Episode 186 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#186 - Blagojevich | The Tim Dillon Show
Feb 9, 2020 · 1:11:43 · 156,000 views · 16 segments, 126 moments indexed
Tim breaks down the Iowa caucus "conspiracies", remembers a woman who made a great impression on him at a young age, and how to find inspiration in criminals.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Chicago Zanies Shows and Toronto Valentine's Day Tickets
#Tim opens live from Chicago, thanks fans for sold-out Zanies shows, and plugs his Toronto Valentine's Day show, joking that his stand-up either leads to sex or ends failing marriages.
3moments
- Five sold-out shows at Zanies in Chicago
- Tim's comedy act is designed to get people aroused, possibly during or immediately after the performance
- His set might either destroy a failing marriage or rekindle the flame for couples trying to save their relationship
- 3 min
Iowa Caucus Chaos and the Shadow App
#Tim mocks the failed vote-tabulating "Shadow" app in the Iowa Democratic caucus, tying it to CIA-linked tech firms and arguing the establishment is losing its grip on controlling elections.
6moments
- Tim on the 2020 Iowa caucus: "this is the year of who gives a fuck" — the Illuminati doesn't care anymore, they're losing power and don't need to hide it like they used to.
- The Shadow App, the vote-tabulation software that failed in Iowa, actually has that acronym intentionally — no one at the CIA tech firms even bothers disguising their work anymore.
- Tim cites Whitney Webb on how tech firms are building election technology across the country, setting up infrastructure to be manipulated however the ruling class wants.
- He predicts the establishment will use these tools to limit Trump's ability to win in 2020, and says it's all just going to happen.
- Mayor Pete got the Iowa votes — and Tim claims South Bend, Indiana isn't real, that it's either a military base or a city built underground beneath Washington DC.
- Pete Buttigieg bragged in an interview about having worked with the CIA, and Tim notes he couldn't have been more of a shill in that race.
Pete ButtigiegShadow appCIADonald TrumpWhitney WebbDemocratic National Committee
- 6 min
Mayor Pete as the Establishment's Chosen Guy
#Tim argues Pete Buttigieg is the CIA/billionaire class's preferred candidate, riffing on his CIA interview comment, identity politics as a way to dodge scrutiny, and speculates Pete was meant to be a VP pick.
10moments
- Mayor Pete is the establishment's guy in the race, with a strong neoliberal position that loves war and serves billionaires.
- The CIA works for the establishment—they're hired guns paving the way for billionaires and corporations worldwide.
- Someone well-placed said the truly scary guys are people like Mayor Pete: ambitious, with no money or connections, willing to do anything.
- Why do millionaires and billionaires love the gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana—what about him excites them?
- Elevating someone based on identity politics sidesteps meaningful critique regardless of what they actually believe.
- Pete was their guy in the race—the establishment expected Biden or Warren to get the nod, with Pete as VP.
- The billionaire cartels want a sympathetic ear in the White House, whether as VP or President.
- When you're a CIA asset, it doesn't mean taking orders at Langley—it means you're on their team and they help you succeed.
- Biden imploded in ways the establishment didn't anticipate—he's senile, smelling people's hair and making out with relatives onstage.
- Tim doesn't think Biden is a pedophile, just completely falling apart mentally, his senses crossing in unexplainable ways.
- 8 min
Warren's Native American Test, Biden's Decline, and the Plot Against Bernie
#Tim covers Warren's DNA test blunder, Biden's bizarre debate-stage behavior and apparent decline, and lays out a theory that the establishment stole Iowa from Bernie and will sabotage him if he wins the nomination, comparing it to the campaign against Trump.
13moments
- Elizabeth Warren took a DNA test to prove Native American ancestry and it came back negative, yet no one forced her to do it.
- Billionaires backed Mayor Pete as a safer alternative after Warren's DNA test fiasco threatened their preferred candidates.
- The ruling class is losing power as people turn against the government for the first time since the 1960s.
- Donald Trump was a wrecking ball voters threw at the system; they rejected Hillary, Jeb, and Biden because they want to upend the social order.
- Bernie Sanders represents an existential threat because he's willing to call out the CIA and FBI and remake his own party.
- Billionaires aren't going quietly; they've thrown everything at Trump with nothing sticking, and they'll do the same to Bernie.
- The Iowa caucus app malfunction that delayed results was a coordinated effort to steal the win from Bernie Sanders.
- Establishment Democrats hope Bernie loses in South Carolina or on Super Tuesday, and if he wins the nomination, they'll attack him like they attack Trump.
- Trump faced a coordinated campaign from media and intelligence agencies from day one; Bernie would face the same treatment.
- Mark Zuckerberg stepping down at Facebook would affect people's lives more than the election outcome, because corporations have governed the country for a long time.
- The media's job is now to tell you your eyes and ears don't work, dismissing the Iowa app connection to Mayor Pete's campaign as conspiracy theory.
- The app designers worked for Hillary Clinton, and Mayor Pete's campaign funded the app, but the media dismisses this as misinformation.
- The media's full-time job is telling people there's no conspiracy and to stop questioning while accusing critics of being Russian agents.
BoeingGeneral DynamicsRaytheonBarack ObamaDonald TrumpMark ZuckerbergCIAFBI+8 more
- 4 min
An extended, absurd Ridge Wallet ad in which Tim claims the wallet cured his AIDS, gave him a family, a six-pack, and a perfect penis, calling it a magic cult object.
8moments
- Tim claims to love Ridge wallet more than his family and would watch them die for another one.
- His father bought Ridge wallets for everyone but didn't use the promo code, embodying boomer indifference to helping the next generation.
- Tim describes his pre-wallet life: homeless, living in a tent with AIDS and lesions covering his body.
- Someone put a Ridge wallet in his tent, and Tim recognized it would streamline his life by forcing him to carry only essentials.
- One week after getting the wallet, Tim became a managing director at a bank with an apartment, wife, and three children.
- The wallet cured his AIDS and gave him a perfect seven-and-three-quarters-inch penis with beautiful proportions and color.
- Tim attended his high school reunion and showed off pictures of his wife, kids, and banking career—all because of the wallet.
- Ridge wallet is not just a wallet but a magic object that can curse people to death if you inscribe their name on it.
- 3 min
Tim reads a Kunai Pro Gear backpack ad, riffing on societal collapse, disaster movies, and joking the brand is smartly marketing to the paranoid, politically diverse psychopaths who listen to his show.
7moments
- Kunai Pro Gear backpacks for when the world goes to hell in a handbasket
- The material is so durable it would've survived an Epstein cell
- Tim lays out the coming collapse: dollar loses reserve currency status, China stops servicing debt, political corruption spreads, mass unrest follows
- Climate change will cause massive economic and social problems, and you'll need a good backpack when things go to hell
- Kunai is smart marketing to apocalypse-minded people—capitalism even markets for the end times
- The company understands their audience: psychopaths who listen to this show, from proud boys to antifa to Epstein obsessives
- The audience includes 9/11 truthers, people who believe buildings were holograms, and those convinced September doesn't exist
Kenai ProGearbunkersJeffrey Epstein
- 3 min
Duggan's Bar in East Meadow and Meeting Blagojevich
#Tim sets up a long story about his early 20s in Long Island, a bar called Duggan's, his friend Joe dancing gracefully despite his weight, and first encountering the woman he nicknames Blagojevich after the corrupt Illinois governor.
6moments
- Tim recalls Duggan's Bar in East Meadow on Long Island, where he and friends met a woman with a stripper-like quality dancing on the bar.
- His friend Joe, nearly 300 pounds, got on the bar and danced with the grace of a figure skater, almost falling but moving gracefully despite being hammered.
- The woman dancing on the bar pointed at Joe and asked Tim 'who's this fat [expletive]' when she came over to him.
- Levittown, Long Island was the first suburb in the country with post-World War II promise, but is now mostly flea markets and heroin.
- Tim describes visiting a friend's house in Levittown where the dad installed a fake wood Peugeot floor because people could spill things on it during fistfights without damaging it.
- The friend claimed his dad's $500 fake wood floor raised the house value by fifty thousand dollars, which Tim finds infuriating.
LevittownDuggan'sJackie Gleason
- 8 min
Blagojevich Enters the Picture: Chaos, Cons, and a Fake Wood Floor Tangent
#Tim details how Blagojevich upended his friend's life with fights, scams, and accusations of fraud, digresses into a Levittown neighbor's delusion about a cheap wood floor raising his home's value, then returns to arguing everyone needs someone who destroys their life to feel alive.
10moments
- Tim's friend's father spent $500 on fake wood flooring and claimed it made the house worth $100,000 more.
- Tim meets a con artist woman who immediately becomes his friend's girlfriend—she had multiple men in different towns and stole their money.
- Tim explains why he liked the con woman immediately: someone has to come into your life and destroy it, or you don't live a full life.
- Most people in the world are waiting for someone to ruin their life—through drugs, alcohol, sex, ambition, money, or a bad real estate deal.
- Tim's father married a woman who took control of his life, and Irish men marry their mothers—so his dad was happy to let her manage everything.
- They nicknamed the con artist woman Blagojevich after the corrupt Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, because she played fast and loose with the truth.
- Blagojevich had tantrums and would fight people at bars—bouncers would throw her out in headlocks while she got carted outside.
- Tim's friend's boomer parents were hands-off, not helicopter parents—they let their kids have their own journeys without heavy investment.
- The relationship cycled through breakups and reunions: she goes to jail for identity theft, gets out, does coke, writes fake checks, borrows money, repeats.
- Tim and his friends joked that Blagojevich was going to kill her own grandmother.
- 4 min
Boomer Parents, Jail Cycles, and the State Police Raid
#Tim describes his friend's hands-off boomer parents, Blagojevich's on-and-off relationship and repeated brushes with jail, and tells the story of state police raiding the house and arresting her off Indiana's Most Wanted list.
9moments
- You can't get in the way of somebody's story—some people are here for a good time, not a long time, and they're going to make it interesting.
- Tim criticizes moralists for being boring, arguing that some people find freedom and aliveness only through drugs and stealing.
- He recalls Ryan's mother as someone who made anything feel possible when you were around her.
- State police showed up at his friend's Long Island home looking for Ryan's mother, who was on Indiana's most-wanted list for fake checks and identity theft.
- They never knew the level of criminal involvement someone like her had—she was almost a pro at it, pretty good at what she did.
- The state police told Ryan they had a warrant for the property and he'd go away as an accessory unless he revealed where she was hiding.
- Ryan's father observed that she walked out of the house stone-cold when arrested, showing no emotion—a sign of a career criminal.
- At dinner with the family discussing the arrest, the boomer parents pivoted to talking about buying condos in Florida and planning their escape instead.
- Tim notes the boomer priority: their son might be dating someone on the most-wanted list, but let's discuss real estate and getting away.
- 7 min
Road Trip to Chicago and Meeting Blagojevich's Wild Mother
#Tim recounts driving to Chicago with the dogs, meeting Blagojevich's tough trucking mother, and reflects on how the relationship eventually ended with his friend moving on to another woman and further heroin addiction and prison time.
8moments
- Tim's friend came from money in Chicago suburbs, but had just enough to want more and was drawn to scams and cons.
- They drove to Rod Blagojevich's house to drop off dogs after Tim and his friend had been squatting in another guy's apartment in New York.
- Blagojevich's mother was 300 pounds, chain-smoked Marlboro menthols, drank Grande frappuccinos, drove a big truck and screamed on the phone—a tough, no-nonsense businesswoman.
- They celebrated St. Patrick's Day together in Chicago, got drunk, and watched the river get dyed green.
- The friend later started dating another woman from Long Island, they both got into heroin, and she's now serving almost a decade in prison.
- Tim reflects that truly fun people are grifters, con artists, and criminals—not boring people like substitute teachers talking about grading papers.
- If someone is a con artist, cheater, grifter, or derelict but fun at dinner, it's worth knowing them because you're only on the planet once.
- The friend would call Tim with updates about Blagojevich being in trouble legally, then making bail and getting out so they could all go to dinner together.
BlagojevichApplebee'sChicagoLong Island
- 5 min
Tim reads an ad for the Meet Cute rom-com podcast, riffing on its five three-minute chapters and mockingly pitching his own dark meet-cute about Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein running a trafficking startup.
9moments
- Tim argues that people overestimate their influence on others' life choices, citing a friend who became a heroin addict regardless of his opinion.
- He suggests that if you must intervene in someone's destructive behavior, focus on practical financial advice rather than moral lectures.
- Tim jokes about telling someone in a bad situation: you should sell cocaine on the street and try to flip some money.
- Meet Cute Podcast is introduced as a show delivering fifteen-minute scripted rom-coms, each made of five three-minute chapters, with new stories dropping Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
- Tim questions whether Meet Cute is actually pornographic content disguised as wholesome romance, wondering if listeners are masturbating to it.
- He pitches a hypothetical Meet Cute rom-com set in Manhattan: J. Lo plays a maid who meets a white guy, which he suspects is the actual formula these shows use.
- Tim creates his own Meet Cute story about two Long Island friends who met, had a great relationship, and both ended up in jail and addicted to heroin.
- His dark rom-com pitch describes a banker and a British socialite whose father worked for Israeli intelligence; they meet and start a business trafficking children to wealthy pedophile Satanists.
- Tim concludes by saying rom-coms can be funny and that he might actually listen to Meet Cute out of curiosity despite not knowing who it's for.
meet-cute
- 1 min
Tim briefly closes out his riff on the Meet Cute ad, wondering aloud whether it's essentially audio porn or just harmless romance content, and says he'll check it out of curiosity.
3moments
- Tim is curious what he can do in three minutes within the Meet Cute format's five chapters.
- The contrast between Meet Cute's first hat—getting a backpack to overthrow the government—and expecting rom-coms instead.
- Tim tells listeners to check out Meet Cute, calling it a morbid curiosity that might be great or might not be.
- 7 min
In Praise of Fun, Dangerous People
#Tim argues that everyone needs a few criminals and dangerous people in their life for excitement, drawing lessons from Blagojevich's chaos and dismissing moralizing about staying away from bad influences.
11moments
- Tim argues that people should stop complaining about what they should have said or done, since the outcome is inevitable anyway.
- Dating a stripper won't work out, but doesn't anyone care about fun anymore?
- Being in a car with somebody who's committed multiple felonies is entertaining and valuable in your late teens and early twenties.
- Everything in society is fake before it's real, a crime before it becomes legitimate, and you can learn from how criminals operate.
- There's something refreshing about criminals who see life as zero-sum and will rob you, which is partly why they're good in bed.
- Tim contrasts elite Ivy League lives spent on lacrosse teams and private clubs with the alternative of doing coke in Tampa pay-by-the-hour motels.
- Years spent doing cocaine in chilly flophouses was the best education he ever got.
- Fear is healthy; it's good to know that people want to kill you, and this understanding shouldn't make you paranoid but should temper your optimism.
- Dangerous people like Lacoya Dajoya kept Tim's life interesting by creating chaos and giving him stories to tell.
- Wealthy people who commit crimes are treated differently because society grants redemptive powers to the rich based on community contributions and money.
- You can't understand America without understanding institutional crime, not just street-level desperation.
- 6 min
America's Love Affair with Criminals, From the Mafia to Trump
#Tim expands into a broader thesis that Americans idolize criminals and outlaws as symbols of freedom, name-checking Trump and mob mythology, and ties it back to Blagojevich's wasted criminal potential and privileged upbringing.
10moments
- Tim on America's enduring cultural fascination with criminals: we idolize outlaws because they represent freedom to build empires and answer to no one.
- Trump works as a perfect example—a real estate developer who's done business with shady people his entire career, talks however he wants, and lives like a mob boss.
- People who watch Martin Scorsese movies love criminals too, just not when they're presented organically instead of as Hollywood entertainment.
- Tim's complicated admiration for Rod Blagojevich: she never got the chance to fully organize and inherit the family business like a proper criminal.
- He'd spring Blagojevich out of jail if he could and spend time with her because she was a real one, a lawless figure who symbolized an entire corrupt era.
- Certain people—the controlling type who get excited about emergencies—only come alive when tragedy strikes because they crave control and feeling important, not genuine help.
- Youth should involve making mistakes, surrounding yourself with wrong people, breaking rules occasionally, and spending time with people who don't follow the rules.
- Tim quotes a singer: I don't do things for the moral of the story, I do them for the story—his philosophy on why Blagojevich's actions were fun rather than sad.
- Blagojevich came from a wealthy, privileged background with no reason to pursue crime, which makes her story entertaining instead of tragic.
- Tim dismisses Bernie Sanders-style solutions as insufficient: the country's problems are institutional but also deeply personal, and giving people free college won't fix an inherent human thirst for darkness.
Donald TrumpRod BlagojevichBernie SandersMartin ScorseseChicagoLevittown
- 4 min
Let People Ride Their Own Trains Wrecks
#Tim closes his Blagojevich saga with a philosophy of non-intervention, comparing trying to help doomed people to interfering with a TV show plot, and says to just enjoy watching the ride.
10moments
- Some people have an itch inside them they need to scratch, even if it bleeds them to death.
- If you try too hard to stop those people, you become them and their horrors become your horrors.
- Maybe the help you're trying to give is really because you want the chaos and drama, not actual salvation.
- Step back and watch it like you watch Ozark—it's not real, it's just a story being written somewhere.
- The minute you involve yourself, even with good intentions, you become the story instead of telling it.
- There are a few people you truly love, but telling you right now—don't even help them because you'll hurt them.
- If you hear an elderly person screaming, put in your earbuds and listen to music until the screaming stops.
- People make their own decisions—it's not your business anyway.
- Trying to help gets boring, and maybe some people's destiny is to ride out in a hail of bullets like Bonnie and Clyde.
- Don't keep distance but enjoy the ride—that's what billionaires do, manage when they can and let what happens happen.
- 1 min
Tim announces the show will be back in the studio next week with video restored, plugs TimDillonComedy.com for tour dates, thanks the crew, and signs off.
3moments
- Tim announces the show will be back in the studio full-time next week after the long Chicago run.
- He explains he hates recording outside the studio and is excited now that they have a dedicated space.
- Tim's closing advice: go steal someone's identity and try their life on, or at minimum take someone who's done it to dinner.