Episode 276 · The Ben Avery Era
#276 - The Squish | The Tim Dillon Show
Nov 9, 2021 · 1:32:26 · 395,000 views · 32 segments, 204 moments indexed
Tim and Ray Kump discuss the University of Austin, the wonderful value of a college degree, and the different versions of themselves that could've been...
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- 1 min
Tim announces the show is audio-only this time, explains the new plan to release video episodes Mondays at 9pm, and notes this episode is running late.
1moment
- Tim announces an audio-only episode with a new Monday video schedule starting at 9 p.m.
- 1 min
Tim introduces guest Ray, who has brought his podcast equipment to the hotel, and they bicker about Ray's mesh golf-course-gift-shop-style hat.
4moments
- Tim discusses the week on tour: show at the Beacon Theater in New York City, coming from DC, living on a tour bus, and building a new studio in Los Angeles.
- Ray arrives at the hotel with his equipment to set up for the show.
- Tim criticizes Ray's hat as the kind of mesh hat you buy at a golf course gift shop when you forget your own hat and want to avoid getting leopard spots on your head.
- Ray defends the hat as a gift someone gave him.
- 4 min
Tim and Ray discuss Barry Weiss's new University of Austin project, its "fearless pursuit of truth" mission statement, and the roster of canceled intellectuals involved like Lex Fridman, the Weinsteins, and Jordan Peterson.
9moments
- Tim asks if the listener is acting pedantic because they're going to teach a class at the University of Austin.
- Tim says all the people he hates hate the University of Austin, but he's not really an ally of anyone and they don't want him involved either.
- If offered an honorary degree, Tim wants a fellowship instead—he doesn't even know what one is, but wants to teach a class.
- Tim suggests they could apply to be students or professors at the University of Austin, noting the school probably won't turn away their money.
- It didn't occur to Tim there would be money exchanged until the listener mentioned it.
- Screenshots from Twitter show the University of Austin doesn't have accreditation and doesn't offer actual degrees.
- Listener compares University of Austin's pitch to saying the EPA doesn't work well, so buy poison water from us instead.
- University of Austin's mission statement is dedicated to the fearless pursuit of truth—Veritas.
- Tim and the listener decide to look up whether the University of Austin is actually online.
higher educationUniversity of AustinBrett WeinsteinLex Fridman
- 5 min
They riff on a scheme to enroll and immediately start chaos with fake rape and microaggression accusations, trans party conspiracies, and pushing the school into absurd political corners.
9moments
- Tim hates woke universities but says they're not allowed to say 'woke' anymore because someone from The View called it a dog whistle.
- Blue hair is more of a dog whistle than woke, according to Tim's classification of signals and rhetoric.
- Tim kind of supports the University of Austin but thinks it's absurd that Americans are stuck choosing between two groups of hucksters.
- Plan to infiltrate the University of Austin and start problems immediately by claiming to be non-binary and sexually assaulted.
- Strategy involves playing the woke game gradually—starting with microaggressions and misgendering complaints rather than outright rape accusations.
- Alternative plan: accuse University of Austin faculty of inviting students to secret trans parties to sexually assault them.
- Tim and his co-host consider calling people "pig fuckers" and escalating to Mossad accusations and claims about killing Diana.
- Push the hard-right conspiracy direction to see how far the conservative faculty will go with increasingly radical claims.
- Tim tries to find the University of Austin's admissions page, confusing it with the University of Texas at Austin.
wokeUniversity of AustinBari WeissAndrew SullivanLex Fridman
- 4 min
Ray and Tim scramble to find the actual University of Austin Twitter account, confuse it with UT Austin, and list off its founders and supporters like David Mamet, Larry Summers, and Steven Pinker.
10moments
- Barry Weiss's official Twitter account for the University of Austin has 56,000 followers.
- Tim jokes about not following Barry Weiss and defends following only 400 people.
- The University of Austin Twitter announces a new university dedicated to the fearless pursuit of truth.
- Founders listed include Tyler Ferguson, David Mamet, Joe Lonsdale, Stephen Pinker, Lex Fridman, Andrew Sullivan, and Larry Summers.
- Tim riffs on what if the university was just corporate criminals like Enron's Ken Lay.
- Tim suggests Dave Portnoy would be funny as a gym teacher for the University of Austin.
- A former comic who worked at Business Insider texted Tim two days before his pornography story dropped saying the publication wanted a hit piece on him as a reactionary comedian.
- Tim criticizes how Business Insider marketed and promoted the Portnoy story with a paywall as unconscionable.
- The Business Insider article contained no suggestion of crime, abuse of power, or inappropriate workplace relationships.
- Tim clarifies he didn't pay for the article and neither did his co-host.
University of AustinBari WeissDave PortnoyBusiness InsiderAndrew SullivanDavid MametJoe LonsdaleLarry Summers+3 more
- 4 min
Tim recounts a Business Insider reporter admitting they wanted to run a hit piece on him, then pivots into defending Dave Portnoy against a flimsy expose and discussing Portnoy's feuds with old media.
10moments
- Tim explains why Portnoy became a target: he disrupts the traditional media establishment that ESPN and others depend on for relevance.
- People fundamentally dislike disrupters, and Portnoy isn't afraid to rattle cages or challenge powerful figures like Elon Musk or Robinhood.
- Tim draws a parallel: podcasting and independent media anger New York media types because they're broke and have no audience, while he and Portnoy have massive followings.
- Business Insider recently rebranded to just "Insider," essentially admitting they're a tabloid rather than legitimate journalism.
- The founder of Business Insider is a disgraced trader banned from trading, casting doubt on the outlet's credibility.
- Portnoy's appeal is that he's scrappy and confrontational—he'll talk trash to lawyers in court and doesn't care about the consequences because he has money.
- University of Austin will need a physical campus, brick-and-mortar space for tax purposes and actual student interaction.
- The real problem with these alternative universities: founders like Portnoy and Elon have money but no endowment, making long-term funding unclear.
- PragerU likely operates on funding from megachurches or similar donors, and even that isn't a legitimate brick-and-mortar institution.
- Dennis Prager claimed he wanted to get COVID and was happy to finally contract it as a blessing from God.
Dave PortnoyBusiness InsiderUniversity of AustinPragerUDennis PragerESPNMichael RapaportElon Musk
- 1 min
Tim reads the Sheath Underwear ad, joking that the company's owner is a self-described "virtuous pedophile" who served in Iraq, while praising the actual product.
4moments
- Sheath Underwear's owner is a self-described virtuous pedophile named Robert Patron who served in Iraq.
- Tim claims the military deployed Patron's sexuality to advance counterterrorism aims in the global battlefield.
- He praises Sheath Underwear as a product—describing it like a bathing suit with a pouch that keeps everything comfortable and dry.
- Sheath Underwear promotion: use code TIM at sheath underwear dot com for 20 percent off.
- 2 min
Tim reads the Mint Mobile sponsor copy about $15/month wireless plans, riffing on how much he hates dealing with wireless store employees.
5moments
- Tim loves Mint Mobile and hates big wireless providers because there's always a catch.
- Mint Mobile's advantage is selling wireless service online only, cutting out retail stores and overhead costs passed to consumers.
- Going into a wireless store is the worst part of the experience — long waits, brain-dead employees with attitude, and constant problems.
- Tim recalls going into Sprint stores where employees were eating tacos and looking unfriendly, especially after T-Mobile bought them.
- Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for $15 a month with unlimited talk, text, and high-speed 5G data on the nation's largest network.
Mint Mobilebig wireless providers
- 3 min
Tim and Ray argue about whether to get another Covid booster, mask mandates persisting despite vaccination, and Tim's "six months" timeline for giving the vaccine rollout a chance before revolting.
8moments
- Tim says he's vaccinated and asks about getting a booster.
- Tim considers one more booster to tide him over for the winter.
- Guest argues he has antibodies from actually having COVID and doesn't want to keep getting boosters.
- Tim brings up young people getting myocarditis from boosters.
- People at a DC comedy show had to show vax cards but were still asked to wear masks in the green room.
- Tim questions the endgame: when does it stop being masks and boosters forever?
- Tim says Americans have six months left where this booster-and-mask routine might make sense.
- Tim draws a line: six boosters total, and if that doesn't cure things, we move on in six months.
- 3 min
Tim compares the government's repeated vaccine push to Disney re-releasing the trailer for the flop movie John Carter, then debates breakthrough case narratives with Ray.
6moments
- Tim's prediction: winter will bring more cases, spring will bring improvement, then the cycle repeats — but that's already failed twice before.
- The vaccine push was a legitimate gamble, like a movie that failed — once you make your play and it doesn't work out, keep releasing the trailer doesn't help.
- John Carter bombed in 2010 as a massive Disney loss, though Disney later bought the Avengers and recovered.
- Tim's timeline: in six months he'll start pushing back hard, but he's not there yet because people are still yelling at each other and deserve some benefit of doubt.
- The CDC keeps doubling down on a narrative that doesn't work — the vaccine's protection fades away after a while.
- Breakthrough cases are not rare despite the official narrative shift away from claiming they are, and plenty of vaccinated people have gotten infected.
DisneyJohn Carter
- 4 min
Ray describes using the Nintendo Switch fitness/dance game instead of worrying about boosters, leading into a discussion of Tim's fatalism about health and cancer versus obsessing over small things.
6moments
- Tim has been doing Just Dance on the Nintendo Switch instead of getting a booster shot, spinning around his apartment to songs like The Weeknd.
- The game comes with popular songs to dance to, and Tim tried using the fitness hoop feature but worried it wouldn't fit around his stomach.
- Tim describes his fatalist approach to health: things are simpler than people make them out to be, and if cancer is coming, it's coming.
- He doesn't worry about getting cancer because people get it all the time, citing his mom's ovarian cancer diagnosis that five doctors initially missed.
- Tim had a health scare years ago when he thought his testicles were lumpy, got a sonogram, then visited a urologist who just grabbed his balls and told him they were swallowing glands.
- The urologist made him feel like an idiot for being concerned, even though Tim figures he might have had testicular cancer growing for fifteen years without knowing it.
Just DanceNintendo SwitchKennedyThe Weeknd
- 5 min
Tim tells the story of a urologist dismissing his testicular lump fears, which segues into a debate with Ray about student loan forgiveness being unfair to people who already paid off their debt, and the root problem of easy loan money inflating college costs.
9moments
- Tim argues student loan forgiveness shouldn't simply wipe out debt for some while screwing over blue-collar workers who paid off their own loans or skipped college.
- The real solution is to eliminate student loans entirely, the way unlimited healthcare financing drove up medical costs.
- Only Ivy League and top-tier schools produce graduates who actually make real money; everyone else graduates with debt.
- Universities are allowed to build kids out of money through Sallie Mae because there's no incentive to keep tuition competitive.
- Why do students need to go away to college when state schools and community colleges exist locally?
- Ann Coulter's point: college functions as an IQ test because employers can no longer give direct IQ tests.
- There should be a way for employers to evaluate candidates without requiring a four-year degree from somewhere.
- Engineering and science fields require college, but many fields like programming and video production don't.
- University of Austin and College of Crypto examples of alternative credential models, though medicine still requires traditional college.
Sallie MaeJordan PetersonAnn CoulterLex Fridmanstudent loan forgivenessSam HarrisBrett WeinsteinAndrew Sullivan
- 3 min
Tim relays Ann Coulter's argument that college functions as a legal workaround for employers banned from giving IQ tests, and debates whether a degree should be necessary to prove competence.
7moments
- Tim believes skipping college was one of his biggest regrets and would have changed his entire life.
- He doesn't trust his own restraint—doubts he'd have stayed sober at college given his actual 20s trajectory.
- Tim argues that without the social pressure of his actual peer group, he would have come out of the closet sooner and likely wouldn't have become a comedian.
- Story of bringing a woman to a Flanders Duck in Long Island with Arby's, her female roommate named Carl, and whether they were prostitutes.
- Tim attended community college on and off for years but barely went to class—he admits he would have just lazied his way through a traditional college too.
- He explains his frustration with schooling: he's smart enough to get bored immediately but not smart enough to skip paying attention without consequences.
- Tim was always skeptical of professors and their authority, though he notes this gets mischaracterized as him being a right-wing lunatic.
- 6 min
Tim recalls oddball community college professors, including a woman threatening plagiarists and a teacher bragging about rejecting a student's sexual favors, framing why he never respected academia.
10moments
- Tim describes a communications professor at community college named Professor Ghoulianello who would spend 10 minutes threatening the class about plagiarism.
- The professor would wear knee-high boots that scrunch down and make cryptic statements like 'if you place your eyes I will know.'
- An English teacher at community college, described as very fat, would rest his hands on his stomach and tell students unsolicited stories about girls offering sexual favors.
- Tim explains he avoided college because he felt sexuality confrontation would force him to stop lying his way through life, a plan he followed until age 25.
- He argues he's basically become who he's supposed to be, and alternative versions of himself would have been false avatars in business or academic environments.
- Tim questions why there's now a University of Austin and why everyone is constantly promoting Austin as a destination.
- The University of Austin appears designed to capitalize on Elon Musk's presence there, with people hoping to network their way into Tesla hiring.
- Tim describes a networking strategy of spending a couple years at bars near Musk doing coke with teachers to build connections.
- He explains he applied to NYU's film program but found it too competitive, then was offered acceptance to Hofstra instead.
- Tim attended Hofstra for a year for film before dropping out, describing the experience as 'bad bad bad news.'
HofstraNYUElon Muskprofessor ghoulianelloUniversity of AustinTeslacommunity college professors
- 4 min
Tim argues that Long Island parents create conditions that make their kids fail, using his own denied car insurance as an example, and describes wasting his freshman year at Hofstra watching anime instead of attending class.
10moments
- Long Island parents are deeply invested in creating an environment where their kids will fail.
- Tim's father wouldn't add him to the car insurance, charging $500 a month instead, because parents want you to die and fail.
- If Tim asked to take a car to the library, his dad would catastrophize about lawsuits and losing the house.
- Leaving home is essential because parents spend their entire lives trying to destroy their kids, knowingly or unknowingly.
- Tim spent his first year at Hofstra watching anime in a video library room with four 13-inch TVs instead of going to class.
- Tim and friends named Kenny and Buns smoked weed on the top level of the Roosevelt Field Mall parking structure.
- Instead of attending classes at Suffolk, Tim would go to Costco and eat from their food court.
- Costco became Tim's comfort zone—eating a chicken bake alone in the middle of the day without family or a grocery list made him feel at home.
- Tim would sneak past Costco employees straight to the food court without a membership by claiming he was just going there to eat.
- The college experience Tim and his friend had—smoking weed at a mall parking structure and eating Costco chicken bakes—wasn't actually the college experience.
- 4 min
Tim and Ray riff on Tim skipping class to eat Costco chicken bakes and listen to Wealth of Nations audiobooks, framed as a metaphor for American decline, then Tim recalls his failed attempts at amateur filmmaking.
6moments
- Tim had a best friend named Joe Clark who went from Nassau Community College to Cornell, while Tim entered the mortgage industry and felt inferior.
- Tim jokes that Joe is now just a lawyer, and he's evened out the gap between them considerably.
- When asked if he felt inferior for not going to school, Tim says he had an over-inflated sense and would listen to The Wealth of Nations audiobook while cutting class at Costco.
- The guest describes Tim's Costco situation as a character that sums up the decline of the American empire: listening to economic theory while not feeding a family, interested in how systems work but not applying the knowledge.
- Tim admits he made failed feature-length films and turned down making short movies because he thought he was too good for them, maxing credit cards instead on projects that couldn't succeed logistically.
- Tim identifies his pattern of having grandiose ideas instead of putting in work and learning over time—reading The Wealth of Nations rather than attending economics class.
Cornell UniversityJoe ClarkUniversity of Austin
- 4 min
Tim explains how he repeatedly failed to register for film classes on time due to self-discipline problems, and he and Ray speculate about alternate lives if they'd had more structure.
10moments
- Tim went to Stony Brook for a semester before stopping classes to pursue comedy.
- He attended Hofstra but couldn't show up on time to meet with his advisor to register for film classes before they closed.
- When Tim finally met his advisor, he was told he'd missed all the film classes his freshman year and probably wouldn't catch up.
- At Nassau Community College, the advisor explained every class was full because Tim didn't show up on time to register.
- Tim admits he never learned self-discipline in a cohesive way, but questions whether learning it would have ruined what makes him successful now.
- His spontaneity and erratic nature—the whirling dervish quality—is what makes him funny and is tied to his success.
- Tim compares himself to his guest, noting he's more free and less afraid of saying controversial things without worrying about cancellation.
- He started screaming at an old woman in a store who was giving trouble to a postal clerk, telling her to stop choking him.
- Tim plays with the idea that things could have gone differently in his life, but he's happy with his girlfriend and the podcast.
- He's making moves to relocate to Austin with his girlfriend Lucy.
- 2 min
They joke about an imagined future where Tim and Ray graduate from the University of Austin with Barry Weiss tearfully handing them diplomas, majoring in "the fearless pursuit of truth."
4moments
- Tim calls Barry Weiss the ambassador for Austin and pitches her on the city's hunting and woodworking scene.
- Barry Weiss reveals he's an Eagle Scout with badges in fishing and woodworking, though he hasn't pursued those activities much.
- Tim fantasizes about a graduation ceremony where he and Barry Weiss get diplomas while Barry Weiss cries with pride.
- Tim declares their college major is "the fearless pursuit of truth," delivered with deadpan intensity.
- 2 min
Tim reads the Philo streaming service ad, describing how it bundles 60 premium channels and on-demand content for $25 a month.
5moments
- Tim was shocked at hundreds of dollars monthly for cable plus premium channels and streaming services.
- Philo was created by TV lovers for TV lovers and offers 60 premium channels plus massive on-demand library for $25 a month.
- The service includes unlimited DVR—the best and biggest in the industry—letting him save shows for a year.
- Tim says Philo gives him a totally better TV experience for $25 a month instead of spending hundreds.
- Special deal: $25 off the first two months at philo.tv/timdillon.
- 4 min
Tim promotes the Versus prediction/betting app, riffing on absurd bet examples and claiming his own predictions are scarily accurate.
8moments
- Tim explains Filo as a streaming service charging $25 a month instead of hundreds, after he was spending $175 monthly.
- The Murdochs are losing money while Tim saves on subscriptions.
- Tim introduces Versus Game as an app where you make predictions and bet on binary questions for real money.
- You can bet on anything on Versus — shirts Kyle Rittenhouse wears to court, Ghislaine Maxwell convictions, whatever has a definable answer.
- Tim boasts about his prediction accuracy, citing Lizzo performing in front of a jiggling ass after he predicted music would become that.
- Tim claims he predicted COVID and his predictions come true so often it's scary how accurate he is.
- Tim says he's never wrong and expects to become the Jeff Bezos of Versus Game using it to make money.
- Download Versus Game with offer code TIM for five dollars toward your first bet.
- 3 min
Tim spirals into dark hypothetical Versus bets like whether someone's cancer returns or when secret camps and boosters will roll out, mixing celebrity gossip bets with dystopian jokes.
7moments
- Bets on celebrity deaths and tragedies: Whitney Cummings found in bathtub, TikTok star asking about Netflix renewals, Radar Online asking about Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's divorce.
- Tim on the Versus app: you can gamble on anything—someone's private life, family collapse, cancer relapse—it's all a game.
- Will the American system of government collapse within 36 months—you might win a few bucks betting on it through Versus.
- Betting pools on Tim: will Ben kill Tim, will Ben's wife kill Tim—neither one probably will, but people are asking.
- Versus app backed by luminaries: Mark Pincus, Kevin Hart, William Shatner, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Mark Burnett, the Winklevoss twins, Peter Thiel—and Josh Richards from Sway House, described as an idiot.
- Tim on betting versus action: instead of fixing the world's horrors or hoping elected representatives change laws, you can just bet on them happening.
- Fun future prediction games on Versus: when will COVID boosters be required to go outside, when does the secret prison start, when do the camps roll out, who goes in first.
Peter ThielWinklevoss twinsVersusJake PaulWhitney CummingsAlex WarrenJosh RichardsDean McDermott+5 more
- 6 min
Tim and Ray promote a real GoFundMe for a young man named Nick recovering from a brain aneurysm, discussing America's broken healthcare system and Tim's refusal to "roast" the guy despite requests.
10moments
- A 28-year-old named Nick suffered a brain aneurysm with symptoms of sudden fever, vomiting, and severe headaches.
- Tim rants about the American healthcare system destroying people financially over medical emergencies like burst blood vessels.
- Tim and Ben explain Nick's situation: he has health insurance but still faces massive bills and lost income during recovery.
- Tim pledges to donate and urges listeners to contribute via the GoFundMe link, promising to pin it on YouTube.
- The fundraiser requests that Tim roast Nick, but Tim refuses, saying there's no funny angle to a guy with a brain injury.
- Nick sent three emails saying it would mean the world to him to be roasted by Tim.
- Tim expresses skepticism about what angle there is to roast Nick over and declines to do it.
- Looking at Nick's picture, Tim notes the guy looks young and is in his twenties with a kid, and refuses to participate in roasting.
- Tim insists the goal is to help Nick by giving him money, not to roast him from a hospital bed.
- Tim and Ben discuss that Kyle Rittenhouse's defense raised significant money through GoFundMe, possibly coordinated by Owen Troyer.
- 1 min
Tim runs down upcoming tour dates in Huntington, NY and Red Bank, NJ with presale codes and ticket info.
1moment
- Tim announces January 21st show at Paramount Theater in Huntington, New York at 7 p.m.
- 2 min
Never Graduated: Getting Kicked Out of Catholic School
#Tim recounts being expelled from Catholic high school for a joke about blowing up a woman's uterus, and how he never actually walked at any graduation.
4moments
- Tim got kicked out of Catholic high school for saying he'd blow up a woman's uterus.
- He attended his Catholic high school graduation but doesn't count it because he was already thrown out.
- The cooler kids took him to lunch at a pizza shop, blasting rap music, but he didn't think he made a great impression.
- Students kept inviting him to graduation, though he barely attended the school, but he chose not to go.
L.I.E.
- 3 min
Tim and Ray discuss the disturbing film L.I.E. about a pedophile on Long Island, joking about remaking it playing every part with Brian Cox.
8moments
- Tim saw L.I.E. when it came out and found it disturbing.
- The character of the father was amazing and everything about the film was unsettling.
- Tim's interpretation: the film basically says Long Island parents are so bad that a pedophile would be better for the kids.
- This messaging reads like someone who spent five minutes on Long Island and decided kids would be better off with a child predator.
- Tim imagines a spring commencement years from now at a new university where Heather Heying hands out diplomas.
- A group of right-wing figures including Andrew Sullivan, Katie Herzog, Lex Fridman, and others are supposedly involved in this new institution.
- Tim says the other side has gone further than people realize—they're not letting anyone maintain legitimacy anymore.
- If he joins the University of Austin, Tim proposes splitting off to start the University of San Antonio with hardcore alt-right figures like David Dumazeu, Owen Benjamin, and Richard Spencer.
University of AustinAndrew SullivanChristina Hoff SommersHeather HeyingKatie HerzogLawrence SummersLex FridmanOwen Benjamin+3 more
- 1 min
Tim jokes about schisming from the University of Austin to start a rival school for hardcore alt-right figures like Owen Benjamin and Richard Spencer.
1moment
- Tim asks about the name of the university being founded in San Antonio
- 2 min
Ray plugs his Com Podcast and Patreon, and they discuss the upcoming sold-out Beacon Theater show and plans to do a live podcast afterward.
3moments
- Tim promotes the Comp Podcast with Lucy Steiner, available on YouTube and as a Patreon with bonus episodes.
- The Beacon Theater show sold out, and they plan to record a podcast after the stand-up set.
- Tim floats the idea of doing three or four hours instead of stopping, wondering if they should just keep going until people walk out.
Comp PodcastThe Vegan TheaterLucy Steiner
- 1 min
Tim jokes about staging a fake double suicide at the end of the show, leaving all his money as an endowment to the University of Austin.
5moments
- Tim recalls an abortion he couldn't pay for
- Tim pitches the idea of both killing themselves at the end of the show
- Tim elaborates: they leave all their money to the University of Austin as an endowment
- The suicide would make him bigger than Budge Wire
- Tim notes that even blowing your brains out at the Beacon Theater won't make anyone care about anything in this country
Bari WeissUniversity of AustinBudge Wire
- 3 min
Tim and Ray fantasize about having Curtis Sliwa on with his cat and guardian angel getup, and recall his bizarre homeless-outreach mayoral campaign ad.
7moments
- Tim pitches Curtis Sliwa as a podcast guest and notes there's something funny about him.
- The Daily News photo of Sliwa showing up to the election with his cat, then screaming and demanding arrest.
- Tim asks if Sliwa can come on the podcast dressed as a Guardian Angel, which he apparently wears all the time.
- Howard Stern told Tim this commercial was the most insane thing he'd ever seen on Jeopardy.
- Tim expresses amazement that Sliwa spent his career inventing fake crimes.
- Guardian Angels would stage fake crimes and claim to rescue people from them as a complete fraud.
- Sliwa admitted he did it because he wanted to be like Batman, some kind of avenger running around New York City.
Curtis SliwaEric AdamsGuardian AngelsChris Lee
- 1 min
Ray reveals Sliwa admitted to staging fake crimes for the Guardian Angels to "rescue" people from, comparing his ambitions to Batman.
1moment
- Tim doubts Curtis Sliwa will come on the show after losing the mayoral race.
mayor
- 2 min
They joke about Sliwa's political prospects being worse than Caitlyn Jenner's, and riff on the low appeal of being mayor of a declining city like Cleveland.
6moments
- Curtis Sliwa compared to Caitlyn Jenner — he's nowhere near her level of electability.
- Tim explains Caitlyn Jenner would have a much higher chance of being elected than Sliwa.
- Tim says he would run for office himself, though he wonders if it's delusions of grandeur.
- Maybe he could be the mayor of Cleveland — a shitty city where no one wants the job.
- Being mayor of a major American city shows how far down the country has gone — the perks don't outweigh the problems anymore.
- There aren't many businesses in Cleveland that want their corrupt mayor looking the other way.
Caitlyn JennerConnor RoyClevelandCurtis LewiswortLeBron James
- 5 min
Tim and Ray invent a fictional progressive squad of obese Midwestern congressmen called "The Squish," riffing on their absurd platform of banning police and military and feuding with AOC's squad.
10moments
- Tim explains why modern congresspeople like Marjorie Taylor Greene are lunatics: the grift is over and there's nothing left to exploit.
- Tim proposes creating his own version of The Squad with four fat Midwestern guys who would be more progressive than the actual members.
- The catchphrase for this group would be 'Yeah, we've got guts'—they'd push for a federal amendment banning both the military and police.
- Tim names the group 'The Squish'—four 450-pound Midwestern progressives positioning themselves to the left of AOC and Ilhan Omar.
- The Squad accuses The Squish of playing dirty politics while claiming their own agenda is more realistic.
- AOC holds a press conference defending productive dialogue with The Squish while acknowledging they won't compromise or be reined in.
- Tim transitions The Squish into a communist organization that deals with constant turnover because all the members are morbidly obese.
- Tim describes The Squish's radical platform: removing all monuments from federal buildings immediately and burning flags outside Jimmy John's.
- Tim predicts newspapers like the New York Post would run headlines about 'Squash The Squish' if this movement actually emerged.
- Tim wraps up by encouraging listeners to attend the University of Austin and start their lives there, suggesting it could prevent The Squish from happening.