rant · moment 11 of 26
Whataburger Run and the Sober Friend Denise
from #295 - A Serene Retreat | The Tim Dillon Show · #295
3 min
Tim imagines the group's whataburger binge after a night out, including a designated driver named Denise who's secretly crushing Adderall, and riffs on fast food chains in the area.
- Tim recalls doing cocaine in an apartment with a couple, then coming home to masturbate and wish he was dead from the comedown.
- He wants women at his Airbnb to masturbate with the intensity Jessica Kierson describes—blasting AC/DC and going at themselves with a jackhammer.
- The bride-to-be has lost 30 pounds to get married and is telling her friends she's working so hard, though this weekend is a cheat weekend.
- The bachelorette party will hit Whataburger, Sonic, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Dairy Queen, TCBY, Schlotzki's, and Chicken Express.
- One woman in the group—Denise—is three months sober after getting fired as a secretary for stealing, white-knuckling it while secretly crushing Adderall in the bathroom.
- When they arrive at Whataburger, it's like Ukrainians crossing the Polish border—they're in the clear and eat like they've never eaten before.
- Tim recommends horseshoes for entertainment because these women wear flowery dresses with cowboy boots and scarred-up legs from bug bites.
- The scarred legs result from things that bite them in the night.