rant · moment 2 of 18
Ranking the Holidays: Easter's Fake Classiness
from A Time Gone By with H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | The Tim Dillon Show #364 · #364
6 min
Tim and the guests debate which holiday is classiest vs trashiest, landing on Easter as deceptively classy but actually terrible, covering horseshoes at Aunt Cece's, Easter cigarettes outside church, cruel Easter egg hunts, and a ranking of Easter candy from Russell Stover to white chocolate crucifixes.
- Halloween is amazing and not the classiest holiday, but Tim explains it's definitely the greatest.
- Tim ranks holidays from classy to trashy, starting with Christmas as potentially the classiest.
- Easter has no real boozing since it's Sunday afternoon church, making it theoretically the classiest holiday.
- Tim's aunt and uncle hosted Easter gatherings where drunk family members threw horseshoes with kids running around getting hit by metal.
- He thought he was bad at horseshoes because he didn't have a cigarette hanging out of his mouth like the uncles did.
- Easter traditions included a pink ham with mustard vinegar glaze and sides, later upgraded to Honey Baked ham when they became popular.
- Tim hates Easter because of pastels, calling them trash and saying they make you feel like a used car salesman in a pink blazer.
- The one good part of Easter is smoking a cigarette outside church with a breeze while priests look at you knowing what you're doing.
- His aunt hid Easter baskets so aggressively in their 5,000-square-foot house on Long Island that kids would start crying trying to find them.
- Easter candy is mostly trash like Peeps, but Reese's eggs and Cadbury Cream Eggs are decent, with London's Cadbury Cream McFlurry being surprisingly good.
- The quality of Easter candy didn't really improve until recently.
Cadbury Cream EggJennifer Lopez