rant · moment 25 of 28
Fantasy Bit: Getting Fired for Asking Diners About 9/11
from #270 - Havana Syndrome | The Tim Dillon Show · #270
7 min
Tim imagines working as a waiter at Jamie Dimon's restaurant just to ask every table about 9/11 and get fired, then spins an elaborate fantasy where Dimon mentors Pruitt and Bird, the school-shooter kids, turning them into ruthless finance criminals instead.
- Tim imagines asking a wealthy dinner guest what they think about 9/11 during a casual conversation.
- Tim proposes getting hired at an upscale Upper East Side restaurant just to ask every table about 9/11 before getting fired.
- Manager explains Tim got a warning after his first hour: all three tables complained he kept bringing up 9/11.
- Tim gets fired for asking Jamie Dimon for cash tip money upfront during a shift.
- Tim wonders if Pruitt and Bird might become CEOs of Chase Bank someday, since America is about comeback stories.
- Jamie Dimon takes Pruitt and Bird to San Ambrose for gelato and Ralph Lauren shopping, mentoring them on corporate fraud tactics.
- In the fantasy bit, Jamie Dimon tells Pruitt and Bird that at his company they can 'kill without firing a shot' through fraud and government bullying.
- Jamie Dimon explains Chase bullied the federal government into stopping investigations during the mortgage crisis, keeping billions in fraudulently earned money.
- Tim notes Jamie Dimon can't bully tech companies because they know everything about what people think and who they are.
- Jamie Dimon raises Pruitt and Bird as proteges, teaching them to channel their violent energy into finance, gym routines, drugs, and relationships based on monetary gain.