Episode 185 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#185 - Stunning Estate | The Tim Dillon Show
Feb 2, 2020 · 1:18:11 · 357,000 views · 19 segments, 129 moments indexed
Tim addresses the Ari Shaffir controversy, talks his latest addiction to Million Dollar Listing, and tries to get Swingers ordered to the studio.
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- 3 min
Cold Open: The Ari Shaffir Kobe Bryant Tweet Fake-Out
#Tim pretends to discuss Ari Shaffir's controversial Aretha Franklin tweet before revealing he actually meant Ari's much more inflammatory tweet celebrating Kobe Bryant's death, playing the misdirection as a bit.
7moments
- Tim addresses the Ari Shaffir tweet that has people talking.
- Ari's tweet: Aretha Franklin showed generations of Black people that big can be beautiful, dooming them to a diabetes epidemic.
- Tim defends Aretha Franklin as an icon and one of the greatest singers and performers of all time.
- Tim explains why people were angry: Ari insinuated that Franklin's size somehow made diabetes prevalent in the Black community.
- Ari said Kobe died 28 years too late and is celebrating that Kobe died in the tweet.
- The actual Kobe tweet: Kobe Bryant died 23 years too late, got away with rape, and Ari celebrates a chopper malfunction.
- Tim reveals he thought people were mad about the Aretha Franklin tweet, not the Kobe tweet.
Ari ShaffirAretha FranklinKobe Bryant
- 6 min
Ari Shaffir's Death Tweets and the Kobe Backlash
#Tim discusses Ari Shaffir's pattern of tweeting offensive things immediately after celebrities die, the scale of backlash over the Kobe tweet including doxing of Ari's parents and bomb threats, and compares it to backlash he's faced for Billy Eilish jokes.
9moments
- Tim describes how Americans survive in a haze of junk food and self-hatred, perking up only for controversies that make them feel something.
- Ari Shaffir's pattern: he tweets something heinous about dead celebrities while their bodies are still warm.
- Kobe Bryant is the biggest person Ari has ever made this kind of joke about, and the entire city of Los Angeles is mourning him.
- Tim notes that Ari's parents have been doxxed and bomb threats called in to venues he's performing at.
- Dina Hashem made a joke about XXXTentacion on a wrapper and had to make all her accounts private after threats from his fanbase.
- Ari is a funny guy and has been good to Tim as another comic, introducing him to people and showing his work around.
- Tim will never understand why people doxx someone's parents who had nothing to do with the controversy, especially Ari's parents who survived the Holocaust.
- When someone beloved dies, you should choose your words carefully about them.
- Tim has a video where he says Megan McCain will only have sex with her father's corpse, but he didn't make it the day John McCain died.
- 6 min
Real Estate Porn and Blood Money Buyers
#Tim riffs on watching Bravo real estate shows like Million Dollar Listing and Selling Sunset, arguing the genre is really about laundering money for dictators, war criminals, and mining magnates who buy LA and NYC property, pitching a fake show called "Blood Money."
8moments
- Tim has been watching real estate shows for 72 hours straight, including Million Dollar Listing and Selling Sunset.
- The only reason people watch these shows is real estate porn—the houses are shot beautifully, but many are just concrete boxes in the Hollywood Hills.
- These real estate shows are vapid and fake; the negotiations shown aren't genuine because the money involved is blood money from dictators and political exiles.
- Tim describes a buyer accused of genocide who wants a Beverly Hills property and needs time to launder money out of the country.
- The realtor pitch: this buyer will get 3,000 square feet of outdoor living space in the hills, which is rare at this price point.
- Real estate shows should be called 'Blood Money' and focus on dictators and regime-fleeing oligarchs buying high-end LA properties.
- Tim imagines a realtor on Sunset Boulevard admitting that the only people who can afford these properties are murderers guilty of crimes on a biblical scale.
- Tim brings up Michael Bloomberg as an example of delusional thinking, noting that wealthy people support him because of course they do.
- 5 min
Michael Bloomberg and Billionaires Buying Real Estate to Launder Reputations
#He mocks Bloomberg's presidential ambitions and "welcome all billionaires" stance, then explains how shell corporations let foreign nationals and criminals hide money in NYC/LA real estate, name-checking a mining magnate who poisoned a river in Zambia.
10moments
- Billionaires who've poisoned their own countries come to America, get penthouses, and launder their reputations through real estate.
- Tim did a tour bus show in New York pointing out where oligarchs, mining magnates, and Russian gangsters lived.
- If you threw darts at billionaires, you'd hit murderers pretty quickly, though he doesn't claim all are necessarily evil.
- A mining magnate living in the Time Warner Center poisoned a river in Zambia and killed people, then just moved to New York.
- Foreign billionaires buy real estate under shell corporations with Cayman Islands addresses to hide their identities.
- Half of new construction in London and a large portion of New York's real estate market went to foreign nationals, driving condo prices over two million.
- Real estate attracts dirty money because it's a good hard asset that also evades taxes and hides the source of funds.
- The money could come from drug trafficking, human trafficking, narco operations, terrorism, or Kazakhstan's lawless natural gas industry.
- Real estate agents don't ask questions about where the money comes from; they just make commissions and move on.
- There should be a show where realtors show billionaire pedophiles islands, and it should be called 'Million Dollar Fisting.'
New York real estate marketshell corporationsmoney launderingGossip GirlThe Hills
- 3 min
Pitching "Million Dollar Fisting": Realtors for Pedophile Islands
#Tim invents a fake reality show where realtors sell private islands to pedophile billionaires, doing an extended bit as a trafficked-turned-realtor character showing off a Saudi prince's dungeon-equipped island.
9moments
- Tim pitches the opening of "Million Dollar Fisting," a show about selling luxury private islands to wealthy clients who value privacy.
- The female realtor character backstory: trafficked to an island as a girl, discovered she had an eye for real estate.
- She pivoted into selling high-end islands to pedophiles and now knows more islands than anyone else in the business.
- Tim shows a realtor tour of an island, emphasizing the short walk from heliport to house—important because "who knows what state people are gonna be arriving here in."
- The property features 360-degree views from the bedroom so residents can see who's coming from where.
- The realtor highlights underground space, describing four to five thousand square feet with no light—a medieval dungeon feel.
- The island is priced at thirty million, currently owned by a Saudi prince who's upgrading his operation.
- Tim acts out calling the Saudi prince seller with an all-cash offer of twenty-seven point five million, closing in two weeks.
- The seller doesn't love the offer, but the realtor argues it's a qualified buyer with no contingencies coming in all cash.
Little St JamesVirgin Islands
- 4 min
Real Estate as Fantasy Porn and a Viable Career Path
#He explains why these shows hypnotize viewers as inaccessible "real estate porn," and muses that becoming a realtor is one of the few jobs where a brain-dead person with social skills can change their life with one big commission.
5moments
- Real estate shows hypnotize viewers but represent fantasy porn rather than genuine aspiration—the properties cost too much to ever own.
- Real estate as a viable career path: you can get a license mid-life and start showing properties without needing school or intelligence.
- Real estate agents need social intelligence but not actual intelligence; being too smart would hurt sales because you'd mention uncomfortable truths like LA's tent cities.
- Tim's fantasy life is selling high-end real estate to wealthy people, not buying it—he'd still be a schmuck but making money doing it.
- A single real estate commission on a five-million-dollar house—up to $250,000—genuinely changes someone's life after one deal.
real estate showsreal estate agentsReal Housewives
- 1 min
Gary Vee's Useless Advice to a TikTok Girl
#Tim mocks Gary Vaynerchuk giving vague, non-actionable career advice ("stay on TikTok... maybe try YouTube") to a young influencer.
4moments
- TV real estate shows say the same five things over and over again with no original insight.
- Real estate agents don't offer profound advice—they just say obvious things like "sell more tickets" and "play bigger venues."
- Gary Vee tells a TikTok girl her best move is to stay on TikTok, then admits YouTube might not translate.
- Tim questions whether "keep doing what works, but the other thing might not work" actually qualifies as actionable advice.
- 3 min
Studio Tech Troubles and Swingers Delivery Mix-up
#Tim and crew talk about wanting to show clips on a TV in the new studio, joking about a Swingers (strip club) delivery order, then circle back to wishing Ari well and speculating he'll take a Tibet sabbatical to let the heat die down.
5moments
- Tim has criticized Swingers in West Hollywood for running a human trafficking ring and suggested people burn the place down as vigilantes.
- The food from Swingers was actually delivered, so Tim backtracks on the arson suggestion.
- Technical issues prevent showing YouTube videos during the show; they need a switcher and HDMI cable to get the TV working.
- Ari Shaffir stepped in it with a tweet and Tim discusses whether he should double down or lay low.
- Tim suggests Ari take one of his sabbaticals to Tibet and let the heat cool off before coming back.
Ari Shaffirswingers in West Hollywood
- 5 min
Tim reads the Manscaped ad for their ball-hair trimmer, riffing on nicking your nutsack, the 90-minute battery life, and encouraging lonely men to have real sex instead of radicalizing online.
7moments
- Tim riffs on nicking your nutsack while shaving your balls and bleeding all over the house.
- Imagining someone spending 90 minutes working on their package with the new battery life.
- Tim makes the pitch: if you're male or identify as male, you need to clean up your package.
- Lawn Mower 3.0 is better than the Norelco body groom at preventing nicks and cuts.
- The highest tech on the market for shaving your balls, with skin-safe and quiet-stroke technology.
- A lot of people aren't having sex right now—too much porn, SSRIs, can't get hard, lonely people being radicalized online.
- Instead of becoming a psychopath reading about skull shapes, try having sex with someone you're attracted to.
- 2 min
Why Words Don't Mean Anything Because Everyone Lies
#Tim explains his cynical worldview that most people lie constantly to seem interesting, so he doesn't get upset at what people say, citing pathological liar friends and people who ramble at Joe Rogan about fighting.
4moments
- Tim doesn't get upset by what people say because words are cheap—most people are lying and making things up to sound more interesting.
- He has friends he likes who are pathological liars, willing to sit at a table and invent completely untrue things without any shame when called out.
- People will say anything to be funny or interesting, with no shame and no requirement to actually know what they're talking about.
- Example: people sit around telling Joe Rogan about fighting and what the deal is, and he has to tell them to shut up because they're just talking without knowing anything.
- 9 min
Boomers on Facebook and the QAnon Mind-Melt
#A long rant on boomers ranting pointlessly on Facebook, people posting libertarian memes while living with their moms, being unmoved by TikTok culture, and then pivoting into how learning about real government conspiracies (MKUltra, Epstein) primes people so the pedophile-cult reveal doesn't melt their minds the way it does for QAnon newcomers.
11moments
- Boomers on Facebook don't care about facts; they just want to be heard for the first time in their lives.
- Boomers are the first generation with tons of life experience but no wisdom, and half of them should exit quietly.
- Anyone meaningfully active on Facebook right now is mentally unwell.
- People posting multi-paragraph takes on Facebook about serious issues is the least appropriate thing possible.
- Social media has made people feral, convinced they need to have a take on everything that doesn't affect them.
- Facebook users who don't own a house but police their Facebook page are delusional about having authority.
- There's no point in performing for fifteen-year-olds on TikTok when there are no overlapping life experiences.
- Tim watched the Twin Towers fall and then learned they were holograms, so he's not doing TikTok dances for kids.
- QAnon believers' minds melted because they just discovered pedophile cults and Epstein, which shocks people arriving at it fresh.
- Believing Donald Trump is leading a secret war to save children is less credible than a realtor from Million Dollar Listing fighting that war.
- Tim is indifferent about whether the secret war is real; if it's happening, he's for it.
- 3 min
Ari Needs to Solve the Epstein Murder, and Nostalgic Long Island Joyriding
#Tim jokes Ari Shaffir should redeem himself by solving Jeffrey Epstein's death, riffs on Prince Andrew and Ghislaine Maxwell, then reminisces about getting high and driving through wealthy Long Island neighborhoods as a teenager.
7moments
- John McAfee recently claimed it was dark Taglioni, then settled on the prison guard theory for the Epstein murder.
- Prince Andrew still not cooperating with the investigation.
- Ghislaine Maxwell will probably end up as a real estate seller on a Bravo show in a few years.
- Tim used to drive through wealthy Long Island areas stoned with friends, looking at mansions and sometimes creeping onto the lawns.
- Smoking pot while driving through Sands Point with his buddy Tom, who now works as a U.S. Marshal, screaming that rich people were better than them.
- California rich people hide behind gates, but Long Island mansions were accessible for driving around and looking at.
- Getting coked out and looking at Christmas lights on Long Island, or stoned with hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts.
Jeffrey EpsteinPrince AndrewGhislaine MaxwellJohn McAfeeSands Point
- 7 min
Tim reads the Ridge Wallet ad, mocking his father's disorganized old leather wallet stuffed with stripper cash, and riffing that a minimalist wallet forces a minimalist, intentional life, tying in his hoarder mother.
10moments
- Tim's dad had an embarrassing old leather wallet stuffed with stripper money and business cards that would fall out everywhere.
- A Ridge wallet forces you to organize your life and strip it down to essentials.
- Tim's mother was a hoarder who filled rooms with unsold Beanie Babies and McDonald's toys, believing they'd make money on the aftermarket.
- Ridge wallet promo code: use TIM at ridgeego.com/tim for 10% off, free worldwide shipping and returns.
- Tim jokes about Ridge wallet customers ranging from special ops guys in Africa to people in Syria and Ukraine, all getting free worldwide shipping.
- A Ridge wallet is a conversation starter that might lead to an attractive woman wanting to marry you and build a life together.
- More realistically, you'll be playing with your new Ridge wallet in a bar with earbuds in, ignoring the bartender telling you it's closing time.
- Ridge wallet results are not guaranteed—many buyers will still have horrible lives, but some might turn things around.
- Tim's dad bought Ridge wallets for everyone he knows but never uses the promo code, frustrating Tim because it doesn't help him at all.
- Tim rejects the boomer mentality that "the thought that counts"—actually, what you do counts, not the thought behind it.
- 2 min
An extended riff insisting listeners actually use the promo code TIM for Ridge Wallet, mocking his dad for buying the product but never using the code, and joking about fantasy scenarios where the wallet gets you laid.
5moments
- Tim launches into an extended rant about using the promo code TIMRAGE, insisting listeners use it for 10% off and to credit his show.
- He compares not using a promo code to his dad, who is a great guy but refuses to use the code.
- Tim explains that promo codes are exclusive and make you part of a club, comparing it to Bohemian Grove but actually achievable with a Ridge wallet.
- People message him claiming they forgot to use the code and ask if it still counts—it doesn't, because the retailer won't know where the traffic came from.
- He reassures listeners that the code TIM is simple to remember and spell, just his name.
- 9 min
Grow Up and Quit Weed, Embrace Pills Instead
#Tim goes on an extended rant that smoking weed past your twenties is embarrassing and stunts people, that opiate/pill addiction is somehow more "adult" and classy, riffing on his coworker's tiny assistant Alex needing to gain weight, and mocking friends who work in the weed industry.
9moments
- Tim argues smoking pot should stop after your late teens and early twenties, calling it an activity for children.
- Adults should drink wine, take pills, develop addictions to painkillers, and lose their kids instead of smoking weed.
- LA's economy has collapsed into only TikTok and weed—edibles have become necessary for people to eat and sleep.
- Tim discusses a tiny crew member who needs to eat cannabis edibles to stretch his stomach and gain weight.
- Weed culture is grotesque; people who sell weed and talk about their weed business are uninteresting and should shut up.
- Tim's friendship requirements: his friends listen while he talks for 45 minutes, then they recite three scripted lines of encouragement.
- A friend complained about office politics and relying on other people, but Tim refuses to hear workplace complaints.
- It is more adult to be addicted to Percocet than to be high all the time; Tim respects corporate pharmaceutical addictions.
- Stop smoking weed constantly—it dims and dulls you, making you even less interesting than you already are.
Ridge Walletweed cultureSackler familyMichael
- 3 min
Retracting the Weed Rant (Sort Of) and Psychedelics Without Enlightenment
#Tim walks back the anti-weed rant as a bit, admits his own history with addiction to various drugs, and describes taking acid without ever buying into psychedelic self-improvement culture, preferring to stay materialistic.
7moments
- Tim retracts his anti-weed rant as a bit, insisting weed is great and he wants everyone high all the time.
- Admits he has no weed sponsors and goes back to his actual position that weed is annoying.
- He'd rather people take pills silently in their bathrooms instead of dealing with weed culture.
- Tim never adopted psychedelics culture; he took acid at the Garden City Hotel to dunk on people from Rockville Center for not having real money.
- His acid trips involved staying materialistic: he'd try to sell condos to aliens instead of having spiritual revelations.
- You don't need enlightenment on psychedelics—you could just take shrooms and touch your friend's dick with no great realizations.
- The whole point of psychedelics without the culture: be the same shitty person you always were, just see trails.
- 1 min
Keto Journey and the Keto Cookie Sponsor Who Bailed
#Tim talks about restarting his keto diet and jokes about a keto cookie company that was supposed to sponsor the show but pulled out, plus a Brian Callen story about a keto bakery in Santa Clarita.
3moments
- Tim announces he's restarting the keto journey very soon, noting it's been hard to stay on because it's so restrictive.
- The keto cookie sponsor bailed on the show, abandoning his ad commitment.
- Bryan Callen figured out Tim was doing keto after three days and told him about a keto bakery in Santa Clarita, which Tim knew wouldn't work.
ketoBryan Callenketo bakery
- 5 min
Closing Riff: Embrace the Unimpressive Real People in Your Life
#Tim closes with a sincere-sounding riff urging listeners to cherish the flawed, ordinary people actually present in their lives rather than idolizing distant icons like Kobe Bryant, using the dead local kid from a car accident as the realistic hero.
8moments
- Tim urges listeners to cherish the real, unimpressive people in their lives rather than chase inspiration from distant figures.
- Most people around you won't buy estates in Beverly Hills or lead championship teams, but you can actually reach out and touch them.
- Tim argues that real people are there to disappoint you and fail alongside you, making them genuinely important.
- The kid from your town who died in a car accident should inspire you more than Kobe Bryant ever could.
- Tim says he's inspired by people who own convenience stores, like the Indian guy with a shotgun behind the counter.
- His closing advice: avoid oxys, don't smoke weed, go into real estate if you can—anyone can do it brain dead.
- Embrace the fat woman who puts up with your IBS and lack of money instead of chasing celebrity heroes.
- That beast of a woman who loves you because her father damaged her—that's America and that's beautiful.
Kobe BryantLakers
- 1 min
Tim gives a brief closing goodnight and RIP to Kobe Bryant before ending the show.
1moment
- Tim signs off the episode with a tribute to Kobe Bryant