rant · moment 7 of 32
Firing the Audience and Fairfield County Snow Bunnies
from #179 - Sal Vulcano | The Tim Dillon Show · #179
3 min
Tim jokes about performing for a Fairfield, Connecticut sorority crowd, fantasizes about firing every comedy club audience after a show, and complains about low-tier bookers and club promoters messaging him.
- Tim plans to tell Fairfield County audiences the country is run by a cabal of demons, alongside jokes about dying diners and Wendy's quality decline.
- Tim says he's firing everyone after tonight—plans to announce at every comedy club that tonight is the last show, using the closing line 'You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.'
- Working on Christmas and New Year's Eve himself, Tim notes he has seven shows scheduled for December 31st.
- Someone mailed Tim asking him to perform on a Monday or Tuesday morning, which he sees as evidence of mental illness and America's future.
- Tim refuses more offers after a kid asked him to perform at a Highland Park show.
- Tim threatens to start diving into audiences at hipster shows and biting people in the face to get fewer booking requests.
- Only Skull and Bones members should message Tim—everyone else messaging him are D-list scabs he doesn't want to work with.
- Tim's fed up with tertiary and fourth-tier people contacting him when he's trying to reach actual elite secret societies like Rothschild.
- The type of person messaging Tim is the fourth or fifth guy on a golf trip nobody cares about, and he resents having to engage with them.
- Stand-up comedy sucks.
James AltucherWendy'sFairfield ConnecticutHighland Park