him die no matter how braindead he appears.
- The best moments of McConnell's day are when he forgets he's alive and thinks he's dead.