rant · moment 7 of 12
Post-Pandemic Reopening Horrors: Restaurants, Traffic, and Office Life Returning
from #242 - You're Money Now | The Tim Dillon Show · #242
5 min
A sustained rant imagining all the annoying, mundane parts of normal life returning as COVID restrictions lift — bad restaurant service, traffic, office coworkers, Thanksgiving with weird relatives, and darkly predicts a return of school shootings.
- Tim compares returning to normal society after lockdown to encountering someone you haven't seen in a while — you both look bad and ask if each other is okay.
- Waitresses will be shaking while serving food because nobody has had any money and everyone spent it on Soulja Boy NFTs.
- Crime is rising everywhere except online, though it is also rising online, and school shootings returned as soon as indoor classes started.
- Restaurant failures are coming back: forgotten balsamic vinaigrette, appetizers and entrees arriving at the same time, long lines at the car wash.
- Crowded public transportation, movie theaters, and diners full of divorced dads trying to bond with sons who hate them will all return.
- Tim dreads Thanksgiving happening again — sitting with Aunt QAnon and Uncle who touches you while choking down mashed potatoes.
- Office life is returning: coworkers like Dorene will be back, and Chuck will corner you in the breakroom talking about The Americans and communist spies.
- Schools reopening will make it easier for kids to get heroin and other drugs, and daughters will contract venereal diseases or get shot by antisocial Bitcoin-reading kids.
- Traffic and commutes are already coming back — long drives past billboards of televangelists and healthcare companies that denied you, followed by office monotony and overpriced lattes.
- Tim concludes by sarcastically encouraging everyone to open everything up without worrying about the consequences.