rant · moment 27 of 27
Closing Fantasy: The Hedge Fund Guy Burned at the Stake
from #216 - A Good Deal | The Tim Dillon Show · #216
5 min
The fantasy concludes with the mob tying the finance guy to a tree and burning him alive; even as he dies he rationalizes the destruction as an acceptable cost of preserving 'the system,' and finds peace imagining the next buyer getting a good deal on his property.
- Tim describes a hedge fund guy, small and wiry, suddenly realizing the mob carrying him might actually go through with something serious.
- The mob walks him to a tree on his property and starts tying him up, which he initially compares to Bohemian Grove rituals.
- They begin dousing him with kerosene, and he calmly recognizes what's about to happen.
- Tim reflects on the hedge fund guy's life—good schools, some infidelity, responsible STD testing—and considers his potential legacy as someone burned at the stake in the Hamptons.
- As they prepare to light him on fire, he finally understands there are actual problems in America—something he never grasped before.
- They burn him alive, and as he's dying tied to the tree, the pain is so intense he can barely clench his teeth.
- His last thought before death: maybe they should have approved knee operations for workers after all.
- He then immediately pivots to thinking about how expensive it is to build new knees compared to building new houses for the next hedge fund guy who'll buy the property.
- In his final moments, he rejects the idea of knee operations because the system itself is more important than any individual.
- He dies with a charred smile, his last thought that the next owner will get a great deal on the property.