rant · moment 12 of 19
The Sternly Worded Letter to Vladimir Putin
from #291 - Dear Vladimir | The Tim Dillon Show · #291
5 min
Tim writes and reads aloud a mock letter to Putin (signed Barry Weiss) begging him to stop messing with everyone's money via high gas prices, riffing on private prisons, realtors, and OnlyFans along the way.
- Tim supports Ukraine's sovereignty but argues you can't keep asking for World War Three—Putin needs to take a deal.
- The power of the sternly worded letter: Tim recalls the terror of a teacher's note going home in your backpack.
- Tim drafts an open letter to Putin starting with "Dear Vladimir Putin, hey buddy"—establishing immediate defensive footing.
- The letter continues: "The war in Ukraine is ridiculous. This is not your best moment. In fact, it's literally one of your worst."
- Tim acknowledges the bombing and shelling of civilian areas, then pivots to common ground: "If anyone understands that we do lol."
- The real problem: the war is fucking with everybody's money, and Tim knows that was never Putin's goal.
- Tim's closing plea: "Please cut it out before we're all broke and no one has enough money to kill."
- The letter is signed by Barry Weiss, not Tim—a final absurdist touch to the entire appeal.