News · moment 8 of 18
Good News Hunt: Lemonade Stands and the Chocolate Vat Accident
from #304 - What America Means To Me | The Tim Dillon Show · #304
5 min
News
Searching for uplifting 4th of July news, they cover a Detroit kid's lemonade stand for animal shelters (which Tim insists on stripping of sentiment) and two exhausted Mars Wrigley plant workers who fell into a vat of chocolate and had to be cut out.
- Tim introduces a story about a kid with a lemonade stand in Detroit.
- Tim questions why bikers are known for defending kids and killing pedophiles, calling it suspicious.
- Tim wants to simplify the lemonade stand story, skipping the part about raising money for shelter dogs and focusing on pure capitalism.
- Tim fantasizes about the child eventually dethroning Dole and having the CIA prop up governments in Latin America.
- Two workers at a Mars Wrigley plant in Pennsylvania fell into a vat of chocolate.
- Tim notes the dark irony: unlike Willy Wonka, the worker actually had to go to the hospital and required rescue.
- Tim describes the workers as worthless while making Mars bars outside Hershey, digressing into a complaint that American chocolate tastes like soap.
- Emergency responders freed the pair by cutting a hole in the bottom of the chocolate tank.
- Tim insists the contaminated chocolate from the workers' swim is definitely making it to store shelves.
- Tim frames the chocolate vat accident as the good news story: overworked, lightheaded workers nearly dying for consumer entertainment.
Mars WrigleyAmerican chocolateDoleCIABabbelDetroitHersheyPennsylvania