rant · moment 7 of 16
Designing the Moon Resort's Amenities
from 163 - How To Be Popular · #163
6 min
Tim continues elaborating the moon hotel fantasy in absurd detail — Jamaican jerk chicken fingers, mango salsa shrimp, non-intrusive housekeeping, low-gravity volleyball — framing it as superior to earthly resorts since the rainforest is burning.
- Tim pitches a tropical rainforest resort on the moon, complete with parrots and lizards in the lobby.
- The moon resort's room service includes Jamaican jerk chicken fingers and mango-salsa shrimp skewers because the moon is cold.
- Tim plans a wave pool with trained lifeguards for families willing to spend four or five million on a lunar tropical experience.
- He warns against stealing the tropical theme, threatening to come after anyone who builds a competing moon resort.
- Bug nets over beds and fake sunsets in the dining room will transport guests back to Earth, even though the real rainforest is burning in Brazil.
- The resort won't have maids pounding on doors at 7 a.m. waking guests who are naked on the floor with lava cake on their faces.
- Moon volleyball will be supportive rather than competitive, with lower nets and unpredictable ball trajectories due to lunar gravity.
- Tim announces that Paradise on the Moon will break ground next month and attributes his success to having vision that others lack.
- He claims the podcast gives people the idea that he smokes Marlboro Lights to generate energy and tell the truth.
- Tim recalls his friend Jill Monster's house and his own post-graduation foreclosure, which launched him into becoming a degenerate alcoholic and thief.