rant · moment 7 of 23
Wanting to Be Cool: Fat Antifa and Throwing Eggs with Johnny and Alfred
from #224 - American Chainsaw Massacre | The Tim Dillon Show · #224
6 min
Tim tells a personal story about wanting to be cool in eighth grade, riffs on a fantasy "Fat Antifa" sketch idea, and connects it to a broader theory that political tribalism is really just people wanting social belonging.
- Tim imagines young hooligans replacing toilet papering and egg-throwing with blasting hand sanitizer on everything.
- He jokes about not disrespecting the Mayans while wearing full costume regalia and insists he's incredibly intelligent.
- Tim recalls eighth grade as the time to be cool, and notes that being cool back then meant destroying property like Antifa does.
- Fat Antifa is the saddest version—heavily breathing in the back while others get arrested, offering only intellectual fire about Karl Marx.
- He pitched a sketch with Ray Comp about two guys heading to Charlottesville who kept getting distracted by fast food and ended up beaten by a female Trump supporter in a Golden Corral parking lot.
- The cool guys at his school were named Johnny and Alfred, and they'd go throw eggs and do shaving cream in the park to be cool.
- Tim went to his dad's steakhouse after that night reeking of shaving cream, claimed it was cologne, and let the owner assume he was trying to impress girls.
- He proposes a way for kids to vandalize safely: just claim it's political, and parents can't say anything.
- Tim argues that most of this miserable life is social—everybody just wants to find people who will fuck with them and tolerate them.
- You don't get smarter than eighth grade when you want to throw eggs with the cool kids; it's just wanting to have value and worth, whether that's shaving cream now or golf and a 401k later.
- Playing golf and having a 401k is the same shit as throwing eggs with Johnny and Alfred—all social.